All comics by mmyers

Profile

 

by mmyers
5-09-03
October 14, 1796 in Weisbaden, Germany
Hey, holy crap, what's up with the stream?
Bubbles. The water is bubbling.
Drink it.
OK, I will.
*SPIT* Oh man, that tastes like shit. Let's try to sell it to people.

 

by mmyers
5-09-03
January 22, 1862 in Richmond, VA
Hey, I just had a thought. What if we took that nasty ass seltzer water and mixed it with some flavors?
Cool, let's try it.
Oh man, this tastes like shit.
Hey, let me try. *SPIT* Woe, that does taste like shit.
Hey, what are you two doing over here? We're fighting a war over here.
We're experimenting with Seltzer, Admiral. Mixin' it with flavors and such. It tastes like shit. Try it.

 

by mmyers
5-09-03
May 8, 1886 in Atlanta, Georgia
Hello, lovely daughter. I just realized that when you combine Seltzer, melted sugar, syrup, and cocaine...well, try it.
OK. *sip*
May 8, 1886 in Atlanta, Georgia
I call it Coca-Cola. What do you think?
It tastes like shit.
May 8, 1886 in Atlanta, Georgia
I know, but wait for the after effects. I can't feel my face.
Oooh, my head hurts...and I can't get all my thoughts out at one time...and I want to fight someone.

 

by mmyers
5-09-03
December 31, 1979
Holy Crap, mate, there ain't shit left to drink in the house.
We've got some gin.
Yeah, but there ain't nothing to mix it with.
We can mix it with Seltzer water. Try it.
*sip* Ahh, could be worse I guess.
I call it a gin and tonic. Let's get pissed.

 

by mmyers
5-13-03
At a young age, people began to realize that Francis Finch wasn't like other boys.
Francis Finch, you're not like other...mmm, I smell my grandma's blueberry muffins.
Bounced from school to school because of the strange things that happened when he was around, he was labeled 'troubled.'
I label you troub...hey, it smells like my exgirlfriend in here.
Years later he met Charles Xavier who labeled him something different, for Xavier knew Francis' true mutant potential.
I label you 'Nostalgic Smell Lad"...hmm, the smell of my first car. It was a Buick Skylark. Good times.

 

by mmyers
5-13-03
Here, I'll show you around the complex. This is the dining room, and this is the kitchen...
Hey Professor, I don't mean to be personal but I thought you were in a wheelchair.
I control peoples minds, Francis, I can make you see anything I want. Oh, here comes Wolverine.
Hey Wolverine. I'm Nostalgic Smell Lad. I'm the newest X-Man.
We just got a message over the radio. There's trouble down town...*sniff,sniff* Has someone been smoking my cigars?

 

by mmyers
5-13-03
Terror strikes downtown as a new super villian is reeking havoc! Police are baffled as to how to stop this threat.
He has been identified only as Reminscent Friend from School Man! Police are afraid to get too close to him for fear that he may force them to relive their past.
AHHHHH!
Hey dude, remember all those cool times from highschool? We sure kicked ass. Remember getting drunk behind Food World? Sweet!

 

by mmyers
5-13-03
Dude, cut it out. You're destroying the city by forcing people to remember highschool.
No can do, guy. Highschool was the best 7 years of my life. I've got to keep the memories alive.
Then you're forcing me to use my powers. Perhaps the smell of the sleeping mat from preschool will lull you to sleep.
Dude, that totally reminds me of the time we snuck into Hooters and ate chicken wings when we were 12.
Ahhh, his powers of Reminscing are too powerful. All I can smell are Hooters wings now.
Yeah man, that one chick was totally hot. I'd totally do her now.

 

by mmyers
5-13-03
Hours later...
Ughhhh...the smell of fresh ... cut grass...
That time you ... puked while we were ... on the field trip to ... New Orleans...
Burgers...cooked...on a...grill...
The time ... your girlfriend ... broke up with you right ... before prom...
AHHHHH!
This reminds me of the time we destroyed each other! AHHH!

