All comics by callie_chan

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by callie_chan
12-09-02
Calli goes to ACen--against the better judgement of numerous people, herself included.
I have nothing to be worried about.
Statistically, the chances of any of the people I'm meeting from the 'Net being any more psycho than they've let on are practically nil.
........well, shit.
Hi.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Calli meets up with a 'Net buddy at ACen.
Let's see...taking my life's allotment of luck into account, you'd be Del-me, my 'Net romantic interest.
Life's rough all over, isn't it?
.......
Once you're through violating my various orifices, do explain to me how it's possible for a disembodied tentacle to talk.
This is hentai. We don't need no stinking physics here.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Calli is saved by deux ex machina from the tentacle monster & continues cruising ACen.
Well, my first encounter with a 'Net friend, & he turned out to be a tentacle monster. That was suitably surreal.
I suppose the up side to this is that after the tentacles, any other people I meet here should seem semi-normal in comparison. God willing.
.......See, this is why I'm not religious.
Dear sweet Jesus.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Calli encounters more 'Net friends at ACen.
Let me guess. You'd be Kieki, wouldn't you?
Yep.
Yep.
That'd make you Calli, right?
......this is just too goddamn surreal.
Yep.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
The fateful meeting of Calli & Kieki has finally taken place.
So apparently, we really -are- the same person, aren't we?
Emo Boy was right for a change. Interesting.
So...now that the two halves of the Amber Collective have met...where's the earth-shattering, apocalyptic reaction that's supposed to be taking place?
I dunno. I'm starting to feel gipped.
Emo Boy's here at the con, right? I say we go beat some answers out of him.
...wow, we really ARE a hive mind. I call dibs on the dangly bits!

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Calli & Kieki are disappointed that they haven't merged to become an omnipotent god of destruction yet.
So that's it, then. No chemical reaction, no cataclysmic explosions, no nothing. The tentacle was less violating.
Yeah, I was kinda hoping for something more flashy--wait a sec. Tentacle?
........?!!
The fuck?!!--
You know, that can't be good.
........now THIS is more like it.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Calli & Kieki have merged into something evil. Something angry. Something that doesn't quite lend itself to description. But it's something that enjoys spontaneous human combustion.
Your ass bleeds with our hatred!
Actually, no, that's from the tentacle.
.....well, shit, just ruin the moment, why don't you?
Sorry.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
The Amber Demon rampages through ACen.
Ass cancer upon you all!
Damn, that's gonna leave a mark.
.....dear fuck, look at this one.
Hey, nice costume. What've you got on under it?
You know, immolation's too good for you. We're going to have to think about this.
Sweet.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
The Amber Demon ponders how to best destroy the Stereotypical Anime Fr33k.
We don't suppose you could stalk someone else for a little while. We're musing on the method of your demise here.
Sorry, I'm a one-woman kind of guy.
As that's probably more than you can manage anyway, we're not surprised. But we think you should know that we are actually two women. Or reasonable facsimiles thereof, anyway.
Hey, kinky.
You know, it may be too good for him, but in retrospect it works just fine for us.
Damn, that stung.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Calli, having unfused with Kieki & returned from ACen(or possibly having simply grown tired of the storyline), returns home.
About damned time, too. If I see any more tentacles or anime chick's tits, I'm going to fucking scream.
Hey, Calli, how do you spell 'hentai'?
............looking up anime tentacle pr0n, I assume. Such -would- be my luck.
Life's rough all over.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Calli finds Android searching the web for anime pr0n.
Someday you have to explain to me how it is you get unlimited 'Net time to look up pr0n, while I'm stuck with a time limit for just chatting with friends.
Mad leet skillz. Besides, don't even bother acting all innocent with me, you're as sick as I am. So c'mon, give me some pr0n sites to go to!
I assume sluts.com has already seen a few hits from you. But if you want something new, try del-me.com. I believe he's updated since he went to ACen.
See? You're not so innocent. Thanks.
Today Android learns that pr0n isn't quite as arousing when one's sister is involved.
Trust me, the pleasure is -all- mine.
OH MY GOD!!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
President Bush ponders over the troubles in Afghanistan.
Technically, war benefits no one at this point in time.
Even if it weren't a senseless waste of life, it would appear to be an abuse of US power to attack Afghanistan, as well as a violation of several treaties.
The author of this strip wishes to note she has no knowledge of current events, so this strip is mostly based on speculation. But it was damn fun to write.
But that again, I've got that kickin' new tank I've just gotta try out.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
A different ACen scenario.
I have nothing to be worried about.
Statistically, the chances of any of my friends from the 'Net being any more psycho than they've let on are practically nil.
....d00d, marry me.
Hi. I brought you a present. It's a butcher knife. Want to go kill some people?

