First of all, I'd like to thank all of you for helping me to acheive my victory in the last contest and... HEY! Most of you were trying to make me lose by attempting to do better! Just for that, I'm gonna add an extra rule to make this thing even harder.

Anyways, as an introduction, once upon a time it was a dark and stormy night and... bugger this, we already know what happens by looking at the Comic Contest's title, so I'll spare you and me the time.

Here are the r00lzorz:

Uno: Brad has been kidnapped. (Duh.) The comic must follow the storylines accordingly, whether it follows the kidnapping, investigation, or how the SC server crashes the instant he's kidnapped and comes back immediately after Brad's mom pays the ransom, or any other part of the kidnapping.

Dos: It is up to you whether you do a single comic, several comixcks, or a bowl of serial. Anyone who enters the contest with no comics will be instantly disqualified.

Tres: Extra credit if you feature me in the presentation. (Use Tyler from kofightclub to represent me.)

However the fuck you're supposed to spell the Spanish word for four: As promised in the first paragraph, I need an extra challenge. As such, all panels in all comics that have two characters may not have a narration box. All other panels must have a piss-yellow rectangle of discription. May you wish to do physical bodily harm on me for this.

Cinco: You may only use Stripcreator.com-made comics. No photoshopped entries, Red Meat crap, or self-drawn comics. (Which incidentally will make it real hard for DexX to win.)

Seis: All entries must be in by either Friday at around the time this gets posted, or by December the 24th of 3036, whichever comes first.

That said, I'll leave you with these words of inspiration: When a man loves a Comic Contest, HE ENTERS THE FUCKING BITCH!

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"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." -- mrjass@mindless.com

Uh huh huh huh... you said "Enter the fucking bitch."

Actualy he says "Enters the fucking bitch." not that I'm one to be pendantic.

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

Actually, he said, in part, "ENTERS THE FUCKING BITCH!", not that I'm one to be non-pedantic.

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Get it right!

I also said pendantic, when I meant pedantic.

Hey Brad by Bazilla 6-03-02

Oh, yes let's spoil myself! 10 Twinkies! That'll be five dollah! You pay now! *muffle* Hey where are the lights? There they are, you go on now! Where is Brad? What has happened? Who (if anyone) will save him!? So.... I get paid when?

Don't make it Brad by Bazilla 6-03-02

Santa!? Well, you're eyesight's fine. Why have you kidnapped me!? Don't you know how bad it is!? To wear this blue shirt day in and day out, and you to get all the credit for YOUR blue shirt!

Take a Brad song by Bazilla 6-03-02

That's a weird motive if you don't mind saying. T'is true, but we all get a little wierd sometimes! MWHAHAHAHA! Meanwhile..... Geez Louise! Someone's kidnapped Brad! I can feel it. We've got to save him! Are you sure that's what you felt?

And make it Bradder! by Bazilla 6-03-02

Very soon you will learn a new kind of pain and suffering! You will be dropped, slowly, into a big tub, with boiling lard in it! MWHAHAHAHA! Lard! No offence, but couldn't you kill me with some more dignity. What do you suggest? Well, I know lard isn't the answer. Head cheif! It seems Brad doesn't regard lard to be violent enough, get some goop! But my master, we have tons of sulphuric acid, and it's near it's sell by date, I suggest we use that quickly.

Remember to let her into your Brad by Bazilla 6-04-02

So here's what we do, we find him, and then save him. Well you've thought this out well! What!? OK, we get this Transformer and throw it at your head! Owwwww! I make the rules! Accept it! Bitch! I think I've got a lump on my head!

[Click to view comic: 'Then you can start to Brad it better.']
[Click to view comic: 'Hey Brad, don't be afraid.']
[Click to view comic: 'Na na na na na na na na na na Hey Brad!']

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

cc122: Brad side of the law by ObiJo 6-04-02

Who would want to kidnap Brad? In the 80s, Brad made a deal with a group of dissident Manitoban Pork Salesmen. He was to provide the guns and they were to sell him honey ham at wholesale. Ah, but Brad didn't hold up his end so they kidnapped him! Brad held up his end just fine. They got their guns, he got his wholesale ham. Now fast forward 20 years and Brad gets kidnapped. And? And that's where we stand.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Rules clarification please: In Rule Cuatro, do props count as characters? Height props? Regardless, it's a moot issue for this one:

CC 122: Airstripcreator by kaufman 6-04-02

So the plan is to kidnap Brad. When we do so, what will we do with him? I've got an idea. There's a plane leaving for Hartford in a few hours. Let's put him in the big yellow overhead compartment. No one will find him there. Help! Help! Let me out of here! Can anybody hear me? Help! I've been kidnapped! Someone let me out! Help! Please! Anybody! Hello? Is anybody out there? Get me out of here! Thank goodness you rescued me. Rescue, schmescue. Didn't you see the Fasten Seat Belt sign go on? Please return to your seat right now.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

My humble entry:

CC 122: The Truth Behind Stripcreator by Scyess 6-04-02

Officer Donut, give me a report on crime in the area. Yes sir, Lt. Jass. At 0900 hours Brad, the guy who runs that comic web site, was kidnapped again. Anything else? Only one thing. Melba Lunchtoast, a 73-year-old widdow, reported her kitten is stuck in a tree. Put every man you've got on that kitten, Donut! Except for Johnson. Send him over to beat the Stripcreator server box with a tire-iron. Yes, sir. As usual.

