My best friend's mother's sister's neighbor's cousin's aunt saw wirthling pass out at 31 Flavors last night! I guess it's pretty serious.

And since he might not live through the night, we will immortalize him in comedy.

The rules for this one are pretty loose, like wirthling's sister. All you need to do is use DexX's scientist as a doctor (at least once). The comic has to have something to do with wirthling being sick, going to the doctor, dying a horrible death, etc. Use the doctor once, everything else is fair game.

That's it.

Judging will be at 2200 hours, Tuesday the 10th.

Doctor, What is It? by gabe_billings 7-06-01

So Doctor, give it to me straight. What've I got? You've got strep throat. Wow. That's it? I thought it was worse. Oh... and both your kidneys seem to be missing. And your heart seems to have... hmmm.. what's the word? Oh yes, stopped. Uh... what medical school did you say you went to? I can't recall.... What's the one where you have to draw the picture of the turtle to get in?

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

CC42: Wirthling is dead long live Billy Dee Williams!!!!! by crabby 7-06-01

Well it looks like he's dead. Show me to the next patient. ....... Where am I the last thing I remember was passing out at 31 flavors, that was right after I boinkedbest friend's mother's sister's neighbor's cousin's aunt. How did I die??? Tainted cooch!!!! I will now take you to meet your maker??? HAHAHA I am the lord!!!!! Hmmm..... I always thought you would look more like Billy Dee Williams!!!! Do you at least enjoy the smooth taste of Colt 45?????

I have used the scientist several times, to represent myself, Dr. Light. Don't steal me!

Well, here it is anyway:

Damn Vending Machines... by Dr._Light 7-06-01

I have some horrible, earthshattering news. The vending machine in the hallway stole my money. Oh yeah, and you're going to die.

Sorry Dr. Light but the scientist is already DrPedantic he's got years on you. I briefly led a campaign to use a squirrel to represent DrPedantic but it didn't work out. Maybe our combined might could turn DrPedantic into a squirrel and then you can be the scientist???? Yes, thats it, it's just crazy enough to work!!!!!!! Lets make it happen brother!!!!!

Dr. Light stakes his claim!!!! by crabby 7-06-01

I Dr. Light have claimed the scientist character for myself!!!! Put that in your pipe and smoke it DrPedantic!!!! Curses!!!!!!!!!! But I was the scientist way before you were even around!!!!! Jesus said that I Dr. Light shall now be the scientist!!!! Go ask him yourself. AND SO.... Yes my child, that damn dirty make a wish foundation gave Wirthling his last wish which was you remain as a squirrel for the rest of eternity!!!!! Get it right!!!!

Wirthing Gets Ridden into the Sunset by Spankling 7-07-01

As you can see from these X-rays, Miss... I mean Mr. Wirthling, you have begun what we call a spontanious gender transformation. Is it fatal doc? That all depends, little lady. How hard would it be for you to give up being ass-bumped by pink donkeys. You see, that is the cause. Curses! If only I could have given up butt-snorkling gabe instead! But I can't turn my back on my donkey love! Oh, it appears that turning your back on that donkey is all you really care to do. I'm afraid he will ride you into the ground within the next week. Sorry. But what a way to go!!! Saddle me up!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Yeehah!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Are we limited to one entry?

Nah... enter as often as you like.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Dammit, "enter as often as you like" was going to be my punchline!

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Dr. Light - The Nice Guy by Dr._Light 7-07-01

I've got some good news and some bad news. What's the bad news? You're going to die. Uhhhh....what's the good news? I don't like you, so for me this is a good thing.

SON OF A BITCH I wrote aadmit instead of admit oh well.

CC42: A day in the life of wirthling by crabby 7-07-01

So thats it huh doc I'm gonna die and theres nothing I can do about??? I know it's hard little camper. According to these X-Rays your clothes just got to clean at WASH AND WASH MILLENIUM WASH and your dirt filled body rejected them. Damn that WASH AND WASH MILLENIUM WASH but you have to aadmit there prices can't be beat!!!!! I just hope they have WASH AND WASH MILLENIUM WASHES in the after life!!!! Why if I knew the answer to that I'd kill myself right now!!!!! According to this map the WASH AND WASH MILLENIUM WASH should be right here. WELCOME TO HELLS WASH AND WASH MILLENIUM WASH!!!!! GIVE ME YOUR CLOTHES AND SHUT THE HELL UP!!! YOU GOTTA DRY THEM ON YOUR OWN WE ONLY WASH HERE!!!!!

