All comics by daddydoright

 

by daddydoright
1-07-06
Hi. Do you have any chickens for sale?
Depends. Do you want 'em for eating? Or fucking?
What's the difference in price?
Fucking chickens are $5 less.
How come?
What are you some kind of sick-ko? Who wants to eat a chicken that been fucked!

 

by daddydoright
1-07-06
Hey baby! You know what would look good on you? Me!
Two questions.
Do you have a car? Do you live near?
Yes! Yes!!
Next year; 2 more questions
What was that guys name? Where did he live?

 

by daddydoright
1-07-06
Hey Abe Lincoln looking dude! Wanna buy some bootleg DVDs'?, CDs'? or software?
No! Amish don't use technology! We beleive it is the work of the devil.
Then give me your money Ted Kazinski thinking dude!
I don't have any money either! We Amish don't use money! We use the barter system. We believe money is the work of the devil too!
What are you doing?
I'm seeing if you are for real!

 

by daddydoright
1-08-06
Hey dude! I haven't seen you in years! Who was that hot ho I saw you with before?
Hey! Nice seeing you too! Why do you think she was a ho?
Well easy! You can spot a ho a mile away! One of the best ways is by her tramp stamp.
Tramp stamp? What's that?
The tattoos! They get on their back above their ass! Guaranteed ho everytime they got one!
"That ho! You saw me with before! Is my wife!" (thinks) "But come to think of it she did have that tattoo long before I met her! Hmmm?? And she did tell me that all of her friends were men!"

 

by daddydoright
1-08-06
Part 2
Well... I told my wife you said, "She was a ho!"
Dude! Like... why the fuck? Would you tell her that???
She's my wife! I tell her everything!
But?? Man! She's going to hate me!
Yep! Pretty much!! Haha!
Fucking asshole!

 

by daddydoright
1-08-06
Part 3
Dude! Here comes your wife and she's already giving me the evil eye for me calling her a ho! Help me get back on her goodside! I don't want her hating me!
Nope! Bud your on your own! This is great! She's pissed at you rather than me! I finally get a break! I'm going to take a leak.
Hi! How's it going? Err? Uhhaaah? cool bar huh? Sooo?? ah? ah? ah?
I'm just gonna ignore him. Where did my damm husband go? Why did he leave me with him? I'll go look over there!
The End?
HaHa! I saw the end of that! Her giving you the silent treatment! I get it all the time! Haha.
O-yah! Three can play this game! I won't talk either!

 

by daddydoright
1-08-06
The 12th hour of nonstop videogaming, Again!
Hey hon! How'z it going?
Damm! I'm finally gonna make level 26, and she wants conversation!
I can't believe I'm with this fucking dork! All he ever does is play his fucking videogame! I think I'll go fuck the manager at my job! He's always flirting with me.
Level 26! Yahhh! Alright!
Hey hon! Check it out! Level 26! Who's the man! Hon? Hon? Where did she go?

 

by daddydoright
1-09-06
One night she got really drunk at the country bar
Woo! Hooh! I'm really drunk! Fuckit! Bartender!! I'm switching to just whiskey in a glass, with no more Coke in it!
(holding up a whiskey glass says) "It's $4 for two fingers? $5 for three fingers? What's your pleasure?
"Welllll!" (hiccup) "I'm pretty horny! And I haven't taken just two fingers since 8th grade! How much for the whole fist stud??"
Aaaaaaaah????? I was talking about whiskey, hon!
Awww Geez! I don't suppose you'll keep this to your self will you?
Ohhh No! Not on your life! Haha.

 

by daddydoright
1-09-06
Hi America! Welcome to "THE BIGGEST LOSER"! Where you the audience vote which contestants life is most hillarious! Here is our 1st contestant Bud, tell us why you are so pathetic.
Well, aahh?? I'm pushing 40. Dropped out of college almost 20 years ago. I'm now working in a factory...
Keep going!
Well, I act like I'm a college grad. I act like I'm superior and smarter than my peers, instead of the factory slob I've now become!
wakes up from the nightmare
Honey! The same nightmare everynight!
Five more years and the youngest will be out of college! If he doesn't croke by then from an alcohol induced heartattack, 'hello' divorce! And half!

