All comics by christopher7murphy

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Maybe you're right. Wanting Aquateen Hunger Force's heads on a plate will only prolong the foolishness.
Apology ACCEPTED!
Great! Now that this is settled...who's gonna pay for the advertising boxes that you blew up?

 

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ arbi/382066
For two days i have not been able to create strips. I came home from work yesterday, feeling under the weather.
This morning I slept until ten...quite late considering my day usually starts at six.
Even after I woke, I spent the day eating lassanga, drinking Orange Crush, and watching television. Not even anything special...just flipped through the channels, not watching any one show.
My full attention was on this hacking cough I've been practicing with.
StealingHisDelivery.com
I call it "practicing" because after two days, my cough is starting to sound better!
(If I could only do as well with the piano in the same amount of time.)

 

Grrrr! Who are you?
I'm your new boss! You are being demoted to Mail Room!
But I have a family! What about my benifits?
I'm giving the monkeys your job. They seem better qualified and willing to work for less pay.
So what are our responsibilities?
I don't know, I just took the position for the free office supplies.

 

So, did you figure out what we are supposed to do around here?
Nope. Maybe I should go down to the Mail Room and ask the guy who worked here before us.
Grrrrr! Damn you! Before you came around, I was able to stomp around, smashing trees. Ripping meat to shreads!
So...you were a Copy Editor?

 

So did you find out what our job is?
Near as I can tell, our job is to write the stuff that goes on the outside of breakfast food boxes.
Ohhh!
'Cereal' Writers!

 

I think that the lady of the house is sleeping with the plumber.
No way!
What makes you so sure?
Her husband has EVERYTHING she needs. Love, devotion, money.....
And just check out the size of his CLOCK!

 

Did you catch the game yesterday?
You mean the Super Bowel?
It's Super BOWL! "Bowel" is part of your digestive system! It would only be a "Super Bowel" if you shit everything from that fat gut of yours! Moron!
I'm sorry. My bad.
By the way, I had a bowl movement in your dishwasher.

 

Sleep at the HEAD of your Bed! ...(You'll HANKS us later!)
Say, you are the 'Bedless Horseman.'
Guilty! I haven't had a goodnight sleep in almost two hundred years!
As in, 'An Affair to DISMEMBER!' ........(If I'm RYAN, I'm diein'!)
I loved you in the book by Irving Washington.
You're a bit confused...I'm from Seattle, Washington.
Oy! This sure is a lot to cram into a comic strip. Talk about beating a DEAD HORSE!
I bet it's hard to get comfy with that 'Icky-Bod' of yours.
I have no lower lumbar support.

 

Outside the May'Day'comb jail in the deep south with a Duran-Duran soundtrack:
Ooooh, James! So full of GRACE and JONES! Just who are you, really?
Radley. Boo Radley.
Our hero must mind his M's and Q's if he wants to regain his moral values and box office success!
Should I SCOUT out a view for your last Bond appearance?
Moneypenny, I 'ATA-KISS' you! FINTCH me a Coca-Cola. Shaken, not stirred.
Ooooo! Do you have one MOORE?
ROGER that! You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view -until you climb into his skin and have 'Christopher Walken' around in it.

 

Achoooie! Snort..snarrrkk! Bleh!
Gazuntite!
-snif- Thankyou. Snort! Snirkle! Aaachoo! Bleh.
-snif-
Kleenex?

 

Ya know? I've dated quite a few women in my life time.
But now I'm sticking with one woman.
Maybe you should wash the goo off more often.

 

Hank, Candy, the mouse, and Curly's wife...they were all dead, or worse...cured! But Scott was in love!
Scott, Honey! I'm back...and I'm more powerful than ever!
Tell me about the rabbits again! Tell me about the rabbits!
Soon, Scott buys the farm (he always dreamed of).
Scott hasn't been the same since my psychotic comeback...I should put him out of his misery.
Arrrrg! The RABBITS! The RABBITS!
Curly knew what Jean had to do. Leave an opening in the trilogy for another sequal! Question: Will they be 'Stein-Back?'
Grrrrr! The best laid plans of mice 'n mutants, indeed! Maybe I should waste the Professor, too....
I knooooow what you're thinking!

 

Welcome to the Clothes Barn.
I've been on a crash diet and I need some new pants.
Congratulations! You must be proud of your new slimmer self!
I sure am! I'm loosing about seven pounds, six ounces a day!
Cool. I need to know your waist.
Ohhh....I usually take a seven pound dump...and six ounce piss every morning.

 

I will not eat green eggs in the dark. I believe that is rotten in the state of Denmark.
Will you have with your Pop? The King, I say, with ketchup on top?
I will not eat them with a ghost. I will not eat them on buttered toast.
Will you eat them when you're mad? Avenge me Son, and I will be glad!
I will not eat them on my bread. I will not eat green eggs, I said!
For Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are soon to be dead!

