All comics by slane

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by slane
3-12-04
"2-WH0RES" by A.K.Biggs
Hi. I'm Charity. The one thing I enjoy more than servicing a platoon of horny army reservists is discussing the life and experiences of Shane "Two Whores" Donaldson.
Hi. I'm Chastity. The one thing I enjoy more than getting juked up the ass w/ a longneck bottle of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer is commenting on the love life and embarrassing personal history of Ol' 2 hos.

 

by slane
3-12-04
"2-WH0RES"
Remember when Shane fucked Terry Symmes? What a disaster that was!
Wasn't she the girl who got all her teeth knocked out by Nikia Mahar?
by A.K.Biggs
Yeah. Did Shane nail her before or after her teeth were all broken?
After.
to be continued....
By the time Shane gets to a girl, the damage has already been done.

 

by slane
3-12-04
"2-WH0RES"
Ol' 2 Whores nailed Terry...
The way I heard it, he shit-stuffed her, then jammed his dirty dong in her broken-toothed yapper.
by A.K. Biggs
So Shane is to Terry as disgraced cop Justin Volpe is to fat-lipped Haitian-American Abner Louima?
Yup. That's why he calls his dick "The Plunger."
These humans are disgusting.
Try to ignore the one named "Shane Donaldson." He's the worst.

 

by slane
3-12-04
"2-WH0RES"
Shane used to go out w/ Devin Mahar. What a cute couple they were.
That was back during the Clinton Administration.
by A.K.Biggs
You think Devin & Shane were like Bill & Hillary or more like Bill & Monica?
Maybe a little like both.
You mean li'l Dev treated Shane like ice-bitch Hillary while giving cigar-chomping Lewinsky's to every tatooed jailbird w/ a dimebag of weed?
Something like that.

 

by slane
3-12-04
Monica, get under the desk & start hoovering!
No Thanks, Commander-In-Chief! I'd rather suck off some sweaty parole-violator who has a bunch of unwanted bastard kids.
Now I know how "Two Whores" Doanldson must feel!
Let's Bomb Libya!

 

by slane
3-12-04
"2-WH0RES"
"Two Whores" knocked up his old lady again.
He thought the condom was one of those little handwipes you get at KentuckyFriedChicken & threw it in the garbage.
by A.K.Biggs
Maybe the kid will have Alison's looks & Shane's brains.
Or Shane's looks & Alison's brains...
Well it didn't stop Sonny Bono.
A tree stopped him.

 

by slane
3-12-04
"2-WH0RES"
Look at the stains on those sheets. "Two Whores" has been whacking off like a coked-up rhesus monkey.
According to the Catholic Church, each sperm has an immortal soul. What happens to these wasted lives?
by A. K. Biggs
They go straight to Hell.
?!
WE ARE LEGION!
AN ARMY OF MILLIONS!

 

by slane
3-13-04
"2-WH0RES"
I like sucking on tits. They give milk.
Something stinks.
by A. K. Biggs
Ol' "Two Whores" grabs this slut's tits & starts twisting like he's dialing up freakin' RadioFreeIraq. The bitch gets a purple nurple & spills hot coffee on his dress uniform.
That really something.
Colder'n a witch's tit.
Did I miss something?

 

by slane
3-13-04
"2-WH0RES"
I like sucking on tits. They give milk.
Something stinks.
by A. K. Biggs
Ol' "Two Whores" grabs this slut's tits & starts twisting like he's dialing up freakin' RadioFreeIraq. The bitch gets a purple nurple & spills hot coffee on his dress uniform.
That is really something.
Colder'n a witch's tit.
Did I miss something?

 

by slane
5-26-04
"2-WH0RES" by A.K. BIGGS
Is everything ready for the great feast of the Northern Hell?
The purid meat of sinners' flesh will blacken in our fires.Tomorrow we celebrate the birth of our creator.
Light the great fire! Summon the dancing houris & gymnast-whores.
Let the great celebration orgy begin!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANE!
Here in Hell's green fields we play.

