T.I.T.S. - This Is Tech Support!

I just recently got a new job, it pays well and my co-workers are awesome.  I got it so I wouldn'[t have to do tech support any more.

I started trickling these strips out while I still worked there, but kind of kept it low-profile since I didn't want to give the impression to my managers (who did monitor my internet usage) that I hated my job.  And, actually, I didn't.  It was a great job, and I enjoyed working with about 95% of the people who called.

It's just such a pity that they will be ignored, since the other 5% make for much funnier comic strips.

All the gags in this series have a kernel of truth in them, and in a few, that kernal is so big that all I had to add was a snappy comeback that I wish I could have said on the phone.

As always, feedback is welcomed, good or bad.  Questions about the job may or may not be answered by a demonstrative comic strip.

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ZMannZilla/sets/techsupport/497097

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ZMannZilla/sets/techsupport/500291

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ZMannZilla/sets/techsupport/500569

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ZMannZilla/sets/techsupport/500362

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ZMannZilla/sets/techsupport/500283

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

OK, let's try this again...

This Is Tech Support by ZMannZilla 6-06-10

Hey buddy, is this an American? Am I talkin wit an American? I don' wanna talk ta some Injun. *sigh* Yes, sir, you're talking to an American. How do I know y'ain't one'a dem Injuns? Prove yer American, boy! Sir, if you can understand me when I talk, it shouldn't matter. Now if you'll tell me the nature of your problem, I can- NICE TRY BOY, now PROVE YER AMERICAN!!! I hate you and want you to die based solely on your shitty English. Is that American enough for you?

This Is Tech Support by ZMannZilla 7-25-10

I'm calling about my five year old's Doodad2Go portable system. It's under warranty. I can help you out. What's the problem it's having? There's cracks all over the outer casing and it won't turn on any more. It's also leaking some sort of a yellowy liquid that smells like apples. It's under warranty. Yeah, the warranty is not "insurance", ma'am, it's there to protect you from manufacturing defects. Your child physically damaged the unit. My five year old was on the honor roll, you punk! He doesn't deserve to be blamed for your company's shoddy workmanship! Please put this young genius of yours on the phone. I'd like to ask a greater mind than my own which part of a motherboard produces APPLE JUICE when malfunctioning.

This Is Tech Support by ZMannZilla 7-28-10

I'll be more than happy to help you find your Doodad2Go's internet settings. Open the Preferences option and select Page Two. HE SAY GO TO TH' PREFACES THING AN' SAY TWO! OK, now use the Access Point Tool to find your router. HE SAY USE TH' ACCESS TUBE AN' GO FIND A ROUTER! Sir, I think this process might go faster if you'd just give the phone to the person operating your Doodad2Go. HE SAY GIVE TH' PHONE TO A PERSON AN' OPERA THING A DUDE HAT AGO!

This Is Tech Support by ZMannZilla 7-26-10

"And what brand of wireless router are you trying to connect to today?" Uhhh... Linkits? Linkies? Links. Linkus. Lickasis. Linkskeeze? Y'know, thayt "Link" one frum th' layst call. Forget mastering the internet, people, let's start by mastering "and sometimes Y".

This Is Tech Support by ZMannZilla 7-25-10

You wanted to see me, sir? We're putting you on a new project. No more Doodad 360 Customer Support line for you! Gee, thanks! I'm glad my hard work is being recognized! It sure is! Starting today, you'll be on the Doodad 360 Special Needs Support Line Hey buddy, I was transfeered to y'all cos I cain't get mah dentures unstuck from th' disk slot. Is that why it ain't readin' mah innernet rooter? That's it, I'm going back to pimping.

And a link to the entire series as well...

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ZMannZilla/sets/techsupport/

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

I have a soft spot for stories about dealing with customers and coworkers, for some reason.

These comics are fine specimens of the genre.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

These are funny.  The third one made me laugh out loud.  The others gave me that internal laughter that's supposed to be good for the digestion.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

This Is Tech Support by ZMannZilla 8-20-10

Hey, how about instead of fixing my son's broken Doodad2Go, you let me pay the difference to upgrade to the D2GPlus. What? No! Aside from the fact that we'd actually lose money on that, why would you reward a child throwing a $130 toy into the toilet by getting him the $200 version of the same toy? Well, that's what he wants for Christmas. So are you going to help me out here? Give me one good reason why I should do something so obviously idiotic, please. *sob* MY SON BELIEVES IN SANTA CLAUS!!!

