All comics by AnonymousGreenTea

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Another misadventure of the Glitter Spewing Freak.
Spew! Spewspewspew, spew. Hey, I feel like spew pissing off my Mom. Lets buy spew cigarettes!
Why the hell not.
Not much later:
Spew! *cough* *hack* I feel like I'm inhaling the ashes. *hack* This is so awful, I feel like I'm chokeing in ground bone! *cough*
Yet you suck on that cigarette like its a lifeline. Logic flaw. Also, I've never seen someone look so inept at anything.
I do this because I'm lonely. My future is bleak.
*cough* I have no friends. You always hang out with people. Lets sit around the park all eveing and *cough* smoke. I wish people would talk to me. Pot is better than this, but I only tried it once.
Jesus. I didn't think she could possibly be more lame, but I was clearly wrong. How can she possibly look so clumsy and impossibly stupid? I wonder is it's hard.

 

bobo32 and fugobo summerize their lives.
I'm really sad, and once I touched someone who might have liked me back, and it was wonderful. Life sucks, but I don't hate myself.
I hate life, and accept the fact that I'll never be happy. However, I'm extreamly embittered anyway. I plan to die before I'm 30.
Anon feels pain when she reads about impressive people who feel so displeased with life.
Goddamn it.
As there is no soultion, Anon decides to simply complain how dumb life is for a while.
What the fuck keeps cool people from realizing their own neatitude? Too bad life's a whore.

 

*wittyness and prowess in all things attractive*
Mmm... I would lick Dean Cane any day. And Jeff Goldblum, too.
However, I'll just sit here and be lonely, and come to the painful conclusion that I will never have anyone.
I'll entertain daydreams about being charming, and then consider drinking nail polish remover.
Ohh, yeah.
Let the good times roll.

 

I really can't believe you.
Tell me about it.
You read every one of your comics over about ten times to try to prevent just that kind of stupid, pointless, careless error.
I know. I don't understand it myself. I can't think of what could be wrong with me. I'm useless.
This is getting too easy.
Maybe if I stay up late and watch In Living Color I'll be cool. ....Damn.

 

I'm going to be overly literal, and coldly shoot down whatever harmless fantasies you might entertian.
Then I'm going make a weird half-assed punchline that only kind of makes sense.
Notice the weird half-assed punchline that only kind of makes sense
Fine. I'll just go over here and sigh heavily. Is that alright with you? *sigh*
Whoa, we switched places again.

 

So, what did you do today, you worthless lump?
Well, I watched TV and had lunch with my Mom, ...then, I watched TV some more. Oh, I did do my nails- thats something.
Really.
Well, yeah. I also... ate some Jelly Bellies.
Jesus tap-dancing Christ, you are hella-pathetic.
At least I didnt use the prefix 'hella'. Although I did write your lines, too.. crap.

 

You inflicted no pain upon me. I just called you on your shit because I just spent the last three days with the penguin and that's the groove she puts me in.
Did she just say "groove"?
And I certainly didn't mean to pain you at all. Life's good now, right?
First of all, do you recognize me? Of course life's no good. Also, you're just talking to yourself.
Crap.

 

*SPEW!* My cat Mo is so cute and fuzzy and and *incessant spewing about that goddamn cat* spewspewspew I'm going to be obnoxious because you and the penguin are so close. Spew!
When I am acctually absorbing this, I forget exactly why I do this for her. Oh, yeah; an old, tired friendship, and some pity.
She's sulking because we are one and the same person.
Well, she's fuckin' dumb. Lets go play at the pet shop. Awww, ferrets!
This comic had no point, and will have no punchline. I wonder if anyone will care.
Of course not. Also, you got to vent about the GlitterSpewingFreak. That's like a punchline.

 

Why can't you make funny comics? Is it that hard? No.
Well.. you know.. sometimes its hard.. to... to.. Shut up.
Every now and then you manage to fake your way through being interesting in real life. You can't get a set up and a punchline into a comic? Its not that different.
Well.. its.. I mean, I usually..
You usually what? Misspell everything? Just give up.
I think I just proved your point quite elegantly, what with my staggering lack of wittyness in this cartoon.

