Yeah, I know, I've owed you a World's Worst contest for an eon or two, but you see, I was sitting on the toilet and my gluteus got fused for a couple months, and ...

No, that's not it. I just wasn't very inspired. Until I wrote this comic today:

All Things Must Pass by kaufman 1-18-06

At William Shatner's press conference Mr. Shatner, you just sold your kidney stone to a casino for $25,000. Don't you think that's a little too much? Not at all, considering it was in me for 40 years. 40 years? You're telling me you had that thing inside you for four decades? Of course! Why do you think I sounded the way I did all the way back to Star Trek? You think I was hamming it up or something? I was in pain! Excruciating pain!

And then I said to myself, there's an idea for WW 42. As my first paragraph alluded, we're going to play:

World's Worst Case of "Too Much Information"

Special possible bonus: We're getting very close to Comic 333333; might it be yours?

I'll judge whenever I can extricate myself from this seat.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

WW 42: A Turning Point For Billy by biped 1-18-06

...well, for some reason, the sight of naked or scantily-clad girls was beginning to make me feel really uncomfortable. And my ding-dong would get all stiff, too. Billy -- ...until one day, I found out that if I thought about that kind of stuff, or watched a "Beach Party" movie or something, and played with my ding-dong at the same time... Billy, when I asked you to tell us what you did over the summer vacation -- ...and my eyes roll back in my head and I go 'UNNHH!!! UNNNHH!!!", and it feels so good that I don't want to go out and play baseball or go fishing with Dad or any of that stuff EVER AGAIN!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

WW #42: Pardon the Delay by Matt_wolfe 1-18-06

Today in news, tradgedy strikes as a new terrorist country called "Wakka" has waged war! They Deployed big red robots called Tubors to destroy loads of buildings. In related news, a Tubor made fire on a house. One was olny good at saving cats from trees. He screwed up big time and had his ass fired... get it? Fired? A day later the news said the Tubor terrorists was a april fools joke, and they were canceled the next day. And they won the award for Too Much Info! Great, the one day where i'm finding a cure for the cripples and now my house is attacked by terrorist cornholers! Blah Blah Blah...

One of these is more realistic than the other.

WW 42: Pea Soup by fpd 1-18-06

That pea soup was delicious. How did you make it? Well, the secret ingredient is pee. Well, duh. I know pea soup is made from peas. No, pee, p double e. Naturally, we use the very finest pee, taken from bulls fed a very special high protein diet of ground beef and cow patties. And you can rest assured that it's pure pee. Our milk maids suck off the bulls each day to make sure no cum gets in the pee.

WW 42: Uncle Sam Wants You by fpd 1-18-06

Hello boy, Uncle Sam wants you to join the U.S. army. Just sign up here, and we'll have you in basic training in no time. I don't know. What kind of future can I find in the army? I'll be honest with you. We're at war, and you'll probably be killed. And if you don't come back in a bodybag, you'll probably come down with a neurological disorder. But at least I could retire as an officer and live on a nice pension the rest of my life, right? Not likely. Without ROTC training and a college degree, you'll never be an officer. Best case scenario is that you come back wounded and have to beg on the street. Well, thanks for the offer, but I think I'll pass.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

I apologize.

WW42: This Is For Crabby by ivytheplant 1-22-06

I'm going to do some homework before I go to the store. What are your plans? Well... ...and then when he came out of the bathroom, he did his naked kung-fu imitation, cock swinging. Once he got dressed... *waver* ...he brushed his teeth and put on his shoes. After that, he had to go to the bathroom, so he sat down with a book on UFOs, then he... *thud*

WW42: This Is For Jes by ivytheplant 1-22-06

Oh man, you wouldn't believe the amazing things boorite can do with his tongue. I've never felt such ecstacy before. My loins are on fire! Uh-huh... And after that Ijust can't resist giving him a blowjob. I just crave the feeling of boorite's cock in my mouth. *whimper* But the actual fucking is just exquisite. I've actually cried from happiness. There's nothing better than feeling his big, hard cock sliding in and out... AAAIIIIEEEE!!!

I meant I apologize to Kaufman. Everyone else can just deal.

WW 42: TMI, ET by mandingo 1-24-06

greetings people of the earth, i am Ganon Xymed, but you may call me CONQUEROR GANON XYMED, RULER OF MANKIND!!! pardon? in about 15 minutes, that is. after our surprise attack.

