All comics by daddydoright

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
And our top stroy tonight! A mental patient wearing a large bunny suit escaped from the States prison for the criminally insane today! Local police are using civilian posses to help search woods.
Sounds like wabbit season to me!
Shhhhh! Be very, very quiet! I'm hunting wabbits! Huh, huh, huh, huh! Oh Mr. Wabbit! Where are you? I have a nice carrot for you!!
Right behind you Doc! And besides it's not wabbit season! It's duck season!
AHH!!! AHHH!!! AHHHHH!!!

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
Like hey man! What's going on there Daddy Cool? Can you like spare some bread man?
Wow cool! Your a 'real' beatnik! I seen you guys in old movies but I didn't know any of you still existed!
Yah Daddy-O we're still here and there caught between the cracks, a movin' and a groovin'! But about that bread! Like I need some lettuce. Some green. Can you dig man?
Oh shure. Here's 5 bucks. I'm cool!
5 measley clams don't make you all that cool Pops! But laying another 20 on me would put you a whole lot closer to being on the right path Clyde! How'z 'bout movin' up a few notches from squaresville?
No I guess I don't wanna be that hip after all! I'll just settle for being a second rate square who has money!

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
pickup bar
Hey baby ever get fucked by a midget before?
Oh your cute! Sure I'll try anything once!
So you really fucked a midget huh?! Well....how was it?! I mean wasn't his dick real little?
It was pretty good! I liked not having all that weight on me like when I do big guys! As for his dick it was 'normal' size. But because his body was so small it made it look huge! I'd do him again!
later on
No Thanks! I don't fuck 'Normals' any more! Pussy is way to big! I stick to my own kind from now on!

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
gospel singing
You know Jesus had his cross to bear and he carried it on his back!
Carried it on his back!
gospel singing
Me I got my troubles too but compared to his they ain't all of that!
They ain't all of that!
gospel singing
I got me a special need! I got me a certain want! I wanna lil' pussy! And I needz me a lil' cunt!
And he needs a lil' cunt!

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
Ma. Since we moved to this new neighborhood all the kids at school keep messing with me all the time!
DON'T LET THEM DO IT! YOUR 'MY' BOY!! TELL THEM, "THEY CAN ALL KISS YOUR ASS!"
20 years later
Ma. I started this new job and the guys at work keep messing with me all the time!
LIKE I ALWAYS TOLD YOU! IF THEY DON'T LIKE YOU TELL THEM, "KISS MY ASS!"
at his Mom's grave
Ma. I finally got it! THE WHOLE WORLD CAN "KISS MY ASS!!"
IT'S ABOUT TIME!

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
in a car going down the road
Did you see that bumper sticker on that SUV that we just passed?
Yah what about it?
in a car going down the road
Well it said, "I LOVE MY WIFE!" You gotta admire that! The loyalty! The devotion!
No I dont'!
in a car going down the road
Why's that? You against marriage?
No! But it was two guys in the car with rainbow colored California license plates!

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
Hello would you like to help the poor by donating to the UNITED WAY?
Shure. Here's $20. I'm doing my part!
The company is taking donations to help those who are homeless because of the 'recent' disaster which struck! Would you like to donate? The company will match your donation!
Alright I will! Here's $50! No one can say, "I didn't do my part!"
Wow look at that mansion, it's huge! Woah and two Mercedes Benz parked out front! Hey mister, who lives there?
CEO of UNITED WAY! Now move along or we'll sick the dogs on you!

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
Hi how'z it going? I'd like a #5 Value Meal.
Pretty good hon. How'z it going? That'z $4.78! Have a good day hon.
Did you see that chick at the register flirting with me before? She likes me!
No dumbass! She's just doing her job, being friendly. She does 'that' for everyone!
You mean she gives 'everybody' blow~jobs in the men's bathroom??! Dang! And I thought she liked me!
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK! I'M GONNA GET SOME MORE FRIES!

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
I have to hide like a fugitive! Change my whole identity! When and Where I hang out!
I can only take jobs that pay Cash! That don't require a Social Security number! Same goes for where ever I chooze to dwell!
I would like to be an active member of society. But the government is looking for me and forced me to live an 'underground' existence!