 

by daddydoright
1-09-06
At the local factory
Hey dude! Wanna smell my finger?
Sure man! I haven't gotten any pussy in such along time! I started to forget what it smelt like, haha.
What the fuck?!! Dude your finger doesn't smell like pussy! It smells like shit!!
Yah! I forgot to wash my hands after I went. Pretty nasty, huh?!
Dude! You asshole! That was like ruuude!
Hey man, I was only kiddin'! What are friends for? Haha.

 

by daddydoright
1-10-06
Brrrrrr! It's so fucking cold! I think my balls are frozen solid!
Oh! Old lady! Help me! I'm so cold!
You call this cold?! When I was young it was so cold that your balls would freeze solid and fall off!
You mean!
Yep Sonny! I use to be a man till the Big Freeze of '46!

 

by daddydoright
1-10-06
For over 50 years the 1st chimp in space has been..
..circling Earth in high orbit watching us.
So chimpy, after all these years what do you have to say about mankind and his fate?
"YOUR FUCKED!"

 

by daddydoright
1-12-06
I wonder what 'human' would taste like?
Yah! I hear where your coming from! Time for some payback! I want a human burger!
No, I meant I'm tired of licking my own ass and pussy. I wonder what a human's would taste like?!
Eww! Your sick!

 

by daddydoright
1-12-06
All these humans are just using us for meat! I wonder what human would taste like!
But were vegetariuns!
Yeah, but that didn't stop humans! So why should it stop us! I think it's time for a little payback!
Oh I saw that on PBS! Your talking about those archaelogical records showing that primitive humans diet was almost exclusively vegatariun for thousands of years!
Well actually, my uncle started that rumor at a state college in Wisconsin. He was a rad-a-cow! He said it was propaganda used to support 'our cause'.
Oh? Smart!

 

by daddydoright
1-12-06
Mooo!
Oh yah! Go fuck yourself!
Mooo! moo! moo.
Oh, alright! I see where your coming from.
moo, mooo, moo, mooo?
Okay, I'm sorry. I promise never to shit in your face while you are eating again.

 

by daddydoright
1-12-06
I am so outta here! I'm heading for India where a cow gets some respect!
Aw, come on baby! Don't Daddy treat your right? All the food you can eat?
Yaah, and..?!
A dynamite pad! With fresh hay everday just for you! And baby don't forget all that sweet, sweet loving which is 3 milkings a day!
Your right Daddy. Sometimes your baby forgets how good you are to me. Will you please forgive me?!
Ain't none of my bitches ever leaving my stable!

 

by daddydoright
1-13-06
I used to never be able to get enough. No matter how much I took in I never felt, ah you know?, 'full'.
Me to!! Exactly! It was like the only time I was happy was when I felt.. overly stuffed.
I'm so happy we had this talk. I thought I was the only one around here who had this a... problem.
I know me too! But now we know we share the same secret problem! We can conquer bulimia together!!
Bulimia?! Whaa?! I was talking about nyphomania.
Can I go out to the bar with you and have your rejects?

 

by daddydoright
1-13-06
Come on Jesus! Just you and I hanging out here! Oh sorry, no pun intended! Let's talk! One deity to another.
Okay! What's on your mind?
What's with the whole martyr complex?
Hey! You do it your way! And I do it my way!
Yeah but.... do you have to be so damm dramatic about it?
Duh! Did you read the 1st part of the bible?? Talk about dramatic!! I'm just continuing the 'flow' of the big book! And by the way I thought it needed a 'Really BIG' ending.

 

by daddydoright
1-13-06
I'm sorry! Won't you forgive me?
NO!
Aw come on Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You say your all forgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You mean you'll forgive everybody?????? But not me????
Oh alright! I forgive you my son!
Sike!!!!!!!! Haha!!!!!!!!!! I was only kidding!!!!
Fucking asshole.

 

Hey man! Could I get a smaller mike?? This one makes me look so small!
No Eminem it's the fact that your just a skinny little punk that makes you look small!
by daddydoright, 1-13-06

 

by daddydoright
1-14-06
EMINEM COVERING FOR
MOTHERFUCKERS!!
THE FACT HE IS A LITTLE
SHUT THE FUCKUP BITCH!
PUNK BY CUSSING
FUCK YOU!!

