CC147: Media Reports Touch Raw Nerves in Investigation by kelly_midnight 10-10-02

Hey Stripcreators. First off, I'd like to thank BeNN_MAkk for an innovative and well-run contest. Are you all ready for the rules?.... First, use one character from the "forumuser" set. Next, use only the left hand character position and the "background" background. You will write a single comic based on a headline from today. The actual headline will go in the "title" field. You may use any real news source you'd like. I will accept multiple entries, but each joke must occur in one strip. Sunday, 23:00 EDT is when I will start to judge. Have fun!

What? Today 10/10 or today the day you write the strip?

And only the ONE background background you show? There are a few.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

I'd like to kick things off with a little blatant disregard for the rules, judging that it's more important to follow my muse. Don't worry, I don't expect to win or anything.

Rhetoric Muted to Gain Votes (Washington Post headline) by evil_d 10-10-02

This is about the only thing he could possibly have done to improve my opinion of him.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Study Sees Cancer Survival in a More Optimistic Light by kaufman 10-10-02

A recently conducted survey of people aged 15-45 suggests that their opinion of cancer is much more optimistic than previously reported. When faced with the specter of breast cancer, the test subjects unanimously approached the subject more with humor than with fear. It should be noted that in recent months, this same group has similarly reacted when faced with pirates, dadaism, parties in Austria, Burma Shave signs, ...

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CCC147: Terror 'Chatter' On Rise (CNN.com, oct 10) by bonwag 10-10-02

A/S/L, BRB, ROFL This has to be terrorising someone.

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exit, pursued by a bear

The title of my previous entry, by the way, was from nytimes.com, as listed on news.google.com

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 147 : Dow Ends Up 248; Nasdaq Rises 49 (AP, Oct 10) by bonwag 10-10-02

Stocks rallied Thursday, boosted by encouraging news on jobless claims and upbeat outlooks from Yahoo! and Aetna. The Dow Jones industrials climbed 248 points a day after dropping to a five-year low. I'm wearing new shoes! Incoherent thought? Call the 'dada helpline' today; 1_800_BAN_DADA

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exit, pursued by a bear

Not even close to rules compliant. I need a different headline.

Bathtub Suicide Cult Chief Released by Spankling 10-10-02

Nice Tie! You beat up a clown for it? Nice head. You find it in a dock-side garbage can? You are one insensitive lout, you know that? Fine Mr. Compassionate Shark Head. Will stuffing this new tie my grandmother gave me up my ass make you_feel_any_better?

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Old Age, Illness Up Urination Frequency at Night by Spankling 10-10-02

S... T... X... U... NO! V!... WRONG!!! Next line, please. uh... O? or maybe D? NOT EVEN CLOSE!!! Now do you believe that it makes you go blind? Maybe I'm far sighted! Maybe I should stand back from the wall.

http://reuters.com/news_article.jhtml?type=healthnews&StoryID=1562135

OH! Left hand POSITION! Not character. Fuck it. I'm going to bed.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Invasive D.C. Police Searches Alleged

Seemingly tailor-made for this contest. The only problem is that I can't imagine writing a comic that would be funnier or more stupid than the events described in the article itself.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

The latest from CNET news:

Hollywood Chases Down Campus Pirates by Namgubed 10-10-02

There goes one of them! Catch him, Madonna! I'm running as fast as I can in these heels, Christine Ag-- Agwhatever. Dive at his heels, Brittney! Are you crazy? I might, like, pop an implant or something!

Ahrr, ye'll never catch me, ye scurvy wenches!

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

from The Economist (Unfortunately, the entire headline wouldn't fit in the title bar.)

CC 147: Talking like Mugabe by Scyess 10-11-02

Talking like Mugabe: But Namibia's Sam Nujoma is not as Reckless as He Sounds Nambian President Sam Nujoma, citing that Nambians are angry at the high percentage of white-controlled farms... SNORE! Talking like Mugabe: But Namibia's Sam Nujoma is not as Reckless as He Sounds Wake up, you ignorant asses! This is the world we live in, and you should learn about it. But it's BORING! We don't even know what a Nambia is! As the American public, we demand news we care about, not that crap you're saying. NEWS FLASH: Singer Belafonte Likens Powell to 'House Slave' *sigh* In other news, an ex-singer and bad actor made critical and vaguely racist comments about Colin Powell today. Now THAT's news we can use!

from The Wall Street Journal[/i]

CC:GM Offers New Payment Plans Amid Signs of Slowed US Sales by Scyess 10-11-02

Okay, we'll give you 0% financing, plus we'll have our Shaft look-alike, Maurice, give you head in the backseat once a week. Uh... that won't really be necessary... Well, our other plan involves 7% monthly interest and a we keep Maurice away from you. Don't buy the car and we can't be too sure. Yes, yes, I'll take the car at 7%! Wow, what a deal. Slow sales they say? Customer incentives, says I.

