All comics by umfumdisi

Profile

 

by umfumdisi
3-25-03
Nope, I still look pissed off--even with a carrot.

 

by umfumdisi
3-25-03
I thought those damn things were supposed to be GOOD for my eyes.

 

by umfumdisi
3-25-03
[psst psst pst pst pssst...rabbit!]
[hahahahahahaha...rabbit.]
Sometimes I wish I had ONE ear.

 

by umfumdisi
3-25-03
I'm so disgusted with my life. I think I'll just end it.
But how?
A-ha! Hari-Carrot.

 

by umfumdisi
3-25-03
NOOOOOO! Another dead rabbit with a carrot through its neck?
Oh well, more hossenpheffer for me.

 

by umfumdisi
4-03-03
On the Tay-King Atoll...somewhere in the vast Pacific
If it weren't for the creosote cola and cases of uranium enriched cheese, we'd be in trouble, Balveda.
Eat sand, Horza, as soon as we find The Mind I'll kill you quicker than Doublenutz.
Who's Doublenutz?
Elwood Doublenutz...a sodhumping, chodethumping, son of an armpit vendor. He was one of the Doublenutz Twins. I had to kill him after he stole my cupcakes.
What timing! I just finished de-icing the hyperspatial cupcake module, and I need another creosote cola worse than George Bush needs to find weapons of mass destruction!
Shut up, or you're gonna be Doubledead.

 

by umfumdisi
4-08-03
Andy KAUFMAN:
Mee-bee dee-bee see pee-pee dee [wrestle wrestle].
KAUFMAN County, Texas, Chamber of Commerce:
Yeeeee-haw! We execute more criminals before 9:00AM than y'all do all day!
The True KAUFMAN:
Bruce Jenner ate some gravitrons.

 

by umfumdisi
4-09-03
The anxious spectators kicked up dust while jostling for prime position to see THE DUEL. The dust rose and mingled breifly with the rusty haze of the dying sunlight. As the dust settled, a buzz arose.
The sharp whispers and general grumble did not concern the two contestants. On one side stood the challenger--The Punder From Down Under! His foe? The Fastest Pun in the West--Kid Kaufman.
A hush fell over the crowd. Luckily, it was a small hush and no one was injured. Well, no one except for the Punder from Down Under whose initial shot was way off target...
Jumbo Shrimp.
That's no pun--what an Aussie moron!

 

by umfumdisi
4-14-03
I'd like to thank the Academy for letting me host this year's Oscars. I'm not even sure why they chose me since SC strips appear on small screens and don't move, but, hey, the pre-show orgy was nice.
Don't forget to visit our site--you can use the NEW PayBrad option to donate. And, now, here are two "presenters" who put the "S" in sodomy, Ladies and gentlemen...asiangirl1 and Tobor!
Thanks, Brad, and now the nominees for Best Supporting Shlub. Hey, Tobor, wouldn't "Best" be the opposite of "sucky?"
Pause for laughter...RARRRRR!...hold for applause...TOBOR WILL TURN THIS INTO HOLE-Y-WOOD!!!

 

by umfumdisi
4-15-03
Hello and welcome to Plasma Alliance. You give us your arm and 45 minutes. We cut you a check.
Uh, that doesn't sound too bad.
First, go pee in this cup so we can make sure you're not contaminated.
Not a problem. Is that Mountain Dew you're drinking?
45 Minutes Later...
Here's your $20 check. You can come back in 3 days.
Sweet, they only gave me a cookie at the blood bank. When will my arm stop hurting?

 

by umfumdisi
4-16-03
DEFAULT SPACE (Start): Collect $5. Immediately lose "five dollah" to asiangirls.
sucky
sucky
N00B-4-LIFE SPACE: Create 5 comics. Post a link in RMDC Forum titled, "WHAT U THINK?" Become disheartened when no one realizes your genius. Create new ID and return to DEFAULT.
Lorem ipsum dolor!
Dolor sit amet.
UNEXPECTED PRAISE CORNER: A Reg says, "You don't suck TOO badly." Faint, burst into flames, and lose two turns. While recovering, plot THE GREATEST COMIC EVER!
Wait 'til they see THIS.

 

by umfumdisi
4-17-03
CC Cc: You enter a CC and unknowingly make a Cc of someone else's comic because you were too much of a lazy-ass to read the other posts. Go directly to TOBOR'S RED SQUARE.
I prefer "Light Purple."
Please, I'm "Light Purple."
KADDAR KOLLEGE: Due to a brain infection, you use nothing but Kaddar animal characters in your comics for an entire week. Watch a Looney Tunes episode and Lose One Turn.
MOH
TOBOR'S RED SQUARE: Roll a 13 and escape or pay $5 and be cornholed immediately. After cornholing, move ahead three spaces--slowly.