 

by daddydoright
1-14-06
Ich zick und var free mond zoo tree mar zoot son!
You crazy German bastard!
Mi ze for dun und kine ver mut!
Insane! Totally fucking insane!
Zeit soon vert kunt mi er zit voot lick!
Okay! Stop! stop! You are to hard with your commetary! You are gonna make enemies talking like that!

 

by daddydoright
1-14-06
Wow! Everything looks important with an American flag behind it!
Yah I agree! Look!! It even works when the laziest of fools uses the first cartoon characters given to him!
Yah, but let's roll with it! OK?
Sure sometimes he has no point to say but talks just for the sake of being heard!
How appropriate doing so infront of an American flag. When so much of what is being done in politics today is just for the sake of being busy.
I guess what she is trying to say is..If you don't have anything to really do don't try to make laws for the sake of justifying a job!

 

by daddydoright
1-14-06
Is it possible to run out of material and just write for the sake of writing?
Yah.... I guess so? But most people would have enough sense to not let other people see it!
Well then I guess today we are out of luck!
Damm I am so embarrassed! Like when someone opens the bathroom door and your taking a shit!
Oh welll! We are only as interesting as the material the writer gives us!
Yah! Note to him. DUDE!! DON'T WASTE OUR TIME!!

 

by daddydoright
1-14-06
Fuck! He should of quit why he was ahead!
Yah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We do have some kind of pride in here you know????
Hello??????? HELLO?????????? IF YOU CAN HEAR ME OUT THERE! From all us characters in here! PLEASE STOP WRITING!!!!!!!
YAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your not only embarrassing yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But all of us too!!!!!!!!
How are we gonna face all the comics created by other the writers who actually spent the time to write and really have something to say?!
LOOK AT HIM!!!!!!!! HE ISN'T LISTENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S SO FUCKING SELFISH!!!!!!!!! Writing for the sake of hearing himself talking!!!!!!!!! I think he only does it to feel... you know! ALIVE!

 

by daddydoright
1-14-06
Hey dumb bastard! Yah! I'm talking to you! Why don't you think before you type? Dumbass!!
He is so full of his own ego that he doesn't even stop to hear other people's opinons!
HEY DUMMY!! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION?? ASSHOLE!
You can't shame a selfish pig!!!!!!! Write you asshole!!!!!!!!!! WRITE!!!
Hey, buddy???? How far you gonna take this????? Let's stop why we are behind!!!!! Okay?
Yah, I seen that look in his eye! I think you finally reached him! He's calming down! I think we are all in the clear! Maybe he'll go find some music or something!

 

by daddydoright
1-15-06

 

by daddydoright
1-15-06
Wow! What happened?
EMINEM concert mam! Seems he started singing and somebody called the Waahm-bu-lence for him.

 

by daddydoright
1-15-06
You have the right to an attorney!!!!!!!! If you can't afford one your pretty much screwed!!!!!!!!
You have the right to remain silent! Even though doing so will mean almost instant incarceration!
Well, let's face it! You really don't have any rights, unless I give them to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you??????

 

by daddydoright
1-15-06
I'm gonna have to write you a ticket for loitering.
Oh yah, I'm gonna have to write you a ticket for disturbing the peace.
Ok, I'm gonna write you a ticket for obstructing an officer.
Alright, here comes a ticket for impedeing a police investigation.
I tell you what. If we both agree to bribe eachother, howz about we call it even and go!
Alright, but even though I'm easy, I'm not cheap!

 

by daddydoright
1-15-06
Hi I am a heart surgeon. Keep up the good work because of you and your kind I am rich, rich, rich.
Me? I'm just bacon! How'd I make you rich?
More Americans die of heart disease than anyother thing. Eating a diet high in saturated fat quickly clogs those arteries.
You mean I made all those people sick?
Yah, but don't be sad because a whole industry has been built around food like you!
Where is my *#@! money?????