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Look, just because -you're- bored doesn't mean -I- have to be.
Since I'm you, yes it does.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Calli talks to herself. Sort of.
So here I am, standing around doing nothing as I talk to my real-world representation.
I could always just set fire to you or something if you're that bored.
Nah, I'm fine. I've been wondering, though--why is it I don't have glasses?
Because I couldn't find any good character pictures with glasses, what did you think?
No, really, no running gag here.
Alright, that I can live with. But in case you haven't noticed, your comic representation is wearing a PINK SHIRT. I cannot tell you in mere words how unhappy I am with this.
Life's rough all over.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Calli continues her conversation with herself. Or, as she prefers to be known, Herself.
Since I'm your comic representation, I'm not bound by any sort of physical laws or anything, correct?
In theory, yes.
In that case, lemme go check something.
Knock yourself out, I guess.
But...could you do me a favor & bring the tentacle back? And maybe throw in some oil?
.........either I'm as sick as Kieki says I am, or you're just trying to freak me out now.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Calli is arguing with Herself.
Seriously, Me, we haven't gotten laid in what, eighteen years? I don't think a tentacle & a few pints of oil is so much to ask.
You can't honestly tell me you want to ruin our idiom by going all hentai on me now.
Why not? I'm your comic representation, so our idiom will remain intact. After all, it's not -you- who's getting any.
......wait a sec. I think I just realized the problem.
Hey, if -I'm- not getting any, then by God you're gonna suffer with me.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Calli & Herself ponder celibacy & idioms.
So you're not getting any. And since -you're- not getting any, you won't allow -me- to get laid either.
Right.
And we've spent the last fifteen minutes arguing with ourselves, or in your case making these pointless comics.
Right again.
...You know, -this- is a perfect example of why you're not getting any.
Who asked you?

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Yo, Calli!
*sigh* What, Android?
What does--hell, I can't pronounce it--Y. A. O. I. mean?
It's Japanese for hot sweaty lesbian sex.
Oh, okay. *click* DEAR SWEET JESUS!
A person with a soul might be feeling a little guilty right now.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Problem: Little brother is an anime pr0n phr33k. The squicking must be stopped.
Fuck, Android, at least clear all the links screaming about LESBIAN SLUT GIRRLZ off the back browser!
Solution: Kill his sex drive.
But I've tried that. I tried gay smut, old people pr0n from Kieki's archives, even pictures of me & a tentacle. Nothing worked. The boy's a fucking sex tank. How do I stop him?
Answer: The dead of night & a staple gun.
Wow. I didn't know those things exploded.
OH MY GOD!

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
I have been instructed by Callisto to apologize for the last strip. It was strange & in poor taste, & doubtless caused many male readers to cross their legs in ph33r.
Callisto wishes me to explain that it was merely an inside joke between Android & herself, & that she would never actually staple anyone's nuts in the night.
Although her PS about 'No matter how amusing that would be' doesn't exactly come across as reassuring.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Calli attempts to summarize Chaobell's flame war in three panels.
Tarosgurl: llok at my fic!!!1 :)
Anna: Oh my god, my eyes. The burning.
AngelEyes: You're all a bunch of assholes. *unsub*
Iria: Good fucking riddance.
It's surprisingly easy to do, sadly. Not that it's Chaobell's fault.
AngelEyes: *re-sub* How dare you bastards forget about me!
Nerf: GODDAMMIT, Angel! FIVE MORE HOURS!

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
God, I hate mornings.
Hi again.
Why do I even bother getting up on Tuesdays?
So that I can put you back down, baby.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Del-me has returned, somehow.
So would you mind horribly explaining to me just how it is you found out where I lived? And telling me why you're here while you're at it would be nice.
Didn't anyone ever tell you not to look a gift horse in the mouth?
d00d...even if they had, you don't have a mouth. Nor are you a horse, come to that.
But I'm hung like one.
Seriously, I'm glad this is just a comic exaggeration of my real world representation's worst fears about you, because otherwise I'd really hate you.
o/~ When love & hate collide... o/~

