My girlfreind and I had another incoherent argument for the 1000th time last night!  She's all upset because...  Because...  Heck if I know! (Did I mention it was incoherent?)

This CC is all about relationships. Straight, gay, beastial, bionic, whatever.  One thing hey all have in common is that they SUCK.  Your job is to create a comic to substantiate this fact.  Or, create one to convince me that they don't suck.  Either way, make me laugh.

Here are the rules:

1) new comics only  (but if you re-work an old comic, how would I know?)

2) 20 words or less per  panel  (I get winded reading)

3) unlimited entries allowed

Bonus points if you can work "Kanye West is an asshole" into the comic somehow.

I'll be judging in about a week.

Real Life: Relationships by four_legged_tripod 10-13-09

Relationships are about give and take and all you do is take! All I do is take... Take your shit!!! Now man, Ima let you finish- but Chris Brown had one of the best arguments of all time. If Chris had beaten Rihanna with an umbrella, now THAT would have been classic! Kanye West is an asshole.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

First off, I'd like to thank you for taking the time to stop and read my post. I truly appreciate you taken the moment out of your day to read what I have to say. If you don't give a fuck what I have to say, I imagine you've already taken your negativity and turned it into cold hard hate and to you, I say good day.

For those of you still with me, I'd like to state before I go any further that the most important person in the world to me, is myself.

Moving on, I'd like to say that I wish I had entered Choad's contest and made an attempt at winning that one, because, I do not care for either the winner of that contest or the runner up. And if you have a problem with me openly insulting the operator of this current contest, then go ahead and call me a monster. I've been called worse. One guy ocne asked if I was German. You think it bothered me? Hell yeah, it did. If you're going to post about my liberal use of the comma, I'd rather you didn't. I jsut noticed at this point that I've used too many of them and I feel like a fool.

Moving on, I'd just like to thank all the tens of you for sending me truly heartfelt fan letters lately asking me to come back to the forums (By 10 people I mean LittleRocker). I just want everyone to know that I'm always going to be with each and every one of you in spirit. Look deep inside your anus and you'll find a piece of me clinging to the very essence of your soul. We have bonded in that way, so I am comfortable sharing this thought with you. I mean it in a very heartfelt way and I'm not the kind of guy to open my heart, so please understand that I mean everything I've said above and wish you all nothing, but the best in all of your endevours. Except bigfrank, he can suck it.

You say 20 words or less per panel. I say grow up. by crabby 10-13-09

You ever have one of those days where you jsut don't want go home and face the girlfriend? I call them weekdays. Today I had an incident on the highway with a crazy man and I'm a little too rattled to listen to you complain about your love life. Broham... Open your heart to me. I was driving down the Ike and I merged to head onto 90 and I notice this guy really riding my ass. First chance I get I change lanes, but the asshole gives me the old stare down as he's going past. Fuck that dude! That isn't the worst part. Later we both merge onto Lake street, I see this asshole again. So, I ride onto his ass, real fucking hard. He starts swerving, slams into the median and he died.

You say 20 words or less per panel. I say grow up. by crabby 10-13-09

Dude... That sounds like a hell of a day. What did you do? I pulled over immedietly and dialed 911. He explained to me that he was in a real hurry to get to work because if he was late one more time, they had threatened to fire him. Dude... He also called me a fucking prick for riding him into the median and said he was going to sue me. Fuck that dude! Keep in mind as he was telling me this he was still trapped in the car because his legs were stuck. So, I travelled to my car and fetched a hunting knife and gutted him like a pig and drove off.

You say 20 words or less per panel. I say grow up. by crabby 10-13-09

I gotta say brosephilus, I'm worried someone might have seen that and I'm worried you're a murderer. That guy was a prick. The worst part of the day was that when I got to work, the machine was out of Coke. I asked theguy in the warehouse to fill it up, but he said that the Coke was out of stock. I'm serious, dude. You killed a guy. You ran him off the road and slit his knife open with a hunting knife. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN HAVE A HUNTING KNIFE? Around 3 O' Clock, the Coke delivery man shows up and fills up the machine, but the Coke was warm. It fucking sucked. Dude... You killed a man. Do you have any idea how gassy that warm can of Coke made me? Do you even know what thats like? I'll fucking slit your god damn throat with my motherfucking hunting knife, you punk ass bitch!

You say 20 words or less per panel. I say grow up. by crabby 10-13-09

You wanna gut me up? You wanna carve up you're best friend? You think you can look me in my dead eyes once you've done the deed? You think you can handle that? I can and I will. I've thought about killing you at least twice a day for about 9 years now. The only reason I'm still friends with you is that one day I hope.. Maybe on a hunting trip, perhaps... Bro... What is it? I have sexuyal fantasies of killing you while on a hunting trip. Du-- I'm going to kill you and rape your fucking corpse.

You say 20 words or less per panel. I say grow up. by crabby 10-13-09

Bro, please... Don't kill me. You crying? A little bit. HAHA! You're such a piece of shit! I'm just fucking with you! So... You didn't kill a man today? Actually, that happened, but don't worry, I enjoyed a delicious, ice cold Coca Cola at work.

Now that we've gone through all of that together, I'd like to take a moment and offer you my week 6 NFL NFC North related Predictions.

 I say the Pack gets healthy against the Lions. Look for Rodgers to have a huge day. I think it;s a toss up in the Vikes-Ravens game, but if you want me to pick who I want to win. If you want to know what my heart says. My heart says Brett Favre is a piece of shit and I hope the Ravens take it to him. Go Ravens. I also like the Bears winning a big one Sunday night. Cutler back in prime time. Watch out everyone. He's the goods. As a bonus, I'd also like to add that I like USC HUGE! So H
UGE in fact fact that I have a steak dinner at Gibson's riding on the game with local sports talk radio host Chet Coppock. He's got the IRish and 14 points. I say USC takes them down by at least 17. Wouldn't be surprised to see that margin be up closer to 20-25. 

