For those who missed the last game of the World Series, the Yankees' Japanese import, Hideki Matsui, got the MVP for pwning Pedro Martinez and slugging 6 RBIs.  Somewhere in Japan, someone's undoubtedly writing a manga about him, if they haven't already.  Your job is to beat them to the punchline with your own Matsui manga. 

 Rules:  New comics or series only.  Extra points for giving Matsui incredible not-necessarily-baseball-related superpowers and/or supervillain(s), and for using a schoolgirl character in your entry.  And for being funny.

Banzai.

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

I don't follow baseball. The only Matsui I care about is Keiko.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

RCL no. 2080 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 11-08-09

So, my friend set me up with some guy named Hideki Matsui. He's Japanese and plays baseball with the New York Yankees... I told her I don't date Asian guys because they have small dicks. My friend said that he's really rich, so I probably wouldn't notice that he has a small dick... To my surprise, his dick is even smaller than I imagined. I gave him a blowjob and it felt like I was smoking a mini-ature cigarette. I mean, we're talking zuibun chiisai!

CC439: Needs more giant robots by evil_d 11-09-09

I'm talking with Hideki Matsui, designated hitter for the New York Yankees and 2009 World Series MVP. Hideki, thanks for speaking with me. My pleasure. Your former team, the Yomiuri Giants, also won this year's Japan Series against the Hokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters. How does that make you feel? I'm very happy for them. But I also wish I could have been there to play alongside them. What special talent would you have brought to the team? A superhuman ability not to burst out laughing whenever I hear the name "Ham Fighters".

I find Stripcreator's lack of a Japanese baseball player character to be a serious shortcoming. 

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Phooey on You-ey Matsui: Chapter 1 by four_legged_tripod 11-09-09

Hideki-san, you have been chosen for special training that will bring respect to our ancestors from the white western devils. Do you think I am ready master? I have watched you handle your bat in the shower and you have skill but your training will not be easy. What must I do to prove my worthiness? "Get to 3rd base with The Beast." Bring it you little limp-dicked Asian bastard.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Phooey on You-ey Matsui: Chapter 2 by four_legged_tripod 11-09-09

"She will block your every advance." So, do you come here often? You think you can break me down with that lame-ass shit? "You must vary your technique to get through her defenses." Hey, if you and I were both squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole? You still have no shot at me, but I do find your proposition intriguing. "Find her weakness and exploit it." I have the tongue of a rattlesnake and can go for hours without coming up for air. Why the hell didn't you just say so? Bring your snorkel and let's make this thing happen!

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Phooey on You-ey Matsui: Chapter 3 by four_legged_tripod 11-09-09

I have completed the task master. So you found the gap and hit it did you? Yes master. Now what? Phase two. I will present you with two balls. Don't strike out. I will do my best to please you master. You bet you will. And don't forget to choke up on the bat.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Phooey on You-ey Matsui: Chapter 4 by four_legged_tripod 11-09-09

Master, I've been training with you for 10 years now. Are you displeased with my training? No. You have taught me well in the ways of handling balls, popping flies, and cleaning out your dug out. But you want more I see. Fine. I believe you may be ready for... "...a doubleheader..."

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Phooey on You-ey Matsui: Chapter 5 by four_legged_tripod 11-09-09

You have been with me for many years my son. I believe you are ready. For what master? To fulfill your destiny. But first, there is one last thing I need you to do. Anything. "Rid the city of Godzilla." Is that all you got you little bitch? Fuck this shit! I'm moving to the states to play baseball!

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

RCL no. 2083 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 11-09-09

...that's when Hideki Matsui, being the hero he is, swooped in with his big bat! And, rescued the victims of that horrific twenty-five car pile up? Nope. He actually bashed all their heads in with his big bat! Whaaaaaaaaaat?So, how's he a HERO? Did you not see what he did in game six of the World Series? HELLOOOOOOO!! Proving once again America has its priorities straight when it comes to professional athletes!

CC 439: Me love Matsui long time by fpd 11-09-09

That Matsui is something else! Japan could not have given anything better to the Yankees! Absolutely! Matsui is the best Japanese export to ever come to America. Oh, such artistry, such intensity! There are no borders on what that Matsui can do! No borders! You're singing to the choir, my man. Such beauty, such sensuality! Hey, I love baseball, but I'm not gay for the guy! Baseball? You must be tripping, man. The subject was jazz, and she's all woman, man, not a man.

