All comics by callie_chan

Profile

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
You know, I think BDD is getting obsessed with you.
What makes you say that?
Oh, the four or five comics he's dedicated to you with that message hidden in it. And when I say hidden, I mean hidden as in hiding an elephant under a tissue.
Well, what do you want me to do about it?
Stop making comics about him, perhaps? It's unhealthy to feed obsessions.
Oh, how selfish of me. Let's do everything YOU want to do.

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
You knew it was going to happen sooner or later. BDD & Calli in a strip together!
Why are you in my strip?
Why did you put me here?
Now that that's over with, who wants lunch?

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
You know, I have no idea what BDD stands for. Nor am I sure I want to.

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
Well, it's just about that time.
If it's your time of the month, I don't even want to hear about it.
No, if it were my time of the month I would be gnawing on your head right now. It's about time that we do the whole cliched go-on-a-quest strip series.
You know, I liked you so much better before you finished that sentence.
So......what should we quest for?
A punchline would be nice.

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
Hey, we can quest for what BDD stands for!
Even assuming that's a legitimate quest, why would we care enough to go questing for it?
Think about it! Acronyms are powerful things! If we find out what BDD means, we could RULE THE WORLD!
As unbelievable as that sounds, world conquest opportunities always appeal to me. When do we leave?
Well, first we need to find cannon fodder--er, companions.
Nice save there.

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
Kieki interviews cannon fodder--shit, I did it again!--COMPANIONS for the quest.
What can you contribute to the quest?
This taser of d00m, with which I will fry you unless I get a share of your dominion over the world when this shitty quest is over.
Whaddaya know, we've got a spot open. You're in. Now, what can you contribute to the quest?
Unresolved sexual tension! I've got enough for everybody! Plus, I can make sandwiches!
Sandwiches are good. You're in. Now, what can you......okay, look, just get out.
Why are you so cruel to me?

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
What can you contri--hey, wait just a damned minute, you're BDD.
The one & only! Can I be in the Fellowship Of The...Thing?
Well, I really don't know.
But I'm a shoo-in! I can tell you flat out what BDD stands for!
Yeah, but can you make sandwiches?
But...but...shit, you got me there.

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
The quest begins! And it's not nearly as exciting a LOTR ripoff as Calli would like you to think.
Okay, Calli, we've been walking for days in one direction just because you thought you saw a clam. Call me wacky, but I'd like some clue as to where the hell we're going.
We're heading to that ominous-looking mountain of fire way off there in the distance.
And why the HELL do we want to go to a burning mountain? I may have forgotten to mention this to you, but I char easily when exposed to, you know, huge leaping flames.
Because OBVIOUSLY someone evil will have taken up residence at a mountain like that. Someone who speaks in dead languages & inspires more fear than death itself. He'll know what BDD stands for!
Or, you know, he could pull the flesh from our bones & pick his teeth with our femurs. Whichever's easier.
What do you think we have cannon fodder for?

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
Having reached the Mountain of Fire & Impending Pain, the Fellowship splits up to look for the residents.
I still say we should've just knocked on the goddamn door.
Well, anyway, this place is nice & dark & foreboding. Perfect setting for a heroine like myself to become a hapless victim. Well, that ain't happening to ME. No SIR.
Let's see, you'd be the inhabitant of this mountain who rips living flesh from bone & inspires more fear than death itself, yes? And me without my sacred pentacle.
Life's rough all over.

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
No, really, nothing kinky going on here...
Dammit, Kieki, you're interrupting something really important!
Cry me a river. Anyway, we can leave now.
Oh, you found out what BDD means?
That, & a couple other things. Like, say, the lost language of Shub-Niggorath, Black Goat Of A Thousand Young.

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
So, now that we're out of there...tell me what BDD means! World domination, here we come!
It's the guy's initials.
Funny, I thought world domination would feel more satisfying than this.
Hey, this goddamn quest was YOUR idea.

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
After the Fellowship Of The...Thing dissolved, Del-me went on to molest quite a number of people.
Well, mostly Calli. The others were for posterity.
Calli & Kieki went back to their pointless witty(?) banter.
What are we going to do tomorrow night?
I'd still like a punchline in one of these strips. Just for a change of pace.
And Arien went on to conquer the world by himself.
All your base are belong to ME. Whores.

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
ALRIGHT ALREADY! I can take a hint!
A hint, Derumi--usually she gets hints better if they're pointy. And sharp.

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
Acceptance is the first step to treatment, BDD.
Yes.