CC 147:Fur Flies in Critter Crowd Over Fate of Feral Felines by Scyess 10-11-02

...in other news, ... Fur Flies in Critter Crowd... Um, you don't really expect me to read this atrocious headline, do you? Gee, I'm sorry... your job application seems to say "reporter," not "writer." Now read the fucking line. I guess I really shouldn't have expected more than this for majoring in journalism. And hold the cat higher -- let's get this right in the next take before the acid wears off.

CC 147: Jury Awards $2.2 Billion To Victim of Diluted Drugs by Scyess 10-11-02

And I would like to thank each and every ones of you for helpin' to keep da heroin pure for not just me but other tax-payin', law-abidin'... *CLUNK* No, no! I'm okay! But I would like to thank each and every ones of you for helpin'... Baliff, give this man his $2.2 bil and kick his ass out of my court.

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"Old" is the old new.

w/o Warning - Senate passes war resolution (CNN.com) by Mack_J 10-11-02

I think I drank to much at Ted Kennedy's bash... I really need this... ahh.... Dum de dum de dume de... AHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!! What the hell was that?!?!

w/o Warning - Dozens missing in Chechnya blast (CNN.com) by Mack_J 10-11-02

Hey guys! I'm back from the store, I bought more beer... Guys? Where'd everyone go?

w/o Warning - Moussaoui gag order request denied (CNN.com) by Mack_J 10-11-02

Rubber chicken? No. Joy-buzzer? No. Fine... Take your fake poop with you too...

[u]I realize this doesn't fit the parameters of the contest, but...[/u]

w/o Warning - Storm watches posted as Kyle advances(CNN.com) by Mack_J 10-11-02

Storm Watch Storm Watch Storm Watch

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The dreams that stuff is made of.

CC 147: Police shoot dead bank robber (news.com.au, oct 10) by bonwag 10-11-02

I'm bored and hungry. It's been two hours, already. When is forensics going to get here? (yawn) I suppose we better fire a few more rounds into him, just to be sure.

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exit, pursued by a bear

quote:

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Invasive D.C. Police Searches Alleged

Seemingly tailor-made for this contest. The only problem is that I can't imagine writing a comic that would be funnier or more stupid than the events described in the article itself.

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Fear Comes to Pr. William (Wash. Post, Oct. 11) by kaufman 10-11-02

What if the people who killed my mother come after me? What if I start to look like my father, and all the polo ponies he's ridden accidentally take out their revenge on me? What if Grandmum decrees that I should be beheaded? I'm scared.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Police Intensify Hunt for Sniper by vichyssoisegirl 10-11-02

Guys! Hey, guys? I'm ready. I got my bag and everything. Just flush them out my way. Snipes look like what again?

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Bitchy Sauce Girl?

But I thought you said we may use "any real news source."

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What others say about boorite!

CC 147: BUSH GRANTED POWER TO STRIKE IRAQ by Devin 10-11-02

What do we want? Hussein to step down!!! When do we want it? Now!!! Hussein step down! Hussein step down! Hussein step down! Hussein step down!

CC 147: BUSH GIVEN AUTHORITY TO ATTACK by Devin 10-11-02

Mr. President, we have decided that you may attack Iraq. Hot diggity dang! Thanks, guys, this is gonna be great! It'll be like Metal Gear Solid, I'll be in there, snapping necks, bombing stuff, sneaking my way to ol' Saddam himself, and then, POW! Um, with all due respect, Mr. President, that wouldn't be prudent. You could get kill-- on second thought, good luck, sir! Show them what we Americans are made of!

...Er, sorry about the caps in the titles. For some weird reason I thought everyone else was doing it. :-(

I didn't see any rules that said we had to be rules-compliant. So I ripped off Devin's headline...

CC 147: Bush Given Authority to Attack by not_Scyess 10-11-02

Okay... KILL!!! RAAARR!!!

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

Damn. You beat me to it.

I'm itchin' for a good old-fashioned rule-breaking contest winner. And only partly because it's my only chance of winning.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,362637,00.html
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,361747,00.html

The dates on the articles are a few days old, but the headlines are still hanging around on the website today.

CC147: Five Things We Know About the D.C.-Area Sniper (Time) by evil_d 10-11-02

He's a single white male, in his 30s, enjoys walks on the beach and dinners by candlelight, good with kids, looking for fun, maybe a relationship. What? So I answered a personal ad.

CC147: Maryland Manhunt: What the Bullets Say (Time) by evil_d 10-11-02

"Help! I can't turn around! Someone tell me where the brakes are! Uh-oh! Hey, buddy! Get out of the way! Hurry up!"

I'm going to the movies tonight. Wish me luck.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

CC147: Death sentence for Japan gas maker by TheElPaso 10-11-02

It's getting to where you can't eat baked beans anymore.

And I'm just getting warmed up!

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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic

The Washington Sniper by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 10-11-02

Ill just fill up my gas tank, grab a snickers , and head back onto I-95 *BANG* *Urgh* JUST DRIVE THE FUCKING VAN. I BAGGED ANOTHER ONE! WOOHOO , IM GONNA BE BIGGER THAN BUNDY! *thud*