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what if nigger meant kite

WW 42: Osama's Offer of a Truce by fpd 1-24-06

I would like to offer a truce to the United States. What I mean by this is some time to recoup our forces and plan new attacks on the west Besides the obvious benefit of planning war in peace, this is also a ploy to get gullible Americans to oppose the war efforts of their government. With the American people divided, we will eventually come back reinvigorated and topple the U.S., just as we previously did the Soviet Union.

This one was based on listening to Howard Bloom's analysis of Osama bin Laden's offer of a truce on Coast to Coast AM.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

WW 42: What's wrong with me, doc? by fpd 1-24-06

So, what's wrong with me, doc? Well, for starters, you're really ugly, and you smell like rotten fish. I mean medically. I'm pleased to say that your condition is going to help me put my kids through college and give me plenty of material for medical journal articles. But you haven't answered my question. What's wrong with me? You have a serious iatropic disease. The drugs I prescribed for you had serious side effects we didn't know about until thousands of people dropped dead like flies.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

WW 42: Forgiveness by fpd 1-25-06

I forgive you. Thanks. I forgive you for cruelly ripping my heart out and stomping on it, leaving me in a morass of pain and abject suffering. Um, okay. And I forgive you for being a cold-hearted bitch who is unable to muster an ounce of compassion or human decency. Are you sure you forgive me? You still seem a little bit bitter.

In the hopefully unlikely event that the woman who inspired this strip reads it, notices her resemblance to asiangirl2, and figures out who I am, let me just mention that this was a lampoon, not real-life.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

the triumphant return of the guy no one cares about.

woo.

Orange Soda : DeLay by finn34 1-30-06

So there I am, jerking my cock to "The Best of Eric Clapton"...When my mom calls me up and I ask her to talk me off. She does and as I'm lying there, completely spent, I get this itching to pardon Tom DeLay. That's some sick shit. I know! I'm a registered Democrat!

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Our liability coverage is zero. Our balls however are enormous.

WW42: Standard Operating Procedures by Namgubed 1-30-06

It's largely the same routine for most general surgeries - first, you remove your clothing, and the scrub tech shaves the incision site ... I'm glad he tells me these things beforehand ... Then we wheel you into the OR, where you scoot over to the operating table, and the anesthetist tells you to count backwards from 100 as you breathe in the sleepy gas ... ... so there won't be any unpleasant surprises ... Then we turn on the spotlights, uncover your naked body, and point and laugh at your shrivelled, flaccid genitalia ... ... but I'm still changing my HMO.

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Just when you thought this series was dead ...

The Future of Socialized Medicine V by Namgubed 2-08-06

Doctor, it seems like everything I like to eat gives me this horrible, horrible gas, which then propels the odor of my oozing crotch rash everywhere ... it's like Arthur Treacher's Fish 'n' Shit! No doubt. I'll refer you to a nutritionalist, and get you on some topical cream... ... like the other day when I was standing next to the hors d'ouvres table at a wedding reception, and no one but me was having any sardines on crackers ... -- right, right. Let's have you go ahead and see the nurse for your prescription. Awaiting prescription orders ... WAY more shock therapy!

... you were probably right.

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

TMI by NooniePuuBunny 2-16-06

I've had bad experiences with peircings. I know. The ones through my nipples took forever to heal. Mine was more of a bad complication. How so? I managed to split my penis in two with a red hot saftey pin.

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

So, kaufman...

Find enclosed: one less-than-scientifically-accurate comic from a relatively new guy. Enjoy!

Steve & Squirrel #78: Too Much Information (WW #42) by somnambulist 2-18-06

Is something wrong? Remember that drunken sex we had in the woods a couple weeks ago? Yeah. That was awesome! I think I got a yeast infection from rolling around in all those mushrooms. That's gross, but it could've happened to anybody. I'm sure a couple visits to a doctor would clear it right up. Actually, I was masturbating in the shower, and now I'm using it to make my own penicillin in our bathtub.

TMI! by NooniePuuBunny 2-20-06

Michele has the softest hair I've ever felt on anyone. She must use really good conditioner. Yeah. It's curly and fluffy and smells so nice and I love rubbing my face in it. I mean, I've never felt any pubic hair before that wasnt coarse till I've been with her...

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Good job, everyone, but of course the prize has to be given to ivytheplant, who had so much material to work with.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com