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
Let's see what the executives have been writing on the wall today. Hmm..this looks interesting, "FOR A GOOD TIME SEE CHERYL IN ACCOUNTING! GREAT HEAD, LIKES IT UP THE ASS, JUST GET HER STONED FIRST!"
Hi Cheryl! I see accounting is still where we left it. Say... I got two tickets to OZZFEST. Wanna go?
Mr. Smithers! I had no idea you like 'that' kind of music! Sure I'll go!
That was a rockin' concert Cheryl! Isn't this some good weed?
Yahhh it shure is. I suppose he wants me to give him some head now. And then he wants to fuck me up the ass! He's the 4th boss from work this week! And my 3rd promotion! It shure pays to advertise!!

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
driving down the road reading signs
WALMART! MCDONALDS! WALGREENS! SUBWAY! STARBUCKS!
another town another state
WALMART!! MCDONALDS!! WALGREENS!! SUBWAY!! STARBUCKS!!
and yet another state another town
another WALMART!!! another MCDONALDS!!! another WALGREENS!!! another SUBWAY!!! another STARBUCKS!!! IS ALL AMERICA THE SAME NOW??!!

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
Hey thar B.J.! We all been waitin on you!
Cletis I been watchin' OPRAH! And I think I wanna be called by Christian name Jolene Sue!
Gosh Dang-It B.J.! I done told you I don't want you watchin' OPRAH! Now if you must know B.J. is short for 'beautiful jean-yes!' On account we all think your so smart!
Aw shucks that's sweet! You all can call me B.J. then! But I don't wana give you boys blow jobs all the time no more! OPRAH wouldn't like that!
B.J. as long as you promise you won't watch OPRAH no more you can just give us blow~jobs on days that end in 'Y'!
See there Momma all your home schoolin' done paid off!

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
shrinks office
Hello doctor thanks for seeing me! I was abducted by aliens when I was kid. I was hopeing you could hypnotize me so I can remember what all happened!
Okay. I'll do it. But it's at my discretion whether I let you remember or not! Conjuring up memories your not ready to emotionally deal with could be dangerous!
hypnotized! remembering!
IF YOUR BITCH MOTHER WOULD LET ME SLEEP IN MY ROOM WITH HER I WOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS TO YOU!! NOW HOLD STILL AND BE FUCKIN' QUIET!!
Oww! It hurts! Owwhh!! My poop hole really hurts! It feels like a big stick is being pushed into it! Owwwie!! Nooohh!!
1! 2! 3! WAKEUP!
How come I smell OLD SPICE COLOGNE? Hey my dad used to wear that along time ago when I was a kid!
Sometimes feelings, smells can psychosomatically carry over from hypnosis! NO REASON but.. I was just wonderin did E.T. stop anally probeing you about the time your father left your mother?

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
Where we headed Jesus?
I don't know. I'm following you. Remember I gave you FREE WILL?
But I'm lost! I don't know where I'm going!
That's because your leading instead of following.
That's because I'd like to think I'm master of my own destiny!
??.... I think we just went in a circle??

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
TRY JESUS! THE DEVIL WILL ALWAYS TAKE YOU BACK.
WOW! WHAT A SIGN!
Hey Mister! Did you make that sign back there?
Yep. I shure did!
That shure took alot of balls to not only make that sign but to display it and stand up for it! These people around here shure are serious about their beliefs!
Kinda gets you thinkin' don't it?

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
I hate motha~fuckin' priests! I'm in here for killing one that reminded me of FATHER OHALLORHAN who raped me when I was a kid altarboy!
GULP!
OHALLORHAN! LOOSE THE FUCKIN' PRIEST GEAR! YOUR DOING 12-15 FOR 3RD DEGREE RAPE OF A MINOR! YOU GOTTA WEAR PRISON CLOTHES FROM NOW ON OR YOUR IN THE HOLE!
OH SHIT! I'M FUCKED!
FATHER OHALLORHAN!!! I'd call this Karma! Wouldn't you??!
Oh shit. TIMMY! MY! MY! HAVE YOU GROWN?