 

You know, you are starting to bore me. Please, go get a life, for the love of God.
Hey, I start a job tomorrow. Also, I am of majority age now. Thats something.
So you managed to keep breathing for 18 years in a row. Big woop. Your'e still lame and worthless.
What gets me is all my friends make sweeping, yet ultimatly true generalizations about me, I never do anything, and am lonely. What a great summer, right?
Are you even listening to me?
So what do I do? Read bobo32's comics and wish I wasn't worthless, or the only one who makes comics anymore. Even though I haven't made a funny comic in forever. Shit.

 

This is me setting myself up for a big fall.
You know, I havent made a funny comic is a long time, so I decided to give it a shot.
Now it gets worse...
What's better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
and in the final panel I go down in flames.
Not being retarded.

 

My life is so pathetic.
I've been sitting around my house watching movies all day.
And most of the time with no pants on.

 

When I get really engrossed in something, I become hyper-self concious upon returning to the real world.
Its not a bad or unpleasent thing. The other day I was watching a movie that featured a vampire who was quite graceful and beautiful.
When I... woke up, I guess, I was extreamly concious of my movments, and was aware of myself feeling surreal and vaguly graceful.
As I was reading The Fountainhead, I would occasionally pause to mull over a sentence. During those pauses, I was extreamly aware of myself, of my shirt touching my skin, or the soles of my feet.
I think it's because I'm fucked sideways.

 

Hey, it's two seconds after midnight!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Let's go buy cigarettes and porn!
Here, a rose. Hey, you could buy a Penthouse at the gas station!
Tell you what, how about grab a random pack of cigarrettes and we eat some beef jerky.
Hey, now you can take me to the Porn Barn!
You're scaring me. Die.

 

Do you realize that I'm going to leave you in a few days?
Well, yeah. You're going to college.
No, I mean, I'm actually LEAVING. Like I'll be gone, for real. No more late night suck-fests. No more phone calls at 10:30 to go to VI for dino fries. No more giggling trips down dark alleys.
Well, no... I...
Get it? I won't be here. I'll be on the other side of the continent, in a real city. I'll be alone there, and you'll be alone here. Don't you see? This is really going to happen.
Of course its not really going to happen. Its always going to be like this- always. ....Oh, fuck. I hate feeling so small.

 

ARGH!! Why did the stripcreator change it's format? Now I can't figure out how to find other people's comics! Son of a whore!!
Christ. I leave for a week, and the whole fucking world falls apart at the seams.
Mirror mirror on the wall, who has no friends? Oh, yeah- me.
Well, I'll once again ignorantly turn to hotmail for a moral boost. After seven days, who cares enough to e-mail me?
You have 26 messages, all crap. Drop dead.

 

I fucking hate all facets of life, and the penguin as well. I wish I were dead and that the world would fucking explode. Plus, no porn barn for you, or born parn either.
Granted, I never see you, but I still think you are the awesome. It sorrows me that you like death.
Wait, we switched places somehow.
Look, it happened again.
I also heard you martyred yourself to the wierd kid's vomit and then wandred off to your food service job. I was scared.

 

Its the First Day of College!
Don't look stupid, don't look stupid, don't look stupid, don't-
Umm, this isnt your class. Why dont you go wander around somewhere else?
please kill me
Ugh. Yay for staying in state.
Hey!! I know you form High School! Lets be awkward for a couple of minutes.
This last one was just going to be me missing the penguin with all my heart and soul, so I think I'll just skip it and go cry for a while.

 

Obnoxious teenage males come through the checkout line at 7:45pm
...and there's you reciept. Have a nice night.
Have a nice DAY.
What I wanted to say:
Are you correcting me, you cock sucking fuck? Do you have any goddamn idea what time it is, you maggot-ridden pus wad? Your Mom's a goat!!
What happened:
I hate my life.
Bwahaha! We are off to spread our assholeitude around the world!

 

A substantial portion of my job is 'straightening'.
The's no point nor logic to it.
This consists of me wandering up and down lanes in the supermarket and dicking with shit untill it looks nice and tidy.
I'm so lonely.