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CC 439: Matsui 1/2, part 1 by fpd 11-09-09

Hideki, people have been so impressed with what you have done for the Yankees that they think you may have superpowers. Indeed I do, Maury. Just throw some cold water on me, and you'll see what they are. Will do. What a superpower! You've turned into a woman, and you're even hotter than my own wife, Connie Chung. But of course. You wouldn't expect anything less from the Yankee's MVP, would you?

CC 439: Matsui 1/2, part 2 by fpd 11-09-09

Hideki, now that I know cold water will turn you into a woman, I finally have a reason to take an interest in baseball. I want to go to home plate with you, if you know what I mean. I know what you mean, and ew, that's just disgusting. I know you are confused, because you are sometimes a man, but let me assure you that nothing is so sweet and beautiful as sex between a tentacle monster and a woman. Help! I need hot water, stat! Hot water! I need some hot water now! Let my hot love juices satisfy you, my dear. Who knows what they'll turn you into? Wouldn't it be a fabulous romantic discovery to find out?

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Biff's Exciting Near-Brush With Fame by biped 11-12-09

Hello. I'm Hideki Matsui, the famous Japanese baseball player who helped the Yankees win the World Series. But...aren't you a little too big...and tall...and Caucasian... to be Japanese? Curses. Foiled again.

Biff's Exciting Near-Brush With Fame II by biped 11-12-09

Hello, I'm -- oh. I already did you. Hello. I'm Hideki Matsui, the famous Japanese baseball player who helped the Yankees win the World Series. "Local old lady meets Hideki Matsui. Details at eleven." Ha, ha.

Biff's Exciting Near-Brush With Fame -- Epilogue by biped 11-12-09

Excuse me--aren't you Hideki Matsui, the famous Japanese baseball player who helped the Yankees win the World Series? No, I am not. If you look carefully, sir, you'll see that I am a black man. Holy shit--how did it happen? Sorcery? Did you offend some evil gypsies? NO!!! (sigh) You won't believe this. Some terribly misguided person just mistook me for Hideki Matsui. You mean you're NOT Hideki Matsui? No wonder you have such a grotesquely large penis.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Lots of great stuff so far, so keep it coming!  I'll give it one more week, and then the evaluatory adjudication will commence!  With alacrity!

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

I think I failed in making this manga-like. It doesn't even read right-to-left!

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

Namgubed

 One more WEEK?  Come on, dude.  Pull the plug on this and let's move on

CC 439: Matsui 1/2, part 3 by fpd 11-15-09

Horrible Hentai! I turn into blonde white woman! How could this happen? That would be me, my darling. While you slept, I experimented with what my various secretions would change you into. You no right! I not your prayboy! Or praygirl! Or whatever. Stay away from me! Understand? So you don't want to be a blonde. Okay. I've learned how to change you into many things. Maybe you'd like to be a hot black woman or a sexy rabbit woman? You go! I get my bat and swing hard! You no fool around with Yankee MVP batter!

CC 439: Matsui 1/2, part 4 by fpd 11-15-09

Okay, I think I get it, and I'm sorry, but I don't like it at all. No care! You go! You're saying you're going to swing your bat, which is just a euphemism for gay sex. I'm sorry, but I don't swing that way. I only do women, not men. You no understand! I Yankee MVP batter! I slam you with baseball bat! Kill you! I appreciate your passion, I really do. But to have sex with you while you are a man is just too loathsome and unnatural for me to consider. This could be a deal breaker. I get bat now! No more you!

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

CC 439: Matsui 1/2, part 5 by fpd 11-15-09

Who are you? Is Hideki cheating on me? No! I your husband, woman. Stupid man-thing turn me into blonde! Where my bat? I slug him to Tim Buck Two. Now, before you do anything rash, let me go have a talk with him, okay? Alright. I take hot shower and become man again. Now you know, this form has its possibilities. Maybe you could hold off on that shower for a little while? You like it? Well, I guess I am sort of hot right now. I mean, check out this rack, it's bigger than what I normally have as a woman.

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English people call baseball rounders, (rounders is gay) by mattmallone 11-17-09

What do you get when you cross a tree with a baseball player? the Yankees' Japanese import, Hideki Matsui look, i know this is a shit competition, please humour me, we can get through this together ok, HIT ME AGAIN HO What do you get when you cross a tree with a baseball player? BABE ROOT

CC 439: Matsui 1/2, part 6 by fpd 11-18-09

Oh, hello. My, my husband didn't tell me how handsome you are. Your husband? Pardon me, Mrs. Matsui, I didn't know Hideki was married. Well, he is. What is your interest in my husband? Please, I have no interest in him as your husband. When you are man and wife, he is all yours. I am only interested in her as a woman. What century are you from? Are you saying that marriage is valid only between a man and a woman and not between two women or two men? Yes, a gay marriage is not a marriage at all but a vile abomination. When Hideki is a woman, she is unmarried and so fair game.

