All comics by ojcme

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by ojcme
1-22-06
So, how's nanking?
It hasn't been the same since you guys raped it. We've been having problems filling it in.
DAMNIT, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE GOT TO SAY IT? NANKING WAS BEGGING FOR IT!
We totally were. We need to experience the magic again.
Just make sure that you look like you totally deserve it.

 

by ojcme
1-23-06
Guess what anniversary we neglected to celebrate recently?
What?
We forgot to celebrate the 33rd anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. It was yesterday.
God damnit. Now I'm going to have to punch TWICE the amount of pregnant ladies to make up for it.
....
What? I don't ask you about YOUR hobbies.

 

by ojcme
1-29-06
Based on a true story. Just like Fairy Tale.
So, did you hear what I discovered recently?
What?
Well, I was in the gay porn theather, and this one guy's ejaculate looked exactly like the Virgin Mary.
Wow, that bitch was totally begging for it.
Does this mean that god likes gays?
Well, he does like Pat Robertson....

 

by ojcme
1-29-06
Church is for pedophiles.
Damn, look at those two.
Oh, man. I'd like to hit that.
And by hit, do you mean rape?
Uh, yeah. Sure.
Do you think that we gussied ourselves up good enough?
We're totally asking for it.

 

by ojcme
1-29-06
I love the term Butterfly Kisses.
...so in conclusion, strangers are just nice people and their windowless vans are portals into a magical fantasy land.
Wow Pablo, I never knew that!
So, will you get in the back of my van?
But, you're not a stranger anymore!
Hey, that's my daughter and I'M the only one allowed to give her butterfly kisses.

 

by ojcme
1-29-06
R Kelly is a true american.
RACISM!

 

by ojcme
1-30-06
Bill!
Hello and welcome to the Factor. I'm Bill OReilly. Today in news, liberals are stupid.
Blah, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah, I hate liberals because I have no balls....hang on a second.
There, that's better. Ahhhhh, now where we? Oh god, I'm teasing my own anus.
bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

by ojcme
2-05-06
Two close friends, sharing a moment of passion.
So, I had an epiphany while doing my girlfriend yesterday.
The fat one? Dont tell me, you're going to reiterate some retarded meme like "More cushin' for the pushin'."
No. I was going to say something like "as long as you're doing them from behind, you can imagine them to be whatever you want them to be."
They cook excellent meals afterwards. Too bad they eat it all.
Wanna watch me jerk off?
Sure.

 

by ojcme
2-05-06
So....here I am again.
Should've known this would've happened, jesus.
Whatever happened to people learning from my teachings?
Whatever happened to all those kids you abducted?
Catholic Priests: keeping the faith alive.

 

by ojcme
2-08-06
So I've got a joke. Why is it that my grandmother enjoys having cervical cancer? Because at least something's eating her puss-
Dude, just stop.
Oh come on. Okay, I have another one. How can you tell that jews were killed during the Halocaust? Because they'd keep making sure Hitler got a good deal on gas-
DUDE!
Jesus Chirist, you're a fag.

 

by ojcme
2-11-06
LITTLE HITLER! This is the second time I found a dead jew corpse in the shower.
That reminds me, don't go in there for a while.
*Laugh Track*
Why's that?
Because if you do, you'll get some of my giftgas.

 

by ojcme
2-12-06
So, Cowboy number 45, what do you think of retarded people?
I'll tell you what, if they were horses I'd take them back and shoot 'em.
That's your solution to everything. I've lost countless horses because of it.
What can I say? I love shooting horses.
Every man needs a hobby.
It's funny that we don't exist anymore.

 

by ojcme
2-12-06
Fancy Couple, fancy dinner.
So, I was over the Baudwicks the other day.
So, how was it?
God, it was insufferable. I can tell they're no longer that rich and they're just covering for it.
How can you tell?
They were using illegal immigrants for their rape room. They can't even afford Arabs anymore!
We use nothing but black people.

 

by ojcme
2-24-06
When we last left our heroes, they ran away and shit.
Man, I can't believe we ran away. I'm going to miss everyone that I knew.
Me too. I'm especially going to miss the sound of your sister's pussy.
.....
What? I will! Oh, and that reminds me, your mom isn't going to want to "look for us" for a little.
Why's that?
I slipped my own secret sauce between her sesame seed buns.

