All comics by ObiJo

Profile

 

by ObiJo
11-22-01
I believe in you, Jesus.
Come on in.
I believe in you, Jesus.
Come on in.
I believe in you, Jesus.
I want you off my porch.

 

by ObiJo
11-25-01
Last Night
One more click and I'll have my User Backup...NO NO NO!!! USER BACKUP NOT FACTORY RESTORE!!!
3 months earlier...
Should I use my last burnable cd to back up my hard drive or copy this Debbie Does Dallas dvd?
Today
I fucking rock.

 

by ObiJo
11-27-01
I've always been a pessimist, but the little boy who made me showed such love, I've finally overcome it.
For the first time in my life, I'm looking forward to the future.
Right on cue.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
Is there anything you'd like to say to me?
You're welcome?
Don't you mean thank you?
No, not really.
Jesus is the reason for the season.
If a certain little boy doesn't start acting better, he may not be getting the "Ace Wilko Super Frontier Ranger Playset" he asked for.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
How much for a blowjob?
But you're Santa!
Santa needs his balls waxed from time to time. So how much? Two rocking horses and a toy drum?
You're Santa! You're supposed to care about me, not want to use me! Now get out of here before I cry!
I've never felt so disillusioned.
How much for a rim job?

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
Tootles, all! Me and Steve are gonna hit the town and paint it snazzy pink!
I always knew there was something wrong with that boy.
Mmm hmm.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
Tobor the red-poled cornholer, had a very ruddy pole. And if you ever saw it, you had better wath your cornhole!
Then one lazy December day, Santa came to say, "Tobor with your pole so red, won't you cornhole the elves dead."
Then how Mrs. Claus loved him, cause she'd always been anti-elf. Tobor the red-poled cornholer, you've really out-cornholed yourself!

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
Oh, the weather outside is frightful. But the fire is so delightful.
So if you've no place to go...
Rent a Ho! Rent a Ho! Rent a Ho!

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
Bill, you know where Stevie is? He needs to clean his room.
He's outside playing in the snow. Let's give the little dickens a couple more hours.
HELP!

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
Cornholed it.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
Cornholed 'em, ate a waffle. That order.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
Cote D'Ivoire is cote d'ivoirian for assrape.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
It cornholed Gore.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
It's pronounced "I full." Screaming optional.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
As in pig.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
Pavarotti hit octaves he never thought possible.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
Creamy center.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
Even its name has a man in it.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
I did not have sexual relations with this country.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
It looks like you're writing a letter.
Yep.
Would you like help?
Sure. Explain the passive voice to me.
Too easy.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
BRRRRRR.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
How's your snowman coming, dad?
Call the police.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.
So my balls don't melt.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
What you are, I am.
And what I'll be, you were.
You are a part of me.
And the whole.
Down low, too slow.
You are my tormentor savior.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
XXX Girlz! Hot Hot Hot!!!
Jesus.
Know your audience.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
Hi, I'm Ed. I'm new.
What's that behind you?
Where?
I didn't see anything.
Just making sure. Follow me. The rest of the cult's inside.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
Hiiiiiiidey ho! Mr. Clappy, the Christmas Clip. He loves you. Till your sick of it.
He's just another Microsoft fetter.
It looks like you're writing a letter.

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
...and lastly, here are your eyes, Mr. Jingles.
Pete, get over here! You're missing the war!

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
Dear Mom and Dad, By the time you read this I will be dead. Please forgiv
Hey, it looks like you're writing a letter!

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
It was a long, hard campaign.
One that eventually came down to attrition more than anything.
But Rocky finally tamed The Dot.
Hey, it looks like you're writing a letter!

 

by ObiJo
11-28-01
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!
What do you want? It's 3 AM.
Hey, sister, you're the one without a chimney.
Now help me grab your stuff out of the Winnie.

 

by ObiJo
11-29-01
Look, Mary, there's a little inn right over there. Let's see if they can put us up.
Okay, Joseph. The Son of God shall
Wo, wo, wo, motherfucking wo. Stop right there. Special Agent Thomson, ACLU. If you want this play to continue, there'll have to be some changes.
Look, Mary, there's a little clinic right over there. Let's demonstrate our con...our con...our con-sssti-too-shon-al...Oh! ...our CONSTITUTIONAL right to choose.
Okay, Joseph. The non-divine fetus shall be no more.

 

by ObiJo
11-29-01
Hey, Maura. You seen Neal? He was supposed to meet me here half an hour ago. It's not like him to not show. I remember once he had surgery and still came to my b-day party just so I wasn't let down.
I haven't seen him, but I'm sure...he'll uh...be...uh... What the hell are you standing on?
What, this? Nothing, nothing. I mean it's not like I found a way to warp spacetime and this is The Disk of Motion which me and my trusty minion Neal will use to go to any time or location we desire.
And it's not like I'll use this ability to rule all creation with an absolute power that will make MEN cower and WOMEN swoon. And it's not like all will be mine! AND IT'S NOT LIKE IT ALL STARTS TODAY!
So what then? Camel poo?