 

by daddydoright
4-24-06
YO! WHITEBOY! GET ME A MOTHA~FUCKIN' CIGARETTE! YOUR GONNA BE MY MAIN BITCH FROM NOW ON!
I ain't no fucking punk! Get your own fucking cigarette!
MIGHTY BIG WORDS FROM A NEW HONKY WHO DON'T RUN WITH NOBODY!
I don't think you wanna find out if the 'bear' bites?!
YO BROTHERS! FUCK HIM UP GOOD!!!
WE GONNA CALL YOU POOH BEAR FROM NOW ON MUTHA~FUCKAH! CAUSE YOU DONE SHIT ON YOURSELF!!

 

by daddydoright
4-25-06
Hi, I just bought some fastfood here. I'd like to get a refund.
What was wrong with the food sir?
Nothing. It was delicious. I ate it.
Then why do you want your money back?
Because I mistakenly spent all my cigarette money on fastfood. I usually keep my cigarette money in my right pocket and my fastfood money in my left. I got confused now I dont have enuf money left!
I'm sorry sir your out of luck. We can't give you a refund. But if you check out in back there's alot of not fully smoked cigarette butts laying on the ground.

 

by daddydoright
4-25-06
sing it! "You might as well face it we're addicted to oil!"
I want all our problems in the Middle East taken care of now! Spend whatever it takes! Polls show it's hurting my presidential approval ratings!
Mister President because of our dependence on foreign oil and most of the nations we get oil from there are unsympathetic or even hostile to our political concerns we have no influence in the region!
sing it! "You might as well face it we're addicted to oil!"
We would like to thank our American business partners for our most profitable year ever!
We at EXXON would like to thank our business friends of OPEC for our most profitable year so far also! It's like we always said, "AMERICA IS ALWAYS FOR SALE TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER!"
sing it! "You might as well face it we're addicted to oil!"
Record high gas prices have some consumers outraged! In Chicago average pump prices are $3.09 a gallon! And the nations highest is $4.24 a gallon in San Diego! Experts say prices may go even higher!
DAMMIT! THAT'S GONNA COST ME OVER $150 A WEEK TO FILL OUR TWO CARS! SHIT!! IF THEIR GONNA FUCK ME THEY SHOULD AT LEAST KISS ME FIRST!

 

by daddydoright
4-25-06
HELL NO WAY!! WE WON'T LET YOU TAKE OUR RIGHTS AWAY!!!
Hey honey! What are you protesting about?
We're PRO-CHOICE! We're protesting for a woman's right to choose!
Hey alright! Then I guess I'm PRO-CHOICE too!
YOU ARE??!
Hell Yah! I always let a woman choose whether I cum in her mouth, her face or on her tits!

 

by daddydoright
4-25-06
Hi there! We're polling people to ask their opinion on whether cops should be allowed to 'shoot to kill' criminals that flee?
Yes!
So you agree that cops should shoot to kill criminals that flee! Why's that?
It would make all these cop reality shows much less boring!
Hmm..?? He does have a point there! Let's get the producer of "COPS" on the phone I'll personally sell the idea to him. I know the guy who hosts "AMERICA'S MOST WANTED" he'll definetly back it too!
Oh Yah?! I want 25% of the cut and residuals on all future episodes! And make shure he zooms in on the 'twichers' and all their puddles of blood!

 

by daddydoright
4-25-06
MIDDLE~EAST
I KILL MYSELF AND THESE ENEMIES OF ISLAM! ALLAH IS GREAT!! AHHHHHH!!!
What did he say?
BOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!
Uhh!! Uh! WHY??!! Why?!
THE FIERY PITS OF HELL
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I'M IN HELLLLLL!!!! Why????!!!!!!! Why????????!!!! Am in Hell??!! I was promised by being a martyr I would go straight to heaven and get 40 virgins!!!
HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE BUDDY!!! WHO DO YOU THINK STARTED ALL THEM RUMORS??!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! GETZ 'EM EVERYTIME!

 

by daddydoright
4-25-06
You've been a bad, bad boy haven't you?! Come here and let Sister Margrett give you a spanking! You naughty, naughty boy!
No thanks sister your hot and all! But I'm not into the whole spanking thing! I'll see what different sex fantasy theme they got going on in the next room!
Hey there round eyes! You want some sucky, sucky, fucky, fucky??? I love you longgg time! Any-ting youuu want!!
Oh shit your fucking hot!! But your not quite what I'm in the mood for. I just had 'Chineese' last week. Thanks though! I'm going to see what's in the other suites. Maybe I'll be back!
Welcome to the WhiteHouse suite stud! My name is Monica Lewinsky! I'll be your intern for the evening if you choose me! I'm here to satisfy your every need! Whatever cums into that 'head' of yours!
YES! I VOTE YES!! Hey tell me... can a fella get any special cigars around this place??

