All comics by what_the_krevice

Profile

 

Hi there, son. Have you seen a blue blob composed primarily of some unknown substance wearing his antennae in a foppish manner whilst seeking some sort of refuge from my overpowering good looks?
You talk to much! Let's screw.
My power seems to be growing at a phenomenal rate...
So, are you gonna lay me out right here or what?
I've got to solve this quick. Before I do something illegal...I have to find Huzzah and get somewhere indoors, where I can somehow put a stop to my hold over men.
I'm longer than I look, Jack. Maybe I oughta lay YOU out...

 

Well you look ready to go
I am Philonious, the Great Hobo Chicken!
And that means...?
I grant wishes and perform miracles!
Can you end my friend Pervis' rain of Homo-Terror?
Whoa, slow down there, chief, I'm not Jesus!

 

Hi there.
Well, hello sweetcheeks...
So what're you doing 'round here, big boy?
Trying to evade my friend Pervis' homoerotic powers.
Pervis, eh? Homoerotic powers, eh? ...sounds like my ex...Frankly, I've-had-better.
Mental Note: Pervis' powers do not seem to affect those who are ALREADY homosexuals in quite the same way...

 

How did I end up here...?
...What the fuck...?
Whaaaazaaaaap!
Saying anything will just make it worse..
Ummm.. lil help here?

 

Oh, baby, you really light my fire...
Ooooh, you like it, huh? Mmmmm, do you like how I look?
Whoa! Don't mind me. I'm just looking for a friend.
I canceled my appointment at the salon to get dumped for some gay pothead?
...lookin' for a friend, huh?...C'mere, you big hunka man you!

 

It's colder than a witch's hunnie pot here
OMFG LOL LOL!!!1! THAZ SOOOOO FUNI!
Maybe this can help me find Huzzah..
HZZH, WHO THA FUK R U TLKIN BOUT!??! OMG LMAO!!!1!
Do you feel dirty too?
Filthy is a better word for it...

 

UM WHAR3 DID I LEAEV MAH S3NS3 OF DIGNITY????!!!? WTF LOL WUT HAS AOL DONE 2 ME?!!!?!!?? OMG LOL
That's right. AOL is an evil corporation. It has done horrible things to millions of teenagers just like you.
You're a danger to the project...We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world, my friend.---This conversation. Is over.
Umm...Tyler? What's this I hear about "Project Mayhem?" This is a clinic. We're here to help victims of AOL Jargon Syndrome to confront their problems...not drive them towards revenge.
Sooner or later, we all became what Tyler wanted us to be.
We gotta get his balls...
Why is he staring at me like that...

 

Doctor, I'm looking for someone...
Hmm, you seem normal..so get the hell out
Shut up. Listen, his name is Pervis. He seems like a queer, but he's really not.
One moment please...
Sir, a drop of water with a pubic hair in it wants to come in to find a patient..
You do realize what kind of breech of security that is?!?!?! He'll see everything! He'll...He'll see The Big Board!!!!

 

I RILLY DO NOT NED 2 B HER31!!!111! IMM FIEN1!11
I see. And what exactly are YOU represing, mister?
FLASHBACK
Really? You mean you aren't attracted to me at all?
JOIN US AND B ONE WIT OUR HORIBLA SELF111!!!! OMG WTF WE DO NOT F3AR UR HOMOEROTIC POW3RS1!!!!
OMG TIHS S TEH SUXXORZ!!11ONE!!!
UR NME IS P3RVIS???!!!???1!1!11 OMG LOL WOW!!1!! OMG WTF LOL U R TEH HOTZORZ11111!1! WTF LOL

 

Are you in here Pervis?
OMFG! THAZ SOO KEWL!
Nope..how about this one?
4 THA LST TYME, IM NOT A FAGIT!
Dear god Man! What have they done to you!?
OMG OMG OMG! 4 REALZ IZ THAT U HZZH?!11!! HOLY S@!T

 

Well, I've learned some things about your condition, Pervis.
OMG LIEK WUT????!!!!! WUT HAEV U FOUND???!!??!! LOL DID U FIND A CURE?!!??!! OMG
Well, for one thing your erotic powers cannot sway those already interested in *ahem*...gay sex.
SO U MAAN F@GS WONT CHANGE IF I ASOCIAET WIT THEM?!!?? LOL IS THEYRE SOMAONA WHO CUD S2P MA FROM CHANGNG STRAGEHT MEN 2??!?!??!11!
There was one individual I found who showed promise...but I don't know how we could find him again. It's not like he's gonna just waltz in the front door.
WUT DID AOL DO 2 MA!11!111 DMN TAHT COMPUTAR!!111! I NED HELP11!111!! OMG WTF

 

Great so now the fucking chicken has it too..
OMG OMG SQWAK! OMG! I HAVE A STIK W/ A BAGG!
...ggrrr AHHH! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
OMG!!11 R U A FAGIT?!1 OMG!
Now THAT...is service
mmmmmmyyyyyes?