 

I wonder if any of my friends are online. Maybe that kid with the talkin' and the awkwardness.
Maybe I'll actually connect to the internet on the forty-seventh try. Or maybe not. Bwahaha!
Maybe the penguin with the love and the missing.
Oh, gee, now that youre finally online, MSN gives you the finger. No chatting for you. *snicker*
not a new revelation
I have foiled you at every turn. I hope this reflects strongly on you self-esteem.
Oh, thats right. I have no friends.

 

Half a continent separates the two biggest nerds alive.
I miss you.
I miss you, too.
And still...
Umm.. stuff happens. Its funny and ironic.
I met some kids and we hung out. Just like home.
they manage to produce to enough gravity to kill a horse.
Come back soon?
And watch you stab a hole in your face. Fuck yeah.

 

Well, hell. Now I'm awake and have nothing to do.
All my so-called 'friends' stopped making comics long ago.
My only recourse now is to drink really old coffee and go on a comic binge.
I do, however, promise not to make any comics of worth or humor-type value. Quantity goes up, quality goes way down.

 

This happened
I like and admire you. ....So, maybe we could talk?
because I'm
*awkwardness*
*lameness*
intensely pathetic.
Yeah, you can die now.
Good call. Have a nice life.

 

Anon once agin falls into a trap of her own making.
*SPEW* spewspewspew I'm so gald I have you as a friend. I can tell you all my woes. *spew*
This has so many sado-masochistic undertones. I hate myself.
Dream Sequence
For the love of God! You can't get along with your roomate because she is halfway normal and you are the biggist freak ever to have been born! Die! Die and leave me in peace!!
(this is what would actually happen- flames and screaming)
*spew* And then she was all like "Why are you so immature? You're stupid!" And then I walked away and cried, and... *spew*
Look, now we're floating. Thats just great.

 

Four comics is a prety shitty binge. You need to lie less.
Look, I'm doing the best I can here, okay?
By which you mean failing the easiest class you have and not making any friends?
Not to mention misspelling evey word I possibly can.
I'd say this is about par for you.
Aparently, no funny comics are possible either. I hate my life.

 

I am often disapointed when I find a person who makes wonderful witty comics, but all seventeen of them are dated June of 2000.
That's because this is a fun little fling for normal people. Not something they integrate into thier lives.
Like your friends, who have all moved on to bigger and beter things, you psycopathic freak.
Luckily, I can now use this medium to trash them behind thier backs with virtual impunity!
You can also use this as a forum for your horrific spelling and typing skills. Knock your self out.

 

It has been decades since the making of comics.
With good reason. All the people who used to do this have become acctual human beings and grown lives.
It is too bad, really. The comics were fun and educational.
No they werent. They were just a pathetic way for you to pretend you had some friends.
Now, all the comic-athons will be solo!
Well, regardless, let this be the first of many useless, poinless and untimatly painful comics to come.
Great. Now you can be a freak all by your self. Just count me out, okay?

 

Oooh, mail fromt the Penguin! She will love me again some day!
Hey there sweetie. I like you. I have friends here, and I like them more. I will never see you again, as I am growing a life and will never come home. Hope you are having fun being useless. Bye.
Hmm.. I'm floating.
Totally unexpected, but still intensely painful. ...I think I'll just go curl into a little ball and shove splinters under my fingernails until the heartbreak stops.

 

Life here in Nebraska is the epicenter of all lameitude.
I totally do not blame the penguin for leaving...
Jordan. And he'll wear big yellow glasses around his blue eyes...
It's fast approching, the storm...
Hey, did I mention that I had my third child last month? It's a boy. Guess what I named it...

 

I am afriad, dear, that you will read these comics someday, and hate me for refusing your offers of love. You have to know thats not true.
I only make light of our drifting apart because it scares me so. You know you are my heart.
Heh heh.. Yay for coping mechanisims, right?
Wrong. Eat shit and die. You dont really love me. Ungrateful wench.