 

by slane
5-26-04
"2-WH0REs" by A. K. Biggs
Our colony here on Earth's barren moon will provide a launching base for our INVASION of the "water planet."
I have prepared the BAG OF HOLDING in which we'll stuff the Earthman... the one called "2-WH0REs."
The incubation tanks for the breeding experiment work perfectly. The subject will experience 3-dimensional holographic cybersexual virtual-imagery succubi projected from this lens.
We will milk him like a cow!! Put on your disguise.
How do I look?
Like a chimera of Mahar sisters: Devin's face, Nikia's teats & Blair's bottom. He will be your helpless slave.

 

by slane
5-27-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
You want Mr. Shane 2.Ho Donaldson's criminal records for WHAT YEARS?
The whole ammo-dump, from his first underage bust, every court appearance & arrest, until... his death.
He's not dead yet.
Just gimme what ya got.
"Golden boys & girls all must, like chimney-sweepers, come to dust." ---- ---Wm. Shakespeare, 'Cymbeline'

 

by slane
5-27-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
You say you want a restraining order on Mr. Shane 2.Ho Donaldson? This is highly unusual. He's deployed overseas.
I got a good job now at Family Dollar & I can't take any chances.
The only way I'm filing this order is if you get down on your knees and start Hoover-ing "little Officer Johnson" to creamy completion..
You want me to spit, swallow, gargle, or take it on the tits?
That tongue-piercing feels nice, little lady.
Mmm... hmm.

 

by slane
6-07-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
Wanna go skinny-dipping?
Only if "Two Whore's" sister Melissa comes. She is one hot MILF!!
How long have you felt this way about Melissa?
Ever since she dethroned her Old King Cole after pinching out rugrat #2. Her belly snapped right back tight & now her hooters are so hot 'n heavy, I could lap those milkbags til the cows come home...
Well, I know she's got her own room in the back of Mona & Jef's house on 4th St. She's there most every night.
Her DNA will closely match the cells of our experimental subject: "2-WH0REs" Donaldson. Tonight I will skillfully employ my egg-stractor beam & shiny silver rectal probe!

 

by slane
6-08-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
You diabolical imposter.
It is I who will taste Melissa's cherry-red candy-lips tonight, not you.
"Can you see the real me?
I just got canned at FAMILY DOLLAR!! Now I'm seeing DOUBLE! Is this some kind of joke? You can't BOTH be real! This ALWAYS happens when I drink Gennesee!
Teacher?" -- THE WHO 'TOMMY'
There's a new Dollar-store in the old Masonic lodge. Called... 'PATRIOT DOLLAR' ... It's-
Right next to the abandoned old movie-house... across from Longtin's... right near the traffic light thats always RED...

 

by slane
6-08-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
The REAL Chastity would know many intimate details about the life of "Two Whores" Donaldson. I propose a test... Question #1: What is Shane's favorite porno-video to jerk off to?
Debbie Does Granville... The Anal Railroaders... or Browneyed Downtown Canal Girls.
Correct answer is: STEMSTOCK wet-t-shirt contest videotape made in the late 90's by his own Dad. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree...
Our girl is GOOD!
Soon she will accomplish her mission to return the seed-cells from "2-WH0RES" here to be irradiated under the red crescent sun of our homeworld.

 

by slane
6-10-04
"2-WHORES" by A. K. BIGGS
The Aliens are about to deplete Earth's supply of "2 WH0RES" creamy essence.
Less souls hurts our bottom-line...
TONIGHT the ritual is complete.
We will summon all the souls of dead Vikings, American revolutionary war soldiers, all Aztec sacrifices & Spanish-American & Mexican war veterans and all the spirits of Civil War Soldiers!
This is truth the poet sings, that sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things." ---------------TENNYSON 'Locksley Hall'
Stop the Cthulhuoids!
Aww Shit! I thought my Enlistment was over!!!

