All comics by possums

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by possums
1-17-04
Fin.
Dude. Get the fuck away from me.

 

by possums
1-18-04
I think it was inevitable.
Ok, Ms. Stewart, this is your-
Oh no. I'm afraid this just isn't going to work. We need to add some venician blinds, some Turkish coverings here and there...
Oh, and some pink paint here, ooh! I think I could use some goldfish, oh, and some nice drapery...
Everyone likes silk. Don't you like silk? Where's the kitchen in here?! I'm getting confused!
Ms. Stewart, please un-re-decorate me and your cell this INSTANT!!!!
There we go!

 

by possums
1-18-04
Um, okay. It's been a while since we focused on the main plot here... so let's try to recap.
Whattaya mean Vin Diesel is trying to take over Hoboken?!
VIN! If you go through with this, you're going to have 89,000,000 farmers on your ass!
Cheese, cheese, vonderful cheese... wait?! SAYS HOO!?!?!
Another day, another disclaimer!
So... um... we here at SGATIA are going not going to follow much of a plot anymore. Becaue this happens when you're not watching.
Can't believe I had a cameo on this show.
I wonder what happened to that squirrel...

 

by possums
1-18-04
Cat Blitzer... that's terrible.
Cat Blitzer here, with CNN Reports: Drummer Names. We're here in Vancouver, British Columbia, with Rush drummer Neil Peart. Good evening, Neil.
Good evening to yoo, eh?
So Neil, you've been one of the only people who created the theory of drummer names.
That's right. Say, what's all the cameras aboot?
NO IDEA where I was going with this one.
Um... We're reporting for CNN.
What ever happened to rock n' roll radio, eh?

 

by possums
1-18-04
So I was settling junior's health care bills when someone offered me some French Fries. I says, hey, where are we, Paris or New York?
Hehe he!
Paying for health care? What the fuck are you talking aboot?

 

by possums
1-18-04
Hey, Once Upon a Time in America had Jewish gangsters...
Hey, Saul! Did you get the Manichevets?
Naw, I don't have enough dried moss for that kind of matzo ball.
Hey, Aaron, I heard that we're gonna be extinct soon!
Oh yeah? What's gonna wipe us out?
Our mothers!
Oh Saul, I have to know, do you like the blue sweater or the red one? Because I can see you're wearing the red one! What's wrong with the blue one?! MESHUGGAH!!!

 

by possums
1-18-04
WOOW! MY COMIX AREN'T MAKE SENSE! ONE MINUTE I ARE I ACTS LIKE A LIBERAL AND THEN I ARE RUSH LIMBAUGH X1000! HELLO WHAT ARE THIS?!
Possums: You've set a new standard for last place.
WHAT IS HE SAY!?! I ARE BE VERBALLY ABOOSED! I ARE MAKE COMIC SLAG OFF THE POSSUMS!!!!! LOLZ!!! FAG ARE FUNNY WORD!!!1!!!
comic: DUH I ARE MAKE FUN OF IDIOT BECUZ I LOVES MEN!! WEEE!!
WHAT?! HE ARE MAKE RETALIATORY STWIP!!! THAT'S UNFAIR AND UNBALANCED!!! WAAAAH!!!
Hush up, you. Get a life.

 

by possums
1-18-04
...
Oh look, a squirrel!
grrr...
Hey there little squirrel! Aren't you cu-
CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP!!!!
GAAHH!!!

 

by possums
1-18-04
Watching too many episodes of "The Young Ones"...
Uh huh...
So P is for perfect and Q is for quite bad...
Hold the phone, I thought Q was for queer, not quite bad.
No, we revoked that because here in America, if you call someone queer, it means they're a fag.
So if I call someone queer, they're a cigarette?
Just grab your Confederate flag and go...

 

by possums
1-19-04
Michael Corleone and Kay Adams on a date...
So my father makes this guy an offer he can't refuse. He says, "It'll either be your brains or your signature on that contract!"
Ha ha ha!!!
Fuck.
What the fuck are you talking about? I thought your dad was a Doctor!

 

by possums
1-19-04
My GOD! That was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe the ended up destroying the whole city afterwards!
Well, it has been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what do you wanna do?
Aaand I.... ee-I... Will aaallways loove youuuoOOOO!!! I.... will aaalways loove youuuuuOOOOO!!!
You.
Gasp!

