MIAMI (Reuters) - A 76-year-old man claiming to be a doctor went door-to-door in a Florida neighborhood offering free breast exams, and was charged with sexually assaulting two women who accepted the offer, police said on Thursday.

One woman became suspicious after the man asked her to remove all her clothes and began conducting a purported genital exam without donning rubber gloves, investigators said.

The woman then phoned the Broward County Sheriff's Office and the suspect fled. He was arrested at another woman's apartment in the same Lauderdale Lakes neighborhood on Wednesday, a sheriff's spokesman said.

The white-haired suspect, Philip Winikoff, carried a black bag and claimed to be visiting on behalf of a local hospital.

"He told the woman that he was in the neighborhood offering free breast exams," sheriff's spokesman Hugh Graf said in a statement.

At least two women, both in their 30s, let him into their homes and he fondled and sexually assaulted them, the investigators said.

Winikoff was not a doctor, Graf said. He worked as a shuttle driver for an auto dealership.

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lewl

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Poo perhaps?

BERLIN - A retiree in northern Germany flushed some 30,000 marks (euro15,300, US$18,900) down the toilet, believing the old bank notes were worthless, police said.

Officials were alerted by a blocked pipe in the northern city of Kiel. A cleaning company employee extracted soggy bundles of bank notes, but more money got away as the water started flowing again.

Investigators then discovered that the retiree had reported a blocked pipe at his house the same day. They visited the "slightly bewildered" man at his apartment and he confirmed that he had flushed the money away, a police statement issued late Wednesday said.

The 64-year-old "was of the opinion that mark notes no longer had any value," it added. He still had another 30,000 marks at the apartment, as well as euro14,000 (US$17,300) in euro bills.

Police accompanied the retiree to a bank, where he deposited the money.

Euro notes and coins replaced 12 national currencies in 2002. Europeans can still exchange the old money at their central banks.

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Look at Winikoff's face. Would you even answer the door if he were standing on the other side of it???

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

That statement makes the whole article.

I see I'm not the only one who partakes of yahoo news.

I liked the "Millions of dollars of heroin stashed in the blades of meter-long swords" story.

Max Headroom Creator Made Roswell Alien Film You Fell For

News Edition: 04/20/2006

THE creator of Max Headroom, a 1980s television cyber-presenter, has claimed he was one of the hoaxers behind the Roswell film, the grainy black and white footage supposedly showing a dead alien being dissected by American government scientists after a UFO crash.
Alien Autopsy, a movie about the footage, is currently on release across Britain. It stars real-life television presenters Ant and Dec.

John Humphreys, a sculptor and consultant on Alien Autopsy who has also worked on special effects for Doctor Who, said it was he who made the models for the alien dissected in the original fake footage.

His confession, 11 years after the Roswell footage was first shown, will raise questions about the role of Channel 4, which unleashed Max Headroom on the world in the 1980s and bought the UK rights to screen the Roswell footage in Britain.

The footage was first exposed as a fake by The Sunday Times, but an estimated billion people still watched it around the world.

Rather than being shot in 1947 near Roswell in the New Mexico desert as previously claimed, the film was actually made at a flat in Camden, north London, in 1995.

Philip Mantle, a UFO researcher and author who has been investigating the Roswell hoax for 10 years, said Humphreys had been a prime suspect but had never before admitted involvement.

Mantle, who next month will deliver a lecture at Glasgow University on the Roswell story, said: “I didn’t think it would take so long, but I am delighted this hoax has finally been exposed and the mystery has been solved.”

Humphreys, who is based in Manchester, says he also appeared in the Roswell film as the chief surgeon. The bug-eyed alien models were filled with sheep brains, chicken entrails and knuckle joints bought from Smithfield meat market. After filming, the dummies were cut up and dumped in bins across London.

For a few short weeks the world held its breath after the 91-minute silent film was unveiled by Ray Santilli, a London-based video distributor. He claimed to have bought the footage, shot on 14 reels, from a retired American military cameramen.

