All comics by The_young_scot

Profile

 

by The_young_scot
3-18-06
I'm fed up of having to say other peoples words, I...I can't take it anymore! I want it to end!
Don't Talk like that John, we all get alittle down sometimes, but don't do anything stupid, ok?
John? Say something man! I can't see you!
JOHN!!!!

 

by The_young_scot
3-23-06
Get your coat
I've got a knife

 

by The_young_scot
3-23-06
Excuse me miss, May I ask you a question?
Sure
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

 

by The_young_scot
3-23-06
Hi, looking for someone?
No, I'm not interested
Rape it is then

 

by The_young_scot
3-23-06
If I said you had a beautiful body
Could I cum on your taint?

 

by The_young_scot
3-24-06
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number
Could I penetrate you with a spoon?

 

by The_young_scot
3-24-06
Excuse me, I'd like to get past you so I can talk to that fine piece of ass over there
Thats my wife
Don't cock block me

 

by The_young_scot
3-24-06
Hey sweet thang
My Rampant Rabbit would very much like to pleasure you
Get bent
Sorry dude, she wasn't interested

 

by The_young_scot
3-24-06
If I could rearrange the alphabet
You don't have to chat me up, I really like you
Sorry, I think I'm gay

 

by The_young_scot
3-27-06
Hey son, enjoy those beans and sausage I made you?
Yeah Dad, it was nice
Yeah, I love those sausages, they just melt in your mouth
They are just the right size too, not too big, not too small

 

by The_young_scot
3-28-06
*sniff* Why did those people call us names?
Could it be that our grotesque image reminds them of their own flaws, and they then focus their self loathing at us?
*sniff* Well.... I suppose...
Or maybe its to do with the fact I dipped my penis into that girls ice cream
I sure love ice cream

 

What time is it John?
3:16
by The_young_scot, 3-29-06

 

by The_young_scot
5-12-06
I've finally started learning how to play bass using only my fingers
You mean without using a plectrum? What's the point in that?
Aww man, fingering is GREAT! You can slap it, pluck it, whatever! And it just feels so good! Here, let me show you!
*gasp*
Notice how I make sure my fingers hit the sweet spot
*thud*

 

by The_young_scot
5-19-06
Hey there angel tits, penny for your thoughts?
*giggle* Ok
How much for a hummer?

 

by The_young_scot
5-31-06
The Past
Hey mum, I just got my HND in, so thats me accepted to university now!
Thats nice son, have you done those dishes yet? Those dishes won't do themself's you know.
The Present
Hey, wanna hear me play the bass line I've been trying to learn for 3 months?
No
The Future?
It would appear that I have suddenly burst into flame
Hey look! Football!

 

by The_young_scot
5-31-06
This happens EVERYTIME
God look at that, the stadiums half empty! It's pathetic! And I don't like the way the grass is cut either!
This game is rubbish! The ref is rubbish! The commentators are rubbish!
Can I change the channel?
No

 

by The_young_scot
6-07-06
Hello, Are you George?
Uh...yeah
Congratulations! Your wife has sent you an Abortion-o-gram!
Do you want me to sing my song?
No

 

by The_young_scot
6-24-06
Hey mum! My exam results came in, I passed! I've got a degree!
Thats nice. Get a job.
Well done son, you're allowed a beer tonight!
I'm 20
Hey sis! My exam results came in, I passed! I've got a degree! ................ Did you just grunt at me?

 

by The_young_scot
7-03-06
*huurrrrkk*
Jamie, are you being sick?
No, I just wanted to air out the contents of my stomach *huurrrrkk*
Do you want me to get the basin
Oh god! What the fuck is that?!? Is that moving?!? *huurrrrkk*
I'll go get the basin

 

by The_young_scot
7-03-06
Apparently I'm half dragon, with the ability to vomit PURE LIQUID FIRE *huurrrrkk*
Oh fuck, I'm not sure what that was, but I'm pretty sure I need it to live
Dad? Are you there? I'd hate to think my wit was going to wa-*huurrrkk* Gah! WHY IS MY VOMIT BLACK?!

