All comics by Tinman

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by Tinman
12-04-01
Idiots in a cinema.
Ha Ha Ha! This movie is hilarous! I love the blatant unfunny references to earlier works I've only heard about. And a woman farting loudly! Genius!
I'm enjoying the gratuitous T&A paired with 'Pee Wee's Big Adventure's plot, just with less humour and more swearing.
My opinion on the subject.
'Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back' Is the worst piece of shit I've seen in a long while. It saddens me that Kevin Smith could destroy his characters with such a lame vanity project/cash-in.
I almost thought it was intentionally badly directed, written and acted, in comparison to his earlier work. But he's proud of it. Kevin, if you can't see what you did was wrong, God help you.
Kevin Smith.
The funny thing is, I trashed the internet so bad in my movie that the opinion displayed in this comic now appear completely worthless.

 

by Tinman
12-04-01
The last strip wasn't part of the story arc, and I misspelled the title. Sorry about that.
Porno Bunny, I have to ask, what the fuck is up with your wife? Male, female, what?
That wasn't my wife! That was an insane Forum Zombie hallucination! I'm actually married to Lisa 'Left-eye' Lopes.
Really? But you're such a racist! How can you peacefully coexist with a black 'diva'?
Well... She's not so much my wife as I keep her in a cage and rape her nightly like the dirty spearchucking whore that she is.
Meanwhile...
I can't believe that Amnesty International sent my letter back saying I deserved this for 'Supernova'.

 

by Tinman
4-14-02
Sir! The Queen Mother is dead! Was that part of the plan?
...
TOBOR SAYS NO.
It should have been!
Yeah, can we pretend it was?

 

by Tinman
4-14-02
Sir! It's been 5 months since the inception of the plan to assrape God. Exactly which Friday are you planning on doing it?
...
You know, I don't really know. I'm getting a bit bored of using my classic Tobor CAPSLOCK, I think I'll speak normally from now on.
Are you going to stop
No, I'll still be assraping you. Be a dear and bend over, eh?

 

by Tinman
4-25-02
Porno Bunny, the last 4 months I've spent with you have been the best time of my life. I sure could go for a several strip flashback though, to, you know, re-live the experience.
Certainly! You should be expecting an acid flashback by now anyway.
And so the screen went all wavy and 'The Power of Love' started playing...
To start your training, I want you to paint my house using only an up-down motion with your hand.
Ah... I see, this is going to train me how to do kung fu to beat Tobor, isn't it?
No, my house needs painted, and I want an even coat.

 

by Tinman
4-25-02
Finished painting my house?
Yep, I've also beaten your wife, cleaned the septic tank, sent an envelope full of cum to Lorraine Kelly, shot the rabid dog in your guest bedroom, replaced your car engine with a hamster in a wheel..
I've also set fire to an effigy of Dustin Diamond while gyrating naked to Pat Boone records, skinned 8 sewer rats and made you a new bedspread, buttered 352 pieces of toast...
I didn't ask you to do any of that.
Yeah, but I was bored and needed something to do.

 

by Tinman
5-25-02
It was another ordinary day at 52 Festive Road, the sun was out, the children were playing in their gardens. Mr Firefly decided to take a nice walk to the shops.
Mr Firefly's a gaylord!
Shut it - I know where you live.
On his walk, Mr Firefly noticed a shop that he'd never seen before - a costume shop!
A shop I've never seen before! A costume shop!
And so Mr Firefly decided to take a browse around the shop...
I sincerely hope I haven't accidentally walked into Elton John's closet.

 

by Tinman
5-25-02
Then...
*ding*
As if by magic, the shopkeeper appeared!
Can I help
I SWEAR TO GOD I WASN'T SHOPLIFTING!

 

by Tinman
5-25-02
Having trouble making your choice, sir? I can reccommend something for you!
Um... Okay...
Hmm, this is a little hard to put on... I'm sure it'll look great, though.
You look fantastic, sir! How do you like it?
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? "Alcoholic Hawaiian Tintin visits Scotland"???

 

by Tinman
5-25-02
Actually sir, this shop's entire theme is alcoholisim. However, it's time to leave the changing room through 'the other door', leaving this freudian womb to be reborn again...
Well, it's worth a shot...
SCENE MISSING
And so, after many adventures which may possibly have been alcoholic hallucinations, Mr Firefly returned home, deciding to keep the costume on forever as a wonderful reminder...
Look everyone! Mr Firefly's a cross dressing alcoholic bender!

