All comics by ClashTheStampede

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If all small-budget films had the impact that "Passion" has...
Dude, did you see that new film?
I sure did! What a powerful epic! I didn't know that things like that really happened! My eyes are opened now!
It's amazing, isn't it? To know about all that he has done for us?!
How true, and to think that we never even take time out of our day to think of his heroic efforts and sacrafices!
Before, I never even cared about a convenience store worker, but now that I've seen Clerks, I shop at the Piggly Wiggly weekly basis!
Amen!

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating UK Edition
Willst thou go with me to mine favourite pub?
Alas, No!
Limey Wanker!
Cockney Shrew!

 

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/224337
Sweet! He left the door open, and it looks as if the coast is clear! I'll find my ship while he's probably getting mauled by the dogs...
Nope. Not in here, either. Where the hell could it be? I don't have much time. That boy doesn't have enough meat on him to keep the dogs busy for long!
Halt, Intruder!
Well, I can see you're busy here, so I'll just grab a Snickers from the candy machine and be on my way...

 

Click Here to Read the Previous Strip
Matt Wanders into a NJ Internet Cafe
This news report says Xenu has kidnapped Kate Moss! It looks like she lost some weight in this picture, though...
Wait! That's not Kate Moss... That's R2! If I can reach them, Xenu can restore me back to life! I've got to hurry!
But maybe I'll look at the Free Nude Girls in Bondage Picture of the Day first...

 

ClashTheStampede's Guide to Dating Part XX
... And it looks like Johaanson is getting a red card!
Dude, what are you doing?
I'm watching soccer on TV.
Isn't that, like, insanely boring?
Well, yes. But I like the satisfaction of knowing that there's about forty guys who, combined, score less times in four hours than I can.

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/224493 Matt is Disoriented after his trip through Hell
Can this boat take me to Las Vegas?
I'll take you anywhere you want, big boy.
Great, I'll be alive again in no time!
We can even go to Uranus and back!
Um... I think I may just take the bus...
No refunds. Check your boadring pass.

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/224797
GAAAAH! What are you doing here?! I thought I just got away from you!
What are you tallking about? I've never met you before.
Of course you have! We had a very scary discussion (at least for me) about a half hour ago!
Oh, now I get it. You have me confused with the captain. All the staff are dressed like this.
Oh, well. OK. But if this is the first time we've met, how did you know my name?
When a gorgeous piece of ass like you comes along, the word spreads quickly. You're already being traded for cigarettes on the Fiesta Deck.

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/224827
Look, I understand that you might like me, but you have to realize that I'm just not that kind of guy.
I know that you went through all the trouble of coming into my room and preparing the bed, but I have to tell you that it just isn't going to happen!
Even if I was attracted to you, I'm not that easy! Besides you seem like a nice guy. I'm sure you can find someone who's right for you!
It just takes a little time to find that special someone. Beleive me, I've tried! And there are a lot of fish in the -
Dude! Relax! I'm the maid.

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/224840
Are you sure you're not even a little attracted to anyone on this ship?
I'm sorry, but no. I'd only consider dating maybe, like, Johnny Depp. Or Kevin Spacey.
Maybe Sean Connery. Oh! And Roger Moore! (He's dreamy!) Then there's Harrison Ford, Pierce Brosnan, and Mel Gibson.
I'd also consider Hugh Jackman, Colin Farrell, Jeremy Davies, Keanu Reeves, or - after a few beers - Russel Crowe.
And, by contrast, how many women do you like?
Laetitia Casta, Manon von Gerkan, and Eva Herzigova. What's your point?

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/226170 Matt continues his discussion with Bono
I must say, I like what you're doing down there.
Thank you! I do this on streetcorners all the time! So how did you wind up on this wierd cruise?
I got some really terrible tickets from Priceline. Shatner was giving them away at the post-Grammy party. How about you?
I got bad Priceline tickets, too. Except I bought mine while I was still readjusting from the temporal distortion portal between Hell and New Jersey.
That portal's near Newark, right? Oh, and, once again, you did a lovely job shining my shoes!
I'd press your jacket for you too, but we don't have time... Certainly looked like I was doin' something else in this strip, huh? Now let's get out of here!