 

by daddydoright
1-15-06
Where's my money! I do half the job! I want half the money!
If your refering to you clogging the heart I would like to thankyou. Good job!
You see the patients heart. How well you almost perfectly clogged the two upper ventricals.
Gasp! Yuck!
You mean he died 'cuz of me? What a loss!
Well, it's not a complete loss. The total cost of medical bills, is easily $250K and his insurance and life savings outta cover that!

 

by daddydoright
1-15-06
Hey there Grandma! Can I take your order?
Don't grandma me! You little ho! Just cause there is snow on the roof don't mean there ain't a fire in the fireplace!
I've suck more dicks in my life than days you been alive! So don't grandma me! Ain't nobody who swallows paste like me!
But you really are my grandma! Don't you remember me? I'm your granddaughter!
I'm sorry dear! My Alzheimers been acting up. Will you ever forgive me?
Sure if you teach me that paste trick!

 

by daddydoright
1-15-06
Hi can I take your order?
Yes dear I'd like some dick.
Ha,ha. Yah you and me both, but only what you see on the menu.
Don't worry dear, I'm not heat. My friend at the senior center said you had the hook up for some.
Oh?? My manwhore won't be in till six. It's hard out hear for a pimp, I had to get a second job!
I can dig where your coming from sister, back in the day, I wasn't a trick, but a mac myself.

 

by daddydoright
1-15-06
Whew! It took all day to fill this jar up. The hard part is over!
Ok all I have to do is put this in there and take some arty pictures and NEA money will just start pouring in!

 

by daddydoright
1-17-06
(Singing); "You know it's hard out here for a pimp. When he's gotta get money for the rent."
Mr. Jefferson you should change that to 'It's hard out there for a shrimp!' You dry cleaning store owning fool!
How about this? (Singing); "Stomp that trick down! Get 'em! Stomp that trick down! Get 'em!"
Mr. Jefferson, I don't know what's up with you, but if you keep on talking like this I'm gonna open up a can of whoopass!
Alright, I'm sorry Florence! Wheezy picked me up this unclaimed pimp clothes from the store. How do you dig my mac lingo?
Well Mr. J. the only mac you know is mac 'n extra cheezy.

 

by daddydoright
1-17-06
I've been waiting all day to show you THE BIG ONE!
You've got me so excited! I can hardly wait to see it!
Alright now! Just let me get it ready! Errrrrhh! Aaaaahh! It's ready! You can turn on the light to see it!
Wow! It must huge baby! Sounds like you were really working hard! Now where's that light switch?
CLICK!
Look at that! Call the "Guiness Book of World Records!" That is the biggest turd I've ever made!
SICKO! When you said you wanted to show me THE BIG ONE I thought you meant your dick!

 

by daddydoright
1-17-06
Welcome to Sandford and Son junkyard. What can I do for you honkie?
Unit 1 to base. We have found a survior. Repeat! Base someone survived the attack on L.A.!
Sir! Are you alright? I'll take you back to my base.
Stepback Jack! I don't know what kind of freak you is? But you put one hand on me and you gonna meet the Brown Bomber!
Base! Seems the survior is delusional and hostile!
Dummy! I ain't no delusional! I'm black! And this ain't no hostel! This hear is my house and you ain't welcome to stay! So make like a tree and leave!

 

by daddydoright
1-21-06
Man, I'm glad your here! I didn't wanna tell you on the phone, but your girlfriend has been giving $5 blowjobs in the bathroom for the last 3 hours!
Alrighty then. Well, how's bout a beer?
Dude, ain't you like, pissed off?
Nope. The otherday I saw "Doctor Phil" saying that 'TRUST' should be the main thing in any relationship.
Well in that case. I 'trust' you'll wait here. I lost my spot in line for the bathroom and now the line is all the way back to the pool table!
And I trust in the number one rule of pimping. Thou shalt never love a ho.

 

by daddydoright
1-21-06
I ain't paying you to fucking just sit around and eat fucking hamburgers alnight! Them fucking glasses ain't gonna wash them selves!
Fuck off! Asshole!
What's wrong with here?
Ah! She's got Assburger's syndrome! Ha,ha. You know that disorder that causes people to get pissed off all the time.
It's pronounced Asperger's syndrome. It's a neurological disorder that is a mild form of Autism. My little nephew has it.
Nope! I mean ASS BURGER'S Syndrome! Meaning the fat bitch eats to many fucking hamburgers all night and then she gets pissed when I ask her fat ass to do some work!