 

by mmyers
5-13-03
X-Men, Nostalgic Smell Lad gave his life for all of us and for that we owe him a debt of thanks.
If you're so sad, why are you smiling?
I control people's minds. I can make you see whatever I want.
Oh.
Aye and begora, I almost smell the old blokes after shave along with several other smells that make me nostalgic. Tis sad he's gone.
Well you know, Banshee, it's Marvel comics so no one stays dead forever.

 

by mmyers
5-14-03
Dee-dee-dee. Oh my god, my arm just fell off. Ahhhh!
Ahhh! Now my leg fell off too. Someone please help me!
Oh man, that lady's arms and legs fell off. Someone should do something. Someone should call an ambulance or something.
You've got that right. Someone should definitely step in and do something about this. Won't someone do something!

 

by mmyers
5-14-03
Hey, the fax machine is all backed up with paper. Someone needs to remove that paper.
They sure do.
Hopefully someone will get on that soon enough.
I would hope so. It looks a mess, and it really makes the department look bad.
Will you look at this? Papers every where.
Yeah. I hope some one takes the intiative and cleans this shit up.

 

by mmyers
5-14-03
Hey! It's Daryl Hall and John Oates! One of the 80's great pop duos!
Wow, Hall and Oates. We should get their autographs, you know, for posterity.
Oh yeah. All those great songs, Maneater, Say it isn't So, Private Eyes. Their autograph would sure be great!
You bet. Someone should pick up a pen and paper and ask for their autograph.
I have a pen and paper, if you'd like to borrow it.
I love signing autographs so if you'd like one, step right up. *whispers* I think they're shy...or very, very lazy.

 

by mmyers
5-15-03
Looks like those folks down in that building are in danger. That building is on fire. That spells one thing: Danger, with a capitol D.
Help! Help us!
Looks like those folks down in that building are in danger. That building is on fire. That spells one thing: Danger, with a capitol D.
Help! Help us!
Looks like those folks down in that building are in danger. That building is on fire. That spells one thing: Danger, with a capitol D.
Help! Help us!

 

by mmyers
5-19-03
Today in the bathroom at work...
You kids and your crazy hair. Haha!
Heh...yep.
If I walked out the house with my hair like that, my wife would say, "Honey, you need to go take a shower." Hahaha!
Heh...
Was there supposed to be a compliment in there somewhere?

 

by mmyers
5-19-03
Hamlet! Lo, Hamlet, behold, have I been murdered!
Father, what ho! Wouldst please thou for me to avenge thine death?
No, t'would be unneccesary, but I do have a treasure map. T'will lead you to my gold!
Gold, my lord?
Go Hamlet, find my lost gold.
If you say so.

 

by mmyers
5-20-03
The plaintiff, Katherine. She claims that Petruccio brainwashed her. The defendant, Petruccio. He says that Katherine needed to be calmed down and he did her a favor.
Your honor, no one would marry this bitch. I did her a favor.
If you call mental abuse a favor, then yeah, you were very helpful.
A second lawsuit has been filled against Lucento, for misrepresentation and fraud.
Look, your honor, I just wanted to make sure she wasn't going to take my money.
You not only lied about who you were, you convinced two other people to do the same. This guy is a manipulater, your honor.
Judgement for the plaintiff.
Hey, you want to switch clothes and pretend we're each other? Hi-jinx will ensue.

 

by mmyers
5-20-03
Oh, pain, pain and misery. Mine father slain by mine uncle. Oh cursed spite, that ever I was born to set it right. Hark, who comes?
Tis I, Lord Hamlet, the royal physician. It has not gone unnoticed by King Claudius and I your depression. I have brought you Prozac, to ease thy suffering.
'Lo, though I know 'twill not work, still wilt I take it, in hopes I might overdose.
Later...
Wow, doc, I feel a shitload better. I'm not really obsessed anymore. I can't get upset about anything.

