All comics by BobRogers

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by BobRogers
3-26-06
Allright. You ran me over with a truck. "Splat" Very funny. You still haven't explained why no wheel chair Bob.
Pretty easy actually. My name is not Bob.
AHA! I KNEW IT! Your name is not Bob. Not Bob. Not Bob. Not Bob. What IS your name then *snip*tard?
Kenny. Kenny Rogers.
What?
Clean out your ears, Albert. I'm Bob's twin brother Kenny.

 

by BobRogers
3-26-06
So how did he take the news that there are two of us?
He just got this kinda odd numb look on his face and started mumbling to himself. then he just wandered away.
Man what was that? The whole house shook.
Dave's head just exploded again.

 

by BobRogers
3-27-06
You are doing it again you know.
Doing what?
Cutting Dave slack after months of psychotic episodes and creating chaos. You're just letting it all slide and slackig off as if it didn't happen.
Why would you say that? Certainly Dave doesn't believe that.
Look at the title of the strip. I rest my case.
Well, he hasn't cursed anyone out since last Friday. There has to be some reward.

 

by BobRogers
3-28-06
Rolling past the haunted house, Bob bumps into Double Spy Punch.
Dude, it's coming up on Easter, not Halloween. What are you doing out and about?
I felt a great disturbance in the force.
What kind of disturbance?
A child was crying, "Oh My God, You killed CHEF! You BASTARDS!
That was South Park Creators, Parker and Stone, ripping on Scientology again. Joke religons are easy targets.
Seriously. That ripple was enormous.

 

by BobRogers
3-28-06
It's not as though Chef was a central character on South Park. I mean, sure, he offered advice once in a while, but what the hell?
That's exactly what happens when you contract log term talent on a hit cartoon. No flexibility.
I know. They get well known and right away start wanting to run things. Plus Scientologists suck anyway.
Dude, don't get me started on Scientology.
Why not?
Because we Mormons hate Scientologists.

 

by BobRogers
3-28-06
Dude! What do you mean "We Mormons?" Since when are you a Mormon? And how could a ghost be a Mormon anyhow?
Well, you know that Mormon baptize the dead, right?
Um, yeah. I heard that about them.
Well, there I was having a drink in the "Lost Souls Bar" when I got tapped on the shoulder...
By whom?
By the ghost of Brigham Young. He ordered me over to Mormon Heaven and I been sober ever since.

 

by BobRogers
3-28-06
But wait. You said "Mormon" Heaven. You mean there are different heavens for different religons?
Oh sure. You should see some of them. Muslim Heaven for example is a real piece of work.
Elaborate...
Well, you know that when jihaddists die, they go to heaven and are assigned 40 virgins?
Yeah. It was on CNN.
Well, the big cosmic joke is that when these guys get there each one is assigned 40 clones of Dave.

 

by BobRogers
3-28-06
Jihaddists are expecting 40 virgins and they get 40 clones of Dave? That is just evil, dude.
Exactly. You trhink Mohammed Atta was pissed off BEFORE 911...
So what about Scientologists. What heaven do they go to?
They don't. That's the beauty of it. They stand together in an empty parking lot waiting for a bus that never comes.
Huh?
It's a special Hell set up just for stupid smart people.

 

by BobRogers
3-29-06
Father. My favorite dog is dead. He was a good dog and I loved him a lot. I want to bury him in the church cemetary.
I am sorry for your loss, my son, but we don't really bury creatures in the church cemetary. Have you tried the Baptists? They're pretty liberal.
Thanks for the suggestion. I will give that a try.
Go in peace, my son.
By the way, Father. Did I mention that I have $500 to donate in his memory?
Saints be blessed, my son. Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?

 

by BobRogers
3-30-06
Why do you always have to write about me? I wanna know.
Have you ever heard of Willie Sutton, the famous bank robber Dave? He answered the question "Why do you rob banks by saying 'That's where the money is.
I don't rob banks. I HAVE a job.
It's a metaphor Dave. I write about you because that's where the"totally insane behavior is."
I don't get it.
Didn't think you would.

 

by BobRogers
4-01-06
Dave's Boss's Wayward Telephone turns up...
Enterprise rent A Car, Chris Speaking. How may I help you?
Dude. Did you lose a Nextel telephone?
Yeah, I did. That *snip*tard Dave lost it the other day. I'm telling you, if I wasn't doing community service by keeping him on, I would have fired that moron a month ago.
Well I thought you'd like to know, I'm calling you on it from Thailand
Thailand?
Yep. From a place called Phuket Island. Just having a nice vacation, calling all my friends from the other side of the planet.

 

by BobRogers
4-01-06
Meanwhile, it's spring in the park...
Dave hated the audio you made.
Dude, you have me all wrong. I recorded it right off the air like that.
He says you edited it from its original content. I mean, seriously, Dave yodels?
Mia culpa.

