All comics by ojcme

Profile

 

by ojcme
6-14-06
Man, I'm so pissed off at this one conservative, I'd want to chop his fingers off and then go "oh, look at that penis, no wonder you're so angry."
TARD CANDY
What about my penis?
Jesus dude, what the hell don't you do. You rape tards?
It's not rape if all they can say is "uggggggggggggggh"
...

 

by ojcme
7-09-06
A nice, quiet chat in the bathroom. (Based off of an AIM chat conversation)
So, I went to a Jesus Festival yesterday.
Oh man, did you fuck with anyone?
Yeah i wanted to fuck with people so bad, but for some reason, I'm the kind that would rather fuck with them harder after they fuck with me first.
You do know that sounds gay, right?
No homosexual undertones intended.
So, when are we gonna fuck?

 

by ojcme
7-09-06
Typical webcomic banter, translations pending.
omg i kiled a knewb teh other day
lol!!!!!1111one
I really wish I could give every one of these people a gift of drainol right into their stomachs.
your moms a faggot
NOOOO! NOT MY MOM!

 

by ojcme
7-12-06
My doctor said Mylanta.
My doctor said angina. So is she hitting on me or what?
Uh, angina's a problem in the heart. I think you're mistaking it for vagina.
I can still fuck her there, right?
Wrong.

 

by ojcme
7-12-06
Hey you! Gay fag!
I'm not a fag....
If you're not gay, then why aren't you watching Girls Gone Wild, extremely lame softcore pornography edition?
Because it gets physically boring. Why don't I just watch regular porn or go get a girlfriend?
BECAUSE THESE GIRLS ARE DRUNK AND THEREFORE THEY'RE DESPERATE, LIKE YOUR MOM! Just send your credit card number and we'll send you a tape constantly for the rest of your life.
No thanks, I'd rather be gay.

 

by ojcme
7-12-06
DID YOU KNOW THAT CIGARETTES CAUSE CANCER?
Yes, I did.
BIG TOBACCO CALLS CANCER---
I DON'T FUCKING CARE, I ALREADY KNEW SMOKING WAS BAD FOR ME, FUCK YOU!
Did I tell you about the cows?
I hope that taking a puff on you will give me a wicked buzz. Because otherwise, I'm killing you.

 

by ojcme
7-12-06
LIME
LEMON
LIME
LEMON
Lymon owes me money.
Congradulations, you've seen the worst commercial on the planet.
OBEY BECAUSE WE'RE LIKE BIG BROTHER!

 

by ojcme
7-12-06
Stop right there, you fat fuck!
What?
Are you tired of fad diets and scams trying to milk you of your money?
Why, yes, I certainly am!
THEN STOP EATING SO MUCH FUCKING FOOD!
I've learned so much.

 

by ojcme
7-12-06
HEY THERE, MOTHERFUCKER!
...what?
GET SOME AXE BODYSPRAY! IT'LL TOTALLY GET YOU LAID! JUST SPRAY IT AS MUCH AS YOU CAN UNTIL THE ENTIRE FUCKING BOTTLE IS GONE!
...okay.
Smell something different about me.
Yeah, you smell like shit. Get that fucking Axe off your fucking body.

 

by ojcme
7-19-06
Hi, I'm a mac.
And I'm a PC.
No one writes viruses for me because I'm not popular enough.
And I'm primarily dominated by 10 year old kids who saturate me with viruses because they're retarded.
Looks like we both have problems.
At least I'm not a computer for art fags, pretentious artists, and hippies.

 

by ojcme
7-27-06
Final Destination 3, now with CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE STYLE INTERACTIVITY!
Oh great, so I spend money on a shitty movie just so that I can determine the outcome?
Yes, that's correct.
Do I have the option to make them not do whatever forces them to follow the shitty story?
No, you still have to follow the story.
How the fuck is the TV talking to me?

 

by ojcme
8-03-06
My sister's the clown.
Wasabi Pea?
Oh no! Do you konw what's in those?
Yeah, wasabi.
Bitch.

 

by ojcme
8-03-06
I listen to Metallica.
I listen to the beat of your heart as you sleep. Rhythmically beating, as I prepare to penetrate your ass and cause severe internal damage to your colon.
Dude, what the fuck?
If you want to get more romantic, we can do in a backalley.
When the fuck did you start doing this?
Depends on when I broke all your house locks. Why do we always talk to each other in the bathroom?

