Meanwhile, from Hell, Beelzebub checks up on his minion
You wanted me to report, Boss?
Yeah. How's it going up there. Have you been messing with Professional Wrestling like I asked you to?
Absolutely. I got Korey Jackson to shave his head, made Rikki Idol an AWF no-show, incited a riot on the 'Bama Message Board, and I've been working with The Phantom to cause disharmony everywhere.
None of that seems particularly EVIL to me...
I talked Bobby Wilson into booking The Medic and doing a "Crucifixion Match" both on the same WFW show.
Meanwhile, The Creator calls in his angel for an update...
You wanted me to report, Boss?
Yeah. How's it going up there. Have you been protecting Professional Wrestling from Evil like I asked you to?
Absolutely. I got Korey Jackson to shave his head, made Rikki Idol an AWF no-show, incited a riot on the 'Bama Message Board, and I've been making The Phantom mispell words when he posts messages.
None of that seems particularly righteous to me...
I talked Bobby Wilson into booking The Medic and DR X, two OLD time wrestlers, both on the same WFW show.
A Conversation with Buttonman leads to a new perspective...
Say...Don't I know you?
Yeah. I'm Buttonman, world famous cartoonist & the creator of this strip.
You BUM! You know how LONG we've been waiting around for you to get off your fat butt and start making cartoons again?
I've been busy eating pie and going to wrestling and driving to Boston and getting ready to be homeless and...
DUDE! This strip's about wrestling, not your crappy life! Nobody gives a rat's a## about your troubles. If I have to spend any more time sitting around this place becausa you, I'm kicking you fat a##
My God! I'm being abused by cartoon characters. Is there no dignity left for a man of my advanced years?
Personally, I think you've lost your touch, there BM
I agree. You had a great angle going through #49, then just stopped coming around. We've been feeling neglected. It's not nice neglecting the minions of Hell
Unemployment sucks! I've been a kinky wrestler for so long, I'm typecast! And what have you been doing? Not making Cartoons, I'll tell you.
I've done my part by giving you lots of raw material to work with.
And I've kept the message boards humming
All these nighmares began when Forest Whittaker started hosting the Twilight Zone. Aggggg the voices - Make them STOP! Or at least make them buy me a jumbo pizza
XW-2000 has stopped running for a while and haven't announced any new shows.
SPW has great shows but They're so far from my house. I have to hitch a ride with The Jackson and he don't always bring me straight home.
I LOVE going to AWF shows, even though the big shows run only once a month. I like Doink The Clown...
The WWE comes to town every once in a while. But Bobby Fuller Jr,'s more exciting to watch than that old geezer Roddy Piper. Hogan's not bad tho.
Crap. I just need to buy a John Wayne Pocket knife from Buttonman and a Luchidore' mask from the Medic then sit here and whittle. Maybe things will get better
Evil Leather Guy visits McDonalds in Pensacola while looking for a potential new tag team partner.
Can I take your order please?
I am Evil Leather Guy, half of the former tage team Evil Leather Guys, You know, Pro Wrestling?
Would you like Biggie Fries and a Biggie Drink? Would You like a burger?
I am looking for a new tag team partner. Ever since that slut, evil Leather Guy # 2 ran off with one of the valets, I have had to do SINGLES matches! It'e the PITS!
SIGH
I am looking for ethnicity! I am looking for strength! I am looking for someone to help get me to the WWE! Uh... I'll take a fried pie.
Fresh off the bus, the young Amish wrestler, Amon Yoder, seeks out expert advice...
The fellow with the horns sent me. Says you and him are partners in something called "The Winds Of Change."
Why yes! Indeed! You have come to the right place. I am the High Poobah, Potentate of Professional Wrestling. Say that fast and I'll let you talk on the microphone
Young Yoder has doubts though...
Uhhh, do you think that being Amish will interfere with me being a Pro-Wrestler? We don't really do violence, you know.
Got $2,000?
from small problems grow big solutions.
Uh, no, but I have these magic beans. If you plant them in moist dirt, they grow into money vines
Amon Yoder gets his first lesson in the arts, science and politics of Professional Wrestling
I won't be actually training you, for obvious reasons of me being out of shape, old as God and obtuse as a fence post. Different experts will be handling your actual training.
