I have broken my 60+ contest losing streak a wee bit too late for my last CC idea to make sense: a holiday themed contest. But I'm doing it anyway.

The rules of this one are simple:

*Pick a holiday. The comic must be about the difference between what that holiday is supposed to mean, and how people celebrate it.

*Someone with mythical/religious/legendary connections to a holiday must star in the comic. Bonuses for being creative and not using Jesus.

Christmas Special by NeoVid 11-29-01

My birthday's on the 25th, and that sucks! I only get half as many presents, because everyone thinks I won't know the difference! Nobody remembers you when your birthday's on Christmas. Tell me about it.

That's all. Judging should be Thursday afternoon.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

CC99: Easter Treats! by KajunFirefly 2-09-02

hooray, it's Easter, a time when kids all get excited about me and make little cards with glitter in my image! what? WHAT THE FUCK? I came back from the fucking dead! Why do they worship you? I bring them a variety of chocolate egg-shaped treats! Huh? Do rabbits even lay eggs? I'm a bunny asshole, and no, we don't! DAAAAAADDD!!

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Dad was flammable

CC 99: Hogging the Glory by BigEvilDan 2-09-02

Hey Santa. Do you think the groundhog is going to see his shadow? Bah humbug! I don't see any reason to celebrate the end of winter. Winter is the greatest season of all. Come on Nick, you've got things all wrong. Groundhog Day isn't about the end of winter. It's really about... Oh look, here comes the groundhog. ...the end of holiday hibernation induced fatness. My God, he's blocking out the sun!

CC 99: Gift Giving by BigEvilDan 2-09-02

Dec. 24th, 11:58 PM What's wrong dear? Shouldn't you be out delivering gifts? I don't think I'm going to this year. My deliveries only detract from the real reason for the holiday. That's very thoughtful, dear. You did the right thing. I sure hope Jesus appreciates it. Dec. 25, 8:10 AM Where the #@%$@ are my presents?

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

CC99: Happy VD by lara7 2-09-02

One February 14th, 9pm I can't believe you forgot! What kind of boyfriend are you? Aw, honey, Valentine's Day is a Hallmark Holiday sham. We don't need a corporation telling us when to say "I love you", do we? You're just being cheap! Erica got candy AND a dozen roses from her boyfriend! But honey! I do have something romantic for you, even if I didn't get you flowers! Wait right here. Moments later... Greetings. Your boyfriend has sent me to serenade you. First, I will read you a love sonnet... That idiot! When I hinted that I wanted Cupid to visit me, this was not the bald and shirtless cherub I had in mind!

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When they invent BookFace, I'm -there-.

CC 99: A very jiggy holiday to you by djsparkydog 2-09-02

What's up my brothers and sisters I'm the Magical Kawanza Pimp, and this is my homey The Notorious St. Nick. Word em up you bitches I'm here to tell you about the True winter holiday... The one Whitey has been keeping down. That holiday is Kawanza Let those bitches know magic pimp You see, Jesus and gift giving, and menorahs, these are the tools The Man uses to keep us opressed. So put on your multi-colored tribal robes, light a candle and celebrate the blackest of holidays Because Martin Luther King Junior's birthday just isn't festive enough. You bitches.

CC 99: Ask Stripcreator "What IS the meaning of Christmas?" by djsparkydog 2-09-02

Something to do with Gravitons? Give sucky-sucky for free because Jesus was born? Using tinsel for hot bondage love because... ummm... Jesus was born?? Hi kids... I'm Saint Nick. Christmas isn't about love or Jesus. It's about being guilt-tripped into inadequecy by your friends until you buy them expensive shit they don't need. And that is the true spirit of christmas. That and running a slave labor camp in the frosty reaches of the north pole, exploiting elves and making the PHAT cash. Help me.....

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HAH! GORILLA, right there!

CC99: Halloween (formerly known as Samhain) by fpd 2-09-02

BOO! Run, mortal, run for your life. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Aaah! It's a ghost! I'm outta here! Hey pal, Samhain isn't about us scaring people. It's a time for them to remember and honor the dead Oh freaking hell! You're a real ghost! Let me out of here! What? You're not a ghost? ... What has happened to this holiday?

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Ack, I can't even hold a candle to these other comics! Gotta try harder.

P.S.- I thought Big Evil Dan's and djsparkdog's second comics were really good. :-)

CC 99: Celebrity Deathmatch by Devin 2-09-02

In today's Celebrity Deathmatch, we have Santa versus Jesus, fighting for the true meaning of Christmas! Christmas is about giving! How dare you distort its meaning? No it's not, it's about the birth of Christianity! I'll teach you to screw with my birthday! This promises to be a good fight-- wait a minute, somebody just laid the smack down on Jesus from behind! Who is this mysterious new challenger vying to define Chrismtas? I am Cor Parit, representing Gimme Toy Company. We are very interested in promoting you and your ideas. What do you say?

Yes, I agree, Dan seems to be channeling the spirits of the comic God's these days,

ah've goat the shits!

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Dad was flammable

CC 99: DOES IT GET ANY JIGGIER THAN THIS? by djsparkydog 2-09-02

Wazzup all my peeps... Magical Kawanza Pimp back again with a special holiday deal... Celebrate Kawanza this year and get a free underage asian hooker. five dolla sucky-sucky me love you long time And if THAT isn't good enough, we'll send you your very own jaded 50's beatnik poet. I hate you, I hate god, and this coffee is awful. And if that's not enough, we'll send a well hung steely robot to your house to sodomize you until you DO celebrate Kawanza... Bitches. TOBOR CORNHOLE IN NAME OF KAWANZA... YOU BITCHES!

I'm going to Kawanza hell for this... the Magic Pimp is going to beat me within an inch of my life with his Kawanza Spirit Louiville Slugger.