Bob and Elaine's Modern Relationship Problems 1 by biped 10-13-09

KANYE WEST IS AN ASSHOLE!!! What's really bothering you, Elaine? Is it my bionic testicles? Yes...Mother says you're cursed. Your mother's outdated gypsy superstitions won't allow her to embrace my singing testicles. (!!!) They SING now? Only beautiful old Negro folk spirituals. And only when I ejaculate.

Bob and Elaine's Modern Relationship Problems 2 by biped 10-13-09

"OLD...MAN... RIBBERRRRR...HE SEE DAT OL' CHARIOT SWINGIN' LOW..." Oh my GOD, Bob--this is HORRIBLE!!! PULL OUT!!! PULL OUT!!! First, it's the bouncing around and vibrating. Now, the singing. Bob, I'm afraid there's no biblical passage covering bionic testicles. You want me to replace them with... DOG TESTICLES??? If it will save my relationship with Elaine...yes.

Bob and Elaine's Modern Relationship Problems 3 by biped 10-13-09

Oh, Bob...last night was wonderful. And now, we can finally have children. Err (ahem)...yes. WOOF! WOOF! Look what I can do, Mommy! That's...nice, Billy. (shudder) Should I tell her? That I have...dog testicles? Nah, just let her keep thinking her womb's fucked up.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Love Canadian Style by crabby 10-14-09

Son, I brought you to this museum to tell you that I found that blunt you had hidden in your bedroom. DAD! I don't appreciate you going through my things! The only reason I smoke dope is so I can be more like you! You little shit... More like me? That blunt was coated with codeine. The only thing I ever coat my blunts with is honey. I don't approve of any codeine activity. I'm sorry, dad. I love you son. I truly cherish our relationship. I love you, dad! Thank you for introducing me to the love of my life... Ms. Mary Jane.

Supportive by NeoVid 10-15-09

I've got an addictive tendency. I always had to make sure I never got too obsessed with anything. From the stories you told me, you still ended up a sex addict. Maybe... but that's been over since I started seeing you. Yeah. Good for you.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

I'm pretty sure all these break the rules in some way.  But in my defense, fuck you.

Love / Hate Relationship by Scyess 10-02-09

I don't understand. I do my best to shower my girlfriend with love and affection, but it seems like she's trying to keep me from getting too close. Really? Like how? Like when she sics her dog on me when she catches me skulking around her property. Uh... does this person know that she's your girlfriend? Well... if she'd just let me get within shouting distance I could let her know.

Imaginesugiru by Scyess 10-07-09

I get so nervous talking to girls. The trick about imagining your audience naked only makes things worse. Why not try imagining them taking a wallpaper-peeling, tile-melting, lamb-vindaloo-and-pickled-garlic mega-shit instead? Hi. GROSS!!! Holy shit. I had no idea girls were so disgusting. Oh, yeah. Why do you think they give them their own special bathrooms?

CC 436: Wafflely Goodness by Scyess 10-16-09

Man, I used to love Eggo waffles with the Kroger generic syrup as a kid. I know honey. I've been cooking all day to make you something even better: yeast-risen apple spice waffles with organic maple-honey glaze syrup. So you're trying to do something nice by going to a lot of trouble to give me something I don't want? Was that not the response you were looking for?

Sympathy Play by Scyess 10-16-09

Why so down, Sanna? Well, I'm having some trouble with my boyfriend... This is a great chance to prove she should dump him and go out with me... Sometimes in the second or third hour of lovemaking, he'll say or do something that reminds me of you, and it's a total turn off. I appreciate the sympathy, Jon, but the sobbing is a little unnecessary.

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"Old" is the old new.

CC 436: Interrelational by Namgubed 10-16-09

Y'know, although I preferred Beyonce's video, I think Kanye West is an asshole. Naaww, baby, he's just keepin' it real. Yeah, I suppose he was just bein' real ... a real asshole. Now YOU the one thass bein' a asshole! Naw ... I'm just keepin' it real. mumble mumble real asshole mumble ...

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Relationships Suck by boloboffin 10-17-09

Of course relationships suck! I guess. My back itches.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

Richard Cabeza by choadwarrior 10-17-09

How's your new girlfriend working out? She doesn't suck. So things are going well? Yeah... Except for the part where I'm not getting any head.

The Oldies Aren't Goodies 1 by biped 10-18-09

So...how's about that blow job? Uh-oh, I think I just shit my pants. Sixty-five years... same fuckin' excuse.

The Oldies Aren't Goodies 2 by biped 10-18-09

Mother's here for a visit. Try not to upset her. YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY DAUGHTER!!! Well, I hope you're happy.

The Oldies Aren't Goodies 3 by biped 10-18-09

"Dog food loaf" again? It's all we can afford. (sigh) I had me a lobster once...away back in aught five. What'd you do--fuck it?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Okay...  Time to announce the winner.  First of all, I want to thank everyone for participating.  Especially you, Crabby.  You're a peach.

Anywayzzzzzzz...  I have to give it to biped.  I didn't quite undersstand Bob and Elaine's Relationship until I read the first panel in part 2.  I LMAO when I read it.  Good job.

Take it away, biped!

Thanks! 

I'm taking it away now!  Here I go!

WHEEEEEEEEE!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.