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Calli is visited by the tentacle Del-me.
Look, I know why you're here. But even horny as I am, being violated by a tentacle in my own house makes my skin crawl. I'd never be clean again.
Well, hell. But I came all this way!
Tell you what--I'd hate to have wasted your time, & you -are- my friend. I'll find you someone to molest.
You're an angel!
Uh, hi.
.......look, Calli, love, I'm a tentacle, but even I have -some- standards.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
The search for a molestable someone for Del-me the tentacle goes on.
o/~ I'm all alone...there's no one here... o/~
Calli, I'm so gonna kill you.
No offense, but the similarities between you two are just too scary.
Oh, come -on-. This has just been done to death.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Dammit, Calli, we need to talk. You just offered me as a poke hole to Del-me!
Well, yeah. He's lonely. What's the problem?
He turned me down! Do you have any idea how insulting it is to be dragged all the way from Hawaii to have a TENTACLE refuse to molest you?
....no, not really.
........dammit, it's so hard to hate you when you're being so wonderfully evil.
It's a survival strategy.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Del-me the tentacle holds auditions for molestees.
Wuzzup, yo.
Hell no! I don't even know what that IS! Next!
Hey there.
...See previous objection.
Pretty damned picky for a tentacle, aren't you?
Picky nothing! Look at the options you're giving me!

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
Calli speaks to Del-me.
So what? You didn't like -any- of the people I found?
Be honest, Calli. Would -you- have slept with any of them?
Hell no! I hate every single one of them!
Exactly!
Of course, the fact that I hate them is why I offered them up to you in the first place.
That hurts, Calli. Hurts me deep.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
So what? The tentacle just up & left?
Yeah. He said that the people around here were such assholes that even he couldn't bring himself to violate them.
I don't know whether to feel comforted or insulted.
Doesn't matter to me. Anyway, he's gone. Nothing left but pictures & memories now.
Good--wait a second. Pictures?...Oh, god. He talked you into being violated, didn't he? And you took pictures of it just to squick me, didn't you?
Yeah...I think I'm in love.

 

by callie_chan
12-09-02
The author apologizes to any Christians reading this strip. But she's (obstensibly) Roman Catholic herself, so.
You know, I've always wondered why some Christians are so against Harry Potter. They say it's hedonistic & corrupt & promotes Satanism.
Yeah, what about it? Religious people do a lot of dumb shit.
Well, look at Jesus! He had all these powers that normal human beings don't have! Changing water into wine, healing the sick, all that shit--hell, that's magic, isn't it?
I guess so, when you put it that way.
And what's more, Voldemort's always associated with snakes! Like Satan, right? And Voldemort is the BAD guy in the Harry Potter books! Harry Potter's just a metaphor for Christianity!
So does your confusion stem from the fact that Christians are in fact saying they're hedonistic, corrupt, & promote Satanism, or from the fact it took them this long to notice?

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
Calli & Kieki on a typical day of roleplaying. Or rather, what -they- consider to be a typical day.
Kieki: I can't RP hetsmut! I don't know what to do with breasts! I can't even deal with my own & now I have to play Cricket's breasts?! It's like a whole new chara stuck on the chest of my old chara!
Calli: You don't goddamn play her breasts! If anyone plays with them, it'll be Arien, & -I- have to play him, so quit yer bitching!
Kieki: Her breasts have feelings too!
Calli: So? They're just Morgan's nipples attached to water balloons!
Yes, this was in fact a real conversation.
Kieki: .......you just went past erotic, past kinky, past funny, & into the magical land of ewwwwwwwwwwwww.
Calli: Perhaps you haven't looked at Cricket closely lately?

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
Kieki & Calli have a 'thoughtful' discussion.
Kieki: ....dude, there's a difference between breasts & water balloons.
Calli: Not really.
Calli: So one doesn't pop when you poke it with a needle, big deal.
Kieki: *eyes boobs* *cry*
Calli: I think we have too much free time & not enough to do with it.

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
Kieki in lovely Hawaii.
o/~ The baby Jesus loves you, the baby Jesus loves you in the butt.... o/~
o/~ The baby Jesus looo~ooooves you, so go & write some more smut... o/~
....hey now.
You are SO going to Hell for that.

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
o/~ Hubba hubba zoot zoot... o/~
o/~ Deba uba zat zat, a-hoorepa hoorepa a-huh-hoorepa a-num num, hubba hubba zoot zoot... o/~
I will, of course, be killing you as soon as I figure out why the fuck I'm a goat.
Shuddup & sing, Arien.