 

by mmyers
5-21-03
King Lear gives his daughters, Regan and Goneril, an apartment to live in, but with a catch...
Thou must split said apartment in half. Also, thou wilt need to get a roommate.
Regan suggests the bastard Edmund, but Lear doesn't approve, so Goneril comes up with a plan...
We couldst imply thou art a fop!
Umm...
*music* Come and rap upon our door, take a step that tis new, wherest the kisses art hers and hers and his ...
Wilt thou join me, bastard fop, for some mead at the Regal Beagle?

 

by mmyers
5-21-03
It's always so hard for me to leave a job. I'm always so regretful, or doubtful that I made the right decision. I hate that feeling.
If only something could tell me that I made the right decision, that I didn't make a mistake.
Hey, your wife was just on the phone but I hung up on her because you aren't supposed to have calls at work.
Yep, that should do it.

 

by mmyers
5-23-03
So, I, Dr. Reed Richards am going to fly a spaceship into outer space with my wife Sue, her brother Johnny, and my old roommate, Ben Grimm. You can call us..the Fantastic Four!
Actually, we aren't very fantastic at present. Maybe when we get back.
Let's just call ourselves the Above Average Four. Would that make you happy, Sue?

 

by mmyers
5-23-03
All systems appear to be ready.
Ben and Johnny are safely stowed in the back. I'm curious, Reed, what exactly are you expecting to happen while we're in space?
Why, we'll get bombbarded with radiation which, if my calculations are correct, should give us powers of some sort, barring any miscalculations.
What did you just say?
I said we're trying to win the space race.
Oh.

 

by mmyers
5-23-03
Dr. Doom's Latverian castle...
My old rival and college roommate Reed Richards is attempting to reach outerspace.
In the first comic, didn't they say that Ben Grimm was his roommate?
It was the 60's. What can I say.
.....ughh....

 

by mmyers
5-23-03
Well, it looks like the mission was a success. Let's see what my power is. *crack* Ok, it looks like my arm just came off, so I'll be Mr Fantastic. Johnny?
I can make my body catch on fire. FLAME ON!
AHHHHHHHH!
Sue, what's your power?
sssssssssss

 

by mmyers
5-23-03
Sue?
I'm right here. I can turn myself invisible. See?
No.
Exactly. Also, if I talk, and talk, and talk for long enough without interruption, I can levitate the entire ground. See? Look down.
Oh, that's useful. Let's just call you Invisible Girl for short. Ben?

 

by mmyers
5-23-03
What's your new super power, Ben?
Ben?
Why don't you kiss my ass, Reed.

 

by mmyers
5-28-03
Hello, noble savage. I noticed that you left your hammer lying on the ground over there. May I borrow it?
I guess so.
Weeks later...
Hey, you borrowed my hammer a couple of weeks ago. Can I get that back from you?
What hammer? I don't know what you're talking about?
*Sigh*
Hey, can I borrow your tee-pee next?

 

by mmyers
5-28-03
I'll be there in a minute.
Hey John Hancock, come on. We're all lining up to sign the Declaration of Indepence.
Don't worry, John, we'll save you some space down at the bottom.
Yep, don't worry. We'll all write our names small so there will be room for you.
Later...
Hey, that asshole signed his name bigger than the rest of us.
Boo-yah!

 

by mmyers
5-30-03
Are you wearing boxer shorts to work?
It's Friday, that means it's casual day.
Your left nut is hanging out.

 

by mmyers
5-30-03
A Disappointment of mothers.
You were so smart when you were younger. Why didn't you stay in school?
You should have married Karen. Now you'll be alone forever.
A Stink of hippys.
Man, I haven't bathed in weeks.
Have you tried covering it up with clove cigarettes and pachuli oil? It totally works.
A Smacking of pimps.
I said, "Bitch, you better have my Star Wars toys still in the packages."
Damn straight.