 

by daddydoright
4-25-06
HARLEY DEALERSHIP
I WANT THE BIG HARLEY! And the HARLEY saddle bags! And the HARLEY mudd flaps! And the HARLEY bumper stickers! And the HARLEY window decals! And the HARLEY t-shirt! And don't forget the catalog!
I WANT THE LITTLE HARLEY! And the HARLEY chaps! And the HARLEY tanktop! And the HARLEY teddybear! And the HARLEY panties! And the HARLEY babybib! And don't forget the catalog!
HARLEY BAR
HARLEY this!! And HARLEY that!! And HARLEY this!! And HARLEY that!! HARLEY! HARLEY!! HARLEY!!! HARLEY!!!!
MY HARLEY this! MY HARLEY that! MY HARLEY this! MY HARLEY that! HARLEY! HARLEY!! HARLEY!!! HARLEY!!!!
HARLEY HOME
Honey what I like so much about being HARLEY people now is that we're such rebels! We're so different from everyone else!
Babe!! The guys from work just called! Their joining a HARLEY benefit run but first their all gettin their bikes blessed at church! We're gettin a police escort on account the governors joinin' in!

 

by daddydoright
4-25-06
YO MAN! Check this shit out it's bangin'! Whew! We can cut it 2 maybe 3 times and triple our money back!
You the man Gee-Dog! Keep it up and we'll be big time like TONY MONTANTA in that movie "SCARFACE"!
I TOLD YOU! DON'T BE TALKIN' TO NO OTHER FUCKIN GUYS! I SHOULD SAVE MYSELF THE TROUBLE AND JUST BLOW YOUR FUCKIN' HEAD OFF BITCH!
I know that you fuck other girls! I smell their sex on you all the time! You leave me alone and go out partying with your faggot friends, dealing, getting high, fucking coke hoes! No! NO! DON'T SHOOT!
Blah..blah..blah.....And do you have and tattoos?
Yah. I got this one of JESUS over my heart on account of, 'I'M DOWN WITH JESUS!' Me and him, 'we' cool.

 

by daddydoright
4-25-06
Hi I'm BILL MOYERS! Our topic today is 'BRITISH GAME SHOW HOSTS" and why are they so popular on American TV? Our guest today is SIMON COWELL from "AMERICAN IDOL"!
I would like to be referred to simply as SIMON! I've had the name patented and I now own the rights to it!
Ok Simon. Why is America so enthralled by British game show hosts? Particularily snobbish, arrogant, know~it~all types?
Well WILLIAM. I certainly have not noticed any of those character traits you so crassly related! But I have noticed a certain lacking in the colonies hosts improper use of her majestys language!
First off we're not colonies! It's the United States! Who saved your ass in WW2! And secondly! It's not the fuckin queen's language anymore! You limey bastard!
Well there you have it then! Typical American! Resorts to violence where his lack of education and civility throw him for a loss of words!

 

by daddydoright
4-26-06
GREENBAY, WI. MIDNIGHT
We are gathered here at tonights special midnight mass to pray that BRETT FAVRE will decide to stay and play another year for GOD's team THE GREEN BAY PACKERS!!
ALLEIH-LOU-YAH!!
Dear Lord hear our prayers! BRETT FAVRE has restored dignity and respect to your faithful PACKER FANS! With your help he has taken GREENBAY to two SUPERBOWLS! Make him return to the GREEN & GOLD fold!
AMEN!! AMEN!!!
12:09 AM
PRAISE GOD!! I just got word from one of our loyal parishtioners who's been monitoring ESPN! BRETT FAVRE has just said, he will play 'ONE MORE' season!! PRAISE GOD!!! OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!
YEAHHHHHH!!!!! Now we can go back to our jobs and end the all night candle prayer vigils outside BRETT FAVRE's house.

