All comics by christopher7murphy

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Did we get any bids on E-Bay for the baby Monkey?
Couple nibbles...
Man...And they call me slow!
Internet connection Down.

 

The sweat was beading up on my brow. How much more could I take? Who invented the game? What year did it come out? Was Carter president? Or Nixon?
The questions kept popping out! The pressure was building! What is a Rook? How does the King move? How many Pawns do I Have?
HOW MUCH TIME DO I HAVE???? Then I remembered.....I was playing Chess..not Trivia Pursuit............. Check! . AND Mate!

 

Cool.. look Dude! We can get a "Slighty New Monkey" on E-bay!
Whhhoaa! DUDE! We could like.. train it to get beer for us!
Hey..ya hear? We could win a monkey that can buy us beer!!!
Oh Gawd! The things you can get a monkey to do.
Guys..I'm hungry..let's bid on the "grilled cheese that looks like Elvis" instead.

 

Ya know..How can we do this. How can we sell a perfectly good monkey on E-bay?
The bid is already up to $500
Hmm? I'll get the bubble wrap.

 

ARRRG! Welcomes to Pirate Night at the Eatum Up Cafe. And what's will you be havin' Matey
What's your vegetable of the day?
ARRRG! That would be our world famous Corn on the Cob!
MMM... and how much is the Corn on the Cob?
ARRRGGG! That they would be a "Buck-an-Ear!" Ya Land Lubber!

 

Poor Winky! Who will bid highest on E-Bay? Who will end up with our hero? The Lab Guys down the street?
We are down to our last monkey. If we don't get one soon..we'll have to hack up something else.
We have Mel Gibson waiting in the office.
....The drunken Frat House?
Dude! We just gotta win that monkey. It would be...like, so cool!
-hic- and like, he can buy us beer..cuz..he doesn't NEED a -hic- valid ID..cuz he's a MONKEY! And I should know...I'm a Law Major! -hic-
...or someone else?
Dang Dang Dang. Dial up completely SUCKS! Soooo slow.
ERROR: Do you wish to continue running script?

 

Message to E-Bay User: Dear Sir/Madam, About your item up for bid. Item 64864, "like-new baby monkey"
ban-nan-na
It is appalling that you would sell one of God's living creatures on E-Bay!You should be ashamed of yourself! Shame, Shame!
ban-nan-na
With that being said, does the item in question come in its original box?
mor-on

 

Message to E-Bay User: Dear Sir/Madam, About your item up for bid. Item 64864, "like-new baby monkey"
ban-nan-na
It is appalling that you would sell one of God's living creatures on E-Bay!You should be ashamed of yourself! Shame, Shame!
ban-nan-na
With that being said, does the item in question come in its original box?
mor-on

 

Meanwhile, back in the jungle
That Monkey of mine better find Winky, or he'll have another banana hole where he least expects it!
Did you find him?
Not yet. Look at these cool bananas I found tho!
Ten minutes later
He'll be walkin' funny for a lot longer than he thinks, if he doesn't find my Winky soon!

 

I can't believe it! These morons actually think this baby human is a baby monkey!
And they are trying to sell him on E-Bay?
What should we do?
We could free him. Raise him as our own.
Free Winky?

 

LET'S DO IT!!! Let free Winky!!!!
FREE WINKY!!!! FREE WINKY!!!
FREE WINKY!!!! FREE WINKY!!!
FREE WINKY!!!! FREE WINKY!!!
umm...I just came for the free meal.

 
SCAT!-CAT!
Wait! GEEEZ...I'm strictly a Bird-Cat! (can't stand the slightest hint of cheese.)

 

Poo Poo? Ka-Ka? Pants Load? Poopy? Doo-Doo? Crackle Berries?
Lump-o-stink clay? Dung Dump? Doody? Chocolate Squirts? Guano? Road Apple Steamer?
Just give it up! You don't remember my name do ya?

 

When I was your age, I poked me own eye out!
When I got older, I cut me right leg off! Then me left leg! Arrg! Later, I cut my own hand off!
By then I was Hooked!

 

So, you say if we tickle one under the belly, it rolls up into a ball? Cute.
That stuff about being Man-Eaters is a bunch of bunk?
I've been making alot of clams hireing myself out as a tour guide.
Aquaman, you're getting mean in your old age!

 

Honey? Whats wrong?
It's the kitchen....well, the microwave to be specific.
It started to spark and smoke. I had to get rid of it.
That's terrible!
Tell me about it. Where will we put the chips now?

 

Congratulations on your marriage! How was the ceremony?
Thanks. It was a wonderful wedding! I never expected so many wonderful things!
I got new china, a new television, and a new lawn mower! But best of all, I got a new dishwasher!
Honey, did you wash those dishes yet?
Check...right after I mow the lawn.

