All comics by rfmodulator

Profile

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
BOOYAH, MOTHERFUCKERS! That's right, after exactly one year, the Red Phone has returned! Prepare for comedic terrorism of unbelievable magnitude!
Don't everyone jump for joy at once.

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
The Red Phone decides to pay a visit to his old cohorts, starting with his ex-girlfriend...
What up, beotch! Guess who's back like a motherfucking rap star!
Oh, joy. I'll try to contain my excitement.
What was that about your excrement? No, but seriously, it's good to see you, Lana.
That's Laura, you fucknut. I don't know why you bothered coming back, no one thought the first strip was funny.
Oh it hurts, it really does. Welp, guess I'll be seeing you around, Lena.
LAURA!

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
The Red Phone pays a visit to his old pal Officer Cockroach
What up, dawg! Where my niggaz at?
Red Phone! I haven't seen you in positively ages! Where've you been?
Going to and from the world, and going up and down in it.
Enough with the Bible quotes, you prick -- seriously, where've you been for the last year?
It's a long, long story Officer. Got a blunt for an old buddy?
Lemme check the confiscated paraphernalia in the trunk.

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
...and after I narrowly made it onto that merchant marine freighter out of Cuba, it was smooth sailing from there.
No shit! And that's really how makeoutclub.com got started?
Incredible but true, my friend -- and that's where I've been for the past year.
Well, that was quite a story indeed, old salt. It's good to have you back.
And it's good to be back, old chap. I have to be going now, though, sorry to say.
Yeah, I better get back on call, actually -- I was supposed to be at a drug bust an hour ago.

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
The Red Phone runs into an unexpected aquaintance...
Hold it right there! I know who you are!
Really? Much as I hate to say it, I do not recall your visage, madam.
Oh, don't play stupid with me, asshole! You sent my father to prison! You ruined my life!
Son of a Beechnut bubblegum wrapper! IT'S THE LITTLE GIRL!
That's right, cocksucker! All grown up now -- and ready to KICK YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN THE FUCKING BLOCK!
Well, this is certainly an interesting development. Mind telling me your name first at least?

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
When last we left the Red Phone, he was confronted with his old enemy, now known as...
Doris! That's my name -- not that you'll remember it after I POUND YOU TO A THIN RED PULP!
Ah, yes -- Doris! I remember now because it rhymes with "clitoris."
Joke all you want, fucknut! It'll be the last laugh you ever have!
Oh, come now Doris -- surely we can talk this out like civilized adults. That wretched phone of old you knew is gone -- I'm a new man now!
Ha! Nice try, Red, but you're not weaseling your way out of an ass-whupping this time! Nothing you can possibly say will stop my fury!
How about "Officer Cockroach has this conversation tapped, and boy are you about to join your dad in the icebox if you lay one finger on me?"

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
Hey thanks again for your help Officer Cockroach. That bugged recording was really instrumental in getting a restraining order against Doris.
Anytime, old bean. I've had my eye on that lassie since her old man went to the big house.
So have I , frankly, but you didn't hear that from me.
She has rounded out rather nicely, eh?
Indeed she has, Officer! But enough of this nonsense -- you got those heroin needles?
Oh, shit, left them in the squad car. Be right back.

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
Ah, that was some damn good smack, Red. I haven't shot up in months. It's good to have you back, buddy.
Yeah, it's been a while. So, what else has changed in my absence?
Well, the pharmaceutical company that manufactured Bipolar Squirrel's meds went under -- and he's suffered a few side effects...
Yowch! That sounds pretty nasty.
He's okay, though... right?
PREPARE TO DIVE INTO THE OCEAN OF DESPAIR, GENERAL ELECTRIC!

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
Another old acquaintance appears unexpectedly, and changed...
Jesus Mariachi Band! Is that you, Bipolar Squirrel?
MOCK US, WILL YOU? PRICK US, DO WE NOT BLEED? BEHOLD THE FUTURE OF YOUR VAUNTED SCIENCE. MORTALS -- I, MUFFPUFF!
Muffpuff, eh? Well, it does have a nice ring to it at least. Aside from going completely insane, how are things?
DOOM, MORTALS! DOOM FOR ALL OF YOU AND YOUR LIES! I, MUFFPUFF, HAVE SPOKEN!
I tried to warn you.
I'm seriously going to be very fucking ill in about three seconds.

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
Okay, readers, at this point I feel I should clear up a few things.
You may have noticed that this comic, in fact, has no fucking point. You may also notice that it is not, in fact, at all funny. Your assessments are very correct.
Then why does this strip exist, you ask? Well, why the fuck do you exist? Did I ask you to validate your life, or even read this shit? No! So fuck off, then!

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
Ah, my old laboratory! It's so good to be home, everything just as I left it!
Say, I wonder if my old Tecbot X-19 is still around here somewhere! TECBOT X-19, CAN YOU HEAR ME? RESPOND!
SYNTAX.ERROR.
Shit.