 

If an elephanant never forgets...
And alcohol kills brain cells...
How many beers does it take to get an elephant plastered?
PURPLE! -hic-

 

Doc! I can't stop scratching. It itches! It itches!
Relax and tell me where you're itching?
Well, I'm in the kitchen right now.

 

So how was your Valentine's Day, Chum?
Great!
So you got lucky, huh?
Yep! I spent five hours down at the bar. I approached seven girls and got rejected by all. One even had the bar tender toss me in the dumpster after beating me up!
How's that "lucky?"
Found a quarter!

 

What the...?! Who's the new crewman?
That's Douglas, Sir.
Well tell Douglas to knock it off! He's puttin' holes in the boat!
Yes, Sir!
You heard the Captain! No more Skull-Dougery!
Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig! Har- Har- Har!

 

Forgive me Father, for I have Finned.
Penance.
Forgive me Father, for I have Tinned.
Penance.
Forgive me Father, for I have Wind . farrrt-
P.U.

 

An Irwin Allen Production!
OooOOoooOO! To escape, you must make your way past the Seven Circles of Big Stars!
-kaf cough- Who are these Seven?
If you kiss each of them, you will be lead back to the path of safety.
Sela Ward, Jennifer Aniston, Terry Hatcher, Evangeline Lilly, Hale Berry, Sandra Bullock...
Mmmmm! Getting hot in here.
Think of it as Love Boat with matches.
And Ernest Borgnine.
I'm going back up.

 

What's with the long face, Your Majesty?
I think I may be ailing. I've got this condition.
Ohhh Sir! You've been looking at that Book of Medicine again. You're imagining everything.
No. I know I get paranoid sometimes. But this time I'm sure!
I really am pregnant!

 

Your Majesty! What seems to be the trouble?
I think I'm pregnant. I'm about ready to give birth!
Impossible. I assure you, that you can NOT be in labor!
But I am, Doc! I am!
Look! I'm CROWNING!

 

Your Majesty, just what makes you think that you are pregnant?
This morning I felt nausia Last night I craved peanut butter and pickles
Im moody too Boo Hoo Why dont you believe me
Above all I keep missing my periods Ooops I skipped one again

 

Good Morning.
-grunt grunt-
Could I help you find anything?
-grunt grunt-
-sigh-
Well! Where the Hell is it?!

 

Can I help you find anything?
YOU ASKED THAT ALREADY! Then you just ignored me!
You mean that "grunt" you gave me? I thought you were "grunting me off."
"Grunting me off?" What kinda Book Store is this?
I am so sorry. What can I help you with?
-grunt!-

 

NO!
Excuse me?
You were going to ask me if I had one of your "Discount Cards!" And I am so sick of you asking me everytime I come in!
Actually, I was going to ask you if you ever "HEARD of our discount program?" And your answer is "no,' so that means I should TELL you about it.
Okay..So YES, I've HEARD OF YOUR DAMN PROGRAM..and I DON'T want one!
In all honesty, I was gonna ask you if your mother and father were related?

 

-grunt grunt-
Oh, Yes! I know it. It was fantastic!
-grunt grunt-
And thank you, too. You have a nice day.
Hey, I must be getting better at understanding Midwestern Phonics. He didn't spit on the floor this time.

 

Illogical!
-cluck-cluck-cluck-
These circumstances can not be.
-bwack-bwack-cluck-
Fraid so. You have CHICKEN-SPOX.
But I had them as a child.

 

Did you hear the one about the Jolly Green Giant and Mother Nature?
He stuck his penis in her vegetable garden...
And got her-peas!

 

Dear, why are you routing through the kitchen cabnets?
I've got a headache. I was looking for the aspirin.
Oh, I wanted to organize our house a bit. You'll find all the medicines in the medicine cabnet now.
The medicine cabnet?
But that's where we keep the empty shampoo bottles!

 

French Onion Soup
Thinnly slice two Big Honkin' Onions and carmelize them in a tablespoon each of Olive Oil and Butter.
When the onions are nice and brown, add 32oz of Beef Broth and one half cup of Apple Juice. Salt & Pepper to taste. Bring to a simmer.
Toast sliced French Bread that has been rubbed with Garlic.
Place the toasted Bread in a Soup Bowl and sprinkle Swiss Cheese over it. Spoon soup over it and enjoy!
Got it! But how do you get your onions to honk?

 

Spanish Rice
Brown six slices of Bacon that have been diced. Saute one each diced Onion and Green Pepper in the bacon drippings.
Crumble and brown one pound of Hamburger. When finished, stir in one packet of Taco Seasoning.
Combine with the bacon, onion and pepper, one 14oz can Diced Tomatoes, one 8oz Can of Tomato Sauce, and three cups of dry Minute Rice.
Place mixture in a 9x13 baking dish and bake for 45 minutes at 375 degrees.
Helpful hint: You can tell when the dish is ready by laying a slice of bacon on top of the rice before baking. When your bacon looks done...you are ready to go!
There will be no "laying bacon" without dinner and a movie...at least!