 

by ObiJo
11-29-01
Hello, I am Yellow Fish. Complimentary with every Compaq computer and integral to the plot of this comic.
Compaq gave me a fish for buying a computer?
A non-removable fish. If you try to separate me from this monitor, your system will crash.
But what if i want the computer to talk? You're hogging its dialog bubble.
Computers don't talk, ya loon.

 

by ObiJo
11-29-01
Joey, can we go to the zoo? Huh, joey, huh? And see the lions and alleegators and el'phants and zebras and birds and monkeys. And what's those silly ones called with them long necks, huh, Joey, huh?
Giraffes, dad. Now quiet down. Because of all your chatter, we're now standing in the street instead of on the sidewalk where it's safe.
Is this better, Joey, huh, is it? Is it, huh? Joooeeeeey, answer me. Is it, better, huh?
I'VE GOT AN...ahem...I've got an idea, dad. Why don't you sing that little song you like so much. You know... the one you're ALWAYS singing at home.
Okay, Joey! "The itsy bitsy tapeworm went up the intestinal tract. Down came the waste and washed the tapeworm back! Crunch went the bowels and pushed out all the waste! And the itsy bitsy tapeworm...
...went up to get a taste." Keep singing. I'll be right back with the car.

 

by ObiJo
11-29-01
(Oh, shit. There’s that oafy bastard, Bill Reynolds.) Hi, Bill! (Hope he doesn’t invite me to his barbeque again.)
Hi, Rog! Having a barbeque this weekend, wanna come? (Please say no, please say no, please say no.)
(Shit, I’ve turned him down four times already, and I dooo need him to watch my dog next month while I'm away on vacation.) Wouldn’t miss it!
(FUCK!) Great!
See you then! (Least I’ll get to see that hot piece of ass he calls a wife.)
Looking forward to it! (Least I’ll get to see that hot piece of ass he calls a son.)

 

by ObiJo
12-01-01
Hello, Sam. It's time for you to come back now.
Holy shit! The snowman talked! Come back where, talking snowman?
You know where, Sam. For one month a year, a snowman gets to go out into the real world. You've been gone too long. We want you back now.
No! I don't want to go back! I like it out here! There's movies and pizza and baseball and...
Later
I think it's the boobies I'll miss the most.

 

by ObiJo
12-01-01
Oh whatever should we say?

 

by ObiJo
12-01-01
I am Killer Snowman! Take off your pants and run into that elementary school, lest Killer Snowman KILL YOU!
Holy shit, a talking snowman! Whatever you say, just don't hurt me!
*brush brush* *brush brush* I love that gag.

 

by ObiJo
12-01-01
Even as a youth, Rodin's genius could be seen.

 

by ObiJo
12-01-01
Once more into the abyss!
Hey, Fred. Suzy here?
Yeah, she's in the conga line.

 

by ObiJo
12-01-01
God, Rog, you wouldn't believe it. I was walking home from the store today, when who do you think started chasing me?
Herve Villechaize?
Tobor. Luckily a retirement home quickly caught his attention. There's nothing Tobor likes better than unpuckerable anuses. It's like father time sets 'em up, and Tobor knocks 'em down.
I don't get what the big deal is. That Tabor guy ain't so tough. Why don't you just stand up for yourself?
That's Tobor.
WHERE?!!!!

 

by ObiJo
12-01-01
Looks nothing like the pamphlet.

 

by ObiJo
12-01-01
I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus
*snerk*
And I saw daddy kissing Santa Claus
Oh dear Lord.
And I saw grampa kissing Santa Claus
Call the police, Karen! Call the police!

 

by ObiJo
12-01-01
I went out with a girl last night who had the personality of a plastic bag and the tongue of a viper. I can sum up her existence in one word: hierarchy. That's all the poor soul thinks about.
She yelled at the waiter, insulted a cabby, and openly dismissed me as too obtuse. The clincher was at the end of the date when she told me what a really nice person she was.
Everyone THINKS they're nice. It's self-administered operant conditioning at its delusional best.
Meaning?
The bitch whack.

 

by ObiJo
12-03-01
I am a religious fundamentalist.
I am a hip atheist.
How do you do?
Fuck off, zealot!
I thought I was supposed to be the intolerant one.
Don't believe everything you read.

 

by ObiJo
12-03-01
Ack! Monster!
No, this is just an affectation.
533? I |-|4\/ l337__5|
Ack! Leet Speak!
A hacker's tongue or a furry nutsack. Tis my curse.

 

by ObiJo
12-03-01
Sweety, could you get the door?
Why? I didn't hear anyone knock.
It was a test. If you loved me, you wouldn't have asked why.
I see... Sweety, could you get ME the door?
It doesn't mean anything now. I already know it's a test.
It's not a test. I'm leaving.

 

by ObiJo
5-03-02
Heard any survivors?
Not for awhile.
Checkers?
Dig it.

 

by ObiJo
5-07-02
The Joe that taught me to steal cars, a priest? I don't believe it! The same guy that once beat Tommy Lane unconscious because he lost his Sonny and Cher album? A priest?
Believe it, Rodney. It was the misdirected ire of youth. When I look back I barely recognize myself. But how are you?
And that time you set the apartment complex on fire, and then shot the firemen who showed up. And then waited for the police to show up and shot them too! Then the mailmen!
If you're wired, I'll cut you.

Showing page 13.

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