All comics by brycekain

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by brycekain
11-21-14
♫♫ Deep in the heart of Texas ♫♫

 

by brycekain
11-21-14
So a TLC Programming Director and a sociopath walk into a bar... but I repeat myself.
You know, Bryce. You don't have to pick every single random comic layout the RCL button gives you. Why not try something new? Different? CREATIVE!
Ok, you're now Canadian.
FUUUUUUUCK

 

by brycekain
11-21-14
Sir, if you keep talking about this whole Pandeist thing people are going to get tired of it. Don't you think it's time to move on?
SILENCE! I KEEL YOU!
What the fuck was that?
Jeff Dunham is my gay lover.

 

I've got gas.
I wonder how that happened?
by brycekain, 11-21-14

 

by brycekain
11-21-14
Ragu4u, I read your comics everyday and, even though I love most of them, I don't always comment. I feel guilty about this and hope you keep on making comics :)
Why is your pencil getting bigger?
That's not my pencil.

 

by brycekain
11-22-14
Loosely based on an actual conversation
Since you smoke medical marijuana, I will not give you your psychiatric prescriptions. All that stuff is quackery and can mess up your head.
Look, I know that as a modern-day psychiatrist you are woefully misinformed, but you have to allow for it with your patients since it's legal. We're just going to have to agree to disagree.
It has been known to aggrivate certain mental disorders and can cause schizophrenia in some patients.
I don't believe that is accurate, doc. Have you ever tried medical marijuana? Or even researched it on any level beyond superficiality?
You're not going to shut up and let me give you your pills, are you?
At the expense of imbecilic ignorance? I'm having too much fun here.

 

by brycekain
11-22-14
I'm going to buy a lot of presents. And you know where I'm going to stuff 'em?
RIGHT. IN. THE. TREE. HOLE!
Thank you for turning away when you did that.
Why?
Well, for one thing, the walls weren't "off-white" before the holidays rolled around.

 

by brycekain
11-22-14
Wha...?
PFFT! PBBT! PFFFT!!!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??
You gave me a penny whistle. I put it in my pee hole. So naturally this is somehow your fault.
Oh bloody hell.

 

by brycekain
11-22-14
Crabby's Cock Block. How may we destroy your next date?
There's a girl that asked me out at the office yesterday.
So you want me to send out a pornstar to totally ruin your night?
No, I'm gay. I want to fornicate with said pornstar. But make sure they're real desperate for money. I'm loaded and very kinky.
One Ron Jeremy special coming up!
Great. I'll be waiting in the HEY WAIT A MINUTE!

 

by brycekain
11-22-14
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE??
Uh..... hello? Who is this? Why did you call my cell phone?
Look at the last 3 comics! The first two are Xmas themed. The last one is a telephone theme. And THIS COMIC? TELEPHONE THEMED!
Oh THAT? It's quite simple. It all comes down to how the RCL button works.
The RCL button?
ROADHOUSE CRABBY LESBIAN. And with that, sir, I am ending this joke because it was funnier in my head than it is on paper.

 

by brycekain
11-22-14
That's not true. This comic will actually, briefly, touch on the title's subject at hand.
I think you're lying.
I am not lying.
Seriously?
Read this comic backward. The conversation actually leans in the direction of said subject matter.
I don't believe it. Are you sure you're not stoned?

 

by brycekain
11-22-14
Did you know that in the quantum universe, the faster you go, the heavier you get?
Did you also know that black holes aren't black? Or that all the matter that makes up the human race could fit in a sugar cube?
You looked all that up on a website just to look smarter, didn't you?
Shut up, house!

 

by brycekain
11-22-14
Mail call!
Dear Mr. Stickman: Unfortunately you will be in the next comic as well. Sorry.
Huh? Who sent this? And how could they possibly know that I'll be in the next comic if they're using the RCL button?
But more importantly: ROADHOUSE!
No, no. This is getting too weird.

 

by brycekain
11-22-14
Alas! I am in a zombie apocalypse and... AH SHIT, THEY WERE RIGHT!
Huh?
The last comic said that I would be in the very next one and it came true! Are we on the X-Files or something?
Um....
If you say ROADHOUSE I swear to god I'll cut your balls off.