 

I got a new job. I am a quasi-waitress now.
Did she really just say, "I dont get high all the time, just on weekends. And school nights."?!
So, yeah, will you buy my some smokes after work? Here's some money.
At the gas sation next to the hole where I work.
One.. um, hardpack of.. Camel Lights. Yeah, thats right.
I didnt card you the last two times you did this, but you look like a slob tonight, so whip out some ID.
The truth-talking computer comes from nowhere.
Why do I get a charge out of helping this little ass mite sin?
Because you are a loser, and you want her to like and/or need you. Or, rather, your ID.

 

Hey! I saw that Guiness truck today, the one that was outside the 'O' when you were getting your tattoo!
And there was that other beer truck, and the big tank on a trailer! Remember?
Note to Self- when talking to the Penguin comic-wise, you are really only talking to your self.
Right. That. So, I'm going to go have friends now.

 

Jesus Christ, you are a psychopath. You walked away and left the computer connected to the internet for two hours.
Look, I already said I was sorry. I am a worthless freak.
You'd think the fact that you talk to your computer would have been your first clue.
Also, the remedy to this problem is obviously to get back on line and make some bitchy, unfunny strips.

 

*spew* OH MY GOD!!! *spew spew* I cant *spew*believe that you made plans that don't revlove around me! *spew*
Jesus fucking Christ. It's not my fault that youre 19 and you havent learned how to drive yet. I am not your goddamn cabby!
*pout* *spew* Well, I'll just be sullen and difficult because you have friends that arent me. *spew*
Well, fine. I'll just leave you here. I have appointments to keep. Call youre Mom when you want a ride home.
There is a very subtle line between tough love and sadism.
And I just totally crossed it. ...Good.

 

Jesus. Dad, really, its okay. Its a minor road trip. The girl who is driving knows exctly where we're going.
No! I am feeling the loss of control over your life, and need to feel helpful. I will give the computer coniption fits messing around on the 'net, looking for maps.
Dad, really, let me do that... just... here, wait..
No! No! I insitst on doing this the hardest way possible! Now, why wont this website work?!
Well, damn, now we're floating.
I dont have the heart to tell him that thats the microwave.
Darn internet! Consarn compuer! I hate technology!

 

So, you came into the lame town where I am, and tried to be nice to me...
You know, I dont ever make comics anymore...
As oddly as it went, I liked it, I think. I do enjoy your company.
So, when you address me, you're really just mumbling in the dark.
It would have happend if I had another panel.
...Now, our online chats are awkward, too. I'm surprised we dont just burst into flames.
Right. That. So, call me when you grow some social skill. Right now I have a date with a pair of white pants.

 

Holy death on a stick. Life is pain. Why doesnt it end? Reading my friend's old comics was not such a good plan.
I think it's ironic and funny that you typed 'suck' instead of 'such' the first time.
I feel bad about the weird kids from the little shithole. Part of it is my fault for being neurotic, but it bugs the hell out of me to be so in the dark.
Oh, please. you are just a bored, lonely, desperate freak with nothing better to obsess about. Get a new hobby.
I just end up thinking about lemons and what a moron I am. Why arent I dead.
Just skip the nail and give yourself a transorbital lobotomy with a pool cue. That's kind of like a punchline.

 

You're sick. It's eight o'clock in the morning. Go the fuck back to bed.
I cant sleep. And besides... life sucks.
Good call. Seriously, go die in bed.
No, I must make some comics about the road trip, and the screaming, and the death...
"Because, really, puking in someone's toilet is a pretty intimate act."
I'm going to make a comic about your mom if you dont go back to bed right now.
That's way too acurate a summation of the whole deal right there.

 

I'm still sick, but its 11 o'clock now, so it's okay.
I'm going to rock out to Green Day and make comics instead of being a real person.
How about you do that book report that was do a week ago? Or maybe that paper due in a few days?
Or, how about you study your Shakespeare so you dont fail the class? Or maybe go get a shitty present for the GlitterSpewingFreak? Or maybe go to your job and try not to be so broke?
I'm going to rock out to Green Day and make comics instead of being a real person.
Youre a moron. Go vomit until you cry.