This Is Tech Support by ZMannZilla 8-20-10

This wireless Doodad 360 controller ain't working. Make it work, yo. Well, let's do some troubleshooting. First of all, read me the model number. NYKO-123. It says on the package that it's made for the Doodad 360. Yes, made "for" the Doodad 360 by another company. We can't give you tech support for a product we don't make. Yeah, well the ones you make are too expensive, I can only afford the knock-offs. Hell, maybe you should smarten up. Everyone else makes knock-offs, why don't you? ...did you just seriously ask me why our company doesn't make cheap, shitty counterfeit versions of our own products?

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

B.O.A.T.S. - She Thought It Worked Like A Sewing Machine by ZMannZilla 5-27-11

Welcome to Best Buy Geek Squad. I'm Zack and I'll be your geek. How can I geek you? I need a replacement foot pedal for my Apple IIe home computer. Eh?! Oh wait... you think the mouse is a foot pedal? Wow, I thought I'd seen some stupid old people before, but you take the- By learning to operate the mouse with my foot, I am free to keep both hands on the keyboard at all times. ...actually, that's kind of brilliant, ma'am. I humbly apologize. Pwn3d.

This is based on an actual tech support call I took back in 1996, while working at Computer City.  To date, this remains the only time I discovered a brilliant reason behind some of the stupid shit people try to do with their computer.

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

 

I'm about a half year into my IT position at a national general construction company. All I do is deal with Superintendents and Project managers all over America on XP machines that ran great 4 years ago. This series makes my seat warm and wet. Also, I laughed.

 

This Is Tech Support by ZMannZilla 7-30-10

This is tech support, can I help you? Yo, I got a really great idea for a Doodad 360 game, yo. You should totally make this. That's nice, but we don't take unsolicited ideas from the public. You should become a programmer if you want to design games. But it's a great idea, and I don't even want commission. Just hear me out, yo. We can't accept your idea, but if it will make you go away faster, then I'll listen to your brilliant idea. Go on. OK, so like, you know that game you make, "Jumpy The Chinchilla"? Well, it's just like that, except the main character is a blue guy with feet for ears.

This Is Tech Support by ZMannZilla 7-25-10

I saw a commershul fer Fratboy Football 2011 that says it came out fer th' Doodad 360, but I cain't find it on yer website. Kin I just buy it from you? Well, I just checked, and Fratboy Games didn't make a version of FF2011 for the Doodad 360. I'll be sure to forward your comments though. So what yer sayin' is, yer comp'ny ain't gonna stand behind its own TV advertisin'? I wanna know what yer gonna do ta make this right, boy! Huh? like I actually said, FF2011 is made by a completely different company, who also would have run any ads for the game. I can give you their phone number if you like. Oh, so NOW yer sayin' that you don't care about yer customers? That's a very peculiar hearing problem you have there, sir.

This Is Tech Support by ZMannZilla 10-15-10

Dag, yo! Why's your online store askin' me for a credit card?! Well, my first guess would be because you're trying to access content that isn't free. Why? Well, that's bullshit! You guys advertised a free trial for Stinkrat's Teryaki Challenge, so I should get it for free! Well, according to your IP address log, you've done the free trial nine times. You should know by now if you want to buy it. Why the hell would I pay money for Stinkrat's Teryaki Challenge? That game sucks! ...and yet, you're trying to play it a TENTH time?

This Is Tech Support by ZMannZilla 10-31-11

Look, we have been at this for ten minutes! Setting up internet on this Doodad 360 thing is just too complicated! It wouldn't be complicated if you didn't forget the passwords to your router, firewall, net nanny AND parental controls that you set up. God, why do you make these Doodad 360's so hard to use? This is supposed to be a kid's toy, but I have a master's degree and I can't even figure it out! Is your master's degree in the technology field? Um... no, it's in French Literature, why? Then let's try this: change your Doodad 360's default language to "17th Century French", and let's see if that makes your education relevant to this situation.

This Is Tech Support by ZMannZilla 10-26-11

OK, Im on my Doodad 360 login page, it says "Username" and "Password". What I'm sposed to do now, yo? Enter your username and password, and then select "Login". OK, so I should enter my username and password? *sigh* YES, please enter your username and password. You want me to enter my username AND password? No, I want you to hang up this phone and leap face-first into a vat of medical waste, but I will settle for you trusting that your username belongs in the space marked USERNAME.

 

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."