 

He says if we wait twenty minutes, our bodies will become accustomed to being underwater. Then we can take off these helmets.
I'm gonna wait thirty minutes...just in case.
Aquaman...you really are becoming quite the bastard!

 
Umm..Aquaman? About those Sea Monkeys you sold me. I never expected them to live this long.

 

ban-nan-na
This is Winky. We must help him before he is sold to the highest bidder on E-Bay. Like must humans, he really isn't very smart.
Everyone thinks Winky is a MONKEY?
They think they are the best. But humans is the dum-best of all!
prity-kitty
I don't know, Winky seems pretty smart to me.

 

Well..sure I did it! I thought, "what the Heck.....I wont be around for ever! Who would find out?"
Crap! I'm a freakin' dinosauer! Who would ever think I WOULD do it!!
Extinction is no excuse for the law!

 

Blah-Blah! What an unusual specimen .
I think I shall bite him..er..her..um on the ...ummm.. is that a neck?
Blah!- What ever happen to a good old fashion virgin?
-snif- I smell feet?

 

-ring-ring-ring-
umm..'ello?
Buddy! The days almost up! I've been playing video games all day, beat your top score Dude! Made myself some bacon and eggs..wow that hit the spot! Checked in at the office..impromptu conference call.
...dude..you coming over?
Sure..Let me put some clothes on.

 

Hey Doc, Whats that?
This is your bill.
Is it itemized?
$100 for a pap smear test. $100 for a pregnancy test? $100 dollars for the general gynecological exam.
I needed those tests like I need another hole in my ass.
Gotcha covered...that'll be another $100!

 

Finally, something that could change your life forever! Limited time only! ACT NOW!
Fine....nevermind!

 

We did it! FREE WINKY!
ban-nan-na?
Yes...thank you Pritty Kitty, we could never have done it without you!
So , are you sure you can raise him as one of your own? Raise a human to be a mouse?
..um..as soon as we can convince him he is NOT a monkey, and he stops tossin' his poo around.

 

Yes?
Oh, King of the Mice! It's Winky...He refuses to learn the way of the mouse. He doesn't even act human?
Yes! His monkey ways run deep. Oh the POOOO...the POOOOOO!
It wouldn't be so bad if he would only keep it in his diaper.
Yes...we've already lost three nannies this week.
-giggle- ban-nan-na-pooo-sticky-giggle-

 

Maybe it is too late for Winky? We can't teach him the ways of the mouse?
It just goes to show ya. You can take the baby out of the house.
..and the monkey out of the jungle...
..and you can put the monkey ways into the baby...
...and put the baby ways into the monkey..
...but you can't get banana poo off of the wall! -tsk tsk-

 

Mmmm..the thirst! The thirst...
Dude...I KNOW when you have been NAUGHTY.....or nice.
Blahhh! Blahhh! Alright! I'll leave cookies next to my stocking. -sigh-
heh heh! I smell Christmas!

 

Really Sir! Self mutilation is bad for your health!
Aye..you're right me lad. But alas, I've been cutting parts off me body since I was a lad.
I've been trying to giver up. And this time I will......Cuz this time...Arrrg!...
...I'm on the Patch!

 

So..what happened?
Well..I was turning into traffic, when I was sideswiped by the bearded lady.
..and then?
The World's Tallest Man came up and smashed into her..and then the Chicken Eater took it in the rear as he rubbernecked the situation.
What should we call it?
Freak Accident!

 

Shiver me timbers, mate! Only last year, I had resorted to cuting parts of me face off.
Wow! Except for the eye, it doesnt look like anything else is missing?
Arrrg! I found the best plastic surgeon money could buy.
Must have been expensive?
Nahh..It was only a "Buccaneer!"

 

Dinner was pretty good. What do you call it?
What do you mean? Why do you question my cooking?
I mean, I slave over the stove all day just to please you! How dare you question my love for you!
Really..it was good. What was it called?
Cat Food.

 

-ring-ring-ring
"Ello?"
Honey? Where are you? I've been sitting in this resteraunt all morning! The waitress and the cook are looking at me like I'm some kind of loser!
But we were suppose to meet at my Mother's this morning.
FINE! I'll be right there...let me put my pants back on!

 

-Hi! You have reached the home of Christopher7murphy. I will be away from StripCreator for approximatly three weeks.
ARRRRG! Curses! But what about Winky?
Winky and the gang will be right back after a dreadful business meeting in Florida. Where I will be forced to Sun myself on the beach. Drink heavily. And gather more material for comics-yet-too-be!
Arrrg! what a rough job he be havin'!
What will I do for three weeks WITHOUT my StripCreator? I've done 85 comics in twelve days? I think I'm "Hooked!"
Arrrg! I hope he sunburns his Winky!