 

by mmyers
5-30-03
An Unemployment of artists.
Can I crash at your place until I get back on my feet again...and get some new headshots?
Rock on...in my mom's basement.
A Staring of Mexicans.
A Keg of college students.
Show us your tits! Wooo!
Dude, I'm a dude...oh, what the hell.

 

by mmyers
5-30-03
A Value Meal of cows.
I don't like the way they're looking at us.
I have mad cow disease.
A Loser of ex-boyfriends.
Tina? Yeah I did her. I was drunk.
I did her and her sister. Can I borrow a couple of bucks?
A Bladder of people waiting to go to the bathroom.
Hurry up in there.
There's people out here waiting, dude.

 

by mmyers
6-02-03
The world as I have known it has been destroyed. I'm the last living person on Earth.
*Click*
Now I'll have all the time I want to watch TV. No one can interupt me. Bravo, A and E, HBO. Now I can watch you without interuption.
Due to the apocalypse, MTV, the only channel left on Earth, will be playing Best of Spring Break from 1987-2003.
NOOOOOOO!

 

by mmyers
6-02-03
If MTV is still playing all of their usual crap, then someone must be left on Earth to program it. Maybe I'm not alone.
I'll have to go to MTV's studios and see who is programming all of this drivel. Before I go, there's one thing I must do.
So long, poor little TV set. I do this because I love you.
The Real World will be right back*skrreezzz*

 

by mmyers
6-02-03
There it is. The remains of New York City and contained therein, MTV studios.
You're probably going to read some things in there, gentle reader, that you may not be ready to see. I advice you to stop reading now.
Dear God...
Excuse me, I think my face has been blown off and my legs are hanging from a lamp post. Can I borrow your cellphone?

 

by mmyers
6-02-03
Journal entry: June 2, 2005. Walking through the city, I've encountered much carnage. The dead...
...the living dead...
...ugnhhhh...
And the brain dead.
2 Fast 2 Furious is going to be the coolest fucking movie ever. Kappa Alpha Ki rulez!

 

by mmyers
6-02-03
Journal entry: My search has led me here, MTV studios. But what is happening, I cannot guess.
Hello? Hello?
Greetings, homo sapien consumer. I am Bling-Blingbot 2000. Can I interest you in buying some Axe body spray or Maxim hair highlights for men?
No, no thank you. This explains it. MTV studios is being run by robots. This is explains the disinterest in making quality programming.
Actually, we've been running things since 1989. Can I interest you in a Girls Gone Wild 4 video for $25.99?
Sure. Let me get my wallet...hey, waitaminute. No, of course not.

 

by mmyers
6-02-03
Well, I have my answer, Bling-Bling. Guess I'll hit the road.
You may check out anytime you like, consumer, but you can never leave. We have big plans for you. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!
This is the true story of six robots and one humanoid, picked to live in a house...
You kissed my boy friend. Slut-bot hates you!
I miss my mother board. Melodramatic-bot is too emotional.
to find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting synthetic. Real (West)World!
This place sucks. Chaos-bot hates everyone. I'm leaving.
Where's Yul Brenner when I need him?

 

by mmyers
6-03-03
Looks like we're lost in here. A great philosopher once said that if you take all right turns it will lead you right out.
A great philosopher said that? Which one?
Batman.
Comic book Batman?
TV show Batman.

 

by mmyers
6-03-03
We're totally and completely lost, chum.
I don't think so. Follow my logic. America used to belong to the Indians, the Indians called corn 'maze', we are in a maze in America.
If we apply heat to ourselves, we will pop out of the maze with an explosion of joy and low cal tastiness. We'll probably end up in the cushions of a couch somewhere.
Maybe we should split up.
Here, hold this magnifying glass.