 

by slane
6-10-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
Riding back from the GRAVE for one more fight!
VALHALLA I AM COMING!
What are all these new stars on the flag for? There must be FIFTY or more! Are all these new states? I DIED defending D.C. in 1812! We had slaves & the flag looked way different back then!
Well ALOHA OE & MAHALO... Slavery is a tolerable optional fetish now, AMIGO, & HAWAII is the newest state, far out in the Pacific Ocean... Asian-Polynesian women from there can be world-class HOTTIES.
Old Two-WH0RE Donaldson loves girls who look like that... He'd take repeated punches to the face to do butterscotch schnappes body-shots out of their li'l salt-water taffy candy corn-holes.
Sure he's had a few 'Greatest Hits' to the jaw, nose, eyes, ears, temple & body, Soldier-Boy, but just like you, he'll still keep dippin' his bruised & abused monkey into us big-ass white chicks.

 

by slane
6-11-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
I'm Melissa's baby Mary ... 20 years from now what will I look like?
I'm Shane's baby daughter... In 19 yrs. how will I look?
You'll be out of rehab soon, baby.
Wish I had some weed, or crack, acid, shrooms, crystal meth or even coke w/ "ice" ... Man I am jones'n
"A simple child, that lightly draws its breath, and feels its life in every limb, what should it know of death?" ----------------WORDSWORTH 'We are Seven'
I'm Shane's unborn son. Because I haven't really lived yet, my life is a blank slate. What man will I become in 21 years on Earth?
BRING IT ON!

 

by slane
6-14-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
From the rebel underground, I come forth on my magical water-walking horse to defeat you, Tentacle-face!
Note To Self: immediately call a council of friendly planets.
As Ambassador of the Grey Race, I must counsel the support our Cthulhuoid brothers.
Although officially neutral, we of the green-sea-monkey planet will provide each surrendering Earther: two perfectly functioning lifelike sex-droids. This is all part of our plan to END War!
"He knew the tavernes well in every toun." --CHAUCER 'Canterbury Tales'
RETREAT! Georgia & Carolina, Babies Here I Come!
I want one w/ big titties & one like a Chinese gymnast... Two Whores!!

 

by slane
6-14-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
So what's this new Bill Clinton Presidential Library & Museum?
"During the day you will approach the frog several times and will utter words of worship. And you will ask it to work the miracles you wish...
Mainly porno magazines: Hustlers & Penthouse, a wing of peep-shows... maybe a Hall of Blow-jobs...
What about the inevitable George W. Bush Library/Museum?
Meanwhile you will cut a cross on which to sacrifice it." -----------------------From a ritual by ALEISTER CROWLEY
An Enormous Temple dedicated to the perverse worship of our Red Crescent Sun... HE IS ONE OF US!

 

by slane
6-16-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
Riddle me this, bat-girls... What's Shane's favorite hole to fuck?
As sure as Shane's nickname is "Two WH0RES" he loves blow-jobs. I vote for the PIE HOLE!
"Every man and every woman is a star." ----------Aleister Crowley
Shane can't blow a load without makin' a baby. I say the PUSSY HOLE! And that's my FINAL answer.
That's pigshit on the tent-pole! Shane loves bangin' AZZ! Correct answer is: the CORN HOLE!
"A bright particular star." ----------------------------------------- William Shakespeare, 'All's Well That Ends Well'
Your third whore ruins the bilateral symmetry of the whole strip, and completely monkey-wrenches our breeding scheme...
Let's send them all skinny-dipping in Lake George & see which one ends up making out with Melissa.

 

by slane
6-16-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
Ol' 2-WH0RES should buy his old lady a big black vibrating dildo to keep her warmed-up while he's out on maneuvers...
He should buy her a razor-sharp silver switchblade to cut down those who would defile her before the LORD!
He should buy her a "miracle" ticket to the Saratoga DEAD show, then call her on the cellphone during the concert so he can groove to the sweet sounds half-a-world away in the Cradle of Civilization.
"Red & White, Blue suede shoes, I'm Uncle Sam... How do y'do? Gimme 5, I'm still alive, ain't no luck, I learned to duck. Check my pulse: it don't change. Stay 72 come shine or rain. Wave the FLAG..."
"I've been had in one and the same day by Satan, an Archangel and God." --PUSHKIN 'The Gabrielad'
"Wave that flag! Wave it wide & high! Summertime done come & gone, My 0h My!"