 

by BobRogers
4-02-06
Never a dull day in Loretta's World...
I'm afraid there's been a car accident.
A pink car has run over your sister and killed her.
I'm from the insurance company. You're in good hands with...
Just shut it. My lawyer will be calling.

 

by BobRogers
4-03-06
You knew that Dave wrecked his car, right?
Yeah. I blogged about it and Dave had a cow.
You are speaking figuratively, of course...
No. For real. Farmer told me about it this morning. Said Dave called him in to ask what to do with his new cow.
Meanwhile, on the farm...
Dad-dy?
I want to kill Bob.

 

by BobRogers
4-04-06
To OWN or NOT OWN Dave... That is the question. Whether tis nobler to tell him the truth that he is owned or lie and say he is his own man.
One man cannot own another man. It is wrong in the sight of God.
This is Dave we are talking about, brother. He is a child in a man's body and argues on-line like a girl. Therefore he is qualified to be owned.
I set myself on fire in protest against slavery.
That was just asinine.

 

by BobRogers
4-04-06
He burned himself to a crisp to protest that Bob owns Dave?
It's the truth. POOF! Instant fireball.
And he had not the slightest clue that Bob owns Dave "metaphorically and not literally"
Nope. Just poured on the gas and lit the match.
Man. These Bhuddist dudes have GOT to get out more.
It's what I've been saying as well.

 

by BobRogers
4-05-06
Dude, What's your deal? Why are you lying upside down in the grass?
I'm having a heart attack.
A heart attack? Over what?
Dave was kind to an older lady today and then turned around and had a calm and respectful 20 minute AIM Convo with me. Then he unblocked Jen.
Quit hogging the defibrilator.
Oxygen! I need OXYGEN

 

by BobRogers
4-06-06
A chance encounter while Bob is on walkabout...
You said you were going to stop ripping on me with dog jokes.
And you are whom?
Who do you THINK I am, you DOG ABUSER?
Well, you can't be Dave, oh canine total stranger whose name I do not know. Because I'm not ripping on Dave right now with dog jokes.
You mean I am NOT Dave?
Of course not. You are just a regular cartoon version of man's best friend.

 

by BobRogers
4-06-06
Y' know. I pretty much don't get it. This strip rips on Dave. Dave hates being called a dog. My presencee here suggests...
... that you are Dave and I have drawn you as a dog to rip on you?
Um, yeah. Why else would a dog be suddenly getting 6 panels in an otherwise animal scarce strip?
Have you considered there might be a purely slapstick motive related to the road background, and yon oncoming truck?
Ow.
Running gags rule.

 

by BobRogers
4-06-06
Hold up there, Bob - if that's your real name.
I am from the SPCA. I got a report that you recently lured a dog out onto this highway and allowed him to be run over by a truck. Is that true?
Sure as my wheelchair rolls. that's the gospel according to "Bob."
What the ...?
James Bond has forward looking laser cannons on his Peterbilt. Cya.

 

by BobRogers
4-07-06
Grrr. You LIED to me.
How do you figure?
I really am Dave drawn as a dog. You let me be FLATTENED by a tractor-trailer and humiliated by making me road-kill.
Mia Culpa
Sometimes it all seems too easy.

 

by BobRogers
4-07-06
Later that day, in the park...
... so after the 24th time the truck ran over him, Dave called me a 'bitch' and locked himself in his room.
Dude. Do you have any idea how evil that is?
Of course I do. But how many people do you know dumb enough to stand on the highway 24 times n a row to get hit by a truck?
Well, you're right about that one. Boy is dumb as dirt. Picked a fight on AIM within an hour of making peace.
That's my point. In the absence of the ablity to learn from mistakes, why not just run him over with a Freightliner?
I am falling off the bench with hysterical laughter.

 

by BobRogers
4-10-06
Sometimes you feel like a dog. Sometimes you don't
I want to make it perfectly clear that I am not a cartoon!
Yes you are. Here you stand right smack dab in the middle of a cartoon strip with a cartoon road for a background.
Here you are being splattered into oblivion by a Mack Bulldog Conventional pulling a flatbed with 40 tons of rolled steel on board.
You really need to stop killing me.
Why? Prithee explain.

 

by BobRogers
4-10-06
Perhaps a change of venue...
Allright. There's no stupid highway here now, is there? No stupid truck to run me over.
That's gotta hurt.
Have you seen the ...
Roadrunner? He went thataway.

 

by BobRogers
4-11-06
... so every time I meet Bob somewhere, the next thing that happens is that I get mowed down by something. A truck, a stupid bird...
A skateboarder.
etu Gargoyle?
I am just an innocent bystander

 

by BobRogers
4-11-06
OmyGod! You KILLED Dave You... you.. you....
Now Sister, there's no need to be upset. No matter how many times Dave is obliterated, he will return safe and sound. Such is the nature of cartoon death.
My tongue tastes like fireplace.

