well, my first win after 2 honorable mentions and only 27 comics is making me feel conceited. So the subject of this contest is me.

1) If you live in Ohio, or have ever lived in Ohio, you must make a joke about Ohio (in jokes are okay, as long as I get them). If you have never lived in Ohio, you must make a joke about San Francisco or Louisiana (the two other places I've lived).

2) Since you know probably know little or nothing about me, you should use my LiveJournalentries, interests list, or yahoo photos to find a suitable topic for your comic. And while I will understand your topic better than anyone else, your comic should still be funny to someone who hasn't slogged thru my entire online Journal (which I don't recommend doing anyway). Posts/comments I've made in SC forums are also fair game.

3) Unlike the Wirthling sucks contest, the main point of this contest is NOT to put me down. You can do that and still win if it's funny and pertinent, of course, but "lara7's mama" jokes and the like as the sole lara7 content of your strip will be disqualified.

4)this strip by Gabe is an example of the type of thing that could win:

Art Car? by gabe_billings 9-26-01

Hi, I'm Lara! Is that your car outside? Sure is. Why the hell is it covered in old floppies? It's an art car. I decided to express myself by covering my entire car with obsolete technology. I once tried to decorate my car with a dead moose, but I ran out of staples.

except it is disqualified because it does not make a joke about Ohio.

5) If you know me in Real Life, you have an unfair advantage, and thus must follow these rules as well; a) you may not use any pronouns (he,we,I,they,etc) or possessives (my, mine,hers,our etc) and b) you may not use any human characters in your strip.

You have until Wednesday 11:59pm (EST) to get your entires in; winner should be posted soon after.

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When they invent BookFace, I'm -there-.

CC 79: ART CAR 3000 by crabby 11-12-01

THIRSTY BEATNIK HAS TO HIDE HIMSELF FROM LARA7!!!!! HE THINKS SHES SCARY!!!!!! THIRSTY BEATNIK NEEDS FLUIDS TO CONTINUE HIS RANTING ABOUT LARA7!!!!!!!! I made a rather funny strip about Lara7's art car. HAHAHA how humorous. I think I'll enter the same strip again and add a joke about Ohio. Thank God I know about Lara7's art car or I'd be lost! Lara7 stold my legs and attached them to her art car. Lara7 laughed at me. Then she ran me over with her art car. She must really take thos Blue Oyster Cult lyrics to heart! Lara7 sent me an E-Mail and told me I sleep with the fishes. Apparently she doesn't take criticism of her art car well! MOO!?!

CC79: Won't or Shockie, You Decide by israphael 11-12-01

Damn Lara, what the hell is that smell? Did that come out of one of your cats? Oh that, it's from one of the paper mills in town. Yeah right. No seriously. Monroe, Louisana is known for its paper mills. You can smell the town long before you see it. They even joke that the odor is the smell of money. And I suppose that was a wad of twenties that I just stepped in.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

CC 79: Anagram Anne's US Tour by kaufman 11-12-01

Hey now, isn't SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA the greatest place on earth? No sir - a farcical can of sin! Well, hello there, what are you doing in LOUISIANA? I boil a anus. You made it! At last you're in COLUMBUS, OHIO. Ooh, I lob mucus!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 79: DEJA ART CAR by crabby 11-12-01

Welcome to beautiful Ohio! I think there was a nuclear war here and no one told them! Welcome to beautiful San Francisco! I think there was a nuclear war here and no one told them! Welcome to beautiful Louisiana! I think there was a nuclear war here and no one told them!

CC 79: JOURNAL INSPIRED (AKA ART CAR FUN) by crabby 11-12-01

I went by Lara7's house and someone stole my soul. How did that happen? Well she thought it would be a good idea if I left it outside as a lawn ornament next to the Flamingo. Oh, well that makes sense you can't just leave things laying around like that. People will steal it just for the heck of it. Come on it's Ohio it's not like theres anything fun to do there. It was a lawn ornament. Her cat had diarhea, she wasn't getting enough caffeine, and she was laughing at her least favorite ex's leather pants. Whoa Whoa Whoa! Why did her art car have leather pants on?