 

by ojcme
8-03-06
Typical webcomic
Gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay?
Gay! Gay gay gay gay gay gay.
Gay gay?
Gay gay gay.
GAY??!!
lol

 

by ojcme
8-04-06
So, how goes it?
Not bad. Osama Bin Laden showed up for my Jenga game last night.
What happend?
He's such a bitch! He kept loosing, but he just laughed it off.
Oh yeah?
I was also wondering why he made us all use paper planes...

 

by ojcme
8-06-06
OH LORDY, I BE AN ANTHROPOMORPHIZED CIGARETTE. DON'T QUESTION WHY I BE BLACK!
YO, CHECK THIS SHIT OUT: BUY SOME CIGS. THEY IS OFF THE HOOK! MAKING FUN OF RACE IS INHERENTLY FUNNY!
OH SHIT, IT BE THE GHOSTS!
Wow, I can't even fucking go through with this.

 

by ojcme
8-24-06
E-Surance
Okay, so we need a marketing campaign for our new insurance company.
How about we do something like Progressive?
No, it has to be extreme. I GOT IT! We'll make commercials with anime chicks doing extreme stuff! Kids love extreme shit!
Great idea! I know a shitty korean company where we can do shitty anime-like animation, it'll be perfect! But, uh, can kids get car insurance?
BUY E-SURANCE BEFORE I FUCKING SKULLFUCK YOU WITH MY OVARIES!
Uh, I don't think that's the line....

 

by ojcme
8-24-06
What happens next?
Come on, man. What's it going to take you to squeeze me?
When you stop putting your penis in that puppet.

 

by ojcme
8-24-06
Taco Bell
So I got filled last night.
Are you referring to the double entendre in the Taco Bell Commericals about people getting filled equalling gay sex?
No. I'm saying that someone ass raped me.
Hmmm, sounds like a mystery...
GET IT?
Yeah, you would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for the fact you were eating watermelon at the time.
Aw shiiiiiiit.

 

by ojcme
8-28-06
Nobody likes me.
Now why do you think that?
It's because I'm deep and complex.
Try again. YOU HAVEN'T BATHED IN FOUR DAYS! JESUS, I CAN SMELL YOU FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BAR!
Stop oppressing me.
And you smell like dick.

 

by ojcme
8-28-06
So, what do you think of my new webcomic?
Well, it's obviously well thought out, but I have one problem.
Oh?
Yeah, dick should be horsedick.
See, THIS is the constructive critisicm I need.
I got Regan's favorite horsedick for you.

 

by ojcme
8-28-06
So, what do you think Michael J Fox is up to?
Michael J Fox, well, his career's a little shaky right now.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Dude, that's not funny.

 

by ojcme
8-29-06
HEY, YOU'RE DAVE CHAPELLE!
Yeah, I am.
MAN, I LOVE YOUR SHIT! I'M RICK JAMES BITCH! WHY'D YOU LEAVE WHEN YOU CREATED THE RACE PIXIE SKETCH? THAT WAS GREAT.
Well, I felt that it was just reinforcing stereotypes rather than destroying or parodying them...
One Annoying Conversation Later...
What the fuck was wrong with that kid?

 

by ojcme
8-29-06
Hey, I'm Carlos Mencia. Get the joke here, I'm about to jump a fence because I'm mexican and that's inherently funny?
What? You're half white, Ned. And you're not mexican,
So what? Because you left, I became really popular for being a controversial comedian that reinforces stereotypical behavior.
Yeah, what the hell is wrong with you. Why do you do such racist shit?
Silly Dave Chapelle, it's the American way.

 

by ojcme
9-08-06
Today on Mythbusters, the story of Jesus
So, what're you finding out?
Well, I definately can't walk on water. I call this myth busted.
Good thing that we built special shoes to do exactly what Jesus did!
That's not all I invented.
No, don't bring out the vibrators again. We have to make it seem like we're straight.
Despite the fact that both of us have extremely gay goatees?

 

by ojcme
9-09-06
HI, TOREMA-KUN. CAN I TOUCH YOUR BREASTS?
YOU ARE A BAKA ECHI!
DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THIS ANIME I SAW...

 

by ojcme
9-09-06
At McDonald's
We're losing money. We need to create a new commercial.
I have the perfect one for you. You know how that Avatar shit is popular with the kids?
That fake anime shit? Yeah.
Well, I have a plan, similar to the one I created for Mulan.
MOST HONORABLE HAPPY MEAL
AH SO, I RIKE TO EAT FOOD FROM MACDONARDS!
HAI! I ROVE ACTING RIKE ASIAN STEREOTYPE!