 

by BobRogers
4-11-06
As you might be aware, for quite some number of strips now, I have been trying to harvest Dave from Loretta's World to bring him here.
Now hold on Grim, buddy, pal. What makes you think we want that troublemaker here?
You have a contract out on him. It says in the 260th paragraph, take him directly to Hell.
Well, see now - you've misunderstood the content of the document.
Pray elaborate, oh diabolical ruler of Hell and secret owner of all of Pleasant Valley....
Re-read the paragraph. It says you're supposed to put him through Hell , not bring him here. My health insurance doesn't cover the kind of mayhem he causes.

 

by BobRogers
4-12-06
Lately, things haven't been going well for me. I lost keys. I lost a phone and everywhere I go, things happen...
???
A falling, exploding chandelier in a CHURCH? Does the cartoonist have any idea how whack that is?

 

by BobRogers
4-12-06
Tristan Pipo made his debut on The Adventures of Message Board Dave...
Tristan Pipo! Dude, why aren't you in school?
I ditched class today so that I could stop by and tell you that I think that both you and Dave are childish and need to grow up.
And you came all the way out to the highway just to tell me that? How precious.
I think you should take me seriously. I am a force to be reckoned with.
I will certainly keep that in mind.

 

by BobRogers
4-14-06
"Man has no greater enemy than himself."
What?
"I cannot believe that the inscrutable universe turns on an axis of suffering; surely the strange beauty of the world must somewhere rest on pure joy!"
Well... um...
"Death is easy. COMEDY... now THAT's difficult.

 

by BobRogers
4-14-06
"He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead."
"Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things."
"When elephants fight it is the grass that suffers."

 

by BobRogers
4-14-06
Who are you?
"He who knows others is wise."
Oh, right. You're the philosophy donkey I've been hearing so much about.
"As I make my slow pilgrimage through the world, a certain sense of beautiful mystery seems to gather and grow."
See ya!
"One can acquire everything in solitude except character."

 

by BobRogers
4-16-06
Philosophy Donkey's reign of terror continues unchallenged...
"Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions."
Do you mind? This is the LADIES' Room!
"If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow man."
Moo!
"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.""
Donkey, there is such a thing as overkill, you know.

 

by BobRogers
4-17-06
So, Dave's been on the radio again huh?
Yeah. Complaining about his boss. Dave thinks it's OK for him to listen to his boss's private conversations.
He has the same social skills as a used steel belted radial. What a moron.
I think his mother ought to be fined $500 and given community service for not teaching him a thing in 31 years.
Nah. Poor woman suffered enough. She had to raise him and he never listens to anyone.
Um. I forgot the punchline.

 

by BobRogers
4-18-06
Dave is slandering me.
What makes you say that?
He is telling people not to smoke. It's blasphemy, I tell ya!
Um humm
You have to make him stop. There's a box of hand rolled cuban cigars in it for you if you do.
I will look into it.

 

by BobRogers
4-19-06
I am going to have to place you under arrest Dave.
Whafor? I didn't do nothing. Who are you anyhow? Lemmie see a badge. Say, you look like Abe Vagoda, do ya know that?
I AM Abe Vagoda, Dave. And I'm taking you to jail for crimes against Big Tobacco.
What? That's just stupid. How can you commit a crime against Big Tobacco when Big Tobacco murders ten thousand people a year?
You have to stay here in Tobacco Prison, Dave. Want a cigarette?
Abe Vagoda, you BASTARD! Bob put you up to this right? This is all Bob's fault.

 

by BobRogers
4-19-06
What are you in for, new boy?
Abe Vagoda arrested me for telling people they shouldn't smoke. Speaking of which...
So you think you can fight? Eat Horn, PUNK!
If you think I am going to stand around breathing second hand smoke from a dinosaur, then you deserve to be extinct.
Now maybe they'll put me in a non-smoking jail cell.

 

by BobRogers
4-20-06
Dave has a visitor in Tobacco jail.
I beg your pardon, would you happen to have some MARMITE?
Even if MARMITE was a REAL WORD, which it isn't, I am in freaking TOBACCO JAIL. Why would I have MARMITE?
Jeeze! You don't have to get huffy. I am making a culinary surprise for DRKODOS and I need some MARMITE!
Agggg! Could you make it ANY worse? I HATE DRKODOS and MARMITE is not a word! Why are you TORTURING me?
Wow. That guy is more tightly wrapped than the armature on a slot car motor. All I wanted was a little Marmite and instead, I get guff.
This is all some evil plot to make me start smoking. DRKODOS doesn't eat anyhow. He only smokes marajuana. Stupid Chef.