 

by Tinman
6-06-02
Hey Tinman, what's up? You seem kind of distracted from our flashback, infact, I could swear you started thinking about something else entirely.
Yeah... Well, I'm just...
Completely bored of this storyline?
Yeah! I mean, I started it months ago, and as it became longer and longer, I just became less and less interested in it, leading to long gaps between updates and complete plot changes.
Kind of like Hound's Home's overlong LA storyline, right?
Well, I'm not sure if anyone with half a brain would allow such a comparison, but I'm certainly hoping to slap together a barely thought out ending just to get this damn thing finished, too.

 

by Tinman
6-06-02
TOBOR DEMANDS MORE FRESH MEAT - Wait, I thought I wasn't using that voice any more - hey, what's my motivation?
If Daw wants to be an actress here, I guess I should probably exterminate that big robot thingie first... Daw don't like robots, no siree rob!
Holy Shit! That hillbilly just killed Tobor, ending the reign of the Forum Zombies and this stupid fucking storyline!
I'm a member of the lawfirm representing Ryan Duchane. He's taken out a cease and desist order on this blatant copyright infingement.
Holy Shit! Ryan Duchane can afford a lawyer! And it's a fucking snowman!

 

by Tinman
6-06-02
Tinman, what the fuck was up with that last strip? It doesn't make any sense! What about all that training you had to do with Porno Bunny? I thought you were the chosen one or something?
No, seriously, that ending was just pure, out of context random bullshit, a waste of my time, I feel ashamed to have read your strip and enjoyed it!
Being popular enough to have bitter fans angry about every small point of a plot is a true sign you've made it! Yes!
zzzzzzzzz

 

by Tinman
6-06-02
Ah, finally back to my old place... Back to normality with the friends I know so well.
Uh...
Hey Tinman, whassup? Like the new look?
Er...
SEX AND LUCIA (18): When she hears of the apparent death of an old boyfriend, waitress Lucia begins to reminisce about their time together. VERY SEXY.

 

by Tinman
6-09-02
Okay, so you're actually the Kajun I know so well, as a recent gust of wind verified. But what the hell's wrong with Andy?
Oh, that's not the real Andy. I got a deprogrammer to try and stop 'our' Andy thinking he was a vampire. Unfortunately, he just made some random think he was a movie reviewer extraordinare.
So where's 'our' Andy?
Oh, he's over there, getting to know himself.
THE MAJESTIC (PG): Jim Carrey is a blacklisted screenwriter who suffers amnesia and ends up in a small town where he is mistaken for a missing war hero. GOOD.
I can't believe this is what people think of me.

 

by Tinman
6-09-02
So Andy! Seeing a lame version of yourself shocked you into returning to your old self, eh?
Yep. No more blood drinking for me. Well, actually, I mostly just drank Ribena and pretended it was blood. Blood rich in Vitamin C, or something.
Yeah... But, uh, there's 2 of you now... How's that going to work out?
Not anymore there isn't! You see, by a mysterious turn of events, the fake me turned out to actually be a vampire. I just put him out in the sunlight and our problem was solved.
I AM SAM (12): Sean Penn is a mentally challenged man who goes to court for the right to raise his seven-year-old daughter on his own. SAPPY.

 

by Tinman
6-11-02
Well, everything I can be bothered to think about has returned to normality. What are you up to, Kajun?
Oh, just making a reply to something Andy posted in the forums.
Wh th fu? Did I quest for nothing?
Oh, grow up Tinman. The Forum Zombies was just made up in your head to belittle a group of people you weren't part of but your friends were. Everybody's different, and you've got to accept that.
This sounds exactly like what you and Andy told me when I brought up the homosexual conspiracy who are trying to create a gay planet.
Well, if you're just going to be like that, there's no point discussing it.

 

by Tinman
6-11-02
After the Forum Zombies saga, Gareth McCheesecake returned to the life of a heartless gigolo. He has never been happier.
vrrrrroooommmm!!!! sccreeeeccchh!!!
I guess Jeanette doesn't like the new look.
The Amazing Porno Bunny continued his life of racisim, taking it to all new heights.
I've decided to hate white people too! Enjoying the nails, you honky bastard?
Jesus!
Lisa 'Left-eye' Lopes escaped her cell and tried to create a new life. However, God hated 'Supernova' too, and killed her in a car crash.
SODOMISE!!! SODOMISE!!! SODOMISE!!!
Wow. And there I was thinking how life was on the up, well, until I went through the windscreen.

 

by Tinman
6-11-02
Hey man, how much wanking would you say is too much?
*fap fap fap*
Listen, if you ask the question WHILE WANKING, you're doing it too much.
Ahh...
And I'm not going to eat those digestives now.

