All comics by Pandeist

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....or else I will stab you with my hair, which has been hardened into a mighty ax blade.
by Pandeist, 5-04-15

 

Let me just check my Geico app to see where my insurance stands....
I'm not sure about doing business with an insurance company that would issue a policy to a pig.... Plus, you seem to need to check your claim status a lot. Crash much?
by Pandeist, 5-21-15

 

by Pandeist
6-18-15
Look, I'm sorry my son got gum in your daughter's hair and she had to get it cut....
CUM!! IT WASN'T GUM, MRS. PEWTERSCHMIDT IT WAS CUM!!

 

You forgot about Dre, motherfucker!!
by Pandeist, 7-02-15

 

by Pandeist
7-09-15
Don't you know it is a sin to draw the Prophet Muhammad!! You draw Muhammad, I keeeel you!!
Ah!! But not if you draw the Prophet Muhammad wearing a disguise!!
I am the Prophet Muhammad!! PBUM!! Shhhh, keep it on the downlow.... by the way, do you know where I can find any nice nine-year-old girls to marry?

 

by Pandeist
7-25-15
I can't believe you guys want 15 bucks just to get me a burger and fries! When I was your age, they paid me only FOUR bucks an hour and I was greatful for it!
Ma'am, I'm 19 years old, have three kids at home, one with autism, and going to college to get my degree. I have no family. I can barely support myself, let alone my three kids.
Three kids by age 19.... you must've got pregnant the first time at.... 15? 16? And you didn't learn to use a condom after the first one?
I like the feel of semen.

 

by Pandeist
7-25-15
Google DeepDream peeks into the bizarre mind of Google's search engine's Artificial Intelligence Neural Network.
Simply plug in a picture and the AI will try to find familiar forms in it, transforming subtle picture elements into many-eyed dogs, squirming slugs and beady birds.
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHAT!?!?
It's how I met my boyfriend here. A great place to try is https://dreamscopeapp.com/
Just load up a pic and pick a pattern for the AI to seek. The craziest ones, IMHO, come from the patterns "Trippy," "Botanical Dimensions," and "Self Transforming Machine Elves."

 

by Pandeist
7-26-15
I'm the new CEO here, and I mean business!! I'm cracking down on employees looking unprofessional. Hey, you there, what's your weekly salary?
About $400
Well here's $800 cash -- consider that your two week severance pay. Now get out and don't come back!!
Groovy!!
What a whacko. What was that loser's job, anyway?
He was just here to deliver a pizza.

 

For real, tho....
Hey Ronda Rousey, I heard you just signed up to star in a remake of--
ROAD HOUSE!!
by Pandeist, 9-09-15

 

Halo effect.
Look, I have a halo!! I am a toilet-bowl angel!!
Welp, can't argue with that....
by Pandeist, 9-11-15

 

Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins, the fattest little hobbit around.....
by Pandeist, 9-21-15

 

by Pandeist
11-02-15
If you combine Newton's Third Law of Physics....
....with Rule 34 of the Internet....
....you discover that....
Every action has an equal and opposite masturbation!!

 

Ain't no mountain hiiiiiiiigh enough.... Ain't no river wiiiiiiiiide enough.... Ain't no vagina deeeeep enough....
by Pandeist, 11-03-15

 

Which do you do in your spare time? *eat apples ....... *swim ............. *sleep ............ *brush your hair *freeze shit ... *save China
by Pandeist, 11-29-15

 

by Pandeist
12-01-15
Nnnnnfff!!
MMMMM ohhhhyeah ohhhhyeah!!
Five dollah to be lookout foh five minute -- easiest money I evah make.
Ohgodogodogod!!

 

This was a random comic layout.
by Pandeist, 12-01-15

 

I AM DONALD TRUMP I WILL BE PRESIDENT!!
Not if I, Ted Cruz, can beat you. Unless I can't. In which case I will be Vice President!!
by Pandeist, 12-01-15

 

Still alive, motherfuckers!!
by Pandeist, 12-01-15

 

by Pandeist
12-28-15
We have the results.... and God, you.... are NOT the father!!
HA!! I KNEW IT!!
IN YOUR FACE, CROSS-BOY!!
Eh, you were a shitty dad anyway. I'm glad to be rid of your sorry ass.