 

by daddydoright
1-21-06
JERRY SPRINGER SHOW
Honey, I've been cheating on you with your best friend.
But Steve told me years ago he's got erectile dysfunction?
COUPLES CONFESS
No not Steve! Your dog Butcus the roctweiler!
How could you?!
THEY BEEN CHEATING
Well, let's say it involves a hungry dog and a real big jar of peanutbutter!
I like peanutbutter too!

 

by daddydoright
1-21-06
Take off that stupid bunny costume!
Take off that stupid human costume!!
Okay! Your turn!

 

by daddydoright
1-21-06
Chapter Twelve
When the Manipulated awaken from their journey into the Tangent Universe,
they are often haunted by the experience of their dreams.
**** *(O) * *
Many of them will not remember.
Those who do remember the Journey are often overcome with profound remorse for the..
DREAMS
..regretful actions buried within their...

 

by daddydoright
1-21-06
AS OVERHEARD INSIDE
Mister President how was your trip to China sir?
(Scared and mumbling); "Billions of little Chinese. And their all angry. Billions!"
THE WHITE HOUSE
Now, there, there, Mister President. We have the best military in the world that money can buy.
(In shock); "Billions! And if they smile..it's like they are laughing at you!"
Okay Mister President. What should we do?
(Sounding authoritive); "For starters. Max out the nations investments in China stocks! But first! Call 'MY' stock broker!"

 

by daddydoright
1-21-06
These sure are some good cigars Mister President. Mind if I ask what kind they are?
I wish I knew? I found a box of them in that old desk in the oval office.
I believe anything left in that desk was left here by the previous president, Mister President.
Well then let me give old Bill a call and ask him. (calls him); "Hello Bill??, George W here! Was wondering what kind of cigars did you use to smoke? Ok. Thanks. Bye."
What kind did he say Mister President?
He said the same brand my father used to like, Lewinskys!

 

by daddydoright
1-21-06
Wow! You work here now too???? I haven't seen you in years! You were doing so good on your diet! What happened?!
Well, I did like you said back then and went on that 'all cum diet'. Only it was working great and then..
It still works great for me! I've gotten 4 promotions in 3 years! But you were saying, then..?
It was working great I was working as an assistant wedding photographer for you remember Steve but I got fired! Then I joined the Army.
The Army?! You didn't? Well, what happened?!
I put back on the 40lbs I lost working for only one man and gained 100lbs working the whole Army. That is till I got kicked out for becoming so obese.

 

by daddydoright
1-21-06
Watch out for that shark he's hungry again.
Yah he could be anywhere! You watch my back and I'll watch yours!
I don't see him over here! How's your side?
Delicious!

 

by daddydoright
1-21-06
I can't believe they did us like this just for stealing two lousy kilos of coke!
Actually it was two hundred kilos we took! I just didn't tell you cause I thought you wouldn't do it.
Well that's just great! I'm gonna die for something I didn't even know I did!
Well I have something else to confess!
Go ahead it couldn't get any worse than this!
Whatever you do!!! DON'T DRINK THE WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just peed!!!!!!!!!

 

by daddydoright
1-21-06
Wow look at that cloud it looks like a dick with two huge balls!
You perv! Is that all you think about is sex!
No! I think about lots of stuff!
Like what?!
Eating, drinking beer, watching TV!
I didn't know you were so deep!!! Let's have sex again!

 

by daddydoright
1-21-06
YOU WANNA DO IT ON THE ALTAR???Oh man!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your the kinkiest trick I've ever had! But that'll cost you fifty bucks extra!
Ok! Mind if I change?
No hon. Go right ahead. Hey!!!!!!!!!What was that noise?????
Holy Shit!!!!!!!!!!! When you said you were "Really, Really Horny !!!!!!!!!!!" I didn't believe you! Cause that's what all my tricks say!
Two things I don't lie about!!!!!!!!! MONEY and GETTING SOME PUSSY!

Showing page 2.

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