All comics by Chi_The_Cynic

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by Chi_The_Cynic
9-22-03

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
9-23-03
A demonstration of the old adage concerning German humour
Hey, Gabe, tell me that joke again, but say it German! I bet it won't be funny when you do!
*narfnarf*
das MÃœSSEN einfach wahnvorstellungen sein ...
hallo ? *narfnarf* uNnAmED ? *narfnarf*

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
9-24-03
Hey, Iain Duncan Smith won the leadership for the Conservative Party!
That's great news!
Did you know him?
No.
Me either.
Let's go have a taco.

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
9-29-03
In a world not unlike our own...
Welcome to McKaufman's, the finest burgers this side of the border, please pardon the puns, and may I take your order?
I'll have an absinth mate, if you've got any to spare, as you can see I'm in a bit of a state, for all I have below is my underwear
Two men baffle over a mystery of devastating proportions...
How did you manage to lose your trousers?
A series of unlikely explanations...
In a quest that goes beyond the stars!
That was one hell of a night out... I wonder if boorite'll be wanting his trousers back? They're quite a snug fit...
No, I don't know how I got here either

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
9-30-03
..and so then Uncky Rehnquist tells me I did win after all! How 'bout dat, Uncky Dick?
Jus' you remember all those promises you made, ma' boy
I am Raiden, God of Thunder! Please excuse my inappropriate French accent and alarming squint!
It says here dat I promised you dominion over all the peoples of Earth... I really dun' remember sayin' dat, Mr. Raiden, sir
FATALITY!
DOWN FORWARD LEFT PUNCH!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
9-30-03
Are you aware what day it is today?
You know, Emily, humans have a saying about us
Save it, Bill
But don't you want to know what they say?
You've forgotten our anniversary again, haven't you?
Yes.

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
10-03-03
Finally! A character who properly represents a philosopher!
Yeah, this is great - just think of all the possibilities!
...
...
So, uh, know any good philosophy jokes?
Nope.

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
10-03-03
Ohboyohboyohboy! It's Captain America!!!
I've been spotted! Ok, act cool... act cool... he's just a comicbook geek...
So, tell me, Captain, what evils are you fighting today?
"Captain"?
Another busy day of foiling villainish plans, I'll bet!
Listen kid, I've got 20kg of explosives strapped to my waist and I'm about to take out the President - beat it!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
10-07-03
So, if you have any questions, just ask
Hmm...
Do you wish you were sentient?
I've always wanted to try that

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
10-07-03
Hey, wanna hear a joke I heard?
Alright
Why did the dwarf cross the road?
Hmmn...
I don't remember... but hey, do you wanna hear a joke I heard instead?
Bloody amnesiac clowns...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
10-16-03
Mr. Duncan Smith, how do you explain the terrible image our party has gained in the past few years?
I'll tell you how, it's all YOUR FAULT!
I'm sorry, I don't follow you there
Tory activists! You disgust voters with your prattle!
But, without us you'd have no support at all!
Lalalala not listening lalalalala

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
10-16-03
We must zoom across The Void
Only enlightenment will give us power to see things as with x-ray vision
Have you got any idea what those two are blathering on about?
Three comic panels, two Buddhist monks, and a punk kid who talks to kiwis!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
10-17-03
*click*
zzzzzzzzzzzz...
Hey, what were you doing sleeping in my room?
This is MY room. What are you doing in here?
Jes, man, have you started drinking absinthe again?
I... I tried so hard... are you the green fairy?

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
10-24-03
Oh man, are you really going to the fancy dress party dressed like that?
The whole "dresses in black, wields a soul destroying scythe" routine is so Dark Ages, you know? Who do you think you are, Death himself?
Irony is what makes my job worthwhile

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
10-28-03
I was bored today, so I thought I'd perform a miracle
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't care if you are the Lord God's representative on Earth, speeding is an offence! There's clearly more life in that Popemobile than you let on

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
10-28-03
At the Claymation Hamlet auditions...
We're looking for a gentle portrayal of Hamlet in this act, Melvin - take your time and give it your best shot
BwahahAHAHAHA! I've killed Polonius! And it feels so GREAT! Bring it on baby yeah! Woo! King of Denmark, here I come! hdb!
Get out.
Talk to the hand, man, 'cos the face ain't listenin!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
11-05-03
Let me get this straight, you're offering me an unconditional truce?
Yes. Our bitter power struggle that has raged for eons must end.
What assurance do I have that you're telling the truth?
You have my word, or my name isn't the Father of Lies!
Ok, so maybe that wasn't the best way of putting it...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
11-12-03
I've loved you ever since the moment you stabbed me in the butt with your syringe, Kate Beckinsale! Let's stay together forever and ever
Well hello there, Ben Affleck!
Mr. Affleck is missing, presumed dead. Also, the Japanese are bombing Pearl Harbour, so you might want to take cover
Oh damn this war! I'll never love again *sniff*
I've loved you ever since my best friend introduced me to you, Kate Beckinsale! Let's stay together forever and ever
Well hello there, Josh Hartnett!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
11-12-03
I am Daredevil! My super power is being able to see slightly better than other blind people
I am Elektra! I have no super powers and no real purpose in this movie whatsoever!
By day, I am a lawyer with morals who accepts vegetables in place of his legal fee
I have no alter ego... I'm not really a super hero at all, actually
I save the day by not killing the crime boss responsible for killing my father. This makes me the better person.
I die a horrible death, but will probably be resurrected in the inevitable sequel that nobody wants