 

by slane
6-16-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
You're copyin' my style... stealin' my thunder, Biatch!
Are any carbon-units of Donaldson DNA available to have sexual congress w/ me? I mean Shane, Melissa, or (my last choice) Jim...
Greeetings, Green-Sea-Monkey General. The Greys have sent a 3rd girl-clone on a sort of (excuse the phrase) 'sexual fishing expedition' to the Earthman "2-WH0RE's" home town of Whitehall, New York...
Ouch! In order to restore the balance needed for total PEACE, we will provide an additional sex-droid for a total of 4! But this extra whore (designed in haste) must be a water-breather like us.
"For every woman is at heart a witch." --C.G. LELAND 'Aradia'
I need to immediately dunk my head in your bathtub. Right now!
My roommate's currently soaking in the tub, naked w/ bubble-bath & candles... Can you just jam your face in the toilet instead?

 

by slane
6-17-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
What was the costliest tropical storm... the killer wind that caused the most damage?
I know this one! It was Hurricane Alison.
That storm raked across Florida like iron nails in flesh. Devastation was total... Houses were tossed like dice... Many souls perished & were damned to the vast Lake of Fire...
More work for us! Another skull to crush, more reams of flayed skin to get rid of... I have carpal tunnel from lancing eyeballs repetitively all day! & Don't get me started on the HEAT in this place!
"It was roses, roses all the way." -------------------BROWNING 'The Patriot'
Alison might have access to several milliliters at least.. of the baby-batter?
Not any more.

 

by slane
6-25-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
It's midnight in the Robot Factory.
All right, this is my tie-breaker question to see which one of you really knows "2-WH0REs"... We all know he plans to name his son Jim (after his Dad) but What will the boy's middle name be?
James Donald, after that testy testosterone-pumping armchair general, our torture-loving defense secretary, Donald "Old Shovellin' Guts" Rumsfeld...
Duh! Then he'd be Jim Donald Donaldson! I don't THINK so! The boy will be named James Justin, after Shane's pal "Old Sharp 'n Queer"
Jameson Ulysses, after Jenna Jameson (his favorite pornstar) & President Ulysses S. Grant: "Old Fifty-Dollar Bill Boy"
James EggSalad Donaldson. After a specialty of the Village Diner...

 

by slane
6-28-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
What physical characteristic of humans do you find most repulsive?
Their mouths are on their faces. They have to shove their food right into their heads, not like us green sea-monkeys... Our mouths are conveniently located in our crotches.
It's disturbing how humans have to look at each other's ugly faces while mating. We of the peaceful blue water planet prefer a leisurely 69 position...
Yes-- but the human who said "You Don't Fuck the Face" hadn't met "Old Two-Whores"!! To see him in action porking a bitch's chops you'd swear he was a true-born Green Sea Monkey!
"If the eye could see the demons that people the universe, existence would be impossible." --TALMUD,Berakhot, 6
Who gave Shane more hummers: Alison or Devin?
I can't answer that... I can tell you who'd swallow more loads.

 

by slane
6-29-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
Who do you think took more total punches to the head in the last 10 years: "0L' 2-WH0RES" or Mona's hubby Jef B0URN?
It's close... Jef took a real beating in that Tough-Man competition but Shane lost the Punch-in-the-Face contest...
"In the beginning of literature there is myth, and also in the end." -BORGES, 'Parable of Cervantes & the Quixote'
Does that mean "Sharp 'n Queer" WON the Punch-in-the-Face contest?
In the Punch-in-the-Face contest, the whole IDEA was to lose. Only the WINNER had to go to Louisiana...
"Slave screams he's being beat into submission / don't open your eyes you won't like what you see" -------NINE INCH NAILS, 'Happiness Is Slavery'
You haven't answered either of my questions.
The Tough-Man competition was over 10 years ago, & he never went to Louisiana, so I pick 2-WH0RES as winner of the Hawaiian Punch-Bowl.