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
T.A.T.U.
o/~ Ya soshla s uma/Mne nuzha ona/Ya soshla s uma/Mne nuzha ona o/~
o/~ Ya soshla s uma o/~
Ya Soshla S Uma
o/~ Menya polnostyu net/Absolyutno vser'ez/Situastsiya help/Situastsiya SOS o/~
o/~ Ya sebya ne pojmu/Ty otkuda vzyalas/Pochemu, pochemu?/Na tebya povelas o/~
Go Russian lesbians!
o/~ Vyklyuchaestsya svet/Ya keuda - to lechu/Bez tebya menya net/Nichego ne khogu/Eto medlennyj yad/Eto svodit s uma/A oni govoryat - vinovata sama o/~
o/~ Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma/Mne nuzha ona, mne nuzha ona/Ya soshla s uma, ya soshla s uma/Mne nuzha ona, mne nuzha ona o/~

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
BDD & Calli -really- need lives...
Hit...on...Calli...
Uh...BDD, what in the hell are you doing in my house?
Hit...on...Calli...
....Why are you talking like that?
Hit...on...Calli...
Oh, gods, it's Captain Kirk! Jesus, I thought you were dead.

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
Since you sound like a computer program on crack, I'll assume you're not BDD. So then...who are you, & what are you doing here? And who sent you?
Hit...on...Calli...
Hit...on...Calli...
Whoever they were, they neglected to detail who this Calli person was, didn't they?
Yeah, they did kinda skip that part.

 

by callie_chan
1-28-03
See over there? That's Calli. Go do whatever it is clones do.
Thanks.
Hit...on...Calli...
I think I'll watch from way over here.
Alright, who are you & why did you just grab my ass?
Hey, sexy.

 

by callie_chan
1-29-03
Calli & Kieki are spectators to BDD's traumitization by his clone's amorous advances.
This is fun, isn't it?
Calli...exactly how old is this popcorn?
Of course, BDD may actually wind up getting pissed off at me for sending his clone to hit on him. But then, he sent the clone after me first, right?
It's moving.
A person with a soul might be feeling a little guilty right now...good thing I don't have one to worry about.
The popcorn is speaking to me in the forgotten tongues of the damned.

 

by callie_chan
1-29-03
Okay, this is starting to get out of hand.
BDD's made so many comics about Calli, I'm surprised he doesn't have her listed on his favorites -twice-.
Actually, maybe he's already tried it...

 

by callie_chan
1-29-03
Default girl #2, we must enlist Kieki to help get BDD & callie_chan together!
LINE!

 

by callie_chan
1-29-03
Kieki!
Man, I -knew- I had one too many Chinese man cakes for lunch...what are you supposed to be?
I'm Default girl #1! I've come to enlist you in the effort to hook up BDD & callie_chan.
Hey, do you know how long I've been trying to hook Calli up? With ANYBODY? I'm not going to mess up her & Del-me, I've worked too hard. Switching horses in mid-stream ain't my thing.
We have naked bish.
Say that again in my good ear.

 

by callie_chan
1-29-03
Hey, Calli, ever think about switching to BDD as your true love?
...& this came out of where now?
Well, see, the default kids are giving me naked bish in return for seducing you to the Dark Side of the Force.
Wow, you know, I can almost see the strings.
Look, just cooperate, alright? I need my bish.
I hope you got paid in advance.

 

by callie_chan
1-29-03
Our plan is perfect! callie_chan will HAVE to fall for BDD now!
Yes!
*tap tap*
Who's there?
...this could be a problem.
Excuse me, but I couldn't help noticing that you two are trying to STEAL CALLI FROM ME FOR YOUR OWN SICK MACHINATIONS.

 

by callie_chan
1-29-03
Yeah, that's right, maddog00, I see you over there! You think you can hide from me, but you CAN'T!

 

by callie_chan
1-29-03
In a brief recap...BDD has been inspiring me to make a great deal of comics over the past few days. And either I'm equally inspiring to him, or he's insanely obsessed with me...kinda hard to tell.
Meanwhile, a zombie has fallen in love with one of my best friends, BDD has been cloned, the default kids are being ass-raped by my romantic interest, & maddog00 has turned out to be a schizophrenic.
This is as good as it gets 'round these parts, folks.
Back up to that zombie thing again?

 

by callie_chan
1-29-03
Do the default kids expect me to be jealous that Del-me ass-raped them?
Hell, Del-me's a tentacle. Ass-raping is what he does. He does it to EVERYBODY.
And anyway, who do you think gave him the idea?
You're so sexy when you're evil.

 

by callie_chan
1-29-03
You two are reeeeeeeeeeeally reaching, aren't you?
Yes.

 

by callie_chan
1-30-03
All your hormones are belong to--hunh?
'Scuse me for interrupting that horribly overused joke & your attempts to seduce my love interest.
Don't you think you should switch to somebody less of a hassle? Somebody, say, humanoid? Take BDD, for example. He has lots of humanoid traits.
Yes, I'm sure he does. But you do realize that you're in MY comic now, don't you?
......is the subtext to that observation along the lines of 'You are now in my comic where I can horribly injure you'?
Yes.

 

by callie_chan
1-30-03
*insert your choice of painful death-causing sound here*
Ow.
Yes.
That takes care of that, then. And BDD? If you're going to insist you don't like me, it looks kinda suspicious that -I- have to foil all the Default kids' plans. Put 'em on a leash or something.
Hit...on...Calli...
...Or, um, not. And thus avoid ass-raping.
I'm glad we've got this all worked out.