CC 439: Matsui 1/2, part 7 by fpd 11-18-09

Tell me, why the interest in Hideki? With all of us full-time women in the world, why not one of us? I have had so much trouble relating to the female mind. I figured Hideki would know what a man wants, which would make him the best of both worlds. A woman who thinks like a guy. I can relate to that. For me, Hideki is the best of both worlds, because I like both women and men. With my husband, I get both in one happy marriage. Ew! I am revolted by your sexual perversion! What? You don't even get turned on by lesbian porn? It is my secret shame that lesbian sex does arouse me. I worry that this makes me gay, and all I can do to avoid this worry is throw myself into straight sex with the utmost passion.

CC 439: Matsui 1/2, part 8 by fpd 11-18-09

Sometimes love is not about gay or straight. Hideki loves me as a straight man when he's a man and as a lesbian when she's a woman. The love is the same. Love? I know a man and a woman can make love, but two people of the same sex can only fornicate like beasts. Love is not sex. When two people are in love, sex becomes a sacred rite shared between them. Love can make sex sacred, but sex alone cannot make love. I don't get it. Having sex is called making love. I have dedicated my whole life to love, making it with one woman after another. Love has to come first. It is natural for me to be turned on by a sexy tentacle monster, such as yourself, but having sex with you would not be as meaningful as it would be with my spouse. I think I'm beginning to understand. You totally want me, and you're trying to rationalize away your passionate longing to make love with me.

CC 439: Matsui 1/2, part 9 by fpd 11-18-09

I think your problem is that you don't respect women. Hideki used to have that problem. What happened? He once caged some bondage fairies, and they put a curse on him that cold water would turn him into a woman. I know some bondage fairies. They said to him, if you like lesbian sex and bukkake so much, you can experience it from a woman's perspective. They said to me, hey did you see that guy on the Maury Povich show? Cold water changes him into a woman.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

CC 439: Matsui 1/2, part 10 by fpd 11-18-09

Oh, how cute! You look just like Pfil would as a human! I should shrink you down and make love with you right now! But I won't, because it would break the curse. It used to be fun being a woman, Pamila, but now I'm getting harrassed by this stupid tentacle monster. Tell me what to do to end this curse. If you make love with a man, whether human, insect, or tentacle monster, and thorougly enjoy it, it will break the curse. An insect? Are you kidding me? What's wrong with that? Pfil and I do it with insects all the time? No! No insects, no tentacle monsters, and no men! I prefer women!

CC 439: Matsui 1/2, part 11 by fpd 11-18-09

There is another way to break the curse. You can have a baby. So if I just have a baby with my wife, the curse will end? I can do that. No, you have to carry and give birth to the baby yourself. But what would happen if I turned back into a man while I was pregnant? The baby would die. Is there no other way to break the curse?

CC 439: Matsui 1/2, part 12 by fpd 11-18-09

There is one more way to break the curse. You can be bukkaked on by an entire baseball team. Yuck! That is just too disgusting and humiliating! You don't have to enjoy it. Just doing it will break the curse. You know, I think I can stand being a woman. My wife loves me like this, and I'll just stand up to the tentacle monsters who try to harrass me. Very good. You have learned an important lesson today. Yes, I've realized that being a man makes it so much easier to bear being a woman.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

CC 439: Bride of the Yanked Keys by kaufman 11-19-09

Quick, Jessica, I need to draw a Japanese-style cartoon as a tribute to the World Series MVP. Are you drunk, Matthew? You walk in the door and start babbling about a comic? At least kiss me hello. No time for that. Now I just need to reach into the drawer with all my cartooning supplies and I'll be ready to ... Go ahead. Make my day. Hey! The drawer is locked! I can't get in. I hid the key, Matt. Sue me!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

OK, people, pencils down.  My thanks to everyone who participated.  So let the final scores be tallied!

The Base BallZ award goes to four_legged_tripod.

The HamFatter award goes to evil_d.

The coveted Rice Dick award belongs to biped.

The Groaner Pun In Revenge For Spamming His WW Contest With A Cornucopia Of Lame Cartoons award was won by kaufman.

Finally, the grand prize goes to ... (drum roll) ... fpd for the epic "Matsui 1/2" series!  Congratulations, and take it away, fpd!

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown