All comics by ladyjdotnet

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by ladyjdotnet
11-01-02
I'm just not in love with him anymore. I spend as much time away from the apartment as possible.
So, why don't you just break up with him and find your own place?
Too exhausting.
Yeah, breakups can be rough on your emotional well-being.
No, I mean physically exhausting. I have a lot of crap and we live in a 5th floor walk-up.

 

by ladyjdotnet
11-04-02
It's just one disappointment after another in my life lately. Mom revoked my car privileges, Dad can't make it to my soccer game, and Fluffy is missing!
When I'm depressed, there are a couple of things I do to cheer myself up. They always work. First of all, say the word "festoons".
Festoons?
Yep. It's a proven fact that you can't remain depressed after saying "festoons".
Festoons! Heh, you're right. I do feel a little bit better. What's the other thing you do?
Oh, right. That. I torture and kill a neighborhood cat. Tremendous release! You should try it.

 

by ladyjdotnet
11-04-02
I've come up with a great plan. I'm going to get paid for NOT working, and I'm going to get all kinds of groovy drugs for free.
Oh? How are you going to manage that?
Well, I'm going to hammer this nail into my head, and then act like it happened at work. Then I'll collect disability and lots of pain killers!
Sounds good to me...
...but don't you telecommute?

 

by ladyjdotnet
11-06-02
I'm stuck at home with a back injury. I've watched all my movies, the percoset makes me too drowsy to read or study, and I'm starting to go stir crazy.
I'm going to sit here at the keyboard until I come up with some ideas for comics.
Right after I go look in the fridge to see if anything new has shown up in the last half-hour.

 

by ladyjdotnet
11-06-02
200 years from now, in the Stripcreator Graveyard...
There's an interesting tombstone. The writing is too eroded to read, though. What does the book say?
It's the grave of ladyjdotnet. The book has her epitaph...
"Sitting at my keyboard, creating mostly schlock, yours truly met her grisly end, crushed by writer's block."
That's deep. Well, we're still going to dig her up and sell her remains on ebay. Let's get cracking.
It's true. People are really only truly appreciated after they're dead.

 

by ladyjdotnet
11-06-02
Stripcreator remembers bongo...
His surprised look was always my favorite. He taught me what I know about being a chicken.
In the land of the non-eared, the one-eared bunny is king. Rest well, King bongo.
He was truly a small woodland creature's small woodland creature. A real mensch.
He always had a fiver for me when I needed it. *weep*
I only know one thing about bongo, but of this I'm certain. Bongo did not, under any circumstances, suck dick.
...and that's REALLY why he's no longer in the line-up.

 

by ladyjdotnet
11-06-02
Have you figured out what kind of nasty demon we're after this time? I've got my holy water, my stakes, and several bulbs of garlic.
We're after the dreaded Newsgroup Troll. We won't need anything so arcane to defeat him. All we need to do is to sever his...
Spinal cord!
No, just his internet connection.
I don't know, Giles. That just seems kind of cruel.
I know, Buffy. I know. Being the slayer is hard, but you make the world a safer place.

 

by ladyjdotnet
11-24-02
...and this game suxxors and will nevar make munny and you all suck. Fix the ****ing game or we will all cancel our orders and then were will you be LOL!
The server is expected to be back up within the next half hour. Please bear with us. Thank you for your patience.
...and another thing, you shud spent less time on the mesage boards and more time fixing the game LOL!

 

by ladyjdotnet
11-24-02
HA HA HAHAHAHAH AHAHH AHAHAHAA HAHAHAAA! Whoa!
*bonk* HAHAHAHAA *roll* AHAHA HAHAAHA AHA *roll* AHAHAHA AHAHAAAAAHHAHA!
Oh crap, man. I laughed my ass off whilst rolling on the floor. What am I supposed to do now?
Freedom!

 

by ladyjdotnet
11-24-02
This can't be happening!
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
Okay, make it all better and I'll be good, I promise.
Oh! Woe is me.
What's up with Pete? He seems to be going through the the first four of the five stages of grief.
Ya, dude. The Maxis servers have been down for the past few minutes. He'll never actually reach the acceptance stage.

 

by ladyjdotnet
12-30-02
Mike Score tells his story...
And I ran. I ran so far away.
And then, he hit bottom?
No, I just ran, I ran all night and day.
Fuck this. Let's get a real musician.
But, I couldn't get away.

 

by ladyjdotnet
1-20-03
Why do you persist in harassing me? I thought Satan was your suspect of choice!
He was, until I uncovered this newsgroup post that was traced back to your computer! It says "eye m @ 1337 h@x0r! EWE all suxx0rs!". It was signed "the murderer"!
What's your point, Yablonski?
You've confessed! I mean, even if you're not actually the murderer, you're at the very least a usenet TROLL! That's an even worse offense!
I'm no troll! I'm a camel! I mean, not a camel, a HUMAN!
A-HA! SO YOU ADMIT TO BEING A CAMEL, TOO! By "too", I mean in addition to the other charges. I in no way intended to imply that I am a camel, myself.

