All comics by UnknownEric

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by UnknownEric
11-30-04
Let me guess... Angel, right?
Yeah. This kid told me he needed me for the "Y-Things" or something...
Well, at least you're better than the "Colossus" he came up with. Wanna see?
Sure.
RAAAAAAAAR!!!
Well, I'll be cornholed.

 

by UnknownEric
12-03-04
Oh my God! Jenny! I haven't seen you in years! What have you been doing with your life?
Well, I'm an actress! In movies!
No kidding? What was your last film?
"Ragged Dick."
Wow, an adaptation of Horatio Alger!
Uh, no... but my co-star was Fellatio Alger.

 

by UnknownEric
12-03-04
*CLICK*
That's better.

 

by UnknownEric
12-04-04
Hey sexy, have I mentioned yet that I have a four foot dick?
Yeah right.
It's true. I'll show you.
Sure you will.
Your tits are small.

 

by UnknownEric
12-04-04
That homely guy over there is sure getting a lot of attention from the ladies.
It's because he has a four foot dick.
No way! I have to see it!
Stare all you like, but you're not in my league.

 

by UnknownEric
12-04-04
Thanks for coming back to my place with me.
Well, I just had to see your four foot dick.
Are you sure about that?
Whip it out, tiger.
I hope you like anal.

 

by UnknownEric
12-06-04
Hey, Wolvie.
Yeah?
Where are we?
Phoenix.
Sure is dark.
Yep.

 

by UnknownEric
12-06-04
Hi kids, it's your good friend Non-Sequitur Donkey with an important message!
Folk music!
THE LESS YOU KNOW...
Don't forget the toothpaste!

 

by UnknownEric
12-08-04
Hi, I'm Michael Bivins. Today we're cooking Dope Chicken in a lemon butter sauce. Right, Ron?
Word to the mutha. First you smother it in honey, aw yeah...
Then you smack it up, flip it, rub it down...
...OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!! Take it away, Ricky.
You can watch us in the mornin', you can watch us in the night, you can watch us when you wanna watch us...

 

by UnknownEric
12-09-04
Bob.
Gary.
For Christmas, I got you this nice stocking cap.
Gary, how many times do I have to tell you, I WILL NOT ACCEPT A CAP!!! Here, I got you some tires.
Bob, Bob, Bob... why are you trying to give me tires when it's obvious we need a new car!
Let's not talk again for 15 months.

 

by UnknownEric
12-14-04
Today, class, we'll be watching an educational video. It's called "Traci, I Love You."
Yay!
I'm drunk on cock!
Questions? Comments?
Why was the ending so anti-climactic?

 

by UnknownEric
12-14-04
MARY!!!
Who is it? Who's there?
It's the angel Gabriel, with some great news from God.
He just saved a bunch of money on His car insurance by switching to Geico?
Are you still there? Hello?

 

by UnknownEric
12-14-04
The great news, Mary, is that you're pregnant with the Son of God!
The son of Bob?!? But I made Bob pull out and everything!
Yes, Mary, you are... URGH WHAT? You're supposed to be a virgin!!!
Oh. Nobody told me that.
Clearly.
I mean, did anyone put it in writing for me?

 

by UnknownEric
12-14-04
Um, Joseph? I have something to tell you... I'm pregnant.
But we never had sex!!! How did this happen???
Umm... it's a miracle(?)
A miracle? Why didn't you say so? God is great!
Phew.
Praise God!!!

 

by UnknownEric
12-22-04
and all through the world...
...not a creature was stirring...
...not even an asiangirl.
I'm shaking, not stirring.

 

by UnknownEric
12-29-04
and the dragon comes in the NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!! Thank you!
Backstage.
Oy, mate. 'Oo are you, then?
I'm Leif Garrett. I'm starting my own record label and I want you to be my first signing!
Blimey! No way!
Yes, research shows young people want a rock star who sucks even harder than Scott Stapp.

 

by UnknownEric
12-29-04
In the studio.
Aynis Hertz? Hi, I'm Gus Dudgeon, I'll be producing your album.
Gus Dudgeon. Why is your name so familiar?
I produced a lot of Elton John's 70s records.
Elton John! He gets all the minge, don't he?
I said... He gets all the minge, don't he?