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"Old" is the old new.

Mr Jass, are you the alter-ego of another regular?

Darn it, Andy, I thought you were the top authority on the identity of the Mysterians.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

My first competition:

Brad Kidnapping by discodawg 6-04-02

At approximately 8:32 PM on this not-so-bright and somewhat rainy and thundery night, Brad disappeared. Please send all rescue promises to "Brad, c/o His Kidnappers, P.O. Box #5." I'm going to find and rescue Brad faster than I can spell "cuatro"! You there! Officer Steriotypical-Irish-cop! What evidence have you found? We found a turnip, some used lipstick, and some wee little googly eyes. Those must be related in some way! Thanks. And another thing- why are we levitating?? I doon't knoo, lad. You should ask Brad when you faind him.

Mr_Jass and the Boozer by discodawg 6-04-02

And so, Mr_Jass set off on an epic quest to find and save our beloved Brad from his hideous captors and almost certain death. Hey look! I'm not levetating anymore! You there! What do you know about our beloved Brad and his hideous captor(s) and almost certain death? He was kidnapped. Aha! Another clue!

The clues, dammit, the clues! by discodawg 6-04-02

Suddenly, it dawned on him. Ah, the sun is rising. He put the clues together. Wait a minute... a radish, some lipstick, some googly eyes... I know who it is! Hmm hmm hmm... I love my Mr. Radish Head doll. Help me I've been kidnapped!

Oh Christmas Tree Oh Cristmas Tree by discodawg 6-04-02

I've found you and I won't let you get away with it! I already HAVE gotten away with it! Bwa hahahahaha! Then, suddenly, a giant Christmas tree fell on Brad's captor. My hero! *bats eyelashes* Er... uh...

CC 122: Kidnapped by boorite 6-04-02

Get in the car right now, motherfucker. Ha ha. Fuck off. You don't have a weapon. You don't even have pants. I have free beer and cable TV. Right, let's go.

CC 122: Kidnapped, part 2 by boorite 6-04-02

There seems to be some guy on our sofa boozing it up and watching Wrestlemania. That would be Brad. I kidnapped him! Well, put him back. We don't need any hostages right now. Aw, honey. you haven't even heard my plan! I thought you were supposed to be mowing the lawn. I got sidetracked.

CC 122: Kidnapped, part 3 by boorite 6-04-02

On your feet, Brad. My wife is giving you the old heave-ho. Are we out of beer? Not anywhere near. It's a no, then. Say, is that Hulk Hogan? I thought he was governor of Minnesota. Aren't you supposed to be mowing the lawn?

CC 122: Kidnapped, part 4 by boorite 6-04-02

Officer, I need to report a kidnapping. Where did you last see the victim? Last see him? He's lounging around my living room. He won't fucking leave. Victim's hair color?

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What others say about boorite!

It's All News To Me by TheElPaso 6-04-02

Joy, the newspaper... Fighting in the middle east continues, nobody still knows whether or not Osama's alive, Ashcroft debates nude statues, bla bla bla bla bla..... In local news, the debate of using a public funds for skating parks or public pools is over after three months of voting after someone turned out to vote, also taxes now at 86 percent... Sports... Tyson uses George Foreman grill to grill George Foreman, heterosexual male joins singles figure skating team, NFL player found guilty of not committing any crimes... Forecast predicts non-acidic rain tomorrow, Miss Manners advises not going to funerals nude, and a crossword puzzle that only Kenny Kaufman could have inspired... My horoscope says to beware of sudden world endings, Garfield does something to piss off John, still nobody offering a classified job for a "full-time professional slacker"... Hmm.... in section 335-ZZ, somebody kidnapped every Canadian.

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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic

To clarify the rules, for this contest any space which has either any art in it or has a dialogue box or thought box is considered to have a character in it. It must be completely blank for it to not have a character in it. With any luck, I have disqualified all previous comics by this.

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"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." -- mrjass@mindless.com

I read that comic to the tune of We didn't Start the Fire not even trying to.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

I read that comic to the tune of We didn't Start the Fire not even trying to.

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Somehow another piece of Billy Joel's catalogue jumps to mind here ...

It's All Daily News to me! by kaufman 6-05-02

Intentional disqualification What's the matter with the Jews and the Arabs, don't you know that the statue's nude? What's the fuss about us funding our parks, I'm taxed too much to buy more food! Everywhere there are boxers who're grilling. Skaters hitting on chicks, and tight ends not killing. We've got nude wakes, headaches, Fat cats, Labatts ... It's all Daily News to me.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Not mine. That's how I interpreted the rules. So if you disqualify me, I'll fucking kill you.