 

by brycekain
11-22-14
Give it to me straight, doc. What are the symptoms going to be?
A kick in the head, a gouged out eye. Your intestines explode and your eyeballs pop. And the taste of your blood will drive me on.
Because I like when chests are torn apart, the way that heads come off, and the way that art starts to imitate life. At the end of a gun, at the edge of a knife.
Ebola?
No, Samhain. Download two songs and call me in the morning.

 

by brycekain
11-23-14
Hey, cutey! Are you the boss's little boy?
I *AM* the boss, sugartits.
Um no, sweety, this is Facebook headquarters and the boss here...
Hello, I'm Mark Zuckerberg.
You seem much older in person.
And just as mature, fatso!

 

by brycekain
11-23-14
I am stabbing myself...
Good good. Now where are you stabbing yourself?
In the chesticles...
Excellent. Now hump the table leg while making comments on my profile.
But sir, I'm a paralinguist, not Pandeist.
So shut the fuck up already!

 

by brycekain
11-23-14
Hello, you've reached the Doc on the Street! Your one stop guide to quick and easy Obamacare!
I hate my life. My parents won't let me do anything. I just want to die.
Then I suggest drinking a mixture of rat poison and liquid bleach. But don't forget to swallow a lot of your mother's Prozac before you do. Just to be sure.
How did you know my mother has Prozac?
It's so she can put up with your whiney ass without offing herself as well!

 

by brycekain
11-23-14
I'm here for the body.
I'm sorry, but I don't see your name on any of our records.
I didn't tell you my name.
You're new at this. That's ok. Next you're supposed to bribe me to duck out for 20 minutes.
Lady. I'm a ninja. Not a republican.

 

by brycekain
11-23-14
Sticky.
STINKY.
Alms for the poor?
What? Is that how you spell that word?
Excuse me?
I dont know. Fuck it. Madonna's vagina.

 

by brycekain
11-23-14
Hey, you're "clown-left."
And you're "victim2-2."
A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Support the United Negro College Fund.

 

by brycekain
11-23-14
I don't know either. Let's just pretend we didn't see this and move on.

 

by brycekain
11-23-14
DANCE, BOY!
Aloha!
DANCE!
Crocodile Dundee!
What?
CASA POR CARRETERA!

 

by brycekain
11-23-14
EVERYONE COME HERE AND LOOK AT HIS TINY WEENUS!
It's not tiny.
IT'S ALMOST AS SMALL AS HIS...
Don't say it.
...INABILITY TO DO MATH INCORRECTLY, THUS EASILY NETTING HIM A GOOD PAYING JOB ALL ACROSS THE GLOBE!
You bastard.

 

by brycekain
11-23-14
To whom it may concern: fuck off.
Now if you think about it... wait, why are you sweating?
This is kinda'creepy.
What? Are you concerned about something...?
Well, yes. I don't even know who this is for.
Then it's for you, fuck face.

 

by brycekain
11-23-14
Hi, I'm here to sell my soul.
I'll pay you 50 bucks for three Hot Carls and a Dandy Reach Around.
What? No, I want to sell my soul.
Like I said, 50 bucks and make sure I get full release.
Ok, I give up. How do I get out of here?
Oh, that's easy. Go down two blocks past the Roadhouse, take a left at the intersection of Main and Roadhouse, then when you get there: Roadhouse.

 

by brycekain
11-23-14
Day 3: I have yet to feel the sweet embrace of this mild-mannered fellow. Even with all my skills, I am nowhere closer to charming his pants off.
Must move on to Plan B: Pose as a local restaurant staff member and sleep with this man's wife to gain access to his hidden vault. What could go wrong?
Have you seen my gloves?

 

by brycekain
11-23-14
Butt herpes!

 

by brycekain
11-23-14
It's that time of the month again!
We don't discuss such unholy abominations here. Simply remove yourself from your family house, sacrifice a goat, wait seven days, and all will be clear. Oh and buy some tampons, too.
I meant Thanksgiving, silly!
Did I stutter, cunt?

 

by brycekain
11-23-14
YELLOW HOUSE!
Eh? Yeah? Eh?
Would you please shut the fuck up?
YELLOW HOUSE.

 

by brycekain
11-23-14
Where'd you get that scar?
While on the ROAD. Where did you get that boner?
It's my HOUSE boner.
SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.
:(

 

Made you look.
by brycekain, 11-23-14

 

by brycekain
11-25-14
I'm desperately trying to think of a joke here.
But it's not working. I feel like I'm all joked out.
Smoke more pot.
Oh, right right.

