All comics by christopher7murphy

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JIMMY! I had lunch with your teacher today!
And do you know what she told me?
"Pass the salt?"

 

Las Vegas is taking odds that Britney Spears will INDEED make a carreer comback in Spring 2008.
That's right Kevin. Hollywood bookies are taking bets that the former Pop Diva will regain her private and her music statis.
Britney is quoted as saying, "It's like monkey in the bank!"
er..Don't you mean, MONEY in the bank," Kevin?
Meanwhile, in the vault:
What are you doing in here?
Hush! And pass me another roll...er another personal life decision.

 

Did Pam Anderson REALLY marry Rick Salomon?
Yep. Celebrity Amature Porn Stars unite!
Do you think the couple's counterparts, Tommy Lee and Paris Hilton should get together?
I don't know about that...
...But I bet Dustin Diamond would punch you in the balls if I asked.

 

Queary: Are you alive?
eh?
Refinement: Do robots desire the right to live? Are you capable of love and sacrifice?
Awww! Who told you about the hamster?

 

Welcome to Stripcreator, Inc. How can I help you?
I'm here to apply for the "Job of Hand."
Can I see your references?

 

YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!
BOTH YOU, AND SOMEDAY...YOUR HEIRS!
Will you keep it down!
This area is for the HOSPITAL Zone Villians only!

 

Please pull your pants back up, Mrs. Jones. I am finished with your anal exam.
-achoo- Dank you veddy much, Doctor.
Your anus seems very healthy. However, it seems to be that you have the sniffles.
-sniff-
You can tell that from lookn' up my arse?

 

SON OF JOR-EL! COME TO ME!
BOW BEFORE ZOD!
Will you shut up!
This area is for HANDICAP Zone Villians only!

 

URSA! NON! DESTROY THIS PLANET "HUSTON!"
Sir? Is this a NO SMOKING ZONE?
No...I'm pretty sure this is a PHANTOM ZONE only.
oh...my bad. thanks.
I hate this planet, "Huston."

 

Can you read my mind? Do you know what it is that you do to me? I don't know who you are. Just a friend from another star. Here I am, like a kid out of school...
You can fly. You belong in the sky. And I... could belong to each other. If you need a friend... I'm the one to fly to. If you need to be loved... here I am. Read my mind.
Bitch! Don't make me come over there!

 

Hey, Ms. Lane! I just interviewed that kid across the street. He just got bit by a radio-active spider!
...And gues what he got?
Super powers?
Herpes!

 

Jimmy! A person can NOT get herpes from a radio-active spider!
Even without a condum?
That's just silly!
That's a relief.

 

Ms. Lane told me it was impossible...but I'm not feeling very well.
Honestly, Jimmy Olson! You are such a goober.
Are you sure?
Having sex with a radio-active spider will NOT give you herpes!
Shwew! That's a relief.
Be careful of radio-active toilet seats, however.

 

Excuse me. I am on a peace mission from my island home of Paradise.
I am looking for "Man's World." Can you help me?
Well...first you's gotta get yourself a great big gulp of beer...then you unbutton your jeans and turn on the game.
No...you don't understand.
OHHHH! You mean "Victoria's Secret!"

 

Finally, a chance for her to relax from the stresses of work and kids, Hatrix takes advantage of Brad's offer to vacation on S.C. Island.
Ooolala!
'Ello my leetle butter cup. I am your towel-boy, Mandingo.
Throwing caution into the wind, Hatrix fell for the suave and sleek towel-boy, distracted from the living dead tending the grounds.
Why don't we go to your room and I will...heheh...pose for you?
Hatrix awoke three hours later. Her clothes disheveled, a humming in her ears.
Ha ha! I drugged you and put a voice activated bomb deep inside you. If you say a certain CURSE word....you will blow up!
Golly gosh darn you!

 

You know I can curse if I want to!
You better not, Hatrix. The voice activated bomb I slipped inside you will detonate if you say a certain cuss-word!
Mandingo! You mother-fuckin' piece of shit!
What the fuck? I must have slipped the bomb in the wrong hole.

 

Honey? Wake up!
ZZZZ ZZZzzzz Snort...huh?
CLICK!
I can hear ANTS in the kitchen!
That's impossible! I'll check.
Well? Ants?
Just uncles.