 

by ojcme
2-25-06
When we last left our hero, he was listening to more of his sister's bullshit.
So, what're you eating?
Somme delicious hamburger.
Oh my god. Meat is, like, so bad for you. Do you know how many cows die every day to feed America?
Yeah, not enough.
What?

 

by ojcme
3-02-06
Based off the Taco Bell Commercial.
So....I got filled last night.
You dog!
What? Are you implying that my girlfriend has a penis and has been sodomizing me for the last several years?
No...I'm....CHRIST! This is supposed to be a commercial about shitty food. So, your girlfriend sodomizes you, huh?
Rape==punchline.
No. Where the hell'd you get that idea? Are you retarded or something?
God, I want to just bend you over right now.

 

by ojcme
3-05-06
JUST A JOKE
Damnit, I hate niggers.
I hope, for your sake, you're just saying this to illicit a reaction out of me.
If I wanted to do that, I'd just hang you and all of your immediate family from my favorite lynchin' tree.
Jesus Christ, you're a racist.
No, I just like lynching animals.
This is why I hate the south.

 

by ojcme
3-07-06
My version of a commerical.
So, how does product number 1 compare with product number 2?
Product number 2 makes me feel like there's a party in my pants.
Am I invited?
NO! GET THE FUCK OUT! WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU THAT YOU CAN GO TO MY PENIS PARTY?
Dude, I just wanted to know which product you liked more.
Both of them taste like shit.

 

by ojcme
3-19-06
This happened to a friend of mine.
Dude, I hate furries.
We should totally go to a furcon sometime. Imagine, we could have our pick of the furry women!
....
What? Having trouble with the idea of having sex with furry women?
I'm having problems with the idea of women at a furcon, period. Fag.

 

by ojcme
3-25-06
And now, to inject culture into you godless heathens.
'tis the season/ it knows no reason
rape is coming/and I'm bumming
No one got me rape this year

 

by ojcme
3-25-06
Now celebrating 10 of these
You know, people who have schizophrenia have it because they eat meat. There's evidence that schizophrenics who have a vegan diet don't have it anymore.
Okay, where the fuck do you get this information from?
I read it in a book.
I read a book recently, it's called "shut the fuck up about things that you have no clue about."
You must have schizophrenia since you're not being nice to me.
STOP STRETCHING THE PAGE WITH YOUR TALKING!

 

by ojcme
3-25-06
...and so, there became a time in which the Rationalists and the Empiracists reached a compromise, as they both had useful things.....
Compromising is so gay.
How so?
Well, let's consider that black people were once considered 3/5ths of a person. This was because....
Wait a minute.....the darkies are people?
[INTELLIGENT BANTER]

 

by ojcme
3-25-06
I'm here to inject a little more intelligent banter into the modern day online comic generation medium.
Have fun with that.
And by intelligent banter, I mean my penis. And by modern day online comic generation medium, I mean your vagina.
I think I could've inferred the second from the exposition of the first. However, I'm a little girl.
That's okay. When I say injecting more penis into your vagina, I mean that I'm going to install complex and elaborate networks of tunnels into your anus.
How is it that you never learned how to shut your goddamn mouth? I guess daddy never taught you much.

 

by ojcme
4-09-06
I've done it! I've made the most offensive shirt ever!
You do know that there is no such thing as offensiveness, that it is a subjective and fleeting human emotional response, right?
You don't understand, this shirt produces a neurotoxin that physically gasses jewish people!
That's decidedly horrible.
See, you can already see the brilliance of my plan already! Now all I need to do is administer it to Jesus, the almighty king of the Jews.
I'm gonna have to stop you there......

 

by ojcme
4-09-06
All the world's a stage. And there is meaning in everything that we are doing.
Why is jesus facing the wrong way? MEANING!
.sdrawkcab gniklat ma I
Watch me get sodomized.
And then the world becomes blank.
That means that the director got lazy and tired of trying to come up with a good ending. If you ever see David Lynch on the street, remember to brutally sodomize him.

 

by ojcme
4-14-06
Man, did you catch Hannity and Colmes last night?
HELL YEAH! Man, that Colmes is such a stupid liberal, even though he's really a conservative cocksucker in disguise.
Yeah, I just love when he never stands up for liberalism, even though he's supposed to be the balancing factor in the show.
Oh yeah, ever want to fuck Sean Hannity in his vagina eyes?
It's a well known fact that Sean Hannity has 3 vaginas.
Four if Colmes is letting him penetrate him.