 

Your choices for coffee today are: Weak, Strong, and Religion
Why on earth would you name a cup of coffee "Religion"?
"Religion" is 32 oz. of our strongest expresso.
So?
So... if you don't see G-d after this, you never will!
I'll take two! I need to know if there's reincarnation!

 

R2 and Matt Discuss the latest Micro$oft Innovation
What the hell is M$ Longhorn supposed to stand for? Is "Longhorn" a reference to something?
Hmmmm... That is a good question.
If I had to guess, I would say it is a reference to an animal. Maybe a Bull, or a Rhino, or something with long horns?
Meanwhile...
Bill, did you make sure it will crash the computer at least five times an hour?!
Yes, Master.

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/226280
Hi, there. You seem all dressed up, with nowhere to go.
Um, well...
Hey! I think I see that dead man over your shoulder!
Don't run away! It's only Steve!

 

It's sexist that all the men in this company make more than me! I'm being discriminated against!
Really? I thought it was because all the men have college degrees, whereas you dropped out of high school... That and you always use improper grammar.
I'm burning my bra as a sign that I will not be bound by male-imposed ideas of women's clothing!
That's fine with me. I didn't think your boobs were big enough to warrant one, anyways.
... and that's why women need to band together and engage in these protests to express their political views openly...
Your boobies bounce a little when you talk.

 

Oh, great Dalai Lama, it seems as if I will never get a date! Teach me to renounce these physical needs as you do!
What are you talking about? Bhuddists don't have to be celebate. And the whole monk thing is a chick magnet!
Oh. No kidding, huh?
Yup.
OH! Then can you teach me to pull out people's hearts, like in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom?!
Actually, those were Hindus in that movie... But what the hell, I can show it to you, too.

 

In the dorm room...
Hey, while you were out, Amy called for you.
Amy? Which one? I know, like, three Amys. There's Ugly Amy, Average Amy, and Hot Amy.
Your sister Amy!
Oh.
That's Hot Amy.

 

Seeing as how these are our final moments on Earth, it only seems fitting that we offer a prayer for our souls.
Wait a minute... I thought you believed in thetans, not souls.
Oh, yeah... Well... Um... That is to say that...
Aw, fuck it. I was just gonna pray to myself anyways.
How the hell would that help?! I've been praying to you all evening and it hasn't done us any good!
That was YOU?! I thought those were prank calls from Cthulhu!

 

Continued from http://www.stripcreator .com/comics/r2_d2/264982
So, how did you get to be on the Council of Elder Gods?
You see, Rock and Roll is actually the most important energy in the universe.
Those that harness such power are assigned to the Council. The ultimate goal of the Council is to greate the greatest Rock Band ever.
I've got lead vocals, Clapton is on guitar...
Does that mean Christianity is a farce?
Heck, no. You should hear Jesus' 30-minute bass solo sometime.

 

Continued from: http://www.stripcreator.com/ comics/r2_d2/264986
Now, R2, just because it looks like I didn't do anything, it doesn't mean that I actually did nothing.
Oh, so you work in Mysterious Ways?
Actually, I mean that I didn't answer your prayers.
Holy shit! That fireball was AWESOME!
Well, I am known for my showmanship.

 

KNOW YOUR CHARACTERS! It's XENU! We would call him a protagonist, but he's more of an antagonist. He spends his time getting R2 into trouble.
Don't worry. It'll be cool. We'll just tell the cops that we were borrowing the Aston-Martin
What part of "Stay here while I use the can" don't you understand?
Xenu is a former galactic conqueror and the enemy of scientologists everywhere. As a security precaution, he carries a decoy that looks nothing like him.
I built it myself, out toothpaste and pet dander. It's like looking into a freaking mirror!
I'll have a margarita. *beep*
He's also got a thing for fast cars, cheap booze, and expensive suits.
Don't worry. It'll be cool. We'll just tell the cops that we were borrowing the BMW.
Do I know you?

 

by ClashTheStampede
10-21-06
Most unassuming men begin with the following proposition:
We have the exact same interests and hobbies! I think it would be cool if we went on a date sometime.
You've got to be kiding me!
Desperate men then pursue another line of inquiry:
Well, then... What if I paid you to go out with me?
WHAT!? I'm not a whore! Keep your money you bastard!
And every happily married man has discovered the only option that works:
How 'bout instead of paying you directly, I just buy you shoes and jewelry?
Take me NOW!

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