 

by slane
6-29-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
So, in all the time Shane was doing Devin Mahar, did he ever manage to nail her little backdoor? As I recall she had a very nice, hard-packed girl-ass back in the anything-goes Bill Clinton 9O's...
Nope, he hit a lot of pop-flies to her infield, but never tagged her third base!
Didn't "2-WH0RES" use to get her high & loose on wine & juice, pretend like he was going to eat out her hairy hippie hole, then in the heat of passion, try to jam his tongue in her brown rosebud?
If he did, he'd taste the pudding they serve in the Washington County jail! Soon as he'd get near her dirt-star, she'd kill the mood by pulling away and saying she was saving that for Jason Belden.
"The universe is unfolding as the yells and whispers, words they do stumble but the word it does stand." ---------------------BR0THER DANIELS0N, 'Animal'
Her ex-con ex?
She wanted him to feel right at home... he'd have a familiar fudge-tunnel to hump just like back in his old cell-block. She kept a toilet in the bedroom for the same reason.

 

by slane
6-30-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
I can't believe it actually happened! HELL has FROZEN OVER!
Never ONCE has this occurred in over FIFTEEN BILLION years! Snowball fight!
My legion of demons has abandoned their posts & begun using the bones of sinners as skis! What is the cause of this unprecedented disruption in the heat-matrix, my lord Satan?
The unimaginable has come to pass: it seems Shane "Two-WH0RES" Donaldson has caused a female to experience an orgasm.
"When you will survive if you fight & perish if you don't, this is called: dying ground." -SUN TZU, 'Art of War'
Last time he was in Whitehall, Shane was petting this dog & she starts humping his leg... he laughs & lets her go at it for about ten minutes...
I always said: it will be a cold day in Hell if Shane ever makes some bitch cum.

 

by slane
6-30-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
The Earth-village of Whitehall is so different from our own undersea city.
Here, our lowest status citizens labor in the salt-mines... there, it's the plywood factory.
The Earth-man Two-WH0RE'S hometown, Whitehall, New York (Birthplace of the U.S. Navy) is many light-years distant from our home planet, here beneath the scarlet beams of a red crescent sun.
Yet both locations are plagued by a sizable population of Donny Mahar's slutty daughters.
The upstate N.Y. community of Whitehall is an environment quite unlike that of our enormous canyon-walled hive.
Here, all females are completely hairless... there, only the few sluts who've grudgingly submitted to Shane's razor & wax treatment... He goes cuckoo for that 'clean runway' look!

 

by slane
7-06-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
I got a new pair of satin-lace G-string panties. On the front they say "KISS GOODBYE to BUSH" and so I shaved my fine white-girl jelly-roll smooth as a shiny new cue-ball to match.
My thong is embroidered "LICK BUSH & DICK"! It barely covers my Hitler-moustache-BUSH but its got a Cheney,DICK-flap in the asscrack strap stain'd with my cocoa-colored crap.
When did these humans become so damned... POLITICAL?
As Shane got more involved in democracy so did they... He'll vote for an actual Military Man this year, not your demented midget Texas cowboy or some fictional write-in candidate like "Mike Hunt."
"We vote N0. We vote N0 today." ------------------------THE SCHISMATIC DRUIDS
I bet 2-WH0RES is droppin' a fat vote for 2-J0HNS!
Last time, he smoked major doobage on election-day morning and just wrote-in the only name he could ever really feel comfortable with: "Bald Beaver"

 

by slane
7-06-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
While his wife's expecting, a good soldier should abstain from all sexual activity... its best for the health of his unborn child.
0ld 2-WH0RES Donaldson has been very health-conscious lately. I hear he's taking his next furlough at a European spa, and having less sex during his wife's pregnancy...
He's having less sex with his wife & a lot more with Dutch prostitutes! The reason he's concerned about his health is that his unsafe sex practices have greatly increased his chances of getting AIDS.
"The world's a city full of straying streets, And death's the market-place where each one meets." -WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE & JOHN FLETCHER, 'The Two Noble Kinsmen' Act 1 Sc. 5
For a fistful of Euros, the Indonesian hookers in Amsterdam's Red-Light District shop-windows will let you go 'bareback'

 

by slane
7-06-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
What do you know about Curanderismo & Brujeria as practiced in the Mexican state of Chihuahua?
Curanderismo is traditional American-Indian medicine & Brujeria is mountain witchcraft mixed with pre-Colombian religions.
How would either of these be useful to our soldier pal, "2-WH0RES?"
He could cast a Brujo-spell to attract a horny wench, then he could put some Curin' lotion on his chancred pecker to soothe the burning sensation from the disease she gave him.
"My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." --------------HOSEA 4:6
Should we be talking about this in church?
You believe that stuff?