 

Christopher7, zombies are all over the island!
I can't stand the screaming! Someone stop the screaming!
I've been thinking of a way to get out of here. But we need a boat and a gun.
I have a dingy on the beach..and this Elmer Fudd costume comes with a working shotgun.
Our only chance for survival is to sacrifice one of our numbers and make a break for it while the zombies feast on the carcus. But who do we throw to the zombies?
Hey, Umfumdisi, I think there is peanut butter on the tip. What does it taste like to you?

 

One cup of mayonaise. Six chopped onions. A severed foot. And two dollars and fortyseven cents in loose change.
Okay...but what color is the foot.

 

OOOOoooo! You are so lucky that shotgun jammed!
Sorry...but thanks for getting the peanut butter out of it.
I thought you said you had a "dingy on the beach?"
Look! There she is!
Well...it's about time you guys showed up! And why did you want me to smear ketchup all over my body?
Are you gonna eat that?

 

Mommy! Daddy! Come quick!
I make boom-boom all by myself!

 

Beware Super Friends! The Legion of Doom will soon conquer the world!
Filthy humans! Snarl -snarl -snort!
Gorilla Grodd? Your breath smells wonderful!
The competitors of Listerine signed me up for a comparison test between the leading brands of mouthwash.
Is it a distinguished study?
Ever heard of the SCOPE'S Monkey Trial?

 

Man, college sucks! I hate dorm life.
You should join Kappa Psi Dyslexia.
Kappa Psi Dyslexia?
Yep.
We have our own Fart House.

 

If it's a boy, I'll name him Duke.
If it's a girl, I'll name her Stephanie.
It's a turd!

 

Enchanté, my leetle butter-cup. You are lookin' very 'Gouda' this afternoon.
Your skin is smooth, like a silky slice of Velveeta. Your eyes flek with blue like zee finest Roquefort.
Who are you?
I am Mr. Stilton. But you may call me Cheese-Louise.

 

I brought you here to show you what happened to my last pink rabbit.
This is the city morgue?
I pettered him. I cuddled him. I called him squishy wishy face.
There is no such word as "pettered." If you don't use propper english, people won't understand you.
..And then my little pink bunny-wunny corrected me.
See! You're confusing me!

 

I, Cheese-Louise, will cover you with zee finest cheeses of all Europe! They call me the worlds Frenchiest lover of cheese!
Who do?
Can do!
You do?
Fondu!

 

Paradox
Paradux
Paradix
Wanna go scratch the paint off cars?
Can't. Gotta take my mallard to the vet.

 

Remember, nintynine percent of all customers are happy, deserving, and cooperative when we try to help them.
Great!
Occasionally there will be one that is bitter with life or just confused. Resulting in bad feelings no matter how hard we try to please them.
Right!
That being said, we must remember that not every customer should wittness our attitudes towards the bitter few.
Stop farting in the business section! Got it!

 

Bran! Bran! Braaaaannnnn!
Corn flakes, Oatmeal, or Banana Crunch Muffin?
by christopher7murphy, 10-19-07

 

Can you kiss my behind? Do you know what it is that you sprayed on me? Who the hell are you? Just an jerk with a fancy car. Here I am, stickin' with a fool...
You think you're so fly! You should drop from the sky. And I... could get away from each other. If you need a tickle... I'm not scatchin'. If you need a kick in the balls... here I am. Read my mind!
So the honeymoon is over, huh?

 

This season on ABC, Teri Hatcher stars in a sexy new comedy that puts the suspense and drama of being married to a super-hero to new levels of secret suburbia!
Kill!
Revenge!
Co-Starring Phyllis Coates, Noell Neill, Margot Kidder, and Kate Bosworth as:
I wonder what that sexy Wonder Woman's up to?
Castrate!
Desperate House-Wives on Lois Lane!
It's BIGAMY, I tell ya!
Now...ladies! It's "bigga me" too!

 

Oh, hi Lois!
Hi Lois. What ya doin'?
Oh, just spying on the new neighbors.
Me too. Can you believe it? One dresses like a bat and his buddy swings on a trapeze!
Omygawd! So gay! But that boy does look good in shorts, huh?
"Boy Wonder" ....and how!

 

Oh my GOD! LOIS! LOIS!
What is it, Lois?
It's Lois! She just commited suicide.
Oh my god! Clark will be so upset!
-sob-
Do you think he'll be ready to date soon?

 

Oh, Lois! That bitch, Lois stole my man!
Awww! Poor Lois. Dump that bastard
You're right! Who needs him! Lois can have him!
Way to go Lois! Time for you to switch teams! Come on over to my place. We'll party.
Switch teams?
Yeah. I invited Lex Luthor over for drinks.