 

by UnknownEric
12-29-04
Aynis? It's Leif. Your video is being played right now on VH-1.
Wow, I gotta see this!
and the dragon comes in the NIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!
Rock on!
That was Aynis Hertz and his brand new video "Dragon," which has already been named Most Awesomely Bad Song of All Time by Blender Magazine.
All press is good press, mate!

 

by UnknownEric
12-29-04
I'm sorry to have to do this Aynis, but I'm dropping you from the label.
But my album just came out yesterday!
Yes, and it's sold exactly 2 copies so far.
That's a start, innit?
Aynis, you're being outsold by a CD of vomiting sound effects.
Yeah, but my music is CAUSING that vomiting!

 

by UnknownEric
12-29-04
5 years later, on a street corner in London.
and the dragon comes in the NIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!
Hey, aren't you Aynis Hertz?
I sure am, little girl!
You suck.
So you don't want an autograph?

 

by UnknownEric
1-06-05
It was then that the truth hit me like a brick thrown from the hand of a cartoon mouse.
boorite?
Yes. I am your father.
It was a hard truth, one that left me reeling for a good five seconds before my senses returned.
So that's why I had no pants. I don't wear any!
Exactly, my son. Members of the Boo Tang Clan have no need for such trivialities as pants.
But still, questions filled my mind that needed to be asked.
Why is that again?
If you have to ask, you're not ready to know, son.

 

by UnknownEric
1-19-05
Harley.
Trevor.
We're not playing.
We're not paying.
Same time next year?
Sure!

 

by UnknownEric
1-22-05
Upon witnessing his best friend's co-worker's mother's grandma murdered while he was trying to cornhole her...
Ooh, looks like I'm dead!
NOOOOOOOOOO!
...TOBOR decides to use his scientific genius and telescoping wang to fight crime in Gotdam City...
Alfred, did that shipment of adult novelties come in so I can finish making my "naughty mace?"
Yes, Master TOBOR.
...he is... THE BOTMAN.
RAAAAR! BOTMAN will JUSTICE you!
The hell does that mean?

 

by UnknownEric
1-25-05
I'm here with Huey Lewis, 80s rock icon.
Nice to be here.
Huey, rumors have been flying around for years that you have the biggest penis in rock and roll. Is that true?
Not at all! My penis is average. 6 inches.
Yes, 6 inches is an average length.
Length?

 

by UnknownEric
2-05-05
Sucky sucky $6.29!

 

by UnknownEric
2-07-05
I have bigger tits than Debra Messing.

 

by UnknownEric
2-07-05
Gee, wasn't "The King and I" fun?
Fun??? It was a racist, sexist apologia for fascist monarchy.
The dancing made me want to stand and cheer.
The only time I felt like standing up and applauding was when the king died.
But the songs were so catchy!
If Rodgers and Hammerstein weren't already dead, I'd be smacking the shit out of them about now.

 

by UnknownEric
2-11-05
Man, I wish I didn't get so nervous before a big exam.
Try these!
Test-Eaze?
Yep. Just pop some Test-Eaze in your mouth and suck on them! They'll ease your anxieties.
Sounds great.
And they come in three flavors: Salty, Bitter, and Phleghmy.

 

by UnknownEric
2-11-05
YOU TAKE THIS SALARY CAP!
NO! I WON'T TAKE IT!
YOU TAKE IT!
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!
I WON'T PLAY WITH YOU THEN!
MOMMMMMMMYYYYY!!

 

by UnknownEric
2-16-05
...and that's why we destroyed the league over a few million dollars. I will now open the floor to questions.
Bob, why are you such a douchebag?
Next question.
Yes, Bob, our readers are wondering... why are you... oh, you know, that thing that women use when they're feeling "not so fresh..."
You mean a douchebag?
That's it!

 

by UnknownEric
2-19-05
GAME ON!
Alright!!!
GAME OFF!
Goddamit.
GAME ON!
You're killin' me here!!!

 

by UnknownEric
3-01-05
What's the difference between Stripcreator and urination porn.
One's filled with a bunch of pissed off people and the other's filled with a bunch of pissed on people.