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
11-12-03
I'm George, I travel from ranch to ranch with my big dumb friend Lennie
Stop that, Lennie, you're hurting me! *DIES*
You so pwetty, Curley's Wife
Another fine mess you've gotten us into, Lennie
I like da wabbits

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
11-13-03
RAAA!
Grrr
Snarl!
Argh!
Zounds!
Roar!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
11-15-03
In the beginning was the word...
Banana!
...the word became flesh...
I shall call it Spanky
...and was duly eaten.
Alas, poor Spanky, I knew him well. But not THAT well *chomp*
Good work, my evil minion, that puts me and God on a par with Palace and Preston North End - one all!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
12-01-03
Cwm fjord-bank glyphs vext quiz!
What kind of music is this, Tony?
Why Gordon, I think it's called umfunk kramerap, famed the world over for its cunning use of pangrams
Since when was the UK Prime Minister a musical expert?
At weekends my name is Annie Lennox
That's nice, Tony... now answer the question

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
12-01-03
The President is... unavailable! He sent me to speak on his behalf
America's new foreign policy is: War with France! Camembert, croissants, garlic and Jean-Paul Gaultier are the new axis of evil! There will be no mercy.
Meanwhile...
Well, looking on the bright side, Mr. President, your ratings have just gone up by 45%

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
12-03-03
Amidst the chaos, we go live now to Stripcreatoria's leader, Brad
So what do you make of all this, Brad?
It's probably a missing semicolon in the PHP coding, I'll figure it out once I get through all the crap in my inbox
HEER IS MAH 1337 ARTWROK IT IS TEH SEXX0R! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Badly drawn penises do not a good SC character make *delete*
...so I won't be using your submitted artwork. Sincerely, Brad
BRAD IS TEH SUCK!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
12-03-03
By chance, the PHP source code error succeeded in switching the "prison1" and "laboratory" backgrounds over
I AM FREED FROM MY BONDS! STRIPCREATORIA WILL BE MINE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Enter Dr. Pedantic
Stop talking in all caps! It's poor netiquette and it makes you sound like you're shouting all the time
I AM SHOTUING ALL THE TIME!!!!11
With the first casualty of war, Stripcreatoria turns its eyes to Brad, for only he can save them from the n00b's reign of terror
BWAHAHAHAHA!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
12-03-03
The war moves to the Forums
None shall pass! Donors only past this point!
BUT I AM ONYL 12 I HAVE NO MONEY!
Another source code glitch swaps the characters' positions and n00b gains admittance, only to come face-to-face with...
HAHAHAHA!
What the...?
Kajun_Firefly!
What the shag are you doing in here?
HE SAID SHAG!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
12-03-03
Meanwhile
;
When I hit 'Refresh' your usurping days will be over
BUT WHAT WILL I DO THEN? I HAVE NO FREINDS!!! DON'T SEND ME AWAAAAaaayyyy-y-y-y...y.....y.....
And as a parting shot, Brad took out pc1-1 for good measure
OMG! ROFL!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
12-13-03
On the train to London...
Ahem. You do realise this is First Class, don't you?
Yes.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I didn't mean to imply that, err, well that you, err... it's terrible weather we're having, isn't it?
Sod the fine, I'm staying here now, just to make that guy squirm

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
12-13-03
Darling, this top is fabulous! What do you think of it?
It's... pink... nothing that special about it, really
Look at the price tag, though! It usually retails at £595, but in this sale it's only £400!
How does that make it a better top than any other?
Oh, you just don't understand women's fashion!
I think I understand it well enough...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
12-22-03
Ya got yer Chrismuz shoppin' done yet?
Nah, I darn't burleev in Chrismuz
Woss dere ta burleev in? Juss n'excoos ta git pissed, innit?
Dat's where you is wrong! Chrismuz is abaart dis geezer, roight? Ya know wot Chrismuz celerbrates?
Nah?
It's the celerbration of dis bloke gettin' nailed to a cross! Brutal, innit?

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
12-22-03
Hello, Bill. As you know, it's traditional at this time of year to hold an office party...
...and I was just wondering if you'd consider dressing up for the occasion as everybody's favourite Christmas charac-
Listen, I know what you're going to say, and the answer is no, I wouldn't.
But you look just right for-
NO!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
12-23-03
Christmas is so commercial these days
Yes, you are so right, Barnaby
All it teaches the next generation is the value of material wealth and the joys of capitalist society
It's a poor model upon which to base our moral system, totally perverted by shameless corporate greed
Another Rasperry Mocha Ice Cream Whip Frappuccino, Ermintrude?
Ooh, yes and get me a caesar salad ciabatta with extra cheese too, would you Barnaby?