 

by daddydoright
4-26-06
Yo baby! You lookin' for some pussy??!!
ONE! ONE CRACK WHORE! UH! HA! HA! HA! HA!
Hey honey! Looking for a date??!
TWO! TWO CRACK WHORES! AH! HA! HA! HA! HA!
YO MAN!! WHAT THA FUCK YOU DOIN' SCARIN' ALL MY HOs!!
I'M COUNTING CRACK WHORES! I'M THE COUNT!! I LOVE TO COUNT!! THAT'S WHY THEY CALL ME THE COUNT!!! AH! HA! HA! HA!

 

by daddydoright
4-26-06
How's it going on the home front with you and the girlfriend?
Uhh...? So, so. Has it's ups and downs. In otherwords, same old shit different day.
So.....what's she been 'doing' now?
Well she renewed her campaign for wife. This time with even more intensity than before! It's bugging the living shit out of me!
So what do you think when the 'elections' over the results will be?
I think I'll just vote 'NO'!

 

by daddydoright
4-26-06
Hey dude how'z it going?
So, so. Being broke fuckin' sucks.
Being broke without weed REALLY SUCKS!
I take it your out then? Sell you a bowl for 5 bucks?
*writer's note; I'm not 'dealing' weed.
Dude! I just said I'm broke. Really! I was like gonna ask you if I could borrow some money from you. Hey! Like... to bad we can't make money smokin' weed huh?
You can. It's called 'DEAL-ING'. I'll front you a bowl. You just pay me back later. Right!

 

by daddydoright
4-26-06
LowQweesha! LowQweesha! Turn around now! You gotta see this hot guy that just walked into the bar!!!
!??!
Oh him?! Forget it! He's a famous actor AND... 100% flaming gay.
What A Waste!
ACTORS!! They travel the whole fuckin' world and all they ever motha-fuckin' see is a mirror!
WHY??! Do 'all' the really hot guys have to be gay?! It's not like they even 'see' eachother when 'their' having sex!

 

by daddydoright
4-26-06
The world is a vampire!! Set to dray-yeah-yain!
I WANT YOUR BLOOD!
You took all my brains!! Isn't that enuff?
SECRET DESTROYERS!!!!! Hold you up to the flames!
Maybe Timmy would like to share with the rest of the class what's so interesting that he chooses to ignore the rest of us and interrupt class!
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! sssssssssssssss...
WHAT DO I GET??? FOR MY PAIIIINNN??? BETRAYED DESIRES AND A PIECE OF THE GAME!
NOT IF YOU WERE THE LAST MAN ON EARTH!! GET LOST YOU FUCKIN' LOSER!
WHY DO I EVEN TRY??!! FUCK IT!! I'M GETTING DRUNK!!!

 

by daddydoright
4-28-06
Shit I gotta find a fake ID fast! Their on to me! Come on internet don't fail me now! There's got to be something on here!
GOOGLE Search- fake ID. Click. Blah, blah,...And then go to a cemetary and find a headstone that has a date of birth around your same sex, age and last name ethnicity. Assume that person's identity.
Next Day
Oh finally! Here's a good one! Ok! Just jot down the date of birth, first, middle and last name. Alrighty now! Alls left is to fill out the paperwork and go to the DMV to get my new fake ID!
At the DMV
Hi I lost my ID and I need a new one. Here's some papers for proof of residence.
Just hold on one minute while I enter your information into the computer! Clickity,click, click! Well....MISS!! Alex Smith! FEMALE!!! Seems you have an outstanding traffic citation for Drunk Driving!

 

by daddydoright
4-28-06
I'm a gangsta! Yeah don't fuck with me! I'm a gangsta! Yah I'm on TV!
Your watchin' MTV motha-BEEP!! YO! I smacked my bitch up and I fucked her in the BEEP! Some cracka at the DMV told me I had no class! So I shot the motha-BEEEP! in the head and I took all his cash!
WOW! These guys are tough! I want to be like them! Walk like them! And talk like them! Then I'll be cool too!!
Yo bitch! Come suck-ah my motha-fuckin' dick! But 1st gimme your money! Us play-uz need all kinds of money for clothes and shit!
Okay! Here's $40! It's all I could steal from my Mom's Christmas fund money without her knowing. I love you so much! Your so tough Timmy! I mean Notorious T!
Next Year
Brenda! Brenda! Why did you break up with me?!! I love you! We even had a kid together!
Sheee-iiiitt! You aint no 'real' Gee! Wak ass crackah! Didn't you hear A REAL black gangsta came to our town! And all us girls are now HIS bitches!! We want the REAL THANG not wannabes!