I apologize for this one:

CC42: One of my worst ever!!!!! by crabby 7-07-01

well wirthling is dead!!!! How sad, but at least he'll be reincarnated as whatever he wants!!!!! Oh NO I'm a donkey!!!!! I've been screwed by being turned into the thing I most love screwing!!!! Hey look heres a donkey to screw!!!!!! Please be gentle. No can do!!!! I'm into hard-core donkey sodomy!!!!

http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?ID=25443

CC42 - This is why you have to get immunized when you travel by evil_d 7-07-01

Feel free to ask me if you have any questions about your medical report, Mr. Wirthling. Hell, Doc, I can't understand a word of this. Just give it to me in plain English. Well, in addition to every STD I've ever heard of, you're also carrying malaria, diphtheria, cholera, and possibly rabies. And lung cancer. I can't believe you're still standing. Yeah, well, you should see the other guy! We're talking about diseases you've contracted, you nitwit, not a fistfight. There is no "other guy". Ah, but there was... a charming little elderly vagrant from the streets of Calcutta....

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

I have no idea why I did the punchline I did. But since I never know why I do anything, it works for me.

CC 42: Wirthling must die, probably by NeoVid 7-08-01

Well, Mr wirthling, the tests show that there's no discernable reason for your illness... You mean I'm dying and you don't know why!?! That's correct. Your insurance won't cover your treatments, since they say it's an "act of God." So how long do I have to live? 27 seconds later... ...Why did you kill ME instead of him?? I don't know! I thought it'd be funny, OK? Jeez...

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

CC 42: A Tragedy in Three Acts by kaufman 7-08-01

One beautiful spring day ... Oh wirthling, you lucky devil, she's sure a cutie! Ten weeks later ... Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me! It hurts when I pee. So don't pee! And not too long afterwards ... What do you mean I have to pick up wirthling? He isn't due for decades! It's all here -- no mistake. He's got bloating, internal toxicity, infection where he tied the knot ... take him in!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 42: Wirthwaiting for? by kaufman 7-08-01

Doc, I need to know. Tell me what I've got. I'm afraid it's very, very bad, there's a respiratory malignancy. Oh my god! How long have I got? Probably a couple hellish days. The pain will be mighter than these words. This is so sad, I can't see through my tears. Could you please read the gravestone for me? Here wirthling is wirthlying, betrayed by his wirthlung.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 42: Laundry's Journey into Night by kaufman 7-09-01

Tinking about sex iss qvite healthy, but vhen obsessed all der time about sex mit children, animals, lamps, ... dat is sign of der dirty mind, must get it cleaned oop! We will return with the Dr. Ruth show after these messages. I think I have a dirty mind. The doctor says I need it cleaned up. WELL YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE! HERE AT THE WASH & WASH, OUR JOB IS TO WASH, WASH, WASH! JUMP RIGHT INTO THAT BIG MAYTAG... Uh, don't you think you put in a bit too much bleach. NONSENSE! DID YOU SEE THE FILTH ON HIM? HE WAS EVEN LUSTING AFTER ME!!! HERE AT THE WASH & WASH, WE'LL WASH HIM CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN!!!!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 42: That's one way to score Vicodin by boorite 7-09-01

For fuck's sake, Wirthling, it's just an ear infection. * moan *

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What others say about boorite!

CC 42: that 31-derful feeling by boorite 7-09-01

What's this all about, Doc? Wirthling took so much Vicodin, he went face-down in his Chunky Monkey. Oh no! Not his Chunky Monkey! Wait, are we talking about ice cream here? I doubt it.

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What others say about boorite!

HAHA!

Actually, I'm not very fond of the vicodin. It numbs the pain, but it also makes me dizzy and a bit nauseous, and not in a good way. I don't understand why some people take this stuff recreationally. I'm going back to Advil.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

CC42: Wirthling! Wirthling! Go into the light, Wirthling! by boorite 7-09-01

Doc? DOC? DOC!!! Can't you hear me? What's going on? There's nothing we can do, Nurse. He's... * sniff * ... he's gone. Oh my God! That must be me on the table! I'm-- I'm dead! I can feel myself floating up, up... HAHAHAAAA! That's just a dummy with a sheet over it. Had you going, didn't we, sucker? Whew! So I'm going to be alright? Oh, no. This was a practice run.

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What others say about boorite!

CC 42: Whodunit? by kaufman 7-09-01

My name is Carl Mustard. I sold wirthling some tainted crack. I'm Priscilla Plum. He KNEW I never practiced safe sex. MY DESIGNATION IS SCARLET ROBOT. I CAUSED MAJOR LESIONS IN HIS RECTAL TISSUES. I am Geisha Green. I prepared him bad blowfish. General Peacock here. Nothing like some good old bayonet practice. Know what I mean? I'm Dr. White. Dead men don't sue for malpractice.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com