 

by mmyers
6-03-03
Someone bought pretzels? They're all broken up. *munch munch* All there are are a bunch of pieces. *munch munch* Needs more salt.
It looks like they must have sat on them or something. *munch munch* I like Rold Gold pretzels better. *munch munch* Kinda stale, too.
I make $15,000 a year and you make $100,000 a year. If you want unbroken Rold Gold pretzels, why don't you fucking buy them?! Jesus!
You make $15,000 a year? I spend that much on dress shirts.

 

by mmyers
6-04-03
Welcome to Subway, may I take your order?
Hey, the new spicy Subway sub with chipolte sauce. Now is that spicy like "Hey that's spicy!"...
Or is it spicy like, "Ouch, ouch, that's too spicy!" or is it spicy like "That is nice and spicy!" or is it...
It's spicy like "I only make $5 an hour so how about I plunge my hand through your chest and show it to you while it's still beating."
I'll take it.

 

by mmyers
6-04-03
I have an angel that sits on my shoulder.
Oh that's nice. It's nice to feel like someone is watching over us.
Yes, he tells me to do things.
Well, it's nice to have spritual guidance in times of need.
Yeah, it says that I should kill my boss and coworkers.
You're sure it's an angel?

 

by mmyers
6-04-03
Ladies and gentlemen. I would like to introduce you to the new NBC reality show, Ultimate Doom.
How does it work?
We destroy the world then give 6 contestants a chance to survive in it.
Let's do it!
Boy, that was a great freaking show. I watch it all the time.
Well, you were our target demographic.

 

by mmyers
6-05-03
*music* It's oh so quiet, shh, shh; it's oh so still, shh, shh...
You're all alone, and so peaceful until...YOU FALL IN LOVE, ZING, BOOM, THE SKY UP ABOVE, ZING BOOM, IS CAVING IN, WOW!
The new season of Sex in the City, coming soon, only on HBO!
Sluts.

 

by mmyers
6-05-03
I'm so happy that we're together, Butterfly. This is the most fulfilling relationship I've ever had with a woman.
Me too, Brad Sucky-sucky san.
Yeah, here's a weird thing. I found a bottle of Rogaine in your medicine cabinet today,and I don't use Rogaine, and it's only for men and all that.
I don't know how that got there, Brad-san.
Also, I walked in while you were using the shower today and your silhoutte through the curtain, well, it kind of looked like you had a penis.
That was a shampoo bottle, Brad-san.

 

by mmyers
6-06-03
Welcome to Kentucky Fried Chicken, can I take your...oh man.
What's up?
There's a hot chick at that table that's totally checking you out.
Is she? Yep, she is. Of course, that only makes since.
What do you mean?
Quit your job and follow me and I'll explain.

 

by mmyers
6-06-03
OK, I quit. Now explain.
Certainly. You see, I'm not what you'd call 'classically good looking'. I'm not buff, or have chiseled features or even very smart.
Sure.
But, if you put me within the confines of a fast food restaurant, ladies find me attractive. I have a rare skin disorder called 'fast food good looking'.
I quit my job for this?
Yes, yes you did.

 

by mmyers
6-06-03
I think it must be the mixture of burger grease, and disinfectants, and my own natural body odor.
I think it also has to do with the neon lights they use. Nevertheless, guys and chicks alike dig me here.
I'm supposed to believe this?
You see examples of this rare skin condition all the time.

 

by mmyers
6-06-03
Take this girl, for instance. Here at the dance club, she's in her element. The low lighting, the loud music, the alcohol. All these things work with her condition to make her look appealing.
HI!
Hells yeah.
The elements all blend to lure her pray home, that is until...
WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO HOME WITH ME?
YES, YES I WOULD!
The next day, without the aid of loud music, lowlights and alcohol, the truth is revealed. She is what is referred to as 'bar pretty', one who is only attractive in a bar.
Oh my god! You're hideous!
Sorry the place is so messy.

Showing page 3.

« Previous Next »