 

To cure your friend of his homoerotic plague, merely give him oral pleasure.
How the FUCK will that keep him from turning people gay?
...just do it.
You're SICK!
Pretty please?
Well shit...who'da figured you for such a pervert...

 

Much...much much...much later
Thanks for all your help, doc
Eh, don't mention it.
Seriously, you got rid of Pervis' annoying AOL yammering and his homo-erotic powers. I'm truly in your debt. Goodbye
OMG THAZ SO KEWL!
......FUCK!

 

Whoa! So I really caused all this?
Well...not really. Apparently a hurricane passed through or something.
So I didn't even really cause any major damage, did I?
Well, I dunno if I'd say that.
I've left my girlfriend and moved into a studio apartment, but I still can't sleep. I can't eat...who are you, dreamboat ?!
?!

 

So how come these gay infauated love monkies didn't die?
Ah, well, the power of love kept them safe
And you lived too, eh?
.....
*STAB PUNCH KICK MAIM*
.....
Suck on that, Captain Deductions!

 

Whoa, how did we go from waste land to tropical paradise?
Mike's on a cruise, that's how
Wooohoo! This mean I can get laid on this sunny beach?
Probably not, I don't see any cabana boys around
Every week I tell my shrink about you
Do you tell him about the dry anal rape too?

 

So anyway...I was gonna return the stones, but then-...
Excuse me for a moment.
Where are you going?
To find a means of wholly expressing the disdain and hatred I feel for you, my homosexually inclined and intellectually dwarfed compatriot.
What the hell? Why are you doing this?
Because I can, fucker...because I can.

 

Jesus, you've really lost it!
Yeah, but whattaya gonna do?
I'm going to put an end to this!
Pervis, you're really reaching..
You look really hot in that.
Well shit...

 

So Mike's back
yeeeep...
And you know what this means right?
Uh-huh...
No more satisfying Tom's homo-erotic, dry anal rape fantasies....
Bingo

 

Hey Kyle, Mike's back!
What? No email, no explanation he just shows up online?
Yeah...seems he was more anxious to make a comic insulting my tastes in humour pertaining to homo-eroticism between two highly disturbed and exponentially fucked up characters than to talk to us.
...they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...
What's that s'posed to mean?
Your guess is as good as mine, ya jackass. you're the one coming up with this shit.

 

So I says to Mabel, I says
wait wait wait wait!
What?
Do you have any idea how cliche that is?
Well what do you want Mike to do while wasting class time?
Preferably stabbing you

 

So if I can't talk about sex, what CAN I talk about?
Who said you can't talk about sex?
...wait...you mean that wasn't you?
...what the hell are you talking about, dipshit?
...earlier...
I suggest you lay off the sex talk for a while... That is all.
?!

 

You said I had to knock off the sex talk!
I did no such thing!
Yes you did!
Fuck you, I'm leaving
WHAT THE HELL!?
I'm bangin your sister...

 

In other news, a local man claims to be a time traveler in search of "primitive women." He was arrested late last night after forcing entry into Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch.
Oh, what that crazy bastard won't do for attention...
Heh heh heh..."King of Pop" my ass!
Who said that?

 

I'm tellin' you man, our house is haunted!
Yeaaaah right!
I'm serious!
Have you been smoking something?
Earlier...
I need a lift..
Take a hit, and let the dreams come Pervis!

 

No! It was real! Real, I tells ya!
So, you've been hallucinating because you smoked some bad weed?
I dunno. Maybe only I can see them...maybe I'm special.
If it was real, why haven't I seen these things?
"Special" is right...
What the SMEGGING HELL is THAT THING?!

 

Oh Judas Christ!
Smeg Smeg Smeg Smeg!
So I get a haunting ghoul too?
Abso-jewtly
PERVIS!!!!
Your anus will bleed...

 

We should be ok in here for the time being...
I understand the closet...but what's this truss supposed to do to ward off the spirits?
It just looks nice is all...
Right...so what do we do about these hauntings?
What hauntings?
Shit...ghosts are freaky!

 

*Huff huff* where exactly is this place in our house?
Where isn't it?
Well it's not my room
Maybe, by it not being your room, it's really all of the rooms
...what?
If I can confuse you, hopefully I can confuse them too!

