I'd like to make this thread a showcase for all our comics that contain the most obscure and/or groan-inducing puns. This I do in honor of Kaufman, the clown-prince of punmanship.

So, here's the first one to get the ball rolling:

For Kaufman. by ArtemisStrong 2-20-03

I just ate the school bully, and now I can't breathe! What's wrong with me?! You fool! Did you forget? You're Asmatic!

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

Since the topic came up:

CC 167: I dedicate this to kaufman by Devin 1-26-03

A butthead telling the truth My anus is bleeding!

NeoVid says that this isn't really a pun. Comments?

I agree. For one, it doesn't fit this definition.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Okay, this one is definitely a pun:

CC 171: The old joke (38) by Devin 2-21-03

You should really think about settling down. What about that nice girl, Megan? Which country does she come from? And what does she do? She's from Ireland and she's a foreman at Wal-Mart. I'm sorry, son. She's a what what? I said, she's an Irish fore-- Wait a minute...

This is a pun:

Fourth and Long, Time to Pun by Bargaintuan 2-20-03

I heard the steak here is pretty good! I'll have the serloin, well done. OK, sir. It'll be ready in a few minutes. A few minutes later... Are you sure this steak is well done? That's what the chef said. What's wrong with it? My Angus is bleeding.

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

This is the biggest pun I ever did in a srtip. Deliberatley.

Boom Boom! Geddit? by jes_lawson 1-30-03

Hey you, you byatch pigfucker! Know what I'm gonna do? Fuck your grandad! Hell yeah! Then I'm gonna rape your sister and jizz in your girlfriend's ass! Then I'll shit in a bag and make her eat it! Damn! Hoi! You can't talk to me like that you car seat humping lump of ordance! Hell yeah, I just did, Grandad! I'm a dirty bomb!

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

My only real pun I can think of offhand is the Cranus series, but I'm not going to post it because it's shit.

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Support your local undertaker - drop dead!

)0,(

I found a jacket laying on the ground today. There was a pig and a jewish religous leader standing nearby, and I knew it MUST be one of theirs. Well? Which was it -- a coat of ham or rabbi?

by ArtemisStrong, 11-11-09

(0,0)

It was so sad to see those two argue so passionately over who is worse: Al Roker or Al Michaels... Yes. It's always tough to witness a battle of Al jeers.

by ArtemisStrong, 11-11-09

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

This is the only pun I remember making.  I may have to re-read my comics to see if there are more or not.

Puns Are Not Funny; But I Made This Comic For The Pun Of It by Ogyaf 7-11-04

Oggy, what are you doing outside of a barn? You know, VeiNZ, that's a good question... Well? "Well" what? Well, what are you doing outside of a barn? Somebody said they hope I "buy the farm." So I took their advice.

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[i]You're born alone -- You die alone -- But still we live on.[br] Yesterday is a memory -- Tomorrow is a vision -- But today... It's a bitch[/i] Zug Izland - "Life"

The Clown Brothers in "The Only Pun I Ever Made Up" by biped 11-14-09

I went to the circus yesterday. Oh? How was it? It was in tents. Goodnight, everybody! Please drive safely.

The Punfather by biped 11-14-09

That was the worst pun I ever heard, Gummo. Haven't I always written good material for you? Written MY material for ME? I'm your older brother, Groucho! And I was PASSED OVER! That's the way Mom wanted it, Gummo. WELL IT AIN'T THE WAY I WANTED IT! I'm funny--not unfunny like everybody thinks! I'm FUNNY and I want LAUGHS!!! You're nothing to me now, Gummo. Not a straight man... not a comedy foil. I don't want to see your act or hear your jokes. Well, I guess this Marx the end of my comedy career.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Just know that I've got a whole bag of puns with your name on it!  Here's five of the latest:

The Night Has Zesty Italian by Namgubed 10-11-09

Meanwhile, at the optometrist ... Our computer just finished the analysis of your ... unique vision corrective solution. Great. So, what have you got for me? Unfortunately, each part of your multi-faceted eyes requires a different magnification strength, and we don't have any thousand-eye lens. That's OK, Doc ... I prefer Ranch.

CC 435: I Love My Work by Namgubed 10-07-09

Captain Jirk, this is Commander Spook - have you been able to negotiate with the Curvaceous Feline Nymphos of Babealicious Two? Over. This is Captain Jirk - negotiations were long and hard, especially since they began with a traditional imbibing of the Champagne Gallon Toast. Over. I hope, Captain, that this "tradition" did not have a negative effect on your diplomatic skills. Over. Fortunately, Spook, the negotiations concluded successfully in the morning when they discovered I was well hung ... Over. Planetary Federation, here we come!

Covered in Debt by Namgubed 9-27-09

In entertainment news, actor Leonard Nimoy has admitted to using William Shatner's hairpiece as a horrific space alien ... ... in the mildly successful Star Trek movie. Our own Chip Beef has an exclusive interview. Chip? Mr. Nimoy, can you explain why you didn't use a spectacularly expensive special effect as the alien? The studio didn't want to spend that much, and quite frankly, I've got Bill's toupee.

Zen Riddle Master by Namgubed 7-11-09

Riddle me, O great Zen Riddle Master! Then here is your riddle: Six women have one; doesn't it sound like a tantalizing conundrum? Ha! Boobies!

Ich bin Salzburger by Namgubed 5-29-09

Hey, check out this souvenir my uncle sent me from the famous salt mines in Austria! That looks cool! Let me plug in my laptop and get a close-up with the web cam! Sure, here you go ... but watch out, that cord looks pretty chewed up, man. Don't worry, I've done this a thous - AAAIIIEEE!!! W-what just happened? You've been charged with a salt and battery.

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Yes... YESSS!!!  GOOD, GOOD!!!!

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.