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
Another day in the life of a roleplayer. Or two roleplayers, depending on your religion.
Calli: RP!
Kieki: Okay, sure. RP what?
Calli: Well...errr....Vice wants smut. Arien wants smut. And Samaj wants...smut!
Calli: .....stupid charas.
Kieki: You're a sick child.

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
Cricket & Arien. Or if not, then as close as the author can get.
....dude. Arien, is that you?
No.
...can I call you Buttsex Boy?
No, you may not.
Don't ask, the author doesn't know either.
Damn.
Life's rough all over & so is your mom.

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
Kieki is confronted by Jesus for her many, many sins.
Look, seriously, you've got to have better things to do with your time. Go condemn Harry Potter or some shit.
Thou hast desecrated my name. Thou shalt suffer.
Alright, but first let me say this one thing: do you know how many ways there are to serve up your everday Savior? Jesus burgers, Jesus with beans, Jesus in a can...
Shut thy fucking mouth & prepare for death, thou dickless bastard.
For some things even Jesus has no answers.
Tell you what; you can kill me if you tell me what hubba hubba zoot zoot means.
...forget it. Thou art just a waste of my fucking time.

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
Calli, Geek Liaison, translates normal human speech to Geek. And then back again, if required.
Tell our geek we need him to work this weekend.
Right.
We need more than that, Scotty. You'll have to stay until you can squeeze more outta them engines!
I'm givin' her all she's got, Captain, but we need more dilithium crystals!
Dialogue borrowed from a quiz result.
Well?
He wants to know if he gets overtime.

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
Jesus returns to attempt once again to smite Kieki.
Hey, I thought you left.
I have returned.
What for?
I heard thou had had a profoundly profound moment.
Yes, this is an inside joke. About what, exactly, even the author isn't sure.
....point being?
I was wondering if thou would bless me with profound coffee.

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
Jesus is leaving in a fit of godly pique(again).
I have not the time to waste on thee.
"I'm your surly teenage male messiah. Watch me desecrate these religious symbols in my tight leather pants. Feel free to look at the giant bulge in my crotch and feel the mighty power of Heaven."
WHAT?!
I dunno. I think it has to do with Angel Sanctuary.
Oh. Carry on then.
Dude, why don't you look more like Setsuna? And lose the cross--phallic swords are all the rage now.

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
Calli, looking for StripCreator ideas, goes through the backlog of Kieki's HellJay.
Dearest Callisto, You are officially a dumbass. Boom shaka, Kieki
.......well, isn't that interesting.
At least I've found my idea.
.....there are no words, Calli. NO WORDS. Just hate.
o/~ Feeeeeeelings.... o/~

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
Kieki's chara, Andre, discovers a part of himself he didn't know he had.
What in the hell are you supposed to be?
I'm AndreCute! I'm your cute, cuddly side!
DEAR SWEET JESUS!
And summarily stomps on it.
Dammit, the little bastard stained my boots.
Andre-san, what's this red stain on the floor?

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
o/~ Fuck for hire! o/~
o/~ Fuck for hire! o/~
o/~ Fuck for hire! o/~
o/~ Fuck for hire! o/~
.............
Why in the hell am I doing this?

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
The ants. Damn the ants.
I'm sorry. I couldn't stop myself.
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
o/~ Life's got me mad, but if I had a midget I'd be glad, to watch him jump around on my Nintendo Power Pad... o/~
o/~ I'd teach him tricks like backflips and side kicks, When company came over he'd perform and get tips... o/~
o/~ If I owned a midget... o/~

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
Calli talks with a friend.
Loki: So I had to explain to my 14-year-old brother about the gay birds & the bees. Or rather, the birds & the...other birds, I guess.
Calli: *snerk*
Calli: You should have used the bees as an example instead of the birds. That way instead of fornicating, you can refer to it as 'pollinating'.
Loki: *dies* *nosebleed*
Calli: Yeah, I get that a lot.

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
Nietzsche.
God is dead.
God.
Nietzsche is dead.
The janitor.
You're both dead.

 

by callie_chan
12-10-02
Calli continues to read through the backlog of Kieki's HellJay.
Calli has no shame. She’ll take any male, gay, straight or bi, and make them do HORRIBLE HORRIBLE THINGS to their best friend. But the happy kind of horrible. The kind that involves lube.
........oh, Kieki.
Sometimes it's the little things.
[heart]

 

by callie_chan
12-11-02
Vice & Andre are introduced to their comic representations.
Cal-sama had better have a -really- good explanation for this.
Boy howdy.

Showing page 1.

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