 

by umfumdisi
4-17-03
FILL-IN-THE-BLANK SPACE: Do nothing for the rest of the game.
UH, YOUR DOG EXPLODED SPACE: Make an original comic with the Nail-in-the-head Guy. I said ORIGINAL! Move back one space.
Out of Aspirin...what to do?
Sweet RELIEF.
"OUT OF IDEAS" SPACE: Create a stupid comic and try to apologize in the subject line for said comic. Lose a Turn. And receive a visit from Butch.
Title: Lame Comix, Inc. (ENTER)
But I wanted BRAINS for dinner.

 

by umfumdisi
4-17-03
WIN-A-CC SQUARE: This square does not actually exist. Move forward three spaces of importance in your mind.
I WON! Wait...
this can't be right.
PUN-DE-MOAN-IUM!!!! Push the RED "Kaufman" button in the middle of the board. Puns will spew forth from the voice chip until three 3s are rolled successively.
Tormentor? I barely know her! Why am I more funny after 3 beers? Beer Giggles! How do you make a turnip salad? Turnip upside-down? Hey, where's everyone going?
For fuck's sake, roll some 3s!
SAFETY DANCE: All male players remove their hats.
Here it goes...
oh, don't look so surprised.

 

by umfumdisi
4-19-03
NO FARKING SPACE: The player landing on this space must shout, "Boobies!" Any players who laugh go back two spaces. Anyone who didn't laugh is the gay and must say three "Rosie O'Donnells" as penance.
"Photoshop this tuba-playing cow" or "Boobies." What to do, what to do?
MAD MAGAZINE GAME TRIBUTE SQUARE: Each player gives $50 to the player with the LEAST money. Then, switch places with the player on your right and switch clothing with the player on your left.
I am NOT taking my clothes off in front of you dweebs.
TIMES SQUARE: Everyone sings the "Green Acres" theme song.
~\ "Dahlink I love you, but give me Pahk Avenue!" /~
~\ "Dahlink I love you, but give me Pahk Avenue!" /~

 

by umfumdisi
4-23-03
Finally, a background worthy of my name--Captain Flag.

 

by umfumdisi
4-23-03
Hoverskirt in place...gravitons generating nicely...
Add a little 3-in-1 under the pits...
Your new wife is almost ready.
JOY!

 

by umfumdisi
4-23-03
ALL that eggnog finally caught up with Santa. Luckily, his trusty elves will finish the job.
Were these kids good or bad?
This is the last fucking house. Does it REALLY matter?
Suddenly...LIGHTS!
Scram!
Vamoose!
Two opened presents LATER...
Merry XXX-Mas!
Sucky New Year!

 

by umfumdisi
4-25-03
Just stick your arm out and make sure he can see your fingers.
And you'll be back in 30 minutes with the sauce?
Scout's honor!
ooh...fingers

 

by umfumdisi
4-25-03
Has the "Naughtylass" ever been this far down, Dr. Cousteau?
She has now! But zeeriously, zhair eez mohch woanders at zee bottom of zee cee.
Wow, a blue eel!
Zee what I mean?

 

by umfumdisi
4-25-03
So, you think our Wonder Twin Powers still work after death?
I guess we'll have to try and see...
Shape of...a Snow Beast!
Form of...a cleaning wench!
I don't feel very "Beastie."
God hates us.

 

by umfumdisi
4-25-03
The Dark Caverns...of THE MIND
I wonder what I'll look like...
when I'm older?

 

by umfumdisi
5-02-03
They're rerunning the episodes in no particular order, but at least it's on.
PETER GRIFFIN: Hey, guys, I got another one...
Actual dialogue from the show...
Why do women have boobs?
Peter Griffin is the father.
So you got something to look at while they're talkin' to ya!

 

by umfumdisi
5-12-03
When not saving the world with my mutant powers, I rent myself out as "Calvin" for kiddie parties.
But my powers allow me to take the form of a controlled burn. I call myself, Sir-Flame-A-Lot
Did I mention that I rap? ~\I like bri-quets and I can not lie; you othah suckas like to fry; but when that charcoal heats all your favorite meats; the taste just can not lie; baby got bri-quets!/~
Whoa, Sir-Flame-A-Lot is kickin' like Baby Jesus! But I got a serious problem--we're out of propane AND the DJ didn't show for my Middle East Peace Blizzzzast. HELP!
SEVERAL BURGERS LATER...
Thank Gizzzod for Sir-Flame-A-Lot. Everyone's fed and he kicked out the hype jams 'til he ran out of gas. Hey, if you're the Calvin impersonator, you're too late. I'm not paying.
Well, since Arafat and Sharon are slow-dancing in the gazebo, I guess I can forgive you for stiffing me. Shalom!