Where's the "B" in Louisana???

Of course it could be regional spelling.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

CC 79: This Comic is a puke! In a big time! by Drexle 11-12-01

So how do you like the meal? It's really good! Man, it's cool to be here at your place, Lara... there's so much cool stuff here. Where did you get that lamp? Oh, that? I got it from a great dumpster in San Fransisco. A dumpster? Yeah, I like to dumpster dive sometimes... where do you think I got dinner? *Blink* *Blink*

CC79: Where You Got Your Shoes by fuzzyman 11-12-01

Excuse me, sir. Have you seen my cat, Shockie? I left her on my front porch. Poo-ye-yi! You bebette done gone, all right! I seen some crazy man take 'n run with that thing. Some crazy man stole my cat? What did he look like? Some grande beede of a fella. Yellin' and hollerin' "BANG!" and "POW!" He surely smelled of my-nez! Hooo-eee! Emeril stole my cat? Why would he do that? I dunno, sumthin' about a roux.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Take your pick ...

[list=1][*]Where's the "UP YOURS" in PEDANTIC???? :-)
[*]Well, duh, it's silent.
[*]About 30 miles southeast of Monroe.
[*]It's a fact that the Killer Bs have crept up the Gulf Coast ...
[*]Short for Baton Rouge.
[*]So I misspelled "oil". Wasn't gonna win anyway :-)[/list=1]

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Isn't there an I in "Louisiana"?

Here ya' go...

CC79: I love you Robot. by badcartoonist 11-12-01

Uh... hey there Laura7. I was thinking... maybe you and I could... uh... you know... uhm... maybe... uh... *cough*... uhm... well...uhm... I know I'm not a real human and I ate your cat and I'm not outdated technology and I was the one who stole the bowling balls off your front lawn... and I'm not like those guys you met at Mardi Gra when you showed everyone your tits and got on that video, but I thought maybe we could get some coffee sometime.

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xo -Aaron

Isn't there an I in "Louisiana"?

That's what those evil LOUISANIANS would like you to think!!

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

Lara Lara Lara Lara Lara Lara Lara by Spankling 11-12-01

Captain Uterus pays a call on Lara7 to get to the bottom of her travels and what happened to laras 1-6. Yes? In San Francisco it is now illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear. AND (believe it or not ) giving or receiving oral sex is prohibited._Care_to_explain? That's all behind me now! I've moved on!! To Louisiana, where it is now illegal to shoot bank tellers with water guns. OR to tie an alligator to a fire hydrant. OR for a woman to drive a car unless her husband waves a flag in front of it. HEY! That car was a functional piece of ART! And here I find you in Columbus, Ohio, where merchants may no longer sell Cornflakes on Sunday. What were you thinking, Lara7… or will this conversation cause you to invent Lara8?

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

CC79: A Meeting Of Minds by israphael 11-12-01

Gang I think we have a problem. Too many newbies have been winning the comic competitions recently. First came israphael, then lemur68, and now lara7. That lara7 is a strange one. You know she once glued floppy discs on one of her kittens and entered it in a ArtCat Show. I put in all the known information about lara7 into the Gender Test at TheSpark.com. We only know that there is a 86% chance that she is female. Yeah, other parts of her biography sound hinkey too. She says she's from Ohio, but I swear that earlier that she said she was from Iowa. I thought she was from Idaho. Ohio... Iowa... Idaho... Same damn state, different pronunciation.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

CC79: eighth lara of an eighth lara by lara8 11-12-01

If you're going to San Francisco be sure to wear some bowels in your hair. They call me MPT for short.

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Hello.