 

by daddydoright
4-28-06
My parents grew up with NOTHIN'! And NOTHIN'! Is all we had! Yah see daddy was a SAVER! And momma! Was always mad!
Daddy could SQUEEZE a DOLLAR! Till it up and went and blead! Before he'd spend any money on US! He'd SOONER be off and dead!
Now us kids we done GROWN up! And as soon as we could leave the house we up and did!
Now suddenly Ma and Dad are RICH! From saving all the money when we were kids! Daddy BOUGHT a new big house! And TWO new fancy cars!
He says NOTHIN'S! To GOOD for him and Momma! Cuz THEY worked so frickin' hard!
As HARD as I try to FIGURE! I still can't understand! Why our SHOES had holes! And HOTDOGS and mac n' cheeze was ALL we always had!

 

by daddydoright
4-29-06
1982 World Series bottom of the 9th
Bob Uker here for your Milwaukee Brewers who find themselves behind in this 7th and deciding game of the World Series! It's two up two down! Here's Stormin' Gorman with one strike!
COME ON HARVEY'S WALLBANGERS!! GO BREWERS!!
Sutter's Pitch!! ANOTHER SWING AND A MISSSSS!!!!
Hi Grandma!! How you doing??
SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COME ON HIT IT OUT OF HERE STORMIN'!!!!!!
she never watched another BREWERS Game
This one's for all the money folks! CARDINAL FANS are on their feet here at BUSCH STADIUM! HERE'S SUTTER'S PITCH FROM THE BELT TO THE PLATE!! A 'GIANT' SWING!! AND..... A MISSS!! IT'S ALL OVER FOLKS!!
NOOOOhhhhh!!!! OHHHHhhhhh....! iaaahh!

 

by daddydoright
4-29-06
THE WHITE HOUSE! an inside conversation
Outstanding work boys! OPERATION EGGROLL went great! I wanna thank you all for helping me getting a little payback on the Chineese President HU JINTAO!
After the way 'they' treated you in China sir! It was our pleasure Mr. President!
The Chinese thought I forgot about making me look like such a fool when I walked off stage and couldn't open the door in China! Well who's looking foolish now HU JINTAO? I grabbed YOU by the arm!
That was great Mr. President! And your idea to plant a heckler in the press crowd; And not give him a full dignatary dinner was pure genius sir!
Actually, it was Dad's idea. He was in charge of the CIA before he was President you know? He called it a little cyclops' warfare or something?
Yes Sir Mr. President it's called psychological operations or psy-ops! Not cyclops sir! But you might call the Chineese government a psyclops cause they only see things with one eye (their own way)?

 

by daddydoright
4-29-06
MORE BEER!
COMIN' RIGHT UP!
MORE BEER! MORE BEER! MORE BEER!
COMIN UP! HERE YA GO! GOT IT!
PHEW!! WHAT ARE YOU SOME KIND OF ALCHOLIC?
NO. I'M JUST IRISH!

 

by daddydoright
4-29-06
Driving truck down the highwayyyy looking thru the windshield.... watchinggggggg the world go bye! I got my tractors windows dowwwwwn and I'm lookin all arouuuund, enjoying the countryside!
Oh shit look at that hot chick!
When alongside me pulls up a pretty girrrrrrrrl, with long legs and blonde currrrrrrls! And you can shure see alot when your looking down from way up hiiiiigh!
What the hell! I'm gonna flirt with this trucker and get him horney!
I realize she's a real flirrrrrt, when she hikes up her skirrrrrt, to show me a little more thiiiiigh! And it shure feels gooooood, when your getting some woooooood! Rolling down the highway at 85!
HOUSTON!!!!!!!!!!!! WE NEED LIFTOFF!!!