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What others say about boorite!

That phrase instills in me a kind of agony most of you will never understand. The rest of you know who you are.

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What others say about boorite!

*innocent whistle*

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

CC 122 - Small Crimes Part 1 by BigEvilDan 6-05-02

The server is getting full of crappy comics. Maybe I should delete some of them. Okay, I'll delete the ones written entirely in haxx0r... ones where more than half the words are misspelled... anything ending with the fire prop... What the hell? What happened to my 15-comic tribute to the size of my dick? That was a masterpiece!

CC 122 - Small Crimes Part 2 by BigEvilDan 6-05-02

The next morning... What the--? Where the hell am I? Oh my God, I think I've been kidnapped... That's right, Brad. ...literally.

CC 122 - Small Crimes Part 3 by BigEvilDan 6-05-02

Why the hell did you bring me here? You deleted all my comics, so I used my 1337 haXX0r skillz to find your address and kidnap you. No you didn't. You live across the street from me. You were the one in the Pokemon costume who egged my house last Halloween. I had to. Who the hell gives out pennies instead of candy?

CC 122 - Small Crimes Part 4 by BigEvilDan 6-05-02

So now what happens? You'll sit in that deep pit until you agree to put my comics back. And buy me some dirty magazines. No. The pit only goes up to my knees. You could have at least dug it out a bit more. My attention span is much too small for hole digging. Now get out of my way. It's time I talked with your mother. What did you say? I was thinking about those dirty magazines you were going to get me.

CC 122 - Small Crimes Part 5 by BigEvilDan 6-05-02

...so your son threw me in a hole and demanded that I put his inappropriate comics back up. Wait, you run a website? Yes, but-- Then this is all your fault. The Internet has been corrupting children for years with it's lies and mind-numbing radiation! Where did you get an idea like that? Off a website.

[Click to view comic: 'CC 122 - Small Crimes Part 6']

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

The Brad of Avon by kaufman 6-05-02

So the plan's set. We kidnap Brad, lock him up till he's brainwashed into speaking nothing but Elizabethan English, ... ... and force him to sell our quality beauty products door to door. Yes! This will be marvelous! You rang? Verily, m'lady. Wouldst thou purchace this conditioner of follicle, quite inexpensive -- less than a penny a molecule? Stripcreator falls apart; the comics seem to have been made by 100 monkeys sitting at keyboards. Tobor, or not Tobor, that is the question! Whether 'tis nobler to suffer the stings and assrape of outrageous robots ...

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

cc122: Comic Contests are fun as long as you don't win by ObiJo 6-06-02

So where we going? Who taught the donkey to talk?

I think I'll go do a series too since I'm the only one on the site at these hours.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

cc122: In the Hall of Great Justice by ObiJo 6-06-02

Why do you wake Tobor from stasis? Tobor dream of cute bunnies...err...ASSRAPE!!! TOBOR DREAM OF ASSRAPE!!! RAAyawnAAAR!!! Why *DID* you wake *ME* from stasis. *I WAS DREAMING* of...Ah, screw it. You're a lost cause. I made it, I made it! Now just act cool, brother, and pretend like you belong. Nice and cool. That's right. I made it, I made it! What are the explanation of this for? Easy with the gun there, Sanchez. You're probably all wondering why I called you here today. Well, Brad is in troub... wait a minute, what the hell is the Sodomizer 5000 doing here? He's not a Super Character!

cc122: In the Hall of Great Justice 2 by ObiJo 6-06-02

I am too a Super Character! What is your Super Character power? I am a robot built solely to ass rape fleshlings. Have one. I majored in Interpretive Dance. You too!

cc122: In the Hall of Great Justice 3 by ObiJo 6-06-02

WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! Too linear! Too whorishly linear! Can you even FEEL David's music? Can you even FEEL David inside you? Feel David inside me? And feel yourself in him! Feel myself in David? Do those two things and I just might have room for you.

cc122: In the Hall of 4 Great Justice by ObiJo 6-06-02

If us each took a turn poking you in the belly, what would you say? *WE* IF US MANRAPE YOU WHAT WOULD YOU SAY!!!!!!! *WE* Mine turn is it! Mine turn is it! Sorry for the del...stop picking on the doctor, people. And for the love of god, don't give Asian Girl a turn. We're still dipping into petty cash to pay the ER bill from last time.

cc122: In the Hall of Great Justice 5 by ObiJo 6-06-02

I'm sorry, there's no one by that name at this address. You must have the wrong house. Let me get him for you.

[Click to view comic: 'cc122: In the Hall of Great Justice 6']
[Click to view comic: 'cc122: In the Hall of Great Justice 7']
[Click to view comic: 'cc122: In the Hall of Great Justice 8']
[Click to view comic: 'cc122: In the Hall of Great Justice 9']
[Click to view comic: 'cc122: In the Hall of Great Justice 10']
[Click to view comic: 'cc122: In the Hall of Great Justice 11']

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.