 

Arrg! Christopher7, how was your "business" trip to Florida?
It was good! The theme of the show was, "The Customer Counts." I learned a lot for the business!
Things like, "Greet EVERY Customer! Put the item in the Customers hand! Offer to order it if you don't have it! And, fast and friendly service at the register!"
...and don't forget that it is never appropriate to use the words, "Koochie-Koochie Koo" in ANY Circumstances!
Hey.... Burn me once...

 

Now, where were we?
We found a poor baby left in the jungle..so we were gonna raise it in the Monkey Way! But BABBOON BUTT here, LOST HIM!
Hey...am I my Winky's keeper?
We found a baby monkey just sitting there.....So we took it in, but decided to sell little Winky on E-bay. The bidding is hot! Everyone wants a Winky!
...I know I'm beginning to feel seller's remorse.
E-BAY! Are you shittin' me? They thought Winky was a Monkey? We saved Winky from the E-Bay Way and planned on raising him the way of the Mouse!
...But his Monkey Ways run too deep. We had to Free Winky! Let him go! (Actually, we gave him to the cat.)

 

The King of the Mice gave me Winky. I don't know WHAT I am gonna do with him!!! I don't know nothin' about Burpin' no baby!
pritty-kitty
But he really is kinda' smart!

 

Great news! The auction is over! We made $792.33 on the little Monkey!
HoooYA! We can get them wiper blades for the truck!
You get Winky, and I'll go punch airholes in the box!
Hey..Where is he anyway?
There he is! The cat is playing with him!
AHHHH! BAD KITTY! You spit him out right now!

 

BAD, BAD Kitty! You spit that Monkey out right NOW!
mwpph mwwphh?
-patoooie!-
Getting to be a kitty can't enjoy a light snack anymore!
What the heck was that all about?..yukk...phooie!

 

Let me get this straight? They think that I am a MONKEY?
Yep. Them humans really are kind of backwards.
That's preposterous! I'm not gonna let them keep thinkin' I'm a Monkey!
That's fine by me. Sooner you get that straighten'ed out, the sooner I can eat ya!
FINE...pass the bananas!
Don't forget to toss your poo around occasionally.

 

Your Grandma called today. She's so proud of you, Son!
She say's you have her eye for design. Her ear for music. And her flair for life!
And she needs you to drop them off, because she has a big date on Saturday night!
But Ma! She just keeps them in the box!

 

What is it Sharky?
Na-na-na-na-na-na na-na-na-na-na-na na-na-na-na-na-na na-na-na-na-na-na na-na-na-na...
You say Aqualad fell into a well? He needs help? He needs me to bring ..Ketchup? The well is dark? I'm suppose to just swim on in?
Na-na-na-na-na na-na-na!
Sure Sharky! Go back and tell him I'll be right there...as soon as I train Gleek the Space Monkey to fly out my butt!
Damn! I don't mind not getting supper again....but he doesn't have to be such a tease about it.

 

Now Son, you know that I have been a good single father. But I have always wanted to experience the gift of childbirth, so I had the Lab Down the Street run some experiments. POOF! I am "with child!"
Wow...so this is what "Pregnant Pa's" look like.

 

Quick! Grab Winky! That little monkey is worth over seven hundred dollars!
-ehem- oo--eee-ooo-ahhh-ahhh! I am a monkey, gimme a ban-nan-na
Are you sure this is Winky...he looks a little different?
Come on Winky..you're getting a new home!
Man! This house is squirrelly!

 

ban-nan-nah
Welp, that worked out pretty good. The humans think the squirrel is Winky, and now they won't be looking for him.
skwirl-nutty
I wonder who bid highest for him?
Whooa, Dude! You're a pretty scrawny monkey, man.
And I'm telling you that you can get your own damn beer! Now get me some nuts!

 

Um..Roger? I left a Tuna Sandwich in the breakroom. Have..you, um..seen it?
That depends. Can you describe it?
Well...it had my name written on it.
And you think that I ate it? How could you think that about me?
Well, I am glad you didn't take it. My wife is mad at me, and I'm pretty sure she's been putting Cat Food in my meals.
Nope. It was glass.

 

Bahhh! I'm having some people over at my place tonight for a little get together. Can you make it?
Hootman? I can't believe it. You want me to be there? I've misjudged you. I would love to be there!
Great. You're gonna be parking the cars. Wear a little red vest. Bahhh!

 

Bahhh! You moved my Cheese!
I did not move your Cheese!
Admit it! You moved my Cheese! You're just the type to do that to me!
Hootman, I absolutly did NOT move your Cheese!
I freakin' ATE your cheese!!

 

100 strips and growing! Today, I celebrate the American Chicken Joke.
I made an embarrassing movie when I was a lot younger.
It wasn't dirty or anything, but it was rated R...
For Fowl Language!

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