 

by possums
1-19-04
We were above the law. We took what we wanted. To us, those suckers who stayed at home waiting for a paycheck were losers.
Are they bustin' my fuckin' balls, Jimmy? Are THEY bustin' my balls?
A lil' bit, Tom. Lil' bit.
We were great. We were wiseguys.
Are they bustin' my fuckin' balls, Jimmy? Are THEY bustin' my balls?
A lil' bit, Tom. Lil' bit.
Screw this, I'm goin' to Harvard to take English.
Are they bustin' my fuckin' balls, Jimmy? Are THEY bustin' my balls?
A lil' bit, Tom. Lil' bit.

 

by possums
1-19-04
Mario's getting a tad too old for this...
*boing-ish sound*
AGH!!! I ARE BOWSER!!!! I GOT TROUNCED!!!!! GNOOOO!!!
*boing?*
Thanks Mario, but our princess is in another castle!
Just kidding! Mario? Oh crap.

 

by possums
1-19-04
Snake! Do you copy? Snake?!
Just getting rid of my finger prints, Mei Ling... What is it?
I heard you talking to Meryl before! Is that how it's going to be?
No, no, it's not like that. Look, can you just buy an hour with a chick or what, man?
I can read your every thought! You're going to overcharge me!!!
Fine! *click*
Just wait, Mei, I'm doing business! Look.... $100 bucks, one hour, you up for it?
There is an ancient Sioux proverb: "Don't buy woman from a man who talks to himself."

 

by possums
1-19-04
Some people suck live...
AND IIIIiiIEEE AAIEIII... WILL ALLWAYS LOOOOVE YOUUEUOUUU!!!
GET OFF THE STAGE, BIMBO!!
But some are good at home...
Stupid bastards don't know talent when they- hello, what's this? A Karaoke Game! Allright!!
Press start!
But most people always suck.
AND IIIIiiieEEEEE AAAIEIE!!!!! WILL ALLWAYS LOOOVE YOUEUEUEU!!!!!
Final Score: -845.8

 

by possums
1-19-04
Oh, damn... I need some serious food, or I'm gonna collapse.
Hey mister, could you spare-
Moments later...
Mmm! Humans allways taste good!
Fuck. I should have never wished to be a real boy.
Mr. A. Kirby, could you come with me please, you are charged with cannibalism of the eighteenth degree. Asshole.

 

by possums
1-19-04
On the schoolyard...
Haha! My level 84 Blastoise can beat your puny Rapidash with it's Hydro Pump attack!
Damnit!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by possums
1-19-04
*Oh, Euripides! Mine heart is bleeding... please, I will be dead in moments and all of my family back home will say, "C'est mort!"
EEET!! EEET!!!*
What?! What is it?
*For sooth, fair Euripides, I go now, in pain, but lest ye know, Fortitumous will return!
EEEEEET!!!! EEEET!!!*
DAMNIT, MAN!! SAY SOMETHING LEGIBLE!!!!
Geez... Too bad there's no inteligent life on this planet...

 

by possums
1-19-04
Hi, kids! Welcome to Jimmy-Jimmy's Fun Time Show! Call me up and I'll pull my dick out! Our first caller today is from Memphis! You're on the line, Memphis!
Hi, Jimmy-Jimmy. I can't get it up anymore and-
Oh do shut up, Memphis, we hear this ALL the time. And now for the sex rite, Cotius Per Anum, with my lovely assistant, Peggy, the rhyming dominatrix!
Dollars and cents, bitches and hoes! Jimmy and Peggy have ass sex, you know!
You know, Peggy, I think things would be easier if I was a penguin or you were a human!
Shut up baby, don't be sour. You're the one paying me 10 bucks an hour.

 

by possums
1-19-04
One fine day at the supermarket...
Move it, sonny!
If a mother fucker is a mofo, is a father fucker a fafo?
Come on, you magnanamous hoot! 28 skidoo!
If a tree falls in the woods and kills a mime, does anyone care?
IS YOU MIND!?!?! I ARE PONDERING!!!!

 

by possums
1-19-04
Somewhere in an English Immersion class...
GOOD AFTERNING, CLASS! I ARE YOU SUBSITUTE!! MS. LOMBOTCHKY ARE IN OPEN ASS SURGERY!!!
Hey, you don't speak very good English for an English teacher!
HUSH IT UP, YOU! IT ARE "VERY WELL," NAY "VERY GOOD!"
Whoa, he's even better than Ms. Lombotchky! What's your name?
THAT'S "WHAT ARE YOU NAME?" AND IT ARE DONKEY!!!
HOORAY FOR MR. DONKEY!!

 

by possums
1-19-04
THIS DAY, CLASS, WE IS LEARN BASIC WORDS!!!! I are= I IS! You are= YOU IS! He, she, they are= HE, SHE, THEY IS!!
Mr. Donkey, sir?
WHAT ARE IT, FABIO?
May I go to the bathroom?
IN DONKEY DIALECT, PLEAZ!!
I IS HAS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, SUPER-DUDE!