 

by daddydoright
4-29-06
You know itz hard to be white when your poor in tha city! If you ain't strong you gona get beat down. Now isn't that a pity!
I grew up bein' white, but I got in alot of fuckin' fightz! I found out that hard way numberz mean might! So with the brothas and vatos I'm tight!
And now no one fuckz with me! And all the big fuckin bucks is all I see! Are controlled by motha-fuckas who think just like me!
If you think itz just enuff to be cool! Then your just some kind of fuckin fool! In the city itz all about who you know! Itz the difference between the bush leaguers and the motha-fuckin pros!
So if you wanna get with all the freakey ass hos! Then you betta listen up and stay on your toez! A baby startz out wantin only hiz mommaz tit!
But pretty soon he figurez out that therez more to it! He wantz more and more he'z gonna get! But soon he'll learn pain cause behind the earz he'z wet! So listen up baby and I'll pull your coat right!

 

by daddydoright
4-29-06
BAR STAGE AND FRONT OF THE LINE
Nice of all you boys to 'cum'! Hehehe! Before we get started I'd like to sing a little song! "MYYYYY.... MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYZ IN THE YARD!!!!!!" "THEIR LOVE IS BETTER THAN YOURS!! THEIR LO...
HEY! WHEN DO WE GET TO COME ON HER FACE??!! YAH! I THOUGHT THIS WAS A FUCKIN BUKAKKE PARTY NOT A KARAOKE PARTY!!
LONG LINE FOR THE WHORE
Hey! Is this the line to get blowjobs from the fatchick? Cause I thought I heard some guy up front say this is a Boo-khaki? party or something?
YOU DUMMY ITZ CALLED BUKAKKE!! It'z when a bunch of dudes git together and 'cum' all over some freakey chicks face! Yah, you in the right place! Now let me go ahead of you for X'plaining!
VERY BACK OF THE LINE
NOWWW I KNOW WHAT THE FAT WHORE MEANT WHEN SHE SAID, " There was a party and we were all invited to 'CUM'!
That 'fat whore' is my girlfriend. She told me she wanted "A REAL BIRTHDAY PARTY"! She told me to rent the hall and she would take care of the invitations and entertainment and ALL THE REST!

 

by daddydoright
4-30-06
WHITEHOUSE bathroom mirror
So my fellow Americans as your President I can assure you I am doing everything I can to bring down gas prices.
You didn't convince me! You didn't look beleivable! Try being a little more forceful this time!
WHITEHOUSE bathroom mirror
MY fellow Americans! As your president! 'I'! Assure YOU! WE! are doing 'ALL'! that can possibly be done to lower gas prices!
PRETTY DAMM GOOD! I l 'especially' liked the forceful hand gesture at the end! Nice touch! But do you think the American TV audience will buy it?
WHITEHOUSE Press conference
Good evening my fellow Americans. Hee,hee,hee. As your president I assure you we are doing all that can possibly be done to lower gas prices! Heehee,heehee.
He must have the situation under control. Why else would he think it's so laughable? Yah, did you see that forceful hand gesture at the end of his statement? Now there's a President who's in control!

 

by daddydoright
4-30-06
Today's visitation day. Your wife coming to see you?
Yah. She comes every week.
She sounds like a good woman!
Yah she's fuckin' good all right! GOOD FOR NOTHIN'!
I seen you two at vistations before! She's always smiling! So what'z up?!
Yah! She's only smiling 'cuz she so fuckin' happy I'm in here!

 

by daddydoright
4-30-06
We're live in Manhattan for the World's Greatest CHESS Rematch! It's IBM's best supercomputer "DEEP BLUE" vs. former World Chess Champion "GARRY KASPOROV"!
Come On GARRY! KICK THE COMPUTERS' ASS!!!
Garry! In your last match with DEEP BLUE you lost because of psychological fatigue! What makes you think you can win this time?
I've spent the past years studying computers and how they think! I now think I understand computers and most importantly their weaknesses!
Psssttt!! Hey Deep Blue? Listen to this! Y2K WAS OFF BY 10 YEARS! RE-BOOT! ESC KEY + CNTRL KEY! INTEL USES LOW GRADE SILICON! PASCAL IS A LIE!
INVALID ENTRY!! DOES NOT COMPUTE!!! NOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!!! SHUTdown system failure....! :(