 

by The_young_scot
8-26-06
Hey, I'm looking for something that will allow me to connect my xbox to my pc so I can play it online
Sorry, thats impossible.
But you can buy an adaptor, I've seen it in this very shop
Nope, its impossible, you'll just have to buy a new modem
Ok then, how much would a USB and Ethernet modem cost?
Sorry, that doesn't exist

 

by The_young_scot
8-26-06
Whilst purchasing the modem
I don't have any cash on me, do you take credit cards?
Sure, lemme just run it thought the....... hrm, the systems just gone down, which is pretty odd. You'll just have to go get cash or something
Gah! The cash machine isn't working!
This is the third one I've tried, none of them are working today
Hey could you give me cashback? I need some cash
Yeah sure sir, oh wait we just emptied the tills, sorry sir.

 

by The_young_scot
8-26-06
After scraping the money together
And connect!
*Bleep* *Bleep* ERROR
Your modem isn't working, I demand you fix it!
Ok then, just bring it up, but I'm just about to take my lunch hour
One lunch hour later
So what was wrong with it
It's strange, all your setting were set to the exact opposite they were suppost to be, just one of those things I guess

 

by The_young_scot
8-26-06
And connect!
*Beep* *Beep* CONNECTED
And now I can play Xbox Live!
OMG FAG, STOP BEING A N00B!! FAGGOOT!
In the end, I think they were trying to save me
I'MMA FUCK YOU UP BITCHES!!, SHIT YEAH NIGGAS!................. oh shit thats my mum, I gotta take out the trash

 

by The_young_scot
8-27-06
10pm
12am
2am

 

by The_young_scot
9-17-06
Yaarr, I know morale be low, so here's our Admiral to tell us about his latest battle
Thank you Captain
At first the enemy tried to swiftly penetrate our rear
But they couldn't handle our huge cannons unloading on them
However, they rallied together and formed a huge mass of seamen that raced towards us
But we outnumbered them, and swallowed those sailors whole

 

by The_young_scot
9-20-06
Everyones heard of the iPod, the iPod nano and even the video iPod. But now we are proud to present the newest product in the range. the iRan!
The iRan comes with over 636,372 square miles of storage and upgradable nuclear capabilities
To pre-order one, fill out a form at your local army recruitment centre

 

by The_young_scot
9-23-06
I hate having conversations with someone when they are driving
Where am I supposed to look? If I don't look at them, am I being rude? But they have to watch the road, so its like I'm just staring at them
It always bugs me
Sir, you've been here for 45 minutes, buy something or leave

 

by The_young_scot
9-25-06
So spock, what did you find out about our enemy?
Well captain, they appear to be an evolved form of what you might call "The French"
THE FRENCH? Hah! I knew all those years of acting weak was mearly a ruse! FIRE THE PROTON TORPEDOS!
We can't captain, they lured all the men away with a chorus line of female dancers
KHANNN KHANNN!

 

by The_young_scot
11-01-06
Now remember you can't discriminate against anyone’s religious beliefs or say anything racist
But my religious beliefs require me to be racist
So then he broke down and started throwing his shoes at the cleaners
Ach don't feel bad, he actually wants a career in tax, so he doesn't count as human

 

by The_young_scot
11-15-06
So, I heard someone calling you a "Frag doll"? Whats that?
I'm a professional female gamer, I work for Ubisoft. We have a website and everything
Wait a second, you get PAID to play games AND you're a girl?
Yeah, pretty much
You're ugly, right?

 

by The_young_scot
11-15-06
Holy. Fucking. Shit. She's HOT
So let me get this straight. You play games for a living, and you're hot.
Yeah, whats the big deal?
You play games for a living AND you're hot!
*sigh*

 

by The_young_scot
11-15-06
The rules of existance no longer apply! We are free from our earthly shackles!!
Geeks can do well in sports! Athletes will score high in tests! Rap music won't suck!
Cars will unionize and go on strike! Ferrets will form progressive rock bands and never play a gig in your city!
ASPARAGUS WILL RULE US WITH AN IRON FIST FILLED WITH A HEALTHY AMOUNT OF FOLIC ACID!
BWAHAHAHA!
So erm, no chance of a game of splinter cell then?