Second thoughts... I am definitely having second thoughts.
First comes psychology.
Wrestling is mostly mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter... heh, heh, heh. But seriously...
Then comes the creative phase
Bubba, You GOTTA have a gimmick. The whole AMISH thing is so last Sunday! Now what I do is empathize with all rednecks, wave the gun around, hope it don't go off...
Things are not going well for Mr. Promoter... His search for a sponsor is not bearing fruit...
I have to find a Money Mark pronto.
Uhhh, what's a Money Mark?
Have I not taught you anything? A Money mark is sombody who knows nothing at all about wrestling, gets all caught up in the glamor of it and ends up investing a thousand bucks to help sponsor a show.
So, you're basically looking for a sheep to fleece, right?
It's going to be a great fund-raiser. We'll make a TON of cash! Everybody loves Pro Wrestling! We get 25% of the gate and we only had to pay a thousand dollars down. ..
I HATE wrestling...
The Promoter breaks the news...
I found me a Money Mark. The "Winds of Change" will soon be a reality! And you can't do anything about it!
!..?
MY comic strip!
Buttonman - I will get you for this. CHANGE ME BACK!
The Cartoonist searches for a better Avatar for The Promoter
baaaaa Humbug!
Lessee, he's always after someone's goat....
Different Avatars spring to the forefront
You are the root of all evil you VILE cartoonist and I will get you....
That kinda fits. He has many lizard-like qualities.
The Cartoonist searches for a better Avatar for The Promoter
Yaaaggghhh! I will print lies about you and make people hate you and break up the friendships you have with every soul on the planet!!! You better not make me a Chicken! I will pee on your porch!!
Mr. Promoter catches a break by way if Divine Intervention.
Who are you?
I'm Brad Pitt. I turned down the chance to be Neo in all three Matrix movies and now my agent says this is the best gig he can get me. Now listen carefully, because we're doing this in one take....
Doing what?
Look pal, red pill or blue pill. Didn't you see the stupid movie?
I don't go to movies. I'm a wrestling promoter, I distribute posters annd mumble into microphones and call shots and stuff like that.
I'm kicking my agent's ass for getting me a cartoon guest appearance.
What kids learn from watching their parents type on message boards...
My daddy's a real professional wrestler.
He will rip your lungs out for scaring me with that stupid gimmick. He's 6'2 265 pounds of muscle and bad. Now go change, then come back and give me respect!
There has been a brainstorm in the underworld. Lord Iblis (sometimes known as "Satan" or "The Big Boss" ) is onto something
We've been getting really bad press lately. Not enough people are taking Hell seriously.
What do you think we outta do about it, Boss? Should we make earthquakes, floods, a famine or two? The other guys always get blamed for stuff like that. We could mess up their image.
No. That's all old hat. We need something new. Something diabolical, outrageous. Something that will remind people we still have power in the world.
Whacha have in mind, oh diabolical and manipulative Lord of all things tacky and evil?
The game is afoot
We're going to throw a monkey wrench into Independent Professional Wrestling in Pensacola, Florida. We'll form a tag-team and call it "The Hellfire Club"
The Jackson is smiling on the ouside, but inside he is a seething cauldron of negative emotion...
Doom. Gloom Sadness. Dispair
What seems to be the problem, my young Padawan Wrestling Personality? You are feigning happiness and yet inside you are shedding tears.
Well... I am not The "Team Playa" any more. My "Tweety Bird" has flown the coop. I like being "The Lil Shooter," but they won't let me join The Hellfire Club. Even Fabian was in The Hellfire Club!
That does seem like a dilemma, young grappler. I think, though, that your problem has a solution.
At least one wrestler is unsatisfied with Fezenclop's choice...
How does The Silver Foxx get the word out so FAST?
Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. I saw on Wrestling Grapevine News that you are the newest member of The Hellfire Club. The Jackson is annoyed. The Jackson is cheesed off. The Jackson is...
#@%$#@&^*&^$
The Jackson will be on the injured list for a month. Never mess with an ANGEL.
Buff Bagwell came to the Gulf Coast twice in 5 days. What did you think about his visit?