 

by ladyjdotnet
6-15-03
Since we're the only chicks here, Sean Astin has invited us to go back to his hotel room with him.
I'm on that like stink on a gamer!

 

by ladyjdotnet
1-06-04
What's realdoll.com?
A site that sells artificial women. They're supposed to feel amazingly realistic. That's why they cost $7000.
You're spending $7000 on a sex toy?!
It's not for me and it's not my money. That last customer I talked to will have a lot to explain to his wife when that package arrives.
You're evil.
Nah. He just needs to learn a lesson about being nicer to people who have his credit card info in their databases.

 

by ladyjdotnet
1-08-04
o/` Why do birds suddenly appear...o/`
o/` Every time you are near? o/`
o/` Just like me, they want to be, close to you. o/`
I always thought it was the breadcrumbs in my pocketbook.

 

by ladyjdotnet
1-08-04
I complain about poor customer service! I key the cars of parking space thieves! I see that people get what's coming to them!
I... am a Proactive Instrument of Karma.
So what you're saying is that you're a tool.

 

by ladyjdotnet
1-08-04
Good evening. We have a developing story out of New York City where a riot is going on right now. Let's go to Phil McCracken live on the scene.
I'm here with Red Thompson, who has been a witness to the carnage since the beginning. Red, can you tell us how this riot started?
Some stereotypical cowboy types started screaming about substandard salsa, and one thing led to another.
There you have it. I'll be back with commentary from a local rotor turbine engineer in just a moment.

 

by ladyjdotnet
1-15-04
Did you hear that Liz was promoted to "Head Hostess?"
Yes! I bought presents for her, to celebrate!
Hmmm. I think you may have misunderstood her job description.
Huh? No, these are the things a head hostess needs!
She's now in charge of the birthday parties at McDonalds.
Ah. Got it. Ix-nay on the eepads-knay and apstick-chay.

 

by ladyjdotnet
1-15-04
Brad waits patiently for the broadband installer to arrive.
Brad continues to wait.
They said they'd be here at noon!
Having been without a decent internet connection, Brad was unaware that Canada switched officially to metric time.

 

by ladyjdotnet
1-20-04
The problem with enjoying humor enough to want to create it is that naturally, I've exposed myself to a lot of jokes.
It's hard to really know whether I've thought up something new, or if I'm recycling something I heard a long time ago.
So I apologize in advance to Samwise, in the event that a future comic finds me asking a shopkeeper repeatedly for raisins.

 

by ladyjdotnet
1-23-04
Did ye hear about the new pirate movie a-comin'?
It'll be rated ARRRRRRR!

 

by ladyjdotnet
1-24-04
A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel down the front of 'is pantaloons...
...the bartender looked at him and asked him if'n he was aware he had a steering wheel in 'is trousers...
to which the pirate replied... "ARRRR, it's driving me nuts!"

 

by ladyjdotnet
1-24-04
Have some of these cashews. They're great!
They're so addictive, you can't eat just one!
Just like puppies.

 

by ladyjdotnet
1-24-04
The proof may be in the pudding...
...but not as much proof as in booze.
Hmmm... booze pudding. I may have something there.

 

by ladyjdotnet
6-25-05
Happy Anniversary, sweetie!
Anniversary? Our anniversary isn't until October.
Not our wedding anniversary. Every year on this day we go out for lobster dinner and chocolate cake, and then you give me a back massage, "just because."
I don't remember this from last year...
Anniversaries gotta start somehow! I'll be in the car.

 

by ladyjdotnet
6-30-05
You know what kind of people I hate the most?
You know... whaddayacallem... Oh yeah!
Others.

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-22-05
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Control freak! Now you say, "Control freak who?"

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-22-05
Knock knock!
Who's there?
It's the police! There's been a terrible accident and your husband's been killed!

 

by ladyjdotnet
11-28-05
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...
Yes, the answer is yes.
I wasn't going to ask if it makes a sound.
Oh, I'm sorry. Go on.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, is mandingo still an ass?
I stand by my previous answer.

 

by ladyjdotnet
12-26-05
I'm sorry to hear about your divorce... If you don't mind me asking, what happened?
Well, she was cheating.
Oh my goodness, that's terrible!
Yeah, I'd come home from work every day, and there she'd be, playing World of Warcraft.
Online romance, eh?
No, it was MY TURN to play on those nights. She was such a cheater!

 

by ladyjdotnet
12-03-06
I feel so happy and free and...
...wait a sec... what just happened? Who are you?
Yar, I be Captain Bloodsnatch! I'll be maraudin' around yer waters for the next 4 or 5 days!
So, ya got any chocolate? Chips? Ooo, how about some of those chocolate-covered pretzels? Best of both worlds, eh?
Goddamnit.

 

by ladyjdotnet
12-03-06
This is the scene where I get a line, right? I mean, 13 episodes ago, I was told I was going to get a line. My whole family is watching, waiting for me to have a speaking part.
Well, in this scene, you'll be split off from the rest of the group, and then you get eaten by the alien. You don't appear in the rest of the script.
Script, schmipt! Aaarrrgghhhh!
Oh crap. So, um... was that supposed to be set to "stun?"

