All comics by Brady

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by Brady
4-16-04
So, I was watching Ricki Lake the other day, and the topic was "Gays Fight Back!"
That's great! I love Ricki!
Yeah, and she had these people on there who ran this website called godhatesfags.com! Well, I checked it out!
Oh no! You didn't! What happened?!
Well, on this website, they have a game! I lost and a "filthy sodomite" got my blessed child! Whatever will I do if my child grows up gay?! HAHAHAHA!
Buy him Barbies and let him listen to your Cher and Madonna CDs?

 

by Brady
4-17-04
I had a wonderful day at work today! How did yours go?
It was terrible...
You sound kind of slurred...
Well, that stands to reason...I'm heavily sedated...
Why?!
Hugh Hefner asked me to redecorate the Playboy Mansion...

 

by Brady
4-17-04
Hey, is that a letter? What does it say?
It's from a rich dead uncle of mine! He left me a hotel in New York!
Really? You know, I was born in New York! I could show you the ropes!
Yes! Oh, this is every gay little interior decorator's dream!
Are there any other kinds of interior decorators?
Right...anyway, let's get packing!

 

by Brady
4-17-04
Oh, can you imagine! You and me! Managers of a five-star New York hotel!
Yes, what departments will I be over? We have to split the duties...it's too much for just one person...
OK, how about housekeeping, accounting, and personnel?
That sounds fair. What are yours?
Interior design, of course, culinary, and...hehe...the bellhops!
I hope you mean you're just going to manage them...you're not literally "over" them...

 

by Brady
4-17-04
In Brady and Renée's New Penthouse Apartment in the Hotel
Brady, this hotel is really big!
Yeah, I don't know if I can decorate it by myself...
Well, what are you going to do?
Call in the D-Force!
D-Force?
Yeah, fellow decorators from college! We call ourselves the D-Force: Decorator Force!

 

by Brady
4-17-04
Jonathon, I want this theatre to be fabulous! Think 18th Century Paris!
This is such an honor! I can't thank you enough!
Oh, you're welcome! I couldn't do this without you!
Can I have a date?
Sure! Go ask a chef in the kitchen...I hear the dates are very in season this year! Sorry, gotta run!

 

by Brady
4-17-04
This is the presidential suite, Sheron. I want you to make the people that stay here afraid to touch anything!
Got it, boss! Do I have a budget?
I've allotted you $900 to decorate this room in addition to the others I showed you.
$900?! I can't decorate 10 rooms on $900!
No, no...that's $900,000...
...

 

by Brady
4-17-04
So, the hotel is up and running according to our standards. What happens now?
HELLO!!! We're in New York! What else would I do?!
A Grand Opening Party?
For whom?
Any gays that can hear Cher and/or Madonna in a twenty mile radius?
I have trained you well...

 

by Brady
4-20-04
Brady, honey, I really MUST say something about what you're doing...
...
I mean, you have a hotel to run! You have responsibilities and obligations to the public! You'll just have to accept that!
...
You'll also have to accept the fact that you WILL meet children in the hotel business...
You HAD to use the "C" word, didn't you...

 

by Brady
4-20-04
OK, can you explain again, please? This time a little slower?
Well, when I checked into my room, I had had a long day so I wanted to lie down...and there was something unscrupulous on the sheets...
What room did you say this is?
Room 504...why?
Room 504? God, what a NIGHT! That bellboy was AMAZING!...I mean, we'll get you a refund and a new room as soon as possible...
Is it possible to be too gay?

 

by Brady
4-20-04
Is it true that Céline Dion is staying at l'Hôtel Branée?
Yes, Ms. Dion has chosen our hotel because we're the only one in New York with an entire staff completely fluent in French.
What other languages can the hotel accomodate?
If you can name it, we can speak it.
Can I have your phone number?
Why, of course! The number to the hotel is 1-800-GET-A-LIFE-YOU-PATHETIC-LOSERS. Thank you for your time!