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
Depressed at the destruction of his X-19 Tecbot, The Red Phone hits the bar.
Woe is me! Verily, woe, I say.
That Tecbot was the light of my life, dammit, and I'll never ever find another one like it.
How the Hell am I going to satisfy all my depraved sexual cravings now?
(hic) Goddamn it to fugging Hell! Where the shit did I lose my doubleheaded vibrator? I know I had it when I came in this dump! (hic)

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
The Red Phone meets someone new at the watering hole...
Hey there, you drunken slut! Stop standing on my phonecord!
Who the fugging shit d'you think yer talkin' to? (hic)
I was under the impression I was talking to an enebriated whore. I now know that my assessment is wrong -- you're a RETARDED inebriated whore.
Why you... I've half a mind to shove my Doc Marten so far up your ass, you'll need to open your mouth so I can tie my shoes! (hic)
LOVE
LOVE

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
So what's your name, cutey? Unless you'd prefer I called you "bitch."
Th' name's WILHELMINA, you ignorant faggot. (hic)
Well, Hell Mina! That's a fine name for a drab failure like yourself.
(hic) Well, that's indeed a rare complement.
Some would say it's an impossible complement!
Hee hee! Yer funny. Let's go back to me loft and bang 'till the neighbors call the cops. (hic)

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
You met someone new already? Christ, you work fast.
The magic of the well-endowed phonecord cannot be denied, mi amigo.
You're indeed a Magic Man on the level of a song off of "Dreamboat Annie." So what's she like?
Oh, Mina's great, man. I think this one really is a keeper -- truly a girl after my own blackened heart.
Well, I'm really, really happy for you. Has your ex found out about this yet?
Laura? Oh Christ no -- I murdered her five strips ago.

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
Have you noticed we're on the fucking moon?
The Virgin Mary cries my name.

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
WE'RE ABOUT TO DIE, YOU REALIZE.
The light of Jesus came to me in a dream.

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
Why the fuck do I even bother with you?
This is the 80's and I'm down with the ladies.

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
Alright, enough is enough. I remember now why I left in the first place: this comic fucking SUCKS.
Aw, Red, surely you're not leaving again so soon? We haven't even hit the twenty comic marker!
Well, you'll have to do the rest without me. I'm sick of this lame ass crap. Toodles, buddy.
Red Phone! Come back!
Dammit to Hell! Now who can we get to star in this strip?
Yoo-hoo! Fine day, isn't it Officer Cockroach!

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
Merry Christmas.
Oh, shut the fuck up.

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
Alright, gentle readers -- after a careful screening process of tens of applicants, we have selected a new main character for The Red Phone comic strip.
It is my great pleasure to present you with your new protagonist -- please, give a warm Red Phone welcome for...
Token Nigger!
WHERE MAH DAWGS AT?

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
Token Nigger holds his first press conference...
First off, we straight up changin' the title of this strip -- it's now "The Return of the Son of the REDBONE 2!"
Hold it right there, Nigger!
Black White Castle Guy! I thought you were dead, my nubian brother! It's a miracle!
Cut the crap, Nigger! You know I work this side of the goddamn street! Now boost the fuck up off my turf before I have to get slanty eyed on your black ass!
Oh, I see how it is now, dawg. I ain't gonna forget this.
Oh, like you didn't forget that hundred dollars your cheap ass owes me? Fuck off, Nigger!

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
Well, this is just fucking terrific. Thanks a lot for alienating our new main character, jackass!
Hey, it ain't my problem. I just make sacks o' burgers -- which reminds me, I gots to go to work. Later, bugface.
I can still fill in if you need, Officer Cockroach! Please, give me a chance! It's my lifelong dream to star in my own comic!
Oh no you don't, Melancholy Komodo! I'm not gonna be held responsible for the mass suicide that would take place if I left your depressed ass in charge!
Besides, I already have a replacement in mind.
(hic) WHERE'S THE WHISKEY, YOU COCKSMOKERS?

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
So I says to the guy, (hic) I says to him, get this folks -- I says, "I don't shut up, I grow up -- and when I look at you, I throw up!"
Harlot! Strumpet! How dare you leap into my yet warm grave?
(hic) Well well well, if it isn't the QUITTER himself! Come crawling back looking for your old job, failure?
Hardly, you pre-literate baboon. I return simply to warn my adoring fans to shun this 'new' Red Phone comic for the cancer on the face of society it is!
Oh, bullshit. You came back for a quickie blowjob. (hic)
Well, yeah, that too -- but only if your mouth isn't already full.

 

by rfmodulator
2-27-02
...well, okay, I guess I could be persueded to come back -- but only if you do that thing with your tongue for me on demand. I love that shit.
Damn right you do, asshole. Bet yer beloved Tecbot never pleased you like that! (hic)
Indeed -- but my, look at the time! Another February 27th has come and gone, and alls well that ends well! Welp, guess I'll be seeing you all next year...
Hold on a second! (hic) You can't leave before tyoing up all th' loose ends from the first series!
Meanwhile, in Enohp Der's abandoned underground lair...
Now that you've killed off Crackwhore, Lesser Demon of the Seventh Circle of Evil, we can finally start our new life together in peace!
SHUT UP AND FUCK ME, STARDUST.

Showing page 2.

« Previous