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HAH! GORILLA, right there!

Does April Fools Day count as a holiday? If not, can we make an exception for me? ^_^

CC 99: April Fools Day by Devin 2-09-02

Ha ha, April Fools! Quit that! In the 21st century, April Fools Day is obsolete. It originated around the 16th century when the Pope officially declared January 1st to be the new year instead of April 1st. Those who still celebrated the new year on April 1st were ridiculed and had jokes played on them. That was how April Fools Day got started. *sigh* Why do I bother...? What the hell are you talking about?

A bit out of the boundaries, but I like it.

Holidays are Here Again, Part 5 - The End by TheBlairZip 12-19-01

Deck the Halls with... ...aww, fuck it! Goddamn, Christmas sucks.

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If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have no luck at all. D'OH!

By the time you read this, it's probably too late.

Last Call! by kaufman 2-09-02

So ... what did you do today? The usual. Why? Was today anything special? FOOLS! YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN! IT'S KAUFMAN'S BIRTHDAY! GET OUT AND CELEBRATE IN PROPER FASHION! That's right, kids. Hold cats, tell puns, play games. You only have 45 minutes left, get cranking!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Happy Birthday, Ken.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Happy Birthday kaufman... I'd buy you a beer but I'm in New Mexico. Cheers.

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HAH! GORILLA, right there!

CC 99: Irish Drinking Song by kaufman 2-09-02

On the 17th of March / We used to get so drunk / We'd throw up in the parking lot / Stink worse than a skunk ... St. Patrick's Day was just an / Excuse to have green beer / Sobriety could not be found / Within miles of here! I had another Guinness / Then Right before my eyes / St. Pat appered in boxer shorts / Hearts girding his thighs He told us this was not how / To celebrate his day / "Remember it commemorates / How I drove the snakes away!" If you see one around here / Put your lips around its head / Then suck out all its venom / Till it falls limp and dead. My goodness I see a snake / Emerging from my pants / Now come on boys and kill it / And I'll do a happy dance.

Technically, this needs fuzzyman's photoshopping skills to complete the picture ...

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

VD just isn't special anymore by Spankling 2-09-02

wow-that-was-special. Now leave your 20 bucks on the table and get out. There's just one thing I need to tell you. I'm Cupid. You know, my saying I love you, or getting shot with an arrow *not* dipped in heroin is gonna cost you extra. Romance is dead. Where have I gone wrong?

VD just isn't special anymore II by Spankling 2-09-02

At the local. You look kinda down for a man with hearts on his grundies. What's yer problem ace? You wouldn't understand. Probably not - and what's more I'm sure I wont care. But try me anyway. Okay. I'm Cupid, see. And I just tried bringing love to that woman back there. That old tube-smoker? Did you try telling her you got 20 bucks? Maybe I should just stick an arrow up his ass and drop him in front of Andy’s maw.

VD just isn't special anymore III by Spankling 2-09-02

Same dump a few hours later. Nice shorts for February, stud. Can I buy you a beer? Alice? CUPID! I am sooo glad to see you again! Why? I've stuck you so many times your rump looks like a pin cushion. You have love tracks. And I'm going to roast you for it cherub! You're gonna look cute with an apple in your mouth. Is it Feb 15 already? Gotta fly. See you later.

VD just isn't special anymore IV by Spankling 2-09-02

Who's the guy in the oven? That's Cupid, bringer of love and delight. I'm having him for dinner. Care to join me? Why? Don't you like being romanced and swept off your feet? Do you call flowers and chocolate followed by a dry hump once a year romantic? Red or white wine? He's fairly well baisted in beer. Let's stick with that.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Along the same lines...

sigh... my humor is really dry tonight.

CC 99 - Chanukah by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 2-10-02

Happy Chanukah. Im TV's Matthew Perry from TV's "Friends" , and im here to sing to you about the true meaning of Chanukah. Hi. Im Adam Sandler , and im here to kick this fat retarded shitnik up and down the studio for ripping off my "Chanukah Song" idea. You know , i liked you better when you were an angst ridden 80's wedding singer. I like you better when youre a bleeding puddle of broken limbs on the floor. *ack*gurgle* And thats the true meaning of Chanukah kids. Were Jewish. Fuck everyone else!

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

CC 99: A very special Surly Xmas by Bazilla 2-10-02

HO HO HO! MEEEERY CHRISTMAS! Fuck off!

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

Feast Your Eyes by TheElPaso 2-10-02

I can't figure out what Thanksgiving is all about. I think it's about eating lots of food. But I've also been told that it's all about thanking the Indians. So I decided I'd combine the two ideas and eat lots of Indians.

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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic

CC 99: Surly Action Man by Bazilla 2-10-02

Oh boy, I hope Surly comes and gives me everything I want! Hey, what happened to me!? I give you everything you want, not Surly! Yeah, but you should see Surly, he has movable arms, and a voice box, which say his famous lines like "Fuck off!" and "You're a twat!" Get bent!

With all these comics I keep on thinking Christmas is coming, oh great now I've wet myself in antipation.

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

quote:

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how wrong you were. i was celebrating beyond belief

i was repeatedly beating kids in the head for liking andrew wk, i was drinking cheap student beer, i was giving out free "official loser" hugs, trying to blag a proper redneck cap for tomorrows photoshoot, getting wet and smelly, getting drowned in booze, living it up in a converted barn, drinking and smoking to excess before stumbling home about 4ish via the kebab van. hes such a nice guy

happy birthday kaufman, i hope you feel truely sorry for my liver

ive now also lost all depth perception

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Who knows what fear lurks in the hearts of men? MIKE BOBSICO KNOWS! And if you give him a decent tip when he delivers your mail , he might tell you.