 

by umfumdisi
5-13-03
...........DOOT!......................................................DOOT!.....................................................DOOT!.................................................DOOT!.............
...........DOOT!......................................................DOOT!.....................................................DOOT!.................................................DOOT!.............
...........DOOT!......................................................DOOT!.....................................................DOOT!.................................................DOOT!.............
Screw those little Oompa-Loompas!

 

by umfumdisi
5-13-03
So, anyway, thanks for birdsitting while I was on tour. Did Pecker give you any problems?
No way!! He's sweet. We just sang some and watched A LOT of TV. I'd be happy to do it again!
THREE HOURS LATER...
I'm gonna smack that #%&#$@! next time I see her.
"Canyouhearmenow?" "Canyouhearmenow?" "Canyouhearmenow?" "Canyouhearmenow?" "Canyouhearmenow?" "Canyouhearmenow?" "Canyouhearmenow?" "Canyouhearmenow?" "Canyouhearmenow?" "Canyouhearmenow?"

 

by umfumdisi
5-14-03
Nobody told me it was a formal.

 

by umfumdisi
5-18-03
Cannabis Personae:
[Philip Marlowe--A Big Pouf]
Boney Ard--A Skulle]
[Simon--A Younge Lad]
[King Arthur's Ghost--A Spirit]
[Marlo Marlowe--Philip's Sister]
Fjord Fairlane--King of Iceland]

 

by umfumdisi
5-18-03
Exposition:
At beck and call I enter here, to ask ye all to lend an ear, this horse's tale is off the hoof, but explains for once why Phil's a pouf...
Scene 1--A Pub
Welcome, I am ARTHUR, King of The Britons! May I take your order?
Hail, Arthur, I am Fjord Fairlane--King of Iceland!! I'll have the Fish Platter and a pint.
A wise choice, King Fjord. Would you like chips with that?
No, I prefer cubes.

 

by umfumdisi
5-18-03
Scene 2--Marlowe Manor
Gretings and Grace, your frigidity, I am Lady Marlowe.
You are a smooth and creamy hostess--ho-ho! However, I should like to retire as I'm all bjorked-out from my voyage.
'Twould please you to use my brother's chamber? He is not due back from Worchestershire 'til this hour the morrow.
I greatly adppreciate your host-ility. I pray your brother is equally kind.
[sotto vocce] I assure you that Philip would gladly share his bed with any man. [vox humana] Good night, my lord.

 

by umfumdisi
5-18-03
Intermission:
me ears is bleedin'--what a dis, an't came from the mouth of Phil's own sis. what a pouf Sir Marlowe be!
Act II, Scene 1: Marlowe's bedroom that same night.
Hamlet, if thou didst ever thy dear father love,--revenge his foul and most unnatural murder.
Arthur, is that YOU?
Fjord? I-I'm so sorry. I must be in the wrong theatre. Sorry.
Damned English spirits.

 

by umfumdisi
5-18-03
Yes, it's still the bedroom and it's still dark, but it's somewhat later and now Marlowe enters...
Damn those salty Worchestershirians! Not a soft cheek among the whole man-Bruce of 'em.
At least I've got me soft pillows to cry into.....'Allo, what's all this then!
Zzzzz
My dear Sis has left me a present. He's a little cold and stubbly, but what th'ell.
Egads! Lady Marlowe is all up in mah bizznezzz.
Land of the Midnight Sun! Lady Marlowe, you are the sweetest hostess...Ding Dong?

 

by umfumdisi
5-18-03
I'm so sorry, sir, I thought you were my boy--uh, my stable--uh, my busty lover Chantelle.
Well, one, I'm not busty, and, two, I'm King Fjord of Iceland.
Ah, so that's why I got the "cold shoulder."
You're a git.

 

by umfumdisi
5-19-03
Scene 2--The Manor again
I'm so dreadfully sorry about my brother. Is there ANYTHING I can say to keep you from leaving?
Nothing you say will erase the humiliation from my face nor the horror from my memory. I must return home before my shame becomes any greater. Goodbye.
Scene 3--A Ship
So you told your family you were going to Greece?
Totally, Fjordy-baby. I'm all yours for six months. Why don't we make like seamen and swab your deck!?!
Epilogue...
And so they set upon the sea, adrift in bliss fraternally, and so we thought the King had pouted, but in the end Marlowe was outed. Good night.