 

by Tinman
6-11-02
Recently I watched the episode of 'The Sopranos' where the female psychiatrist is raped. The rape failed to disgust or even affect me in any real way.
However, while she is in hospital, a female cop tells her they have captured the rapist. "We caught him in Popeye's Chicken with your Palm Pilot" she says.
I guess to most people that's pretty unmemorable, but for fucks sake, if you think about it, it's yet another product placement. We can't even see a rape on TV without more products being shilled.
Personally, I'm sickened. What next for product placement? "Teenage psychopaths drink Pepsi - The taste of a murderous generation"?
"Top rapists use Durex Safe - guarantee that slut won't infect you as you ravage her holes against her will!"
Hey, Tinman. Popeye's Chicken Advertising Division. We've heard your ideas and we like them! We gotta have a meeting!

 

by Tinman
6-11-02
Hi, I'm here for a meeting?
Certainly Son! You came to the right place!
Oh, yeah?
Yeah! You see, we here at Popeye's Chicken are interested in the UK for expansion. We want an ad campaign that's completely sick, so people really think about our chicken!
I guess I could just show a lot of pictures of the condition on your chicken farms.
That's really not the angle we're looking for.

 

by Tinman
6-11-02
My girlfriend told me her maternal clock was ticking.
So I stuck a knife in that bitch's fuckhole and mashed it all up... Then I fucked the bloody pulp, spilling my seed deep in her destroyed vagina. "Good luck" I said.
Then I went and ate some Popeye's Chicken.

 

by Tinman
6-11-02
You know the bitch I mangled? Fucker got pregnant.
So I kicked her in the stomach. Then down the stairs.
Yeah, and, uh, Popeye's Chicken is, uh, great or something.

 

by Tinman
6-13-02
You called?
Yeah... Uh, listen, son. Turns out a lot of people in this country are actually 'offended' by things as innocent as the Irn Bru campaign. What you're doing would cause an uproar.
Hmm.
But don't worry! We're passing you on to a company with absolutely no morals, dignity or goodness at all. A pure, malevolent evil.
McDonalds?
McDonalds.

 

by Tinman
6-13-02
o/` Do you like the way I'm watching you undress? o/`
We do Ron Ron Ron! We do Ron Ron!
o/` Do you like the way I watch you take a bath? o/`
We do Ron Ron Ron! We do Ron Ron!
o/` Do you like the way I wash your special place? o/`
We don't Ron Ron Ron! We don't Ron Ron!

 

by Tinman
6-13-02
o/` Do you like the way I've killed your mum? o/`
We don't Ron Ron Ron! We don't Ron Ron!
o/` Do you like the way I touch your bum? o/`
We don't Ron Ron Ron! We don't Ron Ron!
Oh. How about when I jam my unlubricated dick up it?
OH GOD NO THE PAIN RON RON RON! OH PLEASE STOP THE RAPE RON RON!

 

by Tinman
6-13-02
Hi Viewers! Here I am with the McDonald's Corporation's Ronald McDonald. Now, you know, if there's one thing he loves, it's molesting children.
Are you kidding? I'd rather be fucking a fresh, hairless 6 year old snatch right now!
(shudder) Yeah, and, you know, when he's not busy molesting children, he likes to go and eat a delicious Happy Meal at one of the many fine McDonalds restaraunts.
*fap fap fap*
The toys make luring children into his home so much easier.

 

by Tinman
6-20-02
Well, I've been fired by McDonalds too, oddly. And I forgot to ask for any money.
So, what are you going to do now?
I'm thinking about giving something back to the community - Working in the local Oxfam Music Store, maybe.
A unrealistically spontaneous burst of altruisim aside, what's your actual reason for doing this?
I've always wanted to be a surly record store clerk, what else?
So, you used your best disdainful sneer in the interview, I hope?

 

by Tinman
6-20-02
A drunken ned wanders into the store, slightly off balance and pauses in front of the till.
Ahv just had an argument waye that Oriental gent ootside... Huv yeh goat a' bathroom?
Sorry, no.
Christ... Yer aw alike... Ahv goat tae tell ye, ahm no a racist... Fuck it, I am a racist, these c**ts don't deserve to live...
???
And so he wandered out of the store, possibly into the sunset, never to be seen again...
Hi, I'll just have these books, please.
Certainly, would you like to make a hilarously racist comment while here? At least you're buying something.

 

by Tinman
6-22-02
Last Week
I hate Ronald McDonald. I cannot support anyone who is so obviously a paedophile.
This Week
Hey, Tinman, throw away these old Gary Glitter singles, will you?
Oh man! "Rock and Roll part 2"! I love that song! I'll keep that.
Uh...
What?

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