 

by slane
7-07-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
I'd do it all again if I could! I'd rob everyone I robbed this time around... I just W0ULDN'T GET CAUGHT!
EL0I... EL0I... LAMA SABACHTHANI?!!
"They crucified two robbers with him, one on his right and one on his left." ----------------------------------------MARK 15:27
My balls feel like two swollen wineskins... That girl in the pink shorts has a butterface, but 0H what a sweet ass! I could really carve that buttsteak!
The church teaches that the bad thief went to Hell but that Jesus told the good thief that he would see him in Paradise.
"The people of Israel called the food manna. It was white like coriander seed and tasted like wafers made with honey." -------------EXODUS 16:31
So for all eternity the lucky pig is slavering over & rump-humping some fine teen cooze? 3O minutes & I'm sore as an 'Indian Burn!' Her love-button would look like raw mutton! Would they STOP to EAT?
Because it's a perfect utopia, her vagina & anus would magically secrete a Curanderismo healing lotion, and all the nutrients needed for life would be contained in his all-sustaining jizz.

 

by slane
7-07-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
With Clinton, they had us thinking about Oral Sex every day, then those Brazilian swimsuits became popular... now, with Bush, its all a plot to get us to shave off the little pubic hair we still have.
Its like the government is smearing wax on my crotch, then ripping me off! How did this happen? Did EVERYONE vote for Bald Beaver?
Mr. President, we must get you cleaned up to go to church. You have to face the press.
No longer will I abase myself before your false gods. Naked I worship the red crescent sun of my birth-planet.
This won't win you any votes in Ohio.
At Last The Stars Are Right!

 

by slane
7-12-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
Of course, we know "Sharp 'n Queer" and 0ld "2-WH0RES" are hot for porn queen Jenna Jameson. But what is it that she does in the bedroom (or on the porno soundstage) they go absolutely hogwild for?
0ld "2-WH0RES" obviously digs the hot girl-on-girl action. Its implied right there in his very nickname...
"G0 FUCK Y0URSELF." - Dick Cheney
Correct, but you must be more specific... What particular flavor of girl/girl sex will 0ld "2-WH0RES" fast-forward thru her countless videos in search of?
His hand is on the FF button until JJ and some of her stacked blonde "Lipstick Lesbian" girlfriends stick dildoes in each others' oiled-up asses... Then his hand is down his pants.
"Here you come mama big as hell, tell what you been doin' by the way you smell, so keep on truckin' mama, truck my blues away." -- HOT TUNA
You really know your movie trivia, Baby... Same question, this time about his trigger-happy, horny-goat-weed smokin' pal from Whitehall, initials JC?
"Sharp 'n Queer?" He goes apeshit for Jenna's deep-throat blow-jobs.

 

by slane
7-13-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
Lots of niggaz in town to see Rev. Al... you know what he said when they asked him about the abortion bill?
Shee-yat! Yo hozely rabbet-pellet gun-butt! Shev'it Ass-Cap'n!
"Love me 2 time baby / love me twice today / love me 2 time girl / I'm gone away / love me 2 time yeah /1 for tomorrow, 1 just for today. Love me 2 times / I'm gone away" --Jim Morrison
He said, "I PAID that bill!"
¡Matandos Guerros!
What else are you besides Black & Puerto Rican?
Eck! Ia! Fh'tagn Cthulhu!

 

by slane
7-15-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
¿Quieres es mas linda, mujeres de Panama o las Puertorriquenas?
Porto Rican girls are hotter.
¿Quieres es mas macho, Viejo "D0S-PUTAS" o gobernador de California Arnold Schwarzenegger?
"The Governator" has taken mucho steroids so he's disqualified... "2-WH0RES" hasn't taken any performance enhancing drugs, only many bowls 'n bones of brown Dresden Ditchweed. TW0-WH0RES WINS!
"En el nombre de Dios invoco a los espiritus que te protejan para que me ayudes." ---------------SPANISH PRAYER "In the Name of God I invoke the spirits that they protect you so that you may help me."
¿Que Pasa?
Fuma la yerba y fomenta la paz.