 

by brycekain
11-26-14
UHN!!!

 

by brycekain
11-26-14
Repopulate the species! Only 25 bucks!
Excuse me, Miss. What are you doing?
I was a hooker before the apocalypse, so I figured why not put my talents to good use? Care to take a bite of me? Rawr!
Actually I came over here because I thought someone was frying up some catfish. My nasal cavity betrayed me.

 

by brycekain
11-26-14
Shirts off!
Check!
Stand in the middle of San Fransisco with a vat of crisco and 3 double-headed dongs!
Check!
Stand up and fight for gay rights!
What are you, queer?

 

by brycekain
11-26-14
I am Jesus: inventor of the cock strap!
Don't you mean jock strap?
Ok, so I misspoke. Let he who hath commited no sin, cast the first stone.
Does my sister count?

 

by brycekain
11-29-14
Welcome to Planet WTF. Cake or death?
Why would I want death?
We do have some lovely parting gifts.
Such as....?
You get to punch Gordon Ramsey in the vagina?
Oh god! This IS a tough one!

 

by brycekain
11-29-14
Welcome to Planet WTF. Cake or death?
Ok see, class? This is the perfect example of a high school drop out.
My guess is that he dropped out at the age of 12 and started slinging crack to pay off his mother's gambling debts. Don't be like this man. Stay in school!
Ok, what the hell just happened here?
Now if you turn to page 42, entitled: "Roadhouse," you'll find the punchline to this joke.

 

by brycekain
11-29-14
Excuse me, sir. Can you please move? I've got to drop some Huxtables off at the pool.
Excuse me?
I have to deposit some brownies into the porcelain altar. Kick some porch monkeys out the backdoor. Give birth to my newly formed tar baby.
EXCUSE ME???
I HAVE TO TAKE A SHIT!!!!!!!
Need a human cork?

 

by brycekain
11-29-14
I've got my eye on you.
Ok, why?
When you hit 10,000 points, this whole thing is going down!
What goes down?
Your mom. HA!
Really? This is the intellectual caliber we're working with this morning?

 

by brycekain
11-29-14
It's not your moves. We're just two pawns in this crazy mixed up game of life.
Someday some queen will come along and make you her knight in shining armor!
Castle. Checkmate. House.
My penis just threw up in my mouth a little.

 

by brycekain
11-29-14
I'm sorry that we have to break up. It's not you, it's me.
I know it's not me. I'm freakin' awesome.
Someone's a little spocky today.

 

by brycekain
11-29-14
♫♫ Happy peanuts soar over chocolate covered mountaintops and waterfalls of caramel. ♫♫
♫♫ Prancing nougat in a meadow sings a song of satisfaction to the world. ♫♫
Fuckin' TITS!

 

by brycekain
11-29-14
You want to feel the side of my house?
You're homeless and want a handout?
Sadly Neovid never did figure out what Thing was saying.
Is this some kind of mutual masturbation thing?

 

by brycekain
11-29-14
Can I eat your pussy?
Speak up, sonny! I can barely hear you!
CAN I EAT YOUR PUSSY?!
I didn't know you were asian.
Why do you think my penis is so small?

 

by brycekain
11-29-14
Man, it's the end of the world and all I want to do is eat some pussy!
Uh... there aren't any cats around here.
I wasn't talking about THAT kind of pussy.
Oh. Well I'm a guy, so...
Not according to your mangina.

 

by brycekain
11-29-14
No....
Fuck moo!
NO.....
I AM BACON! HEAR ME LARD!
God dammit! All I want is a simple robot and I keep making all them abominations!
Did you just say Obamanations!?!

 

by brycekain
11-29-14
UGH!
Thank you for depositing at Jackie's Sperm Hut. Will there be anything else?
What are you doing after work?

 

by brycekain
11-29-14
Look, you and me? We're through. Ok? And I want my CDs back! And my tshirts, and my special dinner china, all mine!
Oh and I changed the locks AND put a restraining order on you. After today you are required to stay at least 500 feet away from me at all times.
I never knew you were so cold, Frosty!
You're a special kind of retarded, aren't you?

Showing page 14.

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