Well, he beat Mr. Fantasy in Defuniak Springs, and I beat him in Mobile.....
Uh, hold on a minute. You didn't go up against Bagwell in Mobile. Firefighter Hero Tony Sweatt battled Buff Bagwell in front of a huge crowd at Club Casino. You don't even look like a wrestler.
Wrestle? Who said anything about wrestling? I just pretend to be a wrestler to get into the locker room.
On the one hand, I really let down my friends and all the people who trusted me.
On the other hand, I have all kinds of cool goodies from the different places I've stolen things from... I got the FAMOUS Buff Bagwell hat! It's a mark's dream come true!
Still, too many people know that I stole the hat and other stuff. At least one is in big trouble and set to narc me out...
But what do I care. People sing my praises. I am GREAT! I don't need the approval of those jobronis in the locker room. Who are they anyhow? I am the only important one.
but maybe not as much as some folks would like.
They wouldn't DARE blackball me. I have FANS! The FANS wouldn't care if I am a thief. They see me as a REBEL anyhow.
@#%$#@$ all those guys. Nobody is more important than me.
Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It's been 5 years since my last confession...
Go on my son. God loves you and wants to forgive you.
I touched myself inappropriately in the ring.... I had impure thoughts about Doink the Clown and his pie pan full of whipped cream... I recently said m$%#!@r on the mic at a family show...
Go on my son. God loves you and wants to forgive you.
Confession in secret is easy - absolution of sins against wrestling... that's another matter.
I stole Buff Bagwell's hat from a Professional Wrestling locker room and have stolen other stuff from wrestlers....
You will of course BURN IN HELL for stealing from your friends.
World famous Pro-Wrestler Evil Leather Guy, is just back from months of filming the now defunct TV prision TV series OZ where he portrayed a depraved imprisoned evil leather guy...
Where's the ACTION? This place is dead! Wha'd you guys do have a hurricane or something?
Umm. . . yes
Well, you know the promoters in this area. Who's running shows?
Well, *chomp* lessee, um, Tom Carter's running ECWA now. It's at a Christian school in Panama City. You could try him.
(singing) Nooobody knowsss the troubles I've seeeen. . . . . . . . HEY! Who are you?
I'm Tom Carter. I hear you're looking for me.
No you're not! You're that OTHER Promoter.... can't think of his name....not Cledus... Not Medic... You know, the old dude, what's his name.
OK, you caught me. I'll reveal my true identity...
I am THE JACKSON, the one and only Lil' Shooter, faster than greased lightning, more powerful than N.W.Sasso... I can get you booked anywhere in the world! Are you impressed?
ENOUGH of this foolishness. The LAST thing I need right now is a JACKSON! Go and get TOM CARTER right now, lackey!
Yazza Boss!
Are YOU Tom Carter, boss of the elite wrestling promotion ECWA?
Uh yep.
Good. I am Evil Leather Guy, formerly 1/2 of the tag team Evil Leather Guys, Former WFW Tag Team Champions, Former XW-2000 Tag Team Champions, Former...Uhhh ... Bondage? Now that's my kinda booker!
I like the look. You're hired. See Nick Bondage. He's the booker.
I am standing outside the GCW Message Board where the World Premier of "Message Maassacre" has just been completed. Here is one of the participants now. Tell me, What is your name sir?
Ahh... Angel, but you can just call me JA...'Nuff said
Well, Mr. Angel, ahhh JA, how do you think you did in tonight's massacre against message board regulars?
Well, as you know, I am formidible, able to leap tall metaphors in a single bound. People tremble at the sight of my name on a message....
Held your own, did you?
Got a free Coca Cola outta the deal and people are sucking up to me. I am DA MAN!
Old Chinese Proverb: be careful what you wish for...
I know how to fix this. BUTTONMAN Get over here right away!
You summoned, oh Goddess of exquisite flowering Southern Womanhood?
You're in charge of the message boards and you're in charge of this lame comic as well. Can't you do something so that people won't keep hitting on me?
Sure. No Problem.
"Abracadabra!"
What?
Now THAT is just gross and perverted. Buttonman you SLACKER! Change me back this INSTANT!