 

Honey! We are gonna start Spring Cleaning!
I got you a nice big box. I want you to sort through all this clutter and toss out the junk.
Couldn't I just forget the paper sorting...and move into the box?

 

What can I do for ya?
If anything ever happens to me, would you come to my house and get rid of all my porn?
um....
You know, so no one gets embarrased going through my effects.
Sure...I guess.
Thanks, Grandma!

 

Hey kid! Stop that! What are you putting into your mouth...spit that out!
Relax. It's just a bug. It's a non-poisonous arachnid parasite.
It is quite tasty and full of protien.
Mmm? Sounds good. Can I try one?
Silly rabbit, TICKS are for kids!

 

If I could break the fourth wall for just a moment...
Do you know that you just went sixteen comic strips WITHOUT a reference to bodily discharges?
No shit?

 

King Lear: The Cable Guy
Sire! Your daughters seek to undermine you. All of Britain is madder than Anna Nicole Smith with a handful of carreer moves!
Git-R-Done!
Romeo and Juliet and Engvall
So he jilts me to run off with a thirteen year old! She fakes her death, he kills himself, she does the same. I'm gonna live a life of chastity!
Here's your sign.
Julius Foxworthy
So I said, "Caesar? I don't even know her!"
You know Brute, Etu 'R a redneck!

 

Ice storms devistate the Midwest!
Ay Carumba! I better get some groceries!
Many without electricity or heat!
Ay Carumba! I better get some candles!
Also in the news, the verdict over who gets Anna Nicole's body!
Ay Carumba! I better get a shovel!

 

Honey? There's a hurse parked in our back yard?
I meant to tell you. Before Grampa died, I promised him he would be burried under his favorite rose bush.
What? You're gonna burry him in our yard?
Sure, as soon as the back-hoe arrives.
You're burrying Anna Nicole in our yard , also?

 

"Thank you for buying the Whamo Hammer. WARNING: Using the Whamo Hammer with Non-Whamo Nails may cause anal leakage."
Now thats just silly!

 

Looks like someone removed that half eaten shark carcass from the table. Thanks for saving me a piece!
um...Thanks. Sorry about that sarcasm.

 

Blah, blah, blah, blah, my puppy. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, cost of cheeses, blah, blah.
Oh my! This lady is so nice...and she's a great customer, but can't she see I'm all by myself this morning?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, turbines. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, corns on my feet, blah, blah.
Can't she hear the phone ringing? There are two other customers waiting behind her. Can't she see that?
You are such a nice young person. So helpful. In fact, you remind me of my niece blah, blah, blah.
Shut up, shut up! ..oh Lord! I'm such a cad!

 

I am so tired of this fish bowl!
All day long, its the same ol' thing. There's no sense of adventure!
You're in luck! I booked us on a Goldfish Safari.
Later
Um... Are you sure you read the brochure right?

 

Hi. My name is Kevin and I'm looking for a copy of Sir Francis Ba....
Wuh? You're...you're a....
Yes. You probably recognize me from the lead in my highschool musical, Grease. I'm looking for...
But...but..you're a....
Damnit! Yes...I'm a CUSTOMER! Why won't you help me? You're a Book Store, Aintcha?
I think I'll switch to surreal in the morning!

 

Honey? How about stopping by the video store and renting a movie tonight?
Sounds great! What should I rent?
How about "Terms of Enderment" or "Bridget Jone's Diary?"
Either or! Sounds like a perfect evening, Hun!
Hey Jeff, which movie are you bringing home?
"Weekend at Bernies!" Natch!

 

CONGRATULATIONS!
You just won! You are the one hundredth visitor to this comic site.
Print this comic strip out on any standard computer printer.
Present the strip at any participating Bar or Pub.
And claim your prize!
Offer expires 04-01-2007.

 

Mr. Hollywood? Any truth in the rumor your past relationships were pathetic attempts to form a "Trophy Family?"
I don't NEED trophies in my life!
My work stands on it's own and I seriously want a solid relationship!
Sonny?
Not now, Grammy! I'm in a conference!
But Oscar, Tony, and Emmy are waiting for us! Could you hurry up?

 

Dear Sir, The makers of the Whamo Hammer found offence at your remark about our product causing "anal leakage when using the Whamo Hammer with Non-Whamo Nails."
Unless you issue a follow up remark correcting this falsity, our lawyers will be contacting you regarding a costly libel suit.
Okay! Okay! You can get anal leakage when you use it with Whamo Nails also!

 

Hey, you! I want that book, "Flutter Butter!" Stop standing around and get it for me!
?
Hello?? I'm the customer! Are you LISTENING?
What?
I really don't have time for this. Why can't retail establishments hire clerks that are as smart as I am?
um...I don't work here!

 

Doctor? It's my nipples. They feel... I don't know...they feel funny.
Funny "ha-ha" or funny "strange?"

Showing page 11.

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