 

by Brady
4-20-04
George W. Bush checked in this morning.
Really?
You mean, you didn't know? I thought you'd have been the first to find out!
Well, you just let me talk to the bitch!
You can't tell me he hates fags! YOU'RE GAY! Now, let me speak to the homophobe before I have you thrown into my office with nothing but a doughnut to keep you warm!
Will the doughnut have sprinkles?

 

by Brady
4-21-04
Renée, honey, this hotel business is a lot harder than it looks...
Translation: "I've fucked all the bellboys and now I'm bored."
I just didn't realize what I was getting myself into. But I can't back out now.
Translation: "Well, some bellboys were more fun than others. Now I'll move on to the chef staff!"
Renée, when did you learn to speak Brady?
Translation: You know me better than I know my own gay little self...

 

by Brady
4-22-04
I can see it in her eyes...
It's coming...
It's swirling all around her brain...waiting to exit her oral cavity in word form...any minute now...
I can see it running through his head...forming its thought...ready to come out in a verbal statement...
GOD!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!! IT'S YOUR TURN TO FIRE THE DOORMAN!!
GOD!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!! IT'S YOUR TURN TO FIRE THE DOORMAN!!

 

by Brady
5-01-04
Brady, we are out of food!
WHAT?! Is EVERYTHING gone?!
Yes, we had that fundraiser to help fight world hunger last night...remember?
Ah yes, I distinctly remember the Polish sausage...
Umm, we never had Polish sausage...
Well, maybe YOU didn't...

 

by Brady
5-05-04
Do you like managing your own hotel?
Of course! It's very important to have responsibilty.
Are you rich?
Oh, honey...of course I am...
Are you a flaming homosexual with flagrant disregard of society and religion as a whole?
My, my! Those are big words for a third grader! I hope you don't choke on one...BECAUSE IT WOULD ROB ME OF THE PLEASURE!! DIE, SPAWN OF SATAN, DIE!!

 

by Brady
5-17-04
OK, I call this staff meeting to order! Now, who put the gum in Ms. Engleman's hair last Tuesday?
Hey! Short hair looked way better on her!
I'm not sure she was going for the Sinéad O'Conner look, but...anyway, why did you not try to save Mrs. Goldstein when she was choking?
Well, that's what she gets for trying to give head with a piece of steak in her mouth...
Oh, I'm sure THAT'S happened to all of us at some point or another...
*Different people* For me it was cantaloupe...ice over here!... cashew for me!...hey, I'm not gay!...*uproaring laughter*...but I'm a lesbian!...

 

by Brady
6-27-04
So how much are the rooms?
It really depends on what kind of room you get. We have rooms for 2 to 6 people...plus suites...if you like, we can--
And you're gay right? I just don't think I can bring my Catholic church members here to a gay hotel! Goodbye!
Yes, but--
THE HOTEL ISN'T GAY! JUST THE PEOPLE THAT WORK HERE!!

 

by Brady
6-27-04
I have just come from the pool, and I must say that I am totally disgusted!
I'm terribly sorry, miss! What happened?
There were two men making out in the corner! They were really going at it! You must do something about it!
Miss, our hotel has a non-discrimination policy. I cannot do anything about it unless what they were doing was blatantly sexual in nature.
OK, I'll go tell my girlfriend...
A homophobic lesbian...I have seen it all...

 

by Brady
7-01-04
Excuse me, are you the manager?
Yes. I can tell by the condescending tone in your vocal infliction that you are unhappy in some manner.
You're not going to confuse me by speaking Portuguese! Where the hell are my towels that are supposed to be in my room? I demand them!
...
You don't really care, do you?
I can't say that I really care about anything...

 

by Brady
7-02-04
Renée, honey, you're sweating like a whore in church! Please try not to drip on the antique Persian rug...
Sorry, Brady...it's just that I have the most exciting news!
Oh, goody! I'll pretend to care!
My man just proposed to me!
OK, what color are the bride's maids' dresses and I'll THINK about being the maid of honor...
You tell me...you're the one decorating the damn thing...