 

by possums
1-22-04
A power line is not a toilet... a power line is NOT a toilet...

 

by possums
1-22-04
Good day, fellow citizens of stripcreator. After hours and hours of testing, I have come to the conclusion that the system has been pissed on.
*Translation: 'Twas a completely innocent fault! How art I, a foreigner, supposed to know? What ist thine "power line?" Why dost it not require any urination upon? TELL ME, GLADIMUNT!!
This man is the culprit.
EEET!! EEEET!!!!!*
http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/unorthodoxdevice/206098
Part Three of Donkey Dialect is at this fine address above.
Uncultured bastard! You call this a punchline! KENNETH TURRAN IS GONNA BE PISSED!!!

 

by possums
1-22-04
TODAY'S LESSON ARE HOW TO TIE THE YELLOW RIBBON. ME LOVELY WIFE BRENDA WILL ARE ASSIST OF YOU!
THERE ARE A CYST ON ME?! WHAT?! GET IT THE OFF!!!
RAAR!!! TOBOR CANNOT TIE YELLOW RIBBON!! DESTROY!!!
SHUT IT UP, THEE! IS YOU NOT SEE THERE ARE A CYST ON MY BRAIN?!
Welcome to KAOS, channel five! K-A-O-S! KAOS!!!
RAAR!!! TOBOR DOESN'T LIKE FIRE!!!

 

by possums
1-22-04
OKAY, CLASS! TODAY IS...
With all due respect, Mr. Donkey, you've hurt us all, and we want Ms. Lombotchky back! I mean, look at poor Tobor!
TCH... WHAT ARE IT, TOBOR?
TOBOR DOESN'T FUNCTION UNDER STRESS!!! RAAR!!!
COMMUNIST HEATHENS!! OVERTHROW ME!! OVERTHROW ME WITH YOUR PRECIOUS KARL MARX AND CHE GUEVARA!!!
Did I just hear what I just heard?! Luck be the patriot act!

 

by possums
1-22-04
WHAT THE FUCK IS YOU BE OF THE TALK?! I IS THE INNOCENCE!!!
Don't play that cross talk with me, polka-pusher! Your fly-by-night pyramid scams are no match for me and my dillydad!
Um...
Quiet! I'm the brown noser, I'll ask the questions in this fly joint! Smells like a rhino's toes!
Now, seriously, I thought I was insane. I think you oughta be behind bars for your mistreatment of English slang.
Cut that gibberish, spasm-whacking, two-time divorcee, revolutionary dissenter! I HAVE NO ROOM FOR YOUR SPEAK!

 

by possums
1-22-04
You've done a great service for our school, Mr. Donkey, though I don't know why you're being arrested...
WORRY NOT, HORSE ASS! ALL ARE WELL... I GOT WHAT I IS THE DESERVE.
What the hell are you talking about? You used the words communism, Karl Marx, and Che in a sentence. What's wrong with that?
THE LAW ARE JUST EXERCISING ITS LONG ARM. THEY ARE CATCH THE REAL TERRORISTS NOW!!!
You really don't make any sense.
DOESN'T I?

 

by possums
1-23-04
So it's finally come to this...
Doppleganger v.s. doppleganger.
9....8....7....6....5....
4....3....2....1....
DIE!!!!
?

 

by possums
1-29-04
My teeth feel like armadillos.

 

by possums
1-29-04
In a struggling household...
Sigh... what is it, Eraserhead?
RUBBA!!! A-RUBBA RUBBA RUB!!!
Look, babe, I told you, I'm busy right now and can't take time to be with the kids right now.
RUBBA!!!! RUB RUB RUBBA RUB RUB!!!
You know what? Go stick it in a sharpener!
RUB! (sobbing)

 

by possums
1-30-04
To be sung with a stuttering flourish for only $13.99!
Wa-ooh! Wa-ooh! Donnie Donnie Wa-Ooh!
Chicken-licken cotee anon wadda wadda wa-ooh!
Teeny weeny lemon squeeny, give your dog a bone!
Rolling rolling rolling, little man is ne'er home!
Oh where, oh where has all my flesh gone? Oh where, oh where can it be?
I ATE IT!!!! tee hee hee hee.

 

by possums
1-30-04
This tastes like wine and wafers.
So I says to the guy, "I'll a-smack YOU upside the head!"
Allah what?
It's Kosher, I swear!