 

by slane
7-16-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
¿Quieres es mas linda, Terry Symmes o Nikia Mahar?
That went to Whitehall's crude version of 'Trial by Combat.' Nikia beat Terry bad.
Dientes de Terry ahora están rotos.
Yes, her new fake front teeth look like George Washington's hippo-bone dentures. Shane likes that 'beaten look' on a girl.
¿Quieres es mas linda, Terry Symmes o Devin Mahar?
Depends which one's got a faceful of warm nut butter.

 

by slane
7-16-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
I'm gonna kill the lights for a minute. When it gets dark, get down low & start slapping my weiner on yer face while talking dirty in Spanish.
The humiliations I endure just to piss-off 0ld "2-WH0RES"
"Lust's passion will be served; it demands, it militates, it tyrannizes." -------------------------------------------DE SADE
Make Sparky Happy, Baby!
Soy una hija de la gran puta.
This restraining order will kick in if Mr. Donaldson comes within 5O feet of H0WIE'S, the Legion, or the Liberty Bar.
Now it will be you WH0 IS SLAPPED.

 

by slane
7-16-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
Sr. "D0S-PUTAS" tiene gusto de mujeres como él tiene gusto de sus huevos.
Enough with the Chili-pepperese! Speak English Goddammit!
"I'm just a patsy.” --Lee Harvey 0swald
Sorry... I was discussing old Mr. "2-WH0RES"
He's always wanted to dunk his monkey into some clean young Vietnamese girls.
"My name shall be carved in stone alongside the great traitors: Lucifer, Judas, and Arnold." --Benedict Arnold
I said Shane likes his women like he likes his eggs.
TW0 SERVED T0GETHER, both Beaten, yellow, stuffed with ham & covered in a runny egg-white mess.

 

by slane
7-16-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
¿Quieres es mas linda de las tres hermanas: Devin, Nikia o Blair Mahar?
Our plane is crashing and all you can talk about is which Mahar girl is hottest?
I want to die knowing Shane picked the ugly one.
Blair probably has the cutest face. Nikia's knockers are like trashbags. She's the sluttiest.
There isn't much time left.
Devin's the oldest & she's got a bastard Raymond rugrat to feed, so Baby, you win.

 

by slane
7-21-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
The human females, Charity & Chastity, have expired in an explosion aboard an atmosphere conveyance.
We can recast them utilizing their stored DNA, banks of their cellular matter, and of course, their archived brain engrams...
"Welcome to Tijuana: TEQUILA, SEX0, MARIJUANA." --Manu Chao
Perfect. Let us begin at once. Can we do the same thing (scientifically reconstruct from biological matter) 0l' "2-WH0RES" when he bites the big one?
No! We don't have any of his tissue, essence or precious life-memories in our vast computer system (the size of the Earth-nation of Mexico) He's T0AST!
"Hung Mung slapped his buttocks, hopped about, and shook his head, saying, 'I D0 N0T KN0W! I D0 N0T KN0W!'" --Writings of CHUANG TZU
Between the HIV+ bar girls, the magic bullets & Mohammedan suicide bombers, he could drop any day... we should have a contingency plan.
Prepare a spaceship and put in your suppository of Water-Breathing! We'll get the help we need from the Green Sea Monkey planet!

 

by slane
7-21-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
You're telling me to be admitted to Heaven, I have to tell you my favorite tequila? If I guess wrong I G0 T0 HELL!? 0.K... I'll say: José Cuervo.
Wrong. You shall never know the sweet joys beyond this Pearly Gate in PARADISE.
"I want one bourbon one scotch and one beer. 0ne bourbon. 0ne scotch. And one beer..." ---J0HN LEE H00KER
D0S DED0S.
Two Fingers is all it takes! Welcome to Eternal Perfect Divine Bliss with All the RISEN SAINTS!
"If I was Chief of Police, Baby, I'd drive you outta this town."------------J0HN LEE H00KER
We stand in the burning shadow of the Thing-That-Should-Not-Be, and await the dread summons of Him-Who-Cannot-Be-Named.
D0S PUTAS!