 

by ojcme
4-14-06
Oh man, I love how Bill OReilly is talking about the secularization of Easter.
Not yet realizing that the Easter Bunny is a secular symbol anyways.
Kind of like how he never knows when to not have phone sex?
That reminds me, I was talking with him yesterday. He pulled lester out on me.
His dog?
His penis.

 

by ojcme
4-15-06
We start our scene with two WACKY characters. One's a jew.
How's it going, Ted?
Not so well, Bob. I've been coughing lately every time that I get out of the shower. Ever since my new neighbors moved in.
Let me guess, your new neighbor is Hitler, right?
How'd you guess?
Cue stereotypical sitcom music that best fits whatever situation I just wrote.
Why else would he volunteer to fix your water pipes for free?
HITLER!

 

by ojcme
4-15-06
Man, I don't know why those black people were doing all that protesting and stuff back in the 60's.
It had to do with fighting for our civil liberties.
It must irk you to death that we're just giving them up willy nilly now that there are 9/11 attacks, therefore granting Bush immunity from all things he does.
Now that you mention it. You know what that means?
Already on it.
You racist asshole.

 

by ojcme
4-23-06
Put 'em all in prison, Cleatus.
Dude, if you were gay for anyone, who would it be?
I AIN'T NO BUTTFUCKING HOMO! AND I'LL WRESTLE ANY MAN IN BARELY ANY CLOTHES WHO SAYS OTHERWISE!
Ah yes, because the attitudes depicted in sports are very anti gay.
DAMN RIGHT! God made Adam and Eve! Not Adam and Steve!
BURN!
Just admit it, you just want anal penetration.
Just a little. Like your penis.

 

by ojcme
4-23-06
Introducing new AOL with updated things to make your computer slow down!
Oh look! I'm connected to the internet....wait, it just crashed again.
"Debug error 3245: send data compressed rape to user: Yes/No(yes)"
Remember when surfing the net wasn't hassle free? We sure do! That's why we hate you all so much.
Is it installing viruses and spyware into my computer?
"Tech Support: You all suck"
And now, a word from the president of AOL/Time Warner.
If you're stupid enough to use AOL, then you deserve all the things it does to your system.

 

by ojcme
4-23-06
Hey, can I borrow your oven for the time being? Mine's not working well.
Why, what's not working?
Jews take too long to cook in there.
That's why there's a "clean" setting.
This comic brought to you by Larry the Cable Guy: Subverting comedy since whenever.
I know, what the hell do you think I've been using?
Maybe you should switch to a gas oven.

 

by ojcme
4-28-06
Move aside, I want to give my toilet an education (referring to potty training)
That expression is retarded.
BURN!
Oh yeah? Well, I gave your wife a dissertation thesis the other day.
Dude, you're the only one married.
Oh yeah. Now I remember why I came over your house in the first place.
I only have a masters.

 

by ojcme
5-06-06
Mmmmm, I like eating meat.
WHAT? I can't believe anyone would stoop to murder It's so wrong to eat it.
Hey, the emperical truth is that lower animals would, at any evolutionary step, devour us an any other animal in their path to maintain their survival.
Wow, you convined me. It seems so right now!
That's right. Come to our side. I have some other piece of beef for you to eat now....

 

by ojcme
5-23-06
I am both the bench and the walrus.
What's wrong now?
I have a stomach bug.
You know, this probably is a signal that your body want to reject something from it.
I agree. Now, stand aside while I vomit.
What're you rejecting?
Your retarded belief system.

 

by ojcme
5-24-06
I fucked your mom.
My mom is a saint!
A Saint Bernard, maybe.
Wait, if she's so ugly, then why did you fuck her?
I didn't say she was ugly. I fucking LOVE dogs!
I have the irresistable temptation to run far away from you now.

 

by ojcme
6-07-06
Hitler gets a job as a summer camp counselor!
Okay, welcome to the first day of camp. I'm camp counselor hitler.
Why are there so many ovens here? Is this a baking camp?
Yes, and the first thing you will ever learn to cook is the unbelievably greedy jews.
But I myself am a jew, Hitler!
NO YOU'RE NOT! I PROVED THAT!
Okay, let's all agree to hate the Mustlims.

 

by ojcme
6-07-06
I notice more and more spelling mistakes now.
That's because you have serieus issues with sodomy.
I do. I love it too much.
Wait, this is based off of an obervation I made myself.
Does that still mean that you can't blame it on a ethnic group (aka the degoes)?
FUCK NO! THEIR GREASY HAIR DISTRACTED ME!