 

Abe Vigoda (1921-2016)
by Pandeist, 1-26-16

 

by Pandeist
2-14-16
The doctrine of transubstantiation....
So let me get this straight -- when I drink the wine, it becomes your blood? And the cracker becomes your flesh?
Don't look so worried, I'm free-range, organic, and GMO-free.
But you're right here -- why would I drink wine and eat a cracker when I could just shish-kebob you in the broiler, with a nice honey glaze?
Hmmmm.... I hadn't thought of that. Okay, let's try it!!
Oh yeah. I'm slow-roasting real good now. My flesh is gonna taste fantastic!!

 

by Pandeist
2-14-16
I was gonna write something inviting people to support the Kickstarter for the book I'm editing.... >>>>>>>>>>>>> Pandeism: An Anthology <<<<<<<<<<<<<
But I got super busy with the effort, and I ended up spending so much time on it that....
....well, the Kickstarter succeeded without my ever mentioning anything about it here.
We raised $2,551 ($101 more than our goal) from 100 backers, and we received 73 pre-orders of the book through it!!
So, apologies to anybody who would've wanted to support our anthology or receive any of the rewards made available to our donors....
....but Pandeism: An Anthology will be available in bookstores and on Amazon.com come September 2016!! Blessings, all!!

 

My balls itch. Really bad.
by Pandeist, 2-16-16

 

by Pandeist
4-03-16
We've been driving for hours now -- I need a bathroom break.
There's a stop just up the road.
According to the manager, there's only one urinal, and it's broken.
Well I really need to go. Tell him I'll fix it myself. I have some carpentry tools in the trunk.... carpentry, plumbing, what's the difference.
Not only didn't you fix it, you actually made it much worse. So I guess.... "Urinal" lotta trouble. Get it? Hahahaha!!
I can't feel my fazz brrpll flshizjhfsj....

 

How many fuckfaces does it take to read this comic strip?
Answer: Just you.
by Pandeist, 4-03-16

 

by Pandeist
4-03-16
Pandeism!!
Pandeism!!
Pandeism!!
Pandeism!!
Pandeism, groovy!!
Pandeism?
Pandeism!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Pandeism!!
Pandeism!!

 

Hmmmm.... well that's kind of a giveaway isn't it. See you Saturday!!
by Pandeist, 4-06-16

 

by Pandeist
4-16-16
"Identifying evolution as a grand software system development raises human questions, such as ‘who made the specifications?’, ‘who developed the code’ and ‘who runs the system’?"
From Walter Hehl, A General World Model with Poїesis: Popper’s ‘Three Worlds’ updated with Software. 2016.
"This evokes new philosophical, religious and human versions of panpsychism, pantheism, panentheism, respectively panendeism and pandeism."

 

by Pandeist
5-04-16
Oh man, I drank too much. I think I'm gonna vomit.
Could be worse. You could have diarrhea.
What the fuck? Vomiting is WAY worse than diarrhea.
Wrong, man, vomit totally trumps diarrhea!!
And so the conversation inevitably turns to politics.
DIARRHEA TRUMPS VOMIT!!
VOMIT TRUMPS DIARRHEA!!

 

by Pandeist
5-22-16
You wouldn't believe what just happened to me.
Did it involve a transgender midget, the Second Coming of Christ, and Tom Cruise admitting he's gay?
Actually.... yeah.
I KNEW it!!

 

by Pandeist
5-28-16
Grandma, I'm jealous that my big sister gets whatever she wants from boys just by opening her legs.
Oh, it's nice for her now, but she'll find she has a very big drop ahead of her.
How do you know that?
Oh, I once was hot. I mean I was a fox. A real head-turner. A stone ten. Smokin'.
Wow, that's hard to believe!!
Once.... wassss.... hotttt....

 

by Pandeist
6-03-16
You won't believe what just happened to me!!
I was writing up an entry for a comic contest when....
Wait a minute -- this is the cure for butt cancer!!