 

by Brady
7-09-04
Saying #1
...and then, the cook dropped a hot mango en flambée on my foot...
That sucks more than George Michael in a public restroom!
Saying #2
...then he said...
Wait, wait, WAIT!! I am most definitely as confused confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market...
Saying #3
Your new housekeeper told me she wants a raise...
Well, fuck me in the ass with a spikey rainbow dildo while running backwards in a rainstorm with wild rabid chimpanzees nipping at my testicles...

 

by Brady
7-19-04
Excuse me, but my room is hardly satisfactory.
Excuse me...EAT ME!
Entschuldigung bitte aber das Essen hier ist nicht so gut. Ich habe gehabt viel besser Essen zum McDonald's!
Entschuldigung bitte...ISS MICH!
Bonjour! Pourrais-je vous dire quelquechose? Ma chambre a des grands insectes. Pouvez-vous téléphoner l'homme d'Orkin?
Excusez-moi...MANGEZ-MOI!

 

by Brady
7-28-04
Yes, my child?
Father, forgive me for I have sinned...I've never confessed before...
Oh, a first timer, huh?
What is it with you people and vigins?!
Excuse me?
I WANT A FEMALE PRIEST! WOMEN UNDERSTAND THE GAYS BETTER!! WHERE THE HELL IS SINÉAD O'CONNER WHEN YOU NEED HER?!?!

 

by Brady
8-01-04
Renée, hon, what is this place?
It's the new lobby of the hotel. I had it redecorated. Do you like?
What is it supposed to be?
More gay friendly, of course!
How could we get more gay friendly with "on-demand" Madonna, Cher, and dance albums in every room?!
You tell me! You're the one wearing those "day of the week" underwear...

 

by Brady
8-03-04
RIP!
SLIP!
BRUSH!
No...
What?! Why?!
I hate mint...

 

by Brady
8-04-04
And I was lying naked on my bed when the housekeeper walked in.
Sir, it is hotel policy for the housekeepers to call "Housekeeping!" before they fully enter the room.
I know, but I didn't hear it because I was still asleep. Then I was aroused by her.
Don't you mean 'roused'? The two words have VERY different meanings.
What's the difference?
Well...you see...they both mean to get up...OK, I see your point...

 

by Brady
8-04-04
Brady, why the hell did you bring me to a farm?
Well, I know that you were feeling a little depressed. I thought this would cheer you up!
Oh yes, this does the trick! I loved leaving my nice five-star hotel to come to a place that has no concept of indoor plumbing in any sense of the term.
Admit it! There has to be at least ONE thing you've liked so far!
Hmm...I guess I liked milking the cow before breakfast this morning...
Tities...how did I miss it?...I should have taken you to a strip joint...probably would've been cheaper...

 

by Brady
8-26-04
...so, what you're telling me is you're *hiccup* gay?
I don't think I can get any more specific than flaming homo...
I don't *hiccup* believe you!
Umm, why would I lie about something like that?
Then prove it...*hiccup*
Proof, huh? OK...9 Cher CDs, 9 Céline Dion CDs, 13 Madonna CDs, that's not counting Tina Turner, Britney and Christina, Whitney, Janet, or Geri...need I go on?

 

by Brady
11-15-04
DaGmAr Da MiGhTy: Whatcha doin'?
pimordialevil: Applying for Canadian citizenship.
DaGmAr Da MiGhTy: OMG!!! ME TOO!!! lol!!
primordialevil: lol!!! So you hate Bush too, right?
DaGmAr Da MiGhTy: Of course!! What do I put down if I haven't graduated high school yet?

 

by Brady
6-05-05
It's now time to retire this comic.
You mean, we're not going to be managers of l'Hôtel Branée anymore?
Of course! It just means that Brady won't be putting us in funny situations anymore.
THANK GOD!! Those dumbass situations he put us in were really starting to piss me off!
What? I thought they were kind of funny.
Yeah, you would...

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