Humphreys said the Roswell film was shot by himself, Santilli and three others. He said he spent four weeks fashioning the models from latex using clay sculptures.

Humphreys, a graduate of the Royal Academy who has also created special effects for the film Charlie and the Chocolate Factory starring Johnny Depp, says he only told his wife about the hoax when he was hired to work on Alien Autopsy.

“It was a very, very strange feeling to know that I had played a key part in it,” he said.

Santilli, who is played by Declan Donnelly in Alien Autopsy, insists he was trying to “re-create” a real Roswell incident. He claims he bought genuine footage that was badly damaged when it was exposed to the air after 48 years in a can. “John was given very precise images to work with and what he did was sheer genius,” he said.

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Kill Whitey.

http://www.boobexamscam.com/

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Poop.

SAN SALVADOR, El Salvador - A Salvadoran woman was detained after she tried to smuggle a military grenade and marijuana hidden in her vagina into the country's main prison, authorities said Wednesday.

Officials subsequently raised the security level at jails across the country, prison system spokesman Alberto Uribe said, adding the discovery showed "the inmates are planning something."

Lidia Alvarado, 44, was found hiding a cylinder containing the weapon and the drugs, as she entered La Esperanza prison on the northeastern outskirts of the capital of San Salvador, Uribe said.

She was turned over to police and charged with illegal weapons possession and drug trafficking, he said. Police who inspected the M-67 grenade said it was in working condition.

Alvarado was visiting two inmates, serving 25 and 30 years. Each had been convicted of rape, robbery and illegal arms possession.

Prison Director Wilson Galeas was quoted by the daily newspaper La Prensa Grafica as saying it was not the first time Alvarado had visited the two convicts.

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na, this ones better

SAN SALVADOR, El Salvador - A Salvadoran woman was detained after she tried to smuggle a military grenade and marijuana hidden in her vagina into the country's main prison, authorities said Wednesday.

Officials subsequently raised the security level at jails across the country, prison system spokesman Alberto Uribe said, adding the discovery showed "the inmates are planning something."

Lidia Alvarado, 44, was found hiding a cylinder containing the weapon and the drugs, as she entered La Esperanza prison on the northeastern outskirts of the capital of San Salvador, Uribe said.

She was turned over to police and charged with illegal weapons possession and drug trafficking, he said. Police who inspected the M-67 grenade said it was in working condition.

Alvarado was visiting two inmates, serving 25 and 30 years. One inmate, Mandingo, was having sexual relations with Alvarado and had complained about feeling some sort of irritation while having intercourse. After a thorough inspection the grenade and package of drugs was located. Luckily due to the small nature of Mandingo's phallus, the grenade did not detonate.

Prison Director Wilson Galeas was quoted by the daily newspaper La Prensa Grafica as saying it was not the first time Alvarado had visited the two convicts.

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Next time the "turn-your-head-and-cough" guy shows up at my door, I'm going to demand to see his doctor's license.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

The Fortean Times has the kewlest newsfeed.

Man dies after freak badger accident

[IMG]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b5/boorite/animated_badger_8k.gif[/IMG]

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What others say about boorite!

I loved Max Headroom - that was sheer genius.

The smuggler chick's name is misspelled - the correct name was Labia Vulvarado. Somebody do a comic, I'm too tired.

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

Dateline: Romania—Famed Italian porn star Cicciolina has offered herself up as an olive branch to notorious terrorist Osama Bin Laden. The 55-year-old porn queen, whose real name is Ilona Staller, reportedly stated it was about time someone did something about the terrorist and claimed she just might be the woman for the job. Speaking at an erotic fair in Bucharest, Cicciolina said, “It is time someone did something about Bin Laden, and I am ready to do it. ... I am ready to make a deal. He can have me in exchange for an end to his tyranny. My breasts have only helped people, while Bin Laden's war has caused thousands of innocent victims.” Cicciolina, who served a term in the Italian Parliament in the late-'80s, made a similar offer in 1990, when she proposed a sex-for-surrender trade with Saddam Hussein. She warned Bin Laden against making the same mistake as the fallen Iraqi dictator. If Hussein had taken her up on the offer, “who knows what would have happened?” she remarked.