 

by ladyjdotnet
4-12-07
In Vonnegut's book Timequake (published in 1998), Kilgore Trout (Vonnegut's alter ego) died at the age of 84.
Yesterday, in the real world, Kurt Vonnegut died at age 84.
So it goes.

 

by ladyjdotnet
4-16-07
What's up?
Well, I weighed myself today and discovered I'm 296 pounds. Think I should go for an even 300?
That's not exactly a healthy goal, but hey... why not? It's not like you've ever finished anything else in your life.
That's not true!
...I finished that pie.

 

by ladyjdotnet
4-19-07
Studies have shown that people who are the most socially inept also lack awareness of their social ineptitude.
They just can't correctly interpret common social cues, so they think they're the cat's meow. Do you see where I'm going, here?
I think know what you're getting at.
You're trying to ask me out on a date!

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-12-07
So you're not going to say anything about the makeup, then?
Sorry man, didn't see you there.

 

by ladyjdotnet
5-13-07
Now?
Nope.
Now?
Nope.
Now?
Dude!

 

by ladyjdotnet
7-03-07
The Zombie Survival Guide:

Complete Protection for the Living Dead
Didn't Max Brooks already write this?
No, that was complete protection from the Living Dead, this book is for the Living Dead.
It's just 48 pages of the word "RAAAGGHHH" over and over.
So, you think I should flesh it out a bit more?

 

by ladyjdotnet
7-10-07
When I grow up, I want to be just like you!
...except pretty.
...and without that funny smell.

 

by ladyjdotnet
7-21-07
I got a sweet new spoiler installed on my car.
Oh really?
Yeah, it says "Hermione dies on page 73!"

 

by ladyjdotnet
7-31-07
You done with that pregnancy test?
Yeah... well, let me put it this way - the *good* news is I won't be having my period for a while.
...so what's the bad news?
*sigh* The bad news is that our child's chance of being a genius is very, very low.

 

by ladyjdotnet
7-31-07
I sure am glad I'm not a console game addict like he is.
I sure am glad I'm not a PC game addict like he is.
What's StumbleUpon?

 

by ladyjdotnet
8-01-07
I'm going to let you in on a little secret. At least 20% of my comics were written while I was sitting on the can.
But before you rush to judgment about me, consider this one thing...
At least 20% of you are going to check through my archived comics to see if you can figure out which ones they were.

 

by ladyjdotnet
8-07-07
Hey, sweetie! Are you ready for our sushi date?
Oh wow. Is that today? I had completely forgotten!
You forgot? That really offends me. You told me that you were going to look forward to it all week.
Well, look at it this way. This is a win for you! You get credit for thinking of taking me to sushi, twice!
... You're really good at this.
Sneakiness like mine should be rewarded with salmon.

 

by ladyjdotnet
8-08-07
You've finally finished! So, what's this novel about?
It's about an editor with eidetic memory who keeps writers from wasting time. He listens to and rates the uniqueness of their story ideas before they even begin work!
We published that story on April 20, 2005. It was a Wednesday.
Wait, someone already used my idea?!
No, we published it when you brought it to us on April 20, 2005, at 12:17pm. You were wearing green socks.
I see. How about a story where a writer with a crappy memory commits suicide with her insane publisher's stapler?

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-20-07
If two trains leave from Indianapolis and travel to two different cities...
...okay...
...and they both travel at the same rate of speed...
...uh huh...
...what is the chance that a LDR begun at Gen Con in August will actually work out?
You took a train to Gen Con?

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-21-07
Jenny, do you think the magic is gone from our relationship?
Don't be silly!
Accio Jennifer!
Huh?
I told you! The magic's gone!
Feh. Who am I to argue?

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-21-07
First Aid training can be beneficial in many situations.
Dude, that fall was so sweet! I wish I'd been recording that for YouTube! ...Dude?
It imparts the confidence needed to help the average person handle most emergencies.
Unresponsive but breathing. No bleeding but smells of urine... I'll call 911!
In some people however, confidence can be dangerous.
You, get jello. And you! Play a waltz! You over there, flap your arms! Hustle, people! Where is my xylophone?!

 

by ladyjdotnet
9-23-07
After taking that CPR course, I'm so completely ready to save a life!
You took the class, too? That's awesome!
It's so positive and empowering, and shows you to be a real humanitarian.
Yeah, whatever. I'm going to go to the park and wait for an old lady to drop so I can be a hero.
Don't bother. They've all started pinning their Do Not Resuscitate orders to their chests since I took the class last month.

 

by ladyjdotnet
10-01-07
I need to get busy making some new comics. I've really been slackin'.
Hey, did you say slacks? 'Cause I want you to make a comic about me and mention my slacks.
Yeah, I'm just getting around to making a comic about you, Mike.
Make sure to make it about slacks.
Ok.

Showing page 3.

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