 

Don't "Hi Lois" me. I know your secret!
Now, Lois...what secret?
Oh...That a certain "Lois" just happened to to give birth exactly NINE MONTHS from her visit to Gotham City.
That's nothing! I was there for the annual Bird Watching Symposium.
Mommy...
Not now Oswald. Go play.

 

-WAK- Wak!- Lois...How's little Oswald doing?
Pengy! I told you never to call me! It was a one time thing! I will raise our child alone!
-Wak-Wak! He's my egg too!
NO! As far as the world is concerned, I found him in a rocket ship that crashed landed in the country.
My mommy says I look different from other kids because she has a thing for "bad boys."
You're lucky. My mom likes to "play the ponies."

 

Brains! Brains!
Arrrrg! I've been bitten! Moo Ann! Moo Ann! (WAIT!) CUT!
CUT! What's this in the script? I'm suppose to call out for "Moo Ann?" Who is "Moo Ann?"
It's NOT "Moo Ann!" It's "MOOANN!" You're suppose to moan into the camera. Got it?
For pete's sake! Actors!
I'm here for my death scene, Boss.

 

They say, "for every ying...there is a yang." That somewhere in your state, an exact opposite of your town exists.
Hey, Floyd!
Ooo Hey, Goober. Say, how's the gas buisness?
Where one town is good...the other is EVIL!
Fine, fine! Did you know in England, they call "gas"...Petro?
Oooo That's interesting. You've got quite the brain, huh, Goober?
Just pray you won't need a haircut!
ooo Smart boy, that Goober. It's a shame I'll have to kill him.

 

Is it true? JK Rowling announced that Dumbledore is gay?
But why? The character's sexual orientation had no bearing on any of the novels.
I never saw that one cuming.
Niether did Harry.

 

This week, JK Rowling announced out of nowhere that a lead character in the popular Harry Potter series was gay.
Since the revelation, sales have trippled as members of the gay community have purchased the series.
Next week, JK Rowling plans on announcing that the character hates Ann Coulter, tastes like chocolate, and will cause you to loose fifty pound in three weeks.

 

♫ Sugar, Sugar! ♫
la la la la la laa.
♫ oh, Honey, Honey! ♫
la la la la la laa.
♫ That's my modus operandi, Earl. ♫
♫ ...And you've got me wanting you... ♫ for possession with intent!

 

♫ Put your ham in the ham of the ham that stilled the waters. ♫
♫ Put your ham in the ham of the ham that parted the sea! ♫
Well...Okay, but...
I thought you were Jewish?

 

EWWWW! You're NAKED! You disgusting pig!
I'm a barnyard animal!
How am I supposed to buy clothes?
Well..Okay. I guess you have a point. But ...OH MY GAWD! Now you have an erection!
Well? What do you expect? I'm a DISGUSTING PIG!

 

For every wholsome, well adjusted town in your state, there exists an evil demented one.
Oooo, look. Here comes Goober, one of Mayberry Sinister's greatest minds!
Where one town is good...the other is EVIL!
Hey Floyd. I thought it was sure great of you to hire little Opie Taylor to help you in the barber shop.
Oooo yes, yesss. Opie's a fast learner, too. He's already made a dollar thirtyfive in tips.
Maybe it's time to raise your child's allowance!
Hey Ope! How's the world of big business in haircair?
A little off the top, Goob?

 

Pa?
Ya, son?
Will I go to Heaven if I kill my boss?
No, son.
Do we have any Scotch Tape?

 

Oh, YES! Moo Ann! Moo Ann! I love you!
I ...um..CUT! Cut!
Why is he calling me "Moo Ann?"
Listen everybody! It's NOT "Moo Ann." It's "MOOANN!" You are suppose to moan into the camera! Sheesh!
It sure looked like "Moo Ann" in the script to me.
You don't listen to them, Sweetie.

 

Ohhhh YES! MOOANN! Mooann! Moooooann!
Hey! I know what you're doing in there!
Oh yes! MOOOooOANNNN! Do it! Do it!
Cut it out!
What's his BEEF?
Don't you pay him no nevermind, Ann. Just MOO for me again.

 

So...how long is it?
Three panels.

 

Give it to me straight, Doc! I can take it.
I believe you are "Sickie-Wickie."
"Sickie-Wickie?" What kind of diagnosis is that? Do you think I'm some kinda idiot?
Sorry. I sometimes can't help it. I just want to soften the blow.
So what's wrong with me?
"Cancer-Wancer."

Showing page 21.

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