Well everyone I've known this for awhile now but I've just gotten around to posting it now.

I'M GONNA BE A DADDY!

I've finished telling my immediate family and now I gotta tell my extended strip creator family. My girlfriend is four months along now so were expecting our child in April. I'm excited but also extremely nervous.

We should be going to find out if it's a boy or girl in the next few weeks. I could know as soon as Thursday night but I'm not sure if we'll find out then or not. We have an appointment for Thursday but I'm not sure if we'll find out then.

So, that's it I'm excited. I'm gonna be a Dad. But then again I'm also really nervous because I'm gonna be a Dad. If anyone has any advice or anything for me it would be greatly appreciated. My girlfriend and I are also still looking for names so if you got any suggestions let me know.

Congrats! Any idea who the father is?

By the way, I swear I was out of town that steamy, passionate night when she sent you out for Chinese and gave you the wrong address.

If it's twins, call 'em Wash and Wash.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Congrats to 20 new years of estranged financial situations.

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Well everyone I've known this for awhile now but I've just gotten around to posting it now.

I'M GONNA BE A DADDY!

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wait, aren't you like... fourteen?

OOOOH... that's just my first impression of you back when all you did was shout "i don't suck dick"...
uuum
congrats guy
name the baby William S. Gilbert or Sir Arthur Sullivan
at least that's what i'd do...
unless it's a chick...
then name it William S. Gilberta or Sir Arthur Sullivina

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"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel..." - homer

If they're twins, I say you give them the middle names "Cain" and "Abel".

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

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I'M GONNA BE A DADDY!

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Congratulations crabby, and good luck! by Drexle 11-12-01

I HAVE BIG NEWS EVERYONE! CRABBY'S GONNA BE A DADDY!!! I *TOLD YOU* I DO NOT SUCK DICK!!! And neither did your girlfriend, appearantly!

Congratulations Crabby. This is an excellent opportunity for comedy. Here are my suggestions.

1. If it's twins, call them eve'n'flo. like the pearl jam song.
2. If it's a boy, dress him as a girl, right up until the week before he goes to school.
3. If it's a girl, dress her as '70s Elvis, right up until she leaves home.
4. Send your child to school a day early after the summer holidays. He will think this is really funny.
5. Tell him that God can see them on the toilet.
6. When playing duck-apple at halloween, do as my dad did and blindfold the kid, then replace some of the apples with bars of soap.
7. Play Glen Campbell and Kris Kristofferson tapes really loud whenever you go out in the car together. And wind the windows down.
8. If you ever get the bus together, sit at the back and ask your child 'is this a singing bus?' before launching into an old Dean Martin number at the top of your voice (works best on kids aged 12-16yrs).
9. Invest in some truly awful cardigan/slacks combos.

You might assume that I have been scarred by my childhood, but I'm all for perpetuating this kind of torture. I hope this sacred knowledge is of some use to you.

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I LIVE!

Those all seem like really good ideas. However, my girlfriend is a rather normal girl and wouldn't let me get away with any of that. I will keep all those in mind for when shes not around though.

Congratulations!

I have one word for you: Ruprecht.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Or how about "Tobor"?

Congratulations, Crabby.

I shall now dispense three very useful pieces of unsolicited advice, as is my.... my... (*idiom*) IDIOM!... Yeah....

1: Always tell your children the truth and give them a mix of love and discipline that let's them know that you are caring, but strong.

2: There are lots of coupons for Huggies and formula in most Sunday edition newspapers.

3: A married man will do anything for money. Ask gabe.

Rock on,

:- )

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

cogarulation crabby!! call youre son\dahter fuck after me!! or ill kill you.

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sex

Why you'll be seeing crabby played by squirrel again by kaufman 11-13-01

WELL, DOC, AM I GOING TO BE A DADDY? There's a surefire test; we should have the results in momentarily. * ACK! * *GHHHTKH* *CAN'T BREATHE!* It's all very simple. If the rabbit dies .. *thud* Congratulations! You're going to be a daddy!

Congratulations! If they're twins, I think you should name both of them Wash :-)

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Let's have sex without birth control
And sell the offspring to some dirty old men

--The Dead Milkmen, "Sri Lanka Sex Hotel," Beelzebubba

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What others say about boorite!

Congrats :D I may just be expecting myself, thanks to an unnamed asshole who already has one child.

Best advice: When your girlfriend gets into her sixth month, I don't give a fuck if the nearest 24-hour convienence store is 40 miles away. You get her the damned spinach ice cream. And be quick about it. Or she will kill you.

Next best advice: Invest in a wrist brace for after the birth. You're going to need it if she's holding your hand. I've been too many of my friends' coaches not to know that.

More great advice: Get two jobs. You're going to need all the money you can get. And gently used baby clothing stores are the shiznit. Cheap clothes that you can return (if they're not distroyed) and get your money back after a week when the baby grows out of them.

Relationship advice: Give your girlfriend a break every now and then, even if you are tired. She's more tired, I can guarantee. Kids are NO picnic. And she'll probably be showering frequently to get the baby food out of various places of her body.

Baby advice: They like shiny things. They will hide all of your most expensive jewelry in couch cushions and in heating vents.

Names for girls:
Johanna Maybell (something normal)
Stardust Moonbeam (cosmic)
Jersey Dallas (for travelers)

Names for boys:
Jesse Michael (normal)
Saturn Orion (cosmic)
Phoenix Seattle (travelers)

These are all names I've considered for my own kids. I especially like the cosmic ones :)

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Mediocrity at its most average.

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Names for girls:
Johanna Maybell (something normal)
Stardust Moonbeam (cosmic)
Jersey Dallas (for travelers)

Names for boys:
Jesse Michael (normal)
Saturn Orion (cosmic)
Phoenix Seattle (travelers)

These are all names I've considered for my own kids. I especially like the cosmic ones :)

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wait a minute

werent you 17 at one point and coming onto chicka?

go on my son!!!

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Who knows what fear lurks in the hearts of men? MIKE BOBSICO KNOWS! And if you give him a decent tip when he delivers your mail , he might tell you.

Names for girls: Detesta, Biglips, Jumbo, Scarface.

Names for boys: Screamer, Lumbago, Auschwitz, Jason.

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What others say about boorite!

Take the Sonics and 5 points.

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What others say about boorite!

*snicker* how 'bout Satton Uranus?

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

*snicker* how 'bout Satton Uranus?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

God, and for once I actually get it.

Gee, crabby, I don't know whether to give you congratulations or condolences.

Ah, hell... you seem happy about the news, so --

Congratulations, crabby!

May you have all the happiness you can stand.

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This is not my empire.