 

by callie_chan
1-30-03
Why am I always the gay one?

 

by callie_chan
1-30-03
I'm just glad none of these psychos are showing up in MY strips.

 

by callie_chan
1-30-03
How long is Calli going to drag this out?

 

by callie_chan
1-30-03
How come Arien gets a taser & I don't?

 

by callie_chan
1-30-03
If that Default kid says 'yes' again, it's dead-making time.

 

by callie_chan
1-30-03
We annoyed Arien, didn't we?
Yes.
Well, aren't you two quick on the uptake.
So am I.

 

by callie_chan
1-30-03
Yeah, I see you over there too, BGG! Don't think I don't!

 

by callie_chan
1-30-03
So now there's a BDD & a BGG? If I had a head, it'd be hurting right now.
Hey, don't look at me, I didn't start this party. But anyway, BGG's right. There's a lot of people who are getting complexes because I represent you as a tentacle.
So does that mean I'm getting a makeover? Oh boy. These never go well.
Well, really, you're a tentacle. How can it get worse?
......exactly how is this BETTER?
Well, it's amusing the hell outta ME...

 

by callie_chan
1-30-03
You toasted Default kid #2 TWICE?
Look, if she insists on taking actions that are dangerous to her health, I can't be held responsible.
Say that again, but this time replace the words 'are dangerous to her health' with 'piss me off', & 'can't be held responsible' with 'must kill again'.

 

by callie_chan
1-30-03
This is Calli's 140th comic. Apparently she hit the 100 mark on her Jesus strip. Oh, & incidentally, this comic doesn't exist.

 

by callie_chan
1-30-03
Calli, how can I put this nicely....I just don't IDENTIFY with evil squid demons, if you understand me.
Well, it's a moot point. See, now BGG is complaining that since I put the tentacle character out of a job he may wind up getting molested, & I make it a point to please my readers.
So back you go.
Um, Calli, love? You just put Cthulhu out of a job. Won't he be going after BGG for molesting vengeance?
Either way, I win.

 

by callie_chan
1-31-03
One word, BDD--overkill.

 

by callie_chan
2-02-03
Yo, Calli, did you see? BDD's got a new somebody to obsess over. Some Elaine chick.
Good for him. Now provided she isn't involved with any tentacle monsters, he's set.
So...you aren't jealous?
Why would I be jealous? I already have a love interest, & obsessive fanboys tend to frighten me.
Not even a little bit? Not a smidgen?
Alright, you've got me, I'm insanely jealous of Ellen or whatever. Oh, whatever shall I do. While outwardly it may appear that I'm going off to celebrate, really, inside I'm crying. Trust me on this.

 

by callie_chan
2-02-03
You wanted to see me?
Yes. I want you to stop taking pictures of Hawaiian landscape right now, if not sooner.
Excuse me? Who died & made you Queen Of Everything? Photo is my life. My calling. My -love-. You can't separate us.
Kieki, I live in Ohio. OHIO. And right now it's winter. I know where you live winter equals temperate, but where I live winter equals God having huge snowy orgasms over our entire state.
....if I never hear the phrase 'God having huge snowy orgasms' ever again, I will still saw my own ears off.
Well, if I've got to suffer this shit, I have to bring the pain home to you SOMEHOW.

 

by callie_chan
2-02-03
I DID NOT LIKE CALLIE_CHAN!!!!1
Stop yelling at me! *sob*

 

by callie_chan
2-04-03
"Dammit, Arien, stop that!"
But she needs killing!

 

by callie_chan
2-04-03
Arien, it's way past time I confiscated that taser of yours. You've been abusing your privileges. And don't even TRY to taser ME--this is my comic, remember.
Oh, I remember.
FUCK!
Okay, I bite. Explain to me how this happened.
It's all done with mirrors. Mirrors & the unholy power of Satan.

 

by callie_chan
2-04-03
Look, this is a No Smoking area. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Oh, well, excuse the fuck outta ME!

 

by callie_chan
2-05-03
Hi.
Aaaaaaaagh! It's Cthulhu! Dammit, I KNEW you were going to come wreak your horrible revenge on me!
What are you going to do? Liquify my guts & suck them out through my mouth? Grind my bones for your bread? Eat my living brains? DON'T TORTURE ME WITH THE SUSPENSE!
Actually, I just came to say hi.
Oh. Well, this is awkward.

 

by callie_chan
2-06-03
You know, it's sad. My taser can Puree, Carbonize, Annihilate, & Nuclear Bomb, but it doesn't have an Atomize option. I should get that fixed.
Forget the goddamn taser & run it by me again how I got vaporized when I WRITE THIS SHIT.
I already told you--mirrors & the unholy power of Satan.
Wait just a second! I thought you were a nihilist. Nihilists don't believe in anything, so how can you believe in Satan?
Well, you see, due to the definition of Nihilism, I can't believe in Nihilism either. Hence, Satan.
...I can't decide whether to loathe or emulate you.

Showing page 3.

« Previous Next »