 

by UnknownEric
3-02-05
Are you now or have you ever been...
...riding me?
Oooh, Joe!

 

by UnknownEric
3-11-05
Jesus, is it true that you died on the cross for our sins?
Well, yes and no.
Yes and no?
I mean, "your sins" was the PR-approved reason, but really...
Do you have any idea how much pussy you get after you come back from the DEAD?

 

by UnknownEric
3-11-05
Thank God it's not Friday!

 

by UnknownEric
3-30-05
Them regeneration pods ain't gonna generate clones by themselves!
Ha ha ha.
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by UnknownEric
3-30-05
Gah! Who are you?
I'm your clone.
Sweet!
Totally.

 

by UnknownEric
3-30-05
Hi, chicka!
Hi!
I need to stop at the grocery store.
Hi, chi... whoa, wait a minute.
What? Are my pants falling down?

 

by UnknownEric
3-30-05
I just saw you outside five minutes ago!
That's impossible.
Fred Durst is a star.
Okay, so nothing's impossible...

 

by UnknownEric
3-30-05
In a laboratory across town...
Muhahahahahaha, nobody suspects that I am cloning Stripcreator regulars for my own amusement...
...back at the supermarket...
I think somebody must be cloning Stripcreator regulars for his own amusement!
But what amusement could he get out of us?
Do it again! Do it again!
CUNT! *flop*

 

by UnknownEric
3-30-05
So we need to find out who's behind this before it gets even worse!
Agreed. Let's go!
Hey, Brad.
Yikes. Is it the real MikeyG or a clone?
I just fucked your mom.
It's the real MikeyG.

 

by UnknownEric
4-04-05
It was another shit day in a shit town. Every time I tried to go clean, those stories about my past would catch up to me.
They branded me a pervert... a kidnapper... a cornholer...
...and now it was time for me to take my revenge.
RAAAAAR!

 

by UnknownEric
4-04-05
I stumbled my way down to where the whores congregate, to get some information, but nobody knew anything... or so they said...
Sorry, honey, I ain't heard shit.
That's when I saw her... the most beautiful woman alive... she could give me something the others couldn't.
Sucky sucky fie dollah.
Affordable rates.
Five dollars, you say?
What have I done?

 

by UnknownEric
4-04-05
When I woke up, she was gone. There were signs of a struggle, which made me think she didn't leave of her own volition.
The one woman I loved and she was gone, kidnapped... and they'd probably try to pin it on me.
My day just kept getting worse.
WHO STOLE THE PUSSY?!?!

 

by UnknownEric
4-04-05
My first stop was Applebee's... all the lowlife scum hung out there...
What can I get for you, sir?
How about some INFORMATION, fucker!
My usual informant was no help, even after I, umm, gave him a nice bath...
raar.
It looked like I was going to have to go to the source...
Yes, Mr. Tobor, everything is $1.
My wallet explodes with delight!

 

by UnknownEric
4-04-05
Everywhere I went, one name kept popping up...
RAAR!
FIREFLY!
...FIREFLY...
RAAR!
FIREFLY!
...I decided to pay the bitch a personal visit.
CUNT! *flop*

 

by UnknownEric
4-04-05
I don't know what you think you can do to me, TOBOR. I'm untouchable.
Maybe you should see what I did to your bodyguard...
Ahh, yer all talk, ye metal bastard, ye probably did nothing to my...
GAH!
I'm Benicio del Toro, bitch!

 

by UnknownEric
4-04-05
So now I'm back in jail... but at least this time I know justice was done...
...and done...
RAAAR!
Ah jeez.
...AND DONE!
It'll only hurt at first.
Lying rat bastard.

 

by UnknownEric
4-06-05
Jim! Jim! Jim!!!!
Calm down, dude! What is it?
Do you want to see some funky ass shit?
Sure!
Wow, it's doing the Cabbage Patch!

 

by UnknownEric
5-06-05
If you could plunder any ship, which ship would it be?
Yarrr. Paris Hilton's vagina.
Paris Hilton's vagina?
Yarr, it be large and full of seamen.

Showing page 12.

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