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
1-05-04
Huntingdon Life Science labs kill animals and humans! Put an end to the murder now! Sign our petition!
Actually, by obstructing much needed research into fatal diseases and standing in the way of progress, you are the ones inadvertantly killing humans
HUNTINGDON LIFE SCIENCE LABS KILL ANIMALS AND HUMANS! PUT AN END TO THE MURDER NOW! SIGN OUR PETITION!
*sigh*

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
1-06-04
Welcome to another exciting display of wits and knowledge... it's Gamecountshowdown! Let's meet the contestants!
Shirley is a housewife and mum of three from Essex, and she'll be up against Jon, a student from Surrey...
Crap! I'm up against a student?! I've got no chance!
...studying Art, Media Studies and Sports Sciences
Actually, on second thoughts...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
1-06-04

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
1-06-04

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
1-07-04
My rook is safe, because if he takes it with his bishop, I'll take his bishop
I don't want to take his bishop because that'll ruin my plan, but the threat is sufficient to protect my rook
Bishop takes Rook.

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
2-02-04
Crap! I've left my bag on that train.
In the Lost Luggage office...
Please fill out this form, sir
Ok, and when will I be likely to hear from you regarding my lost bag?
You want the bag, you make the phone call. What do you think this is, a public service?
Err... yes, I did think that, this being a public transport rail station and all...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
2-02-04
Well, it's been two days now, I'd best give them a call
*dialling*
...
*dialling*
We are sorry, the number you have dialled no longer exists, or has been disconnected

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
2-02-04
I seriously doubt this is going to work, but what the hell, I'll try sending them an e-mail
Several days later
Your bag has still not turned up. Please stop leaving voice messages on our answerphone, we had to disconnect the phone line because you filled up our tape...
Hehe...
...why don't you try calling King's Cross station?
Silly me for thinking perhaps that was your job...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
2-23-04
Philosophy is a pass time which eludes the vast majority of the public. It brings us to the enlightened stage of wondering about life's greatest questions
Only a skilled mind free of all prejudice and interference can truly frame those questions and seek their answers in the world around them
Saturday Night, Wetherspoons, chucking out time
'Ere, you're a filosophophoph... woss it all about, then? I mean, really [hic!]

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
2-23-04
Professional philosophers are above the petty concerns of day-to-day life
Theirs is a life of humility and peace, freed from the stresses of mundane routine and institutionalised drudgery
Not only was your Nietzsche essay late by 23 minutes, but you used a font that was one size too large and margins that were 3mm too wide!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
3-03-04
Voter turn out was really bad at the student union elections last year... but how do we get students to vote for something that has no impact on their lives and only serves to bolster our CVs?
Well, when you put it like that...
Hey, I know! How about free beer for everyone who turns up to vote?
Yeah, that'd work! I mean, it beats trying to convince them that these elections mean anything, right?
It's, err, not bribery, is it?
Course not - I mean, we're not telling them who to vote for...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
3-16-04
Got any spare change, guv?
How is my money ever 'spare'?
Do you have a spare moment to fill out our questionnaire, sir?
No, because if I had a spare moment I wouldn't be engaged in doing my shopping, would I?
I guess you could say that, all in all, you've been driven pretty sp-
Stop! Stop right there...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
3-21-04
...buffet service to be found in carriage A...
Why are all those people standing up in the other carriage when there are plenty of seats in here?
...the smoker's carriage for this journey will be carriage B...
...we hope you enjoy your journey.
Crap.

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
3-22-04
Your o2 Online Bill for this month is £20.68 and will be debited directly from your bank account.
10 minutes later...
Your o2 Online Bill for this month is £20.68 and will be debited directly from your bank account.
That's a deja-vu I can't afford.

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
3-22-04
Dear o2: why did you bill me twice in the same month? I trust this is just a clerical error on your part and will incur no financial difficulties for me. Sincerely, Chi
I know they'll send me an automated response, but you never know, it might be relevant...
1 minute later...
Having trouble accessing our website? Why don't you try the following!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
3-22-04
Hello, I'd like to send this letter first class, please
It looks important, sir - wouldn't you rather send it recorded delivery?
You mean pay extra to make sure that the Post Office does the job it's supposed to do anyway?
Err...
*sigh* Yes, go on, send it recorded delivery...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
3-22-04
Ok, next on the list... yoghurt
Here we go, natural yoghurt - and it's on special offer, too
No no, not that one - I want the low fat yoghurt
But... it's more expensive
Yes, because it's low fat!
So, you pay more for something that contains less? Go figure...

Showing page 3.

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