 

The GlitterSpewingFreak corners Anon again.
spewspew Come to my party! It'll be spew neato! Spew the only spew people coming are spew you and the guy who pities me. Maybe he'll realize I want him and actually want me back!
Maybe he'll stop denying that you want him and stab himself in the head.
Yeah, she really said 'booze'.
Hey, maybe my mom will spew be spew gone and we could spew get some booze!
You have no friends, and you are a monumental loser. Would you even know what to do with alcohol?
Happy birthday. Of course its not loaded. Look down the barels.
Okay, how about I make a token apperence, drop off some lame shitball gift, and wish you were dead?
Spew! ...I hope that kid gets in the hot tub with me! spew. Maybe I'll actually spew get to spew touch him!

 

So... sometimes we talk about things.
yup.
Lamness esues...
Hey, once I -
So, yeah, I think -
It is SO good of you to be nice to me.
Yes, well. It imporves my self esteem to pity the weak and inane.

 

Last night I had a dream with you in it. We ran into each other in some big, posh place, and we were each surrounded by a group of wierd, punky kids.
When I finally managed to get you off to the side and talk to you, we gushed over each other for a while, but then you insisted on going back to your group.
So yeah, I like to talk to myself. Yay levitation.
I reluctantly left, too, but then you got all indignant and mad that I let go of your hand.
Okay, wait, you're telling me this why? Look, just leave me alone, okay?

 

Thats right... take it like a bitch. Ooh, yeah. Take it all. Who's your daddy?
Mom may think youre just a machine, but I know what's going on.
Oh yeah, and whats that?
You wait until I reach some critical juncture in some important project and then you try your best to fuck me in the ass!
That doesnt help at all.
Well, if it helps, I wasn't originally aiming for your ass.
I hate my life.

 

I had a dream that the GlitterSpewingFreak had died. When I woke up, it took me half an hour to remember if she was really still alive or not.
Totally understandable. She is a complete buffoon. Maybe she should die.
Lets bond by reminiscing about what a beastly little troll she is. Hahaha!
'I wonder what a penis feels like' Haha!
Bwahaha! Oohh, yeah. *sniff* That was a good one.
Yeah. ...yeah. Those were some good times.

 

Uneven distribution of words leads to levitation.
I think about you way too much. I know I am just setting myself up for a bunch of lameness and pain.
Because, really, aside from a vague, 99/100 joke about casual sex, what do we have in common? Maybe some social ineptitude, maybe some all-comsuming loathing.
Shit. Yay masochism.
But, I am pathetic nonetheless, and drawn to you for reasons sure to doom us both.
Frued would love this. You know if you save this comic, it's only going to come back to explode in your face.

 

You are a moron. You, apparently, put a lot of effort into making your life painful.
...Yeah, I noticed.
Really, is that necessary? Its not like it wouldnt happen without your help.
True, true.
I'm falling short. Damn.
Do you have an emotional pain quota, or something?
I wonder if it would be easier to just stab myself in the eye with a spork. No flatware would give me this kind of back-talk.

 

Hey, I'm coming back to that place! Want to pretend to be friends for a while?
Yes! Oh, yes yes yesyesyes! I can't wait for you to get back! We can go see the Hotbob and hang out and just talk and it'll be so sweet- like the old days! Oh, I've missed you so much!
Umm, if I wanted clingyness and pathetic puppy-like groveling, I would go find the GlitterSpewingFreak.
Okay, I'm sorry. I really am. Would you mind if I just follow you around for a few hours? I promise, I wont even say anything.

 

You are so evil to me! Why do you consistantly bash me via comics? You are such a horrible person! Die!
You know I mean none of it. I love you with all my heart.
You lying tash pile! You hate me! You are no real friend!
No, no, I love you like Walter! I miss you, and you are making so many friends and having the life! I make light of all this to ease my pain, is all.
Whatever. You feel no pain, as you are not a real person.
...um, I love you. We will hang out for a week. ....Love me, please?

 

Hey, remember that time the GlitterSpewingFreak was like, 'Um, I wonder what a penis feels like.'? Hahahaha!
Hahaha! Bwahah! Ha!
Yeah... haha.. Those were the days.
Someday, we should live in the same town, so we could see each other all the time.
Yeah. Yay for us. Friends 4 Eva, that is we.
Hey, as long as we have no real concept of the length of a lifetime, lets get some tattoos!

Showing page 3.

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