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I think she has a mildly overrated opinion of what her tits are worth, now.

I'd put my face between them and turn into Richard Nixon.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

1) He can beat those charges easily. A good lawyer can get him off.

2) Hell, a one-handed lawyer can get him off.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

One would hope not. He impersonated a health care official to molest people. That is the defintion of crime.

Had he gone to 14 year old girls at a bus stop would it make it more or less of a crime?

Had he done it to retarded people?

1) He can beat those charges easily. A good lawyer can get him off.

2) Hell, a one-handed lawyer can get him off.

True, its not like it's rape when they willing let him in their homes and stuff, but he did impersonate a Doctor. I image that's a huge felony or whatever right there.

PORTLAND, Ore. - An Oregon man who went to a hospital complaining of a headache was found to have 12 nails embedded in his skull from a suicide attempt with a nail gun, doctors say.

Surgeons removed the nails with needle-nosed pliers and a drill, and the man survived with no serious lasting effects, according to a report on the medical oddity in the current issue of the Journal of Neurosurgery.

The unidentified 33-year-old man was suicidal and high on methamphetamine last year when he fired the nails — up to 2 inches in length — into his head one by one.

The nails were not visible when doctors first examined the man in the emergency room of an unidentified Oregon hospital a day later. Doctors were surprised when X-rays revealed six nails clustered between his right eye and ear, two below his right ear and four on the left side of his head.

The study did not say how long the nails were, and a hospital spokeswoman refused to release that information. A photo published in the study suggests the nails range from 1 1/2 to 2 inches long.

No one before is known to have survived after intentionally firing so many foreign objects into the head, according to the report, written by Dr. G. Alexander West, the neurosurgeon who oversaw the treatment of the patient.

The man at first told doctors he had had a nail gun accident, but later admitted it was a suicide attempt.

The nails came close to major blood vessels and the brain stem but did not pierce them. The patient was in remarkably good condition when he was transferred to Oregon Health & Science University in Portland, where the nails were removed.

The patient was later transferred to psychiatric care and stayed under court order for nearly a month before leaving against doctors' orders.

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True, its not like it's rape when they willing let him in their homes and stuff, but he did impersonate a Doctor. I image that's a huge felony or whatever right there.

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Rape doesn't work like Vampires, where if you invite them in, then its your fault.

If I knock on someone's door and say I am a cop or a doctor, and then rape the person, that in no way should help my case because "They let me in".

If anything it should help establish my intent was to decieve.

Not that I am a Lawyer, but I have watched a few episodes of Matlock.

Okay, I am lying. I didn't watch Matlock, but I have heard of the show and seen part of the commerials before fast forwarding through them.

FREETOWN, Sierra Leone - Police hunted Monday for chimpanzees that escaped from a Sierra Leone preserve and mauled a group of American and local sightseers, killing one man and injuring four people.

The U.S. Embassy warned Americans against traveling to the Tacugama Chimpanzee Sanctuary, where the chimps escaped before Sunday's attack on a taxicab.

The Sierra Leonean driver died as the chimps ripped his body apart, and three Americans were treated at a hospital for minor injuries, said Oliver Somasa, a top police official.

Another Sierra Leonean man in the group had his hand amputated after the mauling, Somasa said. U.S. officials had no further comment. The Americans were in Sierra Leone to help build a new embassy building, Somasa said.

Armed police were searching Monday for 27 chimpanzees, Somasa said, while four others had already returned on their own accord to the reserve.

Somosa said it was unclear why the chimps attacked or how they were able to escape.

Chimpanzee attacks are unusual but not unprecedented.

Two chimps that escaped from their cages in a California sanctuary severely mauled a man in March 2005 before the man's son-in-law shot the animals to death.

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Where's the nubile young 18 year old female offering genital exams here?!

It's not your fault if you didn't know the person was a vampire. Especially if it was someone you already knew and didn't realize the person had become a vampire.

Also: Monkeys attacking tourists have totally made my day.