 

Are you trying to say we're in the walls?
If by walls you mean the restrictive patriarchal society in which we live that threatens to crush any hope of a women's possibilities in the working world...then no.
Then what DO you mean?
That you're a whiny little bitch.
Your point being...
Perhaps your behavior as a dickweed somehow brought this haunting upon us. And furthermore, where the HELL are we?

 

So we're finally out of where it was
A dank, Pervis' urine soaked hell hole...
*in a spooky voice* Huzzaaaaah!
You are such a stupid...
Take that you nutter
Fuck you!

 

Oh, c'mon, dude...it was just a joke!
Keep the FUCK away from me, happy boy!
Huzzah?
*in a spooky voice* Peeerrrrviiiisss...
Ha-friggin'-ha, asshole...

 

Dude scoot over
Fuck you, this is my bed
Look, if I'm sticking out from under here, they'll find us
Well tough titty
..Hey, is this my dildo?
I had to stop you some how, Pervis

 

So where do you think they could be?
What the SMEG are you?!
Cut the bullshit, you know damn well who I am.
Well, if you're gonna be like that about it...
How about if I be like THIS about it?
Oh...that IS good...

 

*muffled sex noises*
AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
FUUUUCK!
Ha ha, choke on that!

 

Well, now that things are all back to normal, I suppose we can relax...
Yes...I suppose so. You going out?
Yeah, I guess. What're you gonna do?
I dunno...thought I'd just hang out, watch some tv...whatever...I'll enjoy being alone.
See ya, dude.
Woooooo!! Party at Pervis' place!

 

Look get outta here!
Don't say that!
I don't need you around anymore!
You don't really mean that.. *sniffle*
Okay, well maybe
HA HA, YOU'RE MY BITCH!

 

I don't want you here anymore! I have other friends!
Like who? That little blue shit?!
!
Like me, bitch!
He's right...alcohol is much more fun...
...well, shit...

 

*droooool*
I'm ho...You've been drinking and smoking again haven't you?
....
His anus is bleeding
*droooool*
You sick fuck

 

...
...
...
...
That reaks, dude
I deny all charges

 

Well...you're just the perfect picture of modern class and civility, aren't you?
Whaddya mean?
I mean that even YOU have your flaws so stop judging me!!
...what exactly are you talking about? ...is this about the camera? Cause I told you, I really don't mind being watched in the shower.
There's a camera in the shower?
I've said to much, methinks...

 

I'm in love!
Jigga what?
With a lovely young tart named "Jackie the Broadzilla"
God save us all...
She's got a nice ass
No, that's called a tucked back schlong

 

Hi, I like to abandon my friends!
oh, Hi Kyle...
Wait, why am I a clown?
There's a perfectly good reason for that
Is it because everything I have become is a joke?
Quick bellow of locks, this young fellow

 

*Service Announcement...continued*
Why the glum face, chum?
I'm so depressed...I get myself into situations and then complain and bitch to people if they try to answer my questions...
Perhaps you shouldn't ask people for advice then.
But then how would they know I was depressed?
You really are a self-deprecating moron, you know that?
I know, and I hate myself for it...

 

The never-ending announcement
Kyle, you're such a wanker, you make me look cool
*sob sob sob sob sob*
Yeah, but the guy is a total self-afflicted depressed idiot
Holy shit, dude, that was low
Yeah I do. And his penis is small too.
...For once you have a point.

 

*Service Announcement in 3-D!*
You know what bugs me?
No. What?
...stuff.
Stuff? You're upset by "stuff?"
And imbeciles...yeah...and people who enjoy being depressed...and lovesick asswipes with no sense of reality...self-loathing intellectual peons with unclear views of themselves!
I guess I better go now...

 

Service Announcement To The Max!
Kyle, I have some bad news
What, Micheala has finally made up her mind?
No, you've been stripped of the title of Guru. It's reserved for intelligent people
Wait, wouldn't that make me an totally insufferable bastard with no friends and skanky girl?
Ouch, a blinding flash of the obvious
AHHHHHHHH I CAN'T SEE!

 

*Service announcement: Now with new lemon-fresh aftertaste!*
Hey did you hear about that Kyle guy?
No, what about him?
He's so dumb, he thought stuff...that wasn't...really true...
Was that a joke?
Kinda...
You're new to this humor thing, aren't you? Well, it's ok...self-loathing bastards with meaningless chips on their shoulders bring out the inner comedian in us all.

 

A Service Announcement That's Less Filling Than Other Announcements
Since I'm the last person on earth stupid enough to talk to you, go over it again
Well see, everybody likes me because I'm reasonable and I listen to what people tell me
....
And my girlfriend isn't a total slut
You know, De Nile isn't just a river in Egypt
I know; it's also my current mind-set

Showing page 2.

« Previous Next »