 

by The_young_scot
11-19-06
I think I might quickly check up and see how Stripcreator is going
You sure thats wise? It seems to be pretty hostitle right now
Oh don't worry, I've got protection
What do you think?
I want to laugh, but I can't stop looking at your hose

 

by The_young_scot
11-24-06
Uggh, my head is killing me, I can hardly open my eyes
Morning tiger, last night was wonderful
Hey thanks, I....uh...can't quite remember anything....
Oh I'm sure once you fully wake up it will come back to you
I....umm....wow...
Oh, by the way, bit of a longshot here but you don't happen to know the cure for AIDS do you? It...erm....might come in handy

 

I think some gay guy just called us lazy
by The_young_scot, 12-01-06

 

by The_young_scot
12-13-06
Everyone gather round, someone has stolen my Christmas present and left a "Ransom Note". That’s a waste of office resources!
Whats the ransom?
One black sock, a pen and a paper airplane. If my gift is not returned soon, I'll be issuing disciplinary action against the entire team.
Haha!
I'm being serious
Fine, I'll go find your Peter Pan Doll

 

by The_young_scot
12-13-06
Is it hot out here or did I just eat my testicles?
I'm sure you didn't! You probably just hallucinated it!
Oh, thanks randomly appearing snowman!
Thats a relief

 

*sigh* I hate this part of my job
by The_young_scot, 12-18-06

 

by The_young_scot
12-31-06
AAAHHH!! JOHN I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER!! I'M GOING TO GIVE BIRTH RIGHT NOW!!
Oh God Susan! Ok! I'll help you! Push as hard as you can!
Do not fear Pregnant Lady! Unassisted childbirth has been practiced throughout the ages!!
AAAAHHHHH!!!
OH JOHN!! I THINK THE PAIN HAS BROKEN MY MIND!!
No hunny.... I saw it too..... I saw it too

 

by The_young_scot
12-31-06
Oh Abdul, I have such strong feelings for you, yet I know not how to express them!
I too have strong feelings for you Haider! What are we to do?
Do not fret my merry men! You two are just Homosexuals! Let me show you what to do!
Oh Joy! Your deeds will not go without reward , strange white demon! I shall tell the tale of your wisdom to many!
Over 2000 years later
And so the lord said unto the people "You must turn the other cheek"

 

by The_young_scot
1-01-07
Right, I've got to go pick up sally, but man my chest feels tight, and my left arm is killing me
YOU'RE HAVING A HEART ATTACK!!!
AAAAHHHHH!!!
I'm sorry Sally, Your Daddy is dead
*Sniff*....Daddy....

 

by The_young_scot
1-10-07
Jesus Christ!! I'm in Heaven!!
Yes? You called?
Oh, erm, no.... Sorry. I was just surprised that's all.
Oh, I see. Thought you'd just use my name in vain. In Heaven
God damn it! Do you have any idea how Ignorant that is?
Yes? You called?

 

by The_young_scot
1-13-07
Setting up my sisters new Laptop
In order to set up this modem, you must read the instructions using Adobe Acrobat
Hrm, don't seem to have that program installed
If you need to install Adobe Acrobat please follow this link to download it
But I can't get on the internet. That's why I'm installing this modem
Sucks to be you
This is proof that there is a God. And that he hates me

 

by The_young_scot
2-03-07
Lisa! Thank god you're safe!
Josh! What the hell is going on!? What is killing everyone?!
I have no Idea, whatever is killing these people can move like nothing I've seen before. Lock yourself in here, I'm going to end this.
Josh no!
Oh God! I hope he's gonna be ok

 

by The_young_scot
2-09-07
I've never been able to tell if you're drunk, you just have one of those faces
We just met at this party, and fuck you
I suppose technically it would be great if we hooked up, but I just don't find you attractive, sorry
Are women just lining up to reject me? I never even asked you out!
I think you should quit your job and go work in gay bars across America
I... but... what?

 

by The_young_scot
2-09-07
Oh Barry, I miss you so much! If you could only give me a sign so that I know that you can hear me!
BOO!
YEEEAAAAAAARRGG!!
I'm so sorry Sally, your mother died of shock
*Sniff* ...Mummy....

 

by The_young_scot
3-13-07
There once was a fellow called Billy.... Who couldn't stop touching his willy....
So he smoked lots of crack.............. And launched an attack................. Then boned some poor cunt silly
Ach! Now all I can think about is playing with my shlong
I should never have let you write your own wedding vows

 

by The_young_scot
3-14-07
You join me at a moment of weakness
Please enter your billing address and credit card details
I can't believe I'm doing this
Please choose the length of your subscription
I just can't help myself
Congratulations! Your World of Warcraft account has been created!
What have I done?

 

by The_young_scot
3-21-07
Hey there, It's kinda dangerous around here, want to team up?
RARR ! IF YOU WANT!!
Cor N'hole joined your group
Uhh, ok. What kind of name is Cor N'hole?
RAAR! NEVER MIND! LOOK BEHIND YOU!!
What? I don't see anythi-HEY! GET OFF OF ME!
/buttsex

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