 

by possums
1-30-04
*Translation: "Forsooth, fair Glaconeus, I can't reconnect thine lumination on mine own! FORSOOTH!
Incomprehensible, are you up there?
EEEET! EEEEEET!!!!*
*Translation: AAIE!! Can possums not make up his mind?! His punishment to me 'twas to work on thine light fixture!
Look, man, if you can't do the lights, don't worry about it.
EEET? EEEEE EE EET?*
Translation: Blast, Glaconeus, I art his bitch!
You take orders from a blind guy who thinks Salma Hayek is a balding man in his 80's?
EEEET!!!!!*

 

by possums
1-31-04
totel_dipshit99: dud, therz this totelly hot chik, u gotta IM her.
Doogerlydude: Oh, that rox! gimme her aim
Later...
Doogerlydude: so where are you?
himmler_chick69: lolz, ur so cute. im at a nazi hq! u silly goose!
this can only turn bad.
himmler_chick69: lolz!

 

by possums
2-01-04
Oh little groundhog.... come out come out where ever you are!
That little mamallian bastard is taking forever.
What is the consequence again if he fails to show?
We'll sacrifice our bodies to the creator.
Oh, is that why you took all that time to remove my skin?
Not a great excuse, huh?

 

by possums
2-01-04
In the 1930's, man was evolving.
Overture
Second Measure
In the 1950's, man was getting bored.
Interlude
If you are Austrian, please report to the lobby! EENK!
And now, man is just kind of silly.
CLIIIMAX!!!!
CREDITS: MAN IN SUIT: ROBERT DE NIRO. DOG: BASTARD HAT. DIRECTED BY ROMAN POLANSKI.

 

by possums
2-02-04
Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I actually haven't done them yet.
What? You better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
The day before...
I dunno, man. Maybe you CAN rectally absorb shrooms!
Let's give it a shot!

 

by possums
2-02-04
Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I actually haven't done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel!
Well, what happened was....
Earlier(the guy on the left is still Daniel)....
Look, man, I'm only your bitch for another hour.
I can see your lips moving, but all I hear is, "Spank me, Butch! SPANK ME!"

 

by possums
2-02-04
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Tiddly winks.
Huh?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I think my bird is muy muito.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
YAYAYAYA YOYOYOYO YAYAYAYA YOYOYOYO!!!
Wooptah! Wooop wooop wooop wooptah!

 

by possums
2-03-04
WHO IS THE MAN!
NOT I!
WHO IS THE MAN!
NOT I!!!!
COCK!!!
whooooop! Whoipaojwf!

 

by possums
2-03-04
Um.... Are you sure this is the north pole?
HAS I EVER STEER YOU RONG?
You made me star in that piece of shit Frosty the- hey! I'm melting!
THAT ARE BECAUSE....
NO!!!
AHA! IT ARE I!!!! DONKAY!!!

 

by possums
2-03-04
God DAMMIT! Dasani, give me my arm back.
GUGGENHEIM!!!!!
Dasani.......
GUGGENHEIM!!! GUGGENHEIM!!!
You got OWN'D, bitch!
Fuck you.

 

by possums
2-03-04
NOOOOOO!!!!!

 

by possums
2-04-04
WE WILL GIVE YOU LUNG CANCER!!!
NO!
DO YOU LIKE HOLES IN THROAT?! HUH?!
AIE!!!
MAGIC TOUCH!
AIE!!!

 

by possums
2-04-04
Uh, father? I sinned.
Tell me your troubles, my child.
Well, I took this woman and ripped out her intestines and flossed my dog's teeth with them. Then I molested a child...
Oh.. my...
Yes, father?
I'm afraid you're doing my job for me.

 

by possums
2-04-04
Filming for a new TV show for kids...
I AM CAPTAIN FINGOL!!!!!
No, no, Captain Finger.
HEY THERE, LITTLE MAN! I SAY WHAT I SAY!!
No. You say what I tell you to. You're my bitch.
OH RIGHT!!!
Now are you ready for your weekly crotch-hammering?

 

by possums
2-04-04
Gg--g-g-g-gggg...
Hey, mama?
Gg--g-g-g-gggg?
Oot!
PHRINGGGGGGGG!!!!

 

by possums
2-04-04
Go ahead, punk. Make my day.
Daqor.
Yay!
Do you like the çircus?

 

by possums
2-05-04
100!
Can you BELIEVE that I churned out 100 of these things?
I dunno, babe. Maybe I'd believe it if you showed it to me, ah-heh-heh.
*Translation: COOGLESCOOT! There, I hast said the terrible thing.
I IS MANY A HAPPY TO BE ARE PART OF SPECTACULAR SHOWBOAT.
EEEEEET!!! EEEEEEEET!!!*
What the fuck happened to us?
I don't quite know. Maybe we joined that orgy you were talking about.

Showing page 2.

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