I posted these in the "Star Tricks" thread in Read My Damn Comics but they fell off the first page so fast that I'm posting them here now.

Bad Captain 1 by biped 11-10-05

Hello, Poke Salad Annie? Gator gotcher granny. This is not a "toy", Captain.

Bad Captain 2 by biped 11-10-05

(Stupid Spock...) Hello, Scotty? Are your warp engines running? They are? Well, you'd better go catch them before they get away! He's dead, Jim.

Bad Captain 3 by biped 11-10-05

Hello, is this the "White" house? It is? May I speak to the President, please? Hello?

Bad Captain 4 by biped 11-10-05

Is Mike there? Last name...Hunt? Are you still at it? Shut up, Spock! I'm finally having some fun for a change! This is the 23th century, Captain. No one is going to fall for that old joke. MIKE HUNT! HAS ANYONE SEEN MIKE HUNT!

Bad Captain 5 by biped 11-10-05

Captain, I reported your behavior to Starfleet. They've revoked your communicator privileges. No!!! NOOOOOOO!!! Just for that, I'm setting the ship for SELF-DESTRUCT!!! You -- you can't be serious -- COMPUTER!!! DESTRUCT CODE ZERO -- ZERO -- ZERO -- DESTRUCT -- ZERO!!! You'll need two other bridge officers to confirm, Captain. Fine. What's that little geek's name with the Beatle haircut? "Jerkoff"?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

It is a shame to see your series fall off the first page, biped.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Yes, because then we don't get any of its peanut buttery goodness.

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possible savior probable SEX MACHINE

Mmm...peanut butter.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.