 

by umfumdisi
5-22-03
First chimp in space and you are so calm--I love you.
LIFTOFF!
Watch your ass, Sputnik.

 

by umfumdisi
5-22-03
Telemetry?.....Check.
Telephony?.....Check.
Telemundo?
Check!

 

by umfumdisi
5-22-03
...this vast nothing, this empty SPACE...
...all heaven spread out before me...
...oh well, time for a snack.

 

by umfumdisi
5-22-03
*purr*
*chew*
*cheep*
I don't know about you guys, but I feel like we're being watched.
*blink*
*moo*

 

by umfumdisi
5-22-03
*SPLASH!*
Mr. Anzee, could I ask one question?
Certainly, but, please, call me Chip.
Were you able to find and destroy the Russian space satellite?
The Russian What What?

 

by umfumdisi
5-29-03
Let there be dark...
ale!

 

by umfumdisi
5-29-03
I wish I could walk
I wish I could fly
I wish I could run
I wish I could talk
I wish I could ride that horse
I wish I could swim

 

by umfumdisi
5-31-03
...so I'm going to send you back to Earth. You are to travel, mingle, and report back to me so I can decide about your second coming.
Sure thing, Dad, but, if I go back like this won't people recognize me?
Good point. I'll send you back in your true form.
Thanks, I'm getting tired of these piercings, anyway.
IPSO, FACTO, CH-CH-CH-CHANGE-O!!
*Sweet*

 

by umfumdisi
5-31-03
And, my son, don't forget there are two words that must not pass your lips while you are on the Earth...
Yom Kippur?
No, the two words I mentioned five panels before this one.
Oh, right! And those ellipses four panels ago indicated our missing conversation?
Exactly. Remember those two words, but DO NOT use them--their intonement signals the immediate demise of the Earth.
I shalt not forget, father. I'll be back in two weeks with my report.

 

by umfumdisi
5-31-03
Jesus roams the Earth gathering info...
Peace be with you, my brother.
Y'all think yer better'n me?
Whosoever believeth in Jesus shall have everlasting life.
That's an interesting hypothesis.
Love thy neighbor as thyself.
I'm not putting up with that Shi'ite!

 

by umfumdisi
5-31-03
Ask, and ye shall be forgiven.
But I'm innocent. I swear. I HAD the "express written consent" of Major League Baseball.
The wages of sin are death.
Don't you mean, "be death?"
I can't believe Dad created these idiots in the first place. I've got to go relax before I'm called home to give this report.

 

by umfumdisi
5-31-03
Glad they had room at this Inn. My favorite movie is coming on--I can watch it and unwind.
Sorry, our Feature Presentation will not be shown tonight so that we may bring you Wrestlemania 38: Ultimate Doom!!!
WHAT!?! I can not believe they pre-empted APOCALYPSE NOW!
oh shit
You are in SOOOOOOOO much trouble, young man.

 

by umfumdisi
6-02-03
The Cross Over Cup--looks interesting.
Noob-Ahoy! This poster is going to get shellacked!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAA--cough--AAAAAAARRR!!!
Shit, I'm in prime cornholing position, WTD?
You will than cross your comics with theirs but the winner whens by funny and to make the contest different!
RAAAR?

 

by umfumdisi
6-04-03
Oprah, er, Queen of Talk, do you take Michael to be your lawfully wedded husband?
I DO!
Michael, uh, King of Pop, do you take Oprah to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Hoo-Hoo, I DO!
...I now pronounce Ultimate Doom upon humanity.
Mike, I can't wait to buy beautiful media outlets with you!
I can't wait to buy you a new nose.

 

by umfumdisi
6-06-03
My little Horatio is pretty advanced! He can walk, run, jump, speak, and catch mousies. What can your baby do?
suck, sleep, shit, and cry
Gee, yours must be missing a couple of chromosones...
and you must have a couple of loose screws...
I've already signed him up for pre-school.
you're holding a cat

 

by umfumdisi
6-06-03
Honey, I'm sorry, I'm leaving you for another woman who really understands me.
um, okay
She's independent and sassy, yet she likes to be touched. I just thought you should meet her in person.
you useless bastard--where is she?
I'm holding her right now!
Mr. Pickles?

Showing page 2.

« Previous Next »