CC79: Laziness is it's own reward... by BigEvilDan 11-12-01

Did you hear about that time lara7, armed with only a sponge, stopped the aliens from destroying San Fancisco? You just made that up, didn't you? If she thinks I'm going to do actual research for a comic contest...

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

CC79 - Lara007 , License to Egotrip by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 11-12-01

Dexx , dont you agree that this whole idea of someone basing their comic contest around the story of their lives is ...pointless? Well , yeh , basically , its a ego trip gone horribly wrong. An ego trip thats gone from Louisiana , through California , into Ohio , and has ended up right here on this page. Did i just subconciously create one of the worst ever entries to one of these contests? For the moment , but i hear Andy's going to write something with a "Yet Maw" punchline.

Bloody Typos

(the line is "Yer Maw")

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

CC 79: EVIL ART CAR by crabby 11-13-01

Oh my lord what happened here? Theres dead police and 5.25 floppy disks everywhere. We had a little misunderstanding. My art car took car of it though. Are you saying your art car came to life and killed these police men? Yes. It works well with that but it won't stop those punk kids from stealing my lawn ornaments. Did you ever stop to think that maybe the car has been stealing all that stuff off your porch. That would explain the table and two bowling balls in the back seat.

CC 79: JESUS & THE ART CAR by crabby 11-13-01

How would you describe yourself in two words my child? Art car. Thats good I guess. Actually the car itself is quite evil!

CC79: Lara's Press Conference by kaufman 11-13-01

Lara7 introduces herself to the stripcreator regulars ... So, what do you think of the new Russell Crowe DVD? "Won't" is an interesting name for a cat. What gave you the idea of using a contraction? How do you feel about coming from Louisiana, a state that nobody can spell correctly? Aren't you concerned that someone's patella will strike your automobile, and they'll be suffering from art car knee? 1) I haven't seen it - I'm waiting for it to come out on 5.25" floppy. 2) Bud Selig suggested it to me. 3) Have you seen their literacy rate? No one down there knows the difference. 4) The thought fills me with glee, son!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC79 - A Lara Lara Laffs by kramer_vs_kramer 11-13-01

Hey! Where am I? Last thing I remember is stealing stuff off of some broad's porch in Ohio, and now I'm in this weird place. Well, Simon, the thing is you died on that porch. Lara7 caught you stealing her lawn ornaments and had you killed. But where is this place? I've just spent the last hour being repeatedly run over by a car covered in 5 1/4 inch floppy disks. And all the while, Bootsy Collins and George Clinton have been poking me with sticks and laughing. What's going on? I'm sorry Simon, but you're in Art Car Funk Hell.

CC79: Round on the ends, high in the middle by boorite 11-13-01

Hey, kids! Horse-Faced Whore here to talk about wonderful Ohio! Homesick for Louisiana? Just hold the special FlavorCat over your bedspread and squeeze! Voila: Gumbo, Columbus style! Ah, the endless, flat beauty of the breathtaking soybean fields. A cute guy behind every tree! And a clear line of sight to the stuff on every porch. And for night life, a diverse variety of herpes commercials! Because Ohio is rich in sexually-transmitted diseases. Ohio is a just a car or plane ride away from desirable locations! Scenic Ohio: The Birthplace of Aviation!

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What others say about boorite!

CC79: Never happened in San Francisco by boorite 11-13-01

Stan the Satanic Mechanic. Car problem? All the floppies got sucked off in a twister! Fucking Ohio weather! Hello?

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What others say about boorite!

Dunno if this counts as a joke about San Francisco, but here y'go.

CC79: Lara's secret identity by andydougan 11-13-01

During the day, mild-mannered Lara seems like any other librarian... I'd like to take out this copy of "Gene Pitney's Greatest Hits", please. But by night, she is... Schadenfreudewoman! Gloating at the misfortunes of the residents of San Francisco! Help! My neighbour keeps playing some ear-piercing high-pitched noise! I wish he *was* twenty-four hours from Tulsa! Nyeh heh heh! Suffer!