 

by BobRogers
4-21-06
Meanwhile...
DrKodos, I presume?
I don't believe I've had the pleasure.
I Am Watching.
What?
What are you, a wise guy?
But of course.

 

by BobRogers
4-23-06
So how long do you think Dave will have to stay in tobacco jail?
Oh, he's out now. Somebody posted bail for him.
Really? Who?
Somebody from his job.
TOBOR new Enterprise Rent-a-car Robot now OWNS Dave's ass!

 

by BobRogers
4-23-06
Gas prices SUCK. Who wants to pay $3.50 a gallon for gasoline anyhow? All my money goes for GAS. I can't buy CD's or anything.
I am needing a new 900 foot yacht with a helicoptor landing pad and 3 swimming pools. I suggest you get a smaller car American Infidel.
Oil companies made 100 billion dollars in profits last year. Gas doesn't need to be $3.50 a gallon. All you're doing is stealing, ya thief.
We sell oil by the barrel, not gasoline. You Americans need to build more refineries and stop F###ing with Iran.
Iran doesn't EXIST. You're making it all up. Now DIE BITCH!
The truck that was supposed to splat me ran out of fuel about three miles up the road.. You can't touch me, Albert.

 

by BobRogers
4-24-06
Over on Maple Street, a little something different...
Great Ceaser's Ghost! What happened here?
Gas station exploded and took out an entire city block.
Really? How in the world did that happen?
I was just getting ready to fill up with regular gas. I work you know. Anyhow this jackass came out and changed the price by 15 cents a gallon.
Wow. Must have been frustrating.
I had a spare hand grenade left over from when i worked at the grocery store. The rest is history.

 

by BobRogers
4-24-06
I'm telling you, I don't think they're going to fall for the "selling Girl Scout Cookies" thing.
All you can do is try...
I'm just a sweet girl scout trying to get to summer camp.
No you're not. You're a horrible man-eating plant who wants me for supper
I knew I should have caught those piggies in the straw house. Stupid bricks.

 

by BobRogers
4-26-06
Welcome a new character. Meet M. Williams, answer man.
So who are you?
Williams is the name. Information is my game. I answer questions.
OK. I get it. Let's see how good you really are. Tell me... Why does everybody pick on me all the time?
That's easy. because you have a reputation for being a lout, a git, an idiot, a message board wrecker and a dumb ass.
NOT TRUE! YOU LIE! There is no such word as lout!
You asked. I answered. Not my fault if you don't want to hear it.

 

by BobRogers
4-27-06
Sister Mary visits the fence...
Hello Sister. How are things in your world today?
Not so good Mr. Williams. I need an answer to a perplexing question.
Fire away, Sister
I am just perplexed at why Bob is always fighting with Dave. It seems like he always has something to say. Why is that?
Because he is insane.
Thought so.

 

by BobRogers
4-28-06
Hello, Loretta.
HOLD UP! My name is NOT LORETTA!
No, it pretty much is Loretta.
I outta know my own name and it is definitely NOT Loretta!
Whatever you say, Loretta.
I hate you M. Williams.

 

by BobRogers
4-29-06
Yar! I am a pirate as you can plainly see. I'm looking for a fella what steals more stuff than me.
You are looking for Dave, often known as Loretta. He steals ideas from people and claims they are his own.
Tis he/she i am looking for, and if ye wouldn't mind, can ye direct me toward him who I'm trying to find?
Be glad to. He's over in the park watching grass grow. It's his favorite passtime after playing with puddin spoons. Why do you want him, I wonder?
I heard about him online and I heard he LOVES to steal. So I decided to SHANGHAI him and se if he's for real.
Obviously this gag is going to run more than 3 panels.

 

by BobRogers
5-01-06
So then I woke up a few minutes ago and I was on this ship. I don't want to be on a ship. Whose idea was this? I want answers!
You've been kidnapped to sail the seven seas. Now grab a mop and start swabbing decks please.
I'll show you 'swab the deck.'
YAR! You are losing so far!
Accidentally rolled off the boat. GET AWAY you STUPID fish.

 

by BobRogers
5-02-06
Dave has fallen off the boat. No really...
Who are you?
I'm Dave and I just found out that I can breathe underwater.
Nobody can breathe underwater.You're drowning.
That's ridiculous. I am talking to you, therefore I am breathing.
You are having an oxygen deprivation hallucination where you are thinking you are talking to me when you are actually drowning.
I am not listening to you. You are an idiot.

 

by BobRogers
5-04-06
Dude. You're drowning and hallucinating.
Yuh. Right.
You don't have to believe me. Just stand there for a second. You'll get it...
Get what?
Russian Nuclear Submarine.
The urge to kill.

Showing page 12.

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