 

by slane
7-22-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
The best way up Skene Mountain is to FUCK your way to the top!
Last time I went out to Bumpy Gordon's place he was smoking hairy PUSSY!
This last batch of replicant whores is defective. They are incapable of coherent speech. They just gibber about Whitehall in an obscene way.
They could still fool "2-WH0RES!" Luckily I've retrofitted some dolphin 'droids with personality-templates of sleazy Whitehall sluts.
"Thou that givest whores indulgences to sin." ------------------------------------------SHAKESPEARE, King Henry VI, Part 1 I.iii
0ur entire grand experiment hinges on getting Shane to screw a DOLPHIN?
Let's go down by Lock 12 and I'll scarf a 4-pak of wine-coolers and all soldiers get a drunken suck-job. PEACE N0W!

 

by slane
7-22-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
Close your eyes & pretend I'm a skinny busty Thai girl with barbell piercings in her nipples & a little inverted pentagram tattooed on the small of her back.
Lets play: You're Lance Armstrong, I'm Sheryl Crow...Take me for an ice-cream smoothie & I'll chase it with salty man-lotion from your one-ball ocean.
"Here's another ballad of a fish" - SHAKESPEARE The Winter's Tale IV.iv
As you can see, the dolphins are just too whorish. They're not ready for shipment.
"The imperious seas breed monsters, for the dish Poor tributary rivers as sweet fish." -------------------SHAKESPEARE, Cymbeline [IV.ii]
We'll take them anyway. Just draw a red circle around whatever orifice "2-WH0RES" is supposed to utilize for intercourse.
Use candy-apple red waterproof lipstick! AND L0TS 0F IT!

 

by slane
7-22-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K . BIGGS
0ur Green Sea Monkey race has always done its utmost to END war. All we have left to offer are 2 D0LPHIN-WH0RES.
"Every law is an infraction of liberty." ----------------------JEREMY BENTHAM
Hey Charity! Let's skip school, steal some liquor, sneak in the old red caboose by the Skenesboro museum and, since we're breakin the law anyway, have some dirty sex...
"To die for an idea is to set a rather high price on conjecture." -----------------------------------------ANATOLE FRANCE
0K Chastity! But only if Shane's sister Melissa comes. She's got a caboose I could ride thru town. W00! W00! Train's goin' into the tunnel, Baby!
0f course you know THIS MEANS WAR.

 

by slane
7-23-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
¡Aquí tenemos un poco de carne joven fresca en INFIERNO! [Trans. "Here we have some fresh young meat in HELL!"]
Welcome to the eternal pit of fiery damnation!
"We cite our faults, that they may hold excus'd our lawless lives." -- SHAKESPEARE, 2-Gents of Verona
We're Whitehall girls so we expect a big hometown welcome wagon and a tray of Putorti's sandwiches.
Better to rule in Hell than serve in Whitehall!
"Are you content to be our general? To make a virtue of necessity and live, as we do, in this wilderness?" SHAKESPEARE, 2-Gents of Verona
They have seen our Creator in the flesh! Pizza-crusts HE touched have passed thru her rectum!
Wrecked 'em? DAMN NEAR KILLED 'EM!

 

by slane
8-02-04
"2-WH0RES" by A. K. BIGGS
What RELIGION is 0I' "2-WH0RES" anyway? Is he Xtian? or Pagan? A Nature-worshipper? A Heretic?
I think he belongs to the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, cause they let you have as many wives as you want.
Isn't that some brand of polygamous Mormon splinter group where they keep a huge harem of teen girls on a fortified compound in Texas?
Yeah. If Shane lived there they'd call him THIRTEEN WH0RES Donaldson. He'd bed 'em 2-at-a-time. A different toothsome twosome every night of the week.
"...thy rope of sands..." ------------------------------------GE0RGE HERBERT (1593-1623)
2x7=14! On Sunday nights Alison (as senior wife) would get the marital bed all to herself!
Hey, a man's gotta sleep sometime!

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