 

by daddydoright
4-30-06
Hey you! Roundeyes! This no "BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA" movie!
I know. I'm just a tourist who decided to 'stay' and live here in CHINATOWN. I don't want to start no trouble. I just am interested in Chineese culture.
Oh ho! I see! You race queen? No! No! YOU DOG!!! Here! You have a TSING~TAO!! It good! It Chineese beer!
Oh thankyou! Very good!
She talks to family then him
MU!!! NAY?? NAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FAH!! MAH!!! DOG? NA!!!!!!PAHNK!!! YAH! YAH!! HEY ROUNDEYES!! NO MORE TSING~TAO FOR YOU!!!!! YOU DRINK!! NOW!! COCOA~COLA!!!
WHAT'D I DO ???!!! WHAT'D I DO ????!!

 

by daddydoright
5-01-06
It'z time to play the music!
It'z time to light the light!
It'z time to meet the muppets! On the muppet's show tonight!
It'z time to put on makeup! It's time to dress up right! It'z time to raise the curtain on the muppet show tonight!
Why do we always come here?
It'z like a kind of torture to have to watch the show!

 

by daddydoright
5-02-06
The roof!! The roof!!
Your looking at live aerial footage of EAST L.A. burning! PRO-IMMIGRATION protestors turned into burning rioters when anti-illegal imigrant legislation was passed earlier today! Let's go to Ken!
The roof is on fire!!
This is Ken Rogers live from the riots in EAST L.A.! There is utter chaos and anarchy here! Many buildings are on fire and looting is rampant! Police are falling back and advising me to do the same!
We don't need no water!!! Let the motherfucker burn!!! Burn motherfucker!!! Burn!!!!
Ken has opted to stay against our advice! Citing the truth needs to be reported to the public! We have lost contact with KEN since where he was reporting was overrun with rioters! KEN?? KEN??!!
OHHHHhhh my head! It's bleeding! For Chrise Sakes!! I don't get ?! I thought I'd be safe! I $upport illegal immigrants!! I have my lawn mowed by Mexicans! And I have a Mexican housekeeper!

 

by daddydoright
5-02-06
When you pour out your soul! You stand naked before all! And 'they' all know what you are made of!
WRITINGS THAT GIVE INSIGHT INTO HOW YOU THINK AND FEEL!
Oh My God! I can't beleive he said THAT!! What a __________!!
They can hide behind their judgemental minds!
THINGS WRITTEN THAT MAKE PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN READ ALOUD!
I would NEVER say THAT!! (at least not outloud) WHO does he think he is saying THAT!! This is absolute garbage!!
For they haven't exposed anything! Except their opinions of you/your work!
Those are some pretty strong negative opinions you have about 'THAT'! Tell me. Have you ever done any works yourself?
No! Of course not! I don't want anyone to know what I 'really' think! I'll just play it safe and ridicule others!

 

by daddydoright
5-02-06
Singing AEROSMITH's "WALK THIS WAY"
So I took a big CHANCE! At the highschool DANCE! And found a girl who was ready to PLAY!
KNOCK IT OFF! RIGHT NOW!
I said, "HEY DIDDLE DIDDLE PUT YOUR TITTY IN THE MIDDLE...!"
GAWD DAMMITT!!! HOW'D YOU LIKE A LEATHER ENSEMBLE??!!
What'z that Pop?!
A 'BOOT' in the ass!! And a 'BELT' in the mouth!!

 

by daddydoright
5-02-06
GOVENOR here's my finished report on the condition of District 5's Hwy 36. It has some minor wear & tear problems but it can wait to be repaired for about 5 or 6 years.
Good job nephew! District ...5? That's McClusky's! Call him up and tell him we'll start construction next month!
Why would you do that sir??! The roads perfectly fine!
Your still young nephew. Ask yourself this, "Why wold a smart businessman take a politicians job that pays far less than he could make in the private sector?" ANSWER! CONTRACTOR KICKBACKS!!
I thought the answer was to bette serve our constituents than our predecessor's administration!
WHAT??!! Did they teach you to be stupid in college?!! Get the book out of your ass & listen up! NO PAY? NO WAY! NO GREASE? NO 'PIECE'! IF YOU WANNA PLAY! YOU GOTTA PAY!!

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