 

by ojcme
6-07-06
You are a serious failure in everything that you do.
Well, that's okay. Because you know, when life gets you down, when you need to turn a smile from a frown...
Get to the fucking point.
You can just remember that, no matter what, at least you're not in the imposition of only being able to get it up to incredibly deviant pornography.
I can only get off to furry porn.
And thus, the great savior is demystified.

 

by ojcme
6-07-06
In a klan rally.
Damnit, I hate black people.
Nice try. But you made a fatal mistake by calling them "people."
Shit, caught again.
Fuck, you're kicked out of the clan.
Can I still keep the kickin' hat?
As long as you go through with your promise and show me your penis.

 

by ojcme
6-07-06
Shit, that muslim is over there by that building. I'm guessing he's up to no good.
Well, someone must stop him. After all, all muslims are evil, hateful pricks.
Don't worry, friend. My government contract has created some interesting anti-Muslim devices.
Oh?
DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING, AY-RAB!
Damnit, I was just returning a fucking clock. I hate this fucking country.

 

by ojcme
6-09-06
Hello and welcome back to Fox News. I'm your host, Bill OReilly and this just in: liberals are stupid.
That's right, Fox News is fair and balanced.
I hate liberals with all my being, and I am fair and balanced. All they are are smut machines, and my books are pure!
Read some of your novel to us, Bill!
“Say, baby, put that pipe down and get my pipe up,” Robo said to one of the girls. She was so intoxicated....

 

by ojcme
6-09-06
Welcome back to the Oreilly Factor. Now I have a special treat for all of you: Ann Coulter!
That's right, Bill. All liberals are stupid and they are hatefull, conversely, I hate the liberals without seeing myself as a hypocrite.
You said it, the liberals are retarded. It's a good thing that I'm actually a conservative rather than a moderate.
Can you jerk my penis off under the table?
I have a better idea! “Say, baby, put that pipe down and get my pipe up,” Robo said to one of the girls. She was so intoxicated...

 

by ojcme
6-09-06
Welcome back to Oprah. Today, we have a special guest for you, this dog balancing on a ball!
Woof.
Aw, isn't it cute. Also, get all the shitty books I recommend because I'm illiterate.
BARK!
Speak, boy, speak!
Five feet away, the other teenage girl sat on a mattress on the floor and watched, greedily sucking on the crack pipe Robo had passed to her.

 

by ojcme
6-09-06
Dude, what the fuck? You missed the perfect opportunity for a dog raping joke.
I thought it was more important to make a Bill OReilly joke.
Fuck you, man. I want my daily dose of dog rape.
Okay, if you want.
OH SHIT, NO!
Oh shit, YES!

 

by ojcme
6-11-06
So, ever hear the one about Pat Robertson and the nun with a penis....
Not now, man. I'm concentrating.
On what?
According to my calculations, this would be an opportune time for a rape joke, thus proving to my devoted readers that I am still with it.
I just had sex with your mother.
Fuck the readers, man. They probably can't read. And anyways, the punchline had to do with Pat Robertson not being able to get it up. Thanks for ruining that.
I know you'll never have problems with that.

 

by ojcme
6-11-06
Damnit, when the online personals ad said you were a little young, I wasn't fucking expecting this!
ME SUCK YOUR PENIS, OKAY?
Oh Jesus, I could go to jail for this. What if someone's already called the cops?
Was the hold up. Me suck you long time.
Oh well, it doesn't matter now.
Shit, the metamorphasis ended too soon.

 

by ojcme
6-11-06
I like root beer.
I do too. That's such a coincidick....I MEAN COINCIDENCE!
Too late. Freud would have a field day with that one. Before, of course, going to its place and getting brually sodomized.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
But seriously, what kind of fag likes root beer?
The brutally sodomized one, apparently.

 

by ojcme
6-12-06
How can I help you, fellow neighboor?
Cut the shit, man. Why the hell did you erect a fence?
Part of the American dream, chum! House, family, kids...WHITE picket fence.
That thing is a 9 foot tall razor wire lined metal fence! This is a nice neighboorhood, why the fuck would you need something like that?
There's no room in a nice neighboorhood for negroes. Now, here's some courtesy water from my heart to yours.

 

Happy 100 strips.
Please, dear god. Don't let him make any more.
by ojcme, 6-12-06

Showing page 2.

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