 

by Pandeist
6-04-16
I'm Governor Gary Johnson, the former Republican Governor of New Mexico, and Libertarian candidate for President of the United States. Now, why might you want to vote for Governor Gary Johnson?
I'm Donald Trump, and if elected, I'll build a wall of nuclear explosions across the entire United States, and I'll make Saudi Arabia pay for it. Mexicans are rapists!! That's a compliment.
I'm Hillary Clinton and I did not have email relations with that server. Benghazi!!
Right, well that question kind of answers itself.

 

by Pandeist
6-09-16
Pandeism!! Pandeism!! Pandeism!!
Pandeism!! Pandeism!! Pandeism!!
Pandeism!! Pandeism!! Pandeism!!
Pandeism!! Pandeism!! Pandeism!!
Pandeism!! Pandeism!! Pandeism!!
Pandeism!! Pandeism!! Pandeism!!
Pandeism!! Pandeism!! Pandeism!!
Pandeism!! Pandeism!! Pandeism!!
Pandeism!! Pandeism!! Pandeism!!

 

'Murica!!
by Pandeist, 6-13-16

 

by Pandeist
6-13-16
And this isn't even all the Stripcreator characters with guns.

 

by Pandeist
6-13-16
I have a curvy one too, wanna see?
I actually feel at a disadvantage in this strip.

 

by Pandeist
6-13-16
Canola oil?
That's right. and a terrycloth towel. Keeps your scythe shiny like new.
Eh, needs a handle, but.... close enough I guess.
I HAS HAMARRR!!
Goddamn bastards wouldn't let me in the guns strip. REVENGE!!!!

 

by Pandeist
6-14-16
Axe fight?
Axe fight.

 

by Pandeist
8-13-16
....any second now....

 

by Pandeist
8-13-16
Hey.
Hey!! I'm glad we have this chance to talk!!
Yeah, about that.... So, you know that old adage that no matter how hot a chick is, there's a guy somewhere who's had it with her shit?
Wait, are you breaking up with me?
Yeah, but we can have some awesome breakup sex first. Hey, what are you--
Recall breakup email.... change Facebook status to single and searching.

 

For me, the strangest thing about this is that I'm wearing pants.
by Pandeist, 8-20-16

 

by Pandeist
8-21-16
Clinton
Why vote for the Left Nut OR the Right Nut, when you can have the Johnson in the Middle?
Trump

 

|
by Pandeist, 8-21-16

 

I'm still dead!!
by Pandeist, 8-21-16

 

by Pandeist
10-12-16
I'm super-Trump!! My super power is.... I like to grab a woman by the pussy!! My pussy-grabbing is huge. It's tremendous, just tremendous!!
Victims begin to come forward....
He grabbed me by the pussy. It was very upsetting.
She's lying, I'd never grab a woman by the pussy!! Where do they get that idea? Oh, and look, I'm standing right behind you!!

 

by Pandeist
10-12-16
Hey Bill Cosby, how can I shut up these women talking about how I grabbed them by the pussy.
Tell them to come upstairs for a script reading, then slip them so many roofies, they forget everything after high school.
But what about the ones who were in high school at the time?
Too late for them, man. Just keep a low profile.

 

by Pandeist
10-14-16
So nervous for the pageant to.... WHAT THE--!?
It's me, Super-Trump!! I own the Miss Junior Teen pageant, so I have the right to grab the puss-- er -- inspect the contestants!!
Go away, Super-Trump -- it's really gross and weird, you bursting into a room of undressed teenage girls.
I'm so creeped out, I thinkI'm going to be sick!!
Nice tits, for a teen. Now I'm going to kiss you right on the mouth, bahaha. Later I'll brag about doing this. And then I'll deny ever doing this. By the way, in a few years, we'll be dating!!
And I'm Super-Trump Junior, here to remind you that you all signed non-disclosure forms. None of this ever happened, or we'll sue you and destroy your lives.

 

Love your planet.... ....
....as if your life depends on it.
by Pandeist, 12-24-16

 

by Pandeist
12-26-16
Carrie Fisher is in stable condition.
Oh, thank goodness! Maybe 2016 isn't such a horrible--
George Michael is dead.

Showing page 3.

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