 

ME SO SOLLY FOR RAST ELLOR IN PLEAVIOUS COMIC. I MEANT BURGER KING, NOT MCDONARDS!
by ojcme, 9-10-06

 

by ojcme
9-11-06
Man, I don't know why the terrorists attacked us on 9/11.
You don't? Give me a break, we bomb them and accidentally kill their citizens so many times and eventually they strike back.
But middle eastern civilians don't count! When we kill them, they're supposed to salute us!
Shut up you asshole.
Happy fucking 9/11.

 

by ojcme
9-11-06
I KNEW IT! YOU HATE AMERICA.
Look, I don't hate america, I just don't unconditionally love it like a fucktard.
YOU'RE MAKING OUR TROOPS SAD AND THEREFORE THEY CAN'T FIGHT BECAUSE WE CALL THEM PUSSIES WITHOUT KNOWING IT!
"It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man." -HL Mencken

 

Hi, I'm Ben Stein, and I cried when Nixon was caught in the Watergate Scandal.
by ojcme, 9-19-06

 

by ojcme
9-23-06
Are vagina eyes trendy with Conservatives nowadays?
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY YOU RACIST?
I mean, when they squint, they look asi-wait a minute, you're a conservative, aren't you.
I'M A LIBERTARIAN!
Same fucking thing.

 

by ojcme
9-23-06
Wow, I didn't realize that Vagina Eyes was a reference to asian people's eyes.
Yeah, the more you know and shit.
Does this explain why Japan is so fucked up sexually?
NO! It explains why I like skullfucking japanese chicks.
I thought we were gay or something?
Only when I fuck you.

 

by ojcme
9-23-06
This just in: a man was arrested for child molestation.
He would apparently tell children that he had a van that was a portal to a magical fantasy world where they would live with magic.
This just in: I'm going to have to find a new pick up line.

 

by ojcme
9-24-06
Okay, so we have our correspondant Miguel to fill us in on the situation.
I think that you should touch me.
That's great. But what does it have to do with the subject at hand.
Sexual Molestation.
Whatever do you mean by that?
I'm a giant penis.

 

by ojcme
9-24-06
Once upon a time...
Remember that scene in the Matrix when Cypher ate that piece of steak? it looked sooo good.
Yeah, yeah.
Taste this coconut. It's fresh and it tastes sooo good.
It tastes like spunk.
What the hell happened to you?
I'm going to assault you comically with a gigantic slab of meat.

 

by ojcme
9-25-06
Hi, I'm John McCain.
HOLY FUCK, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR CHECKS?
What do you mean?
ARE YOU A SQUIRREL? ARE YOU STORING NUTS FOR WINTER?
When I was tortured they smashed my face in several times...
THAT'S HILARIOUS.

 

by ojcme
10-01-06
Hey, are you in there, Dave?
I was just mastur-I mean thinking about our gay son.
Wait, what?
I CAN'T LET OUR DAUGHTER HAVE A NEGRO EITHER.
Is this supposed to be funny?

 

by ojcme
10-01-06
So, uh, this date is...
It's going great! I'm really enjoying it.
THIS DATE'S GOING TERRIBLE! TELL HER SHE'S FAT AND MAYBE SHE'LL BECOME DESPERATE!
She's a stupid whore who is probably not even worth it.
Woah, slow down on the dessert cart, you fucking whale, maybe you can avoid Ahab harpooning you.
You really need to stop listening to your conscience.

 

by ojcme
10-03-06
Fuckin blue state. Why the hell y'all hate america?
Beats being from the red state, "Where niggers ain't welcome"
Red: The color of COMMUNISM
I AINT NO COMMIE!
Yes you are. You support communism. How else do you think your clothes were so cheap? Chinese Slave Labor.
Chinks aint people. And slave labor's a part of every american.
My second liver was from a chinese boy on my street.

 

by ojcme
10-13-06
THere's some kind of child molester out there, and I'm some kind of child!
Oh Tommy, I was just here to say something extremely homosexual.
If only I had my magical parental gaurdians here to help me solve this case.
Oh, Blonda, it's a good thing you're here! There's a child molester out there...
Look, kid. I'm a figment of your imagination that you created when your dad started raping you. I'm not friggin' real!

 

by ojcme
10-13-06
So I spent 24 hours in a tent in Arizona.
What the fuck happened?
I ate almonds, and I'm allergic to almonds.
Why didn't you call a hospital?
Beacuse I wanted to find the cosmic significance of my allergies in this universe.
Is it too early to throw you in an insane asylum?

 

by ojcme
10-14-06
Any reason why you shouted "gotta blast" last night during sex, Johnny?
How else am I supposed to use my catch phrase?
I don't know, maybe defeating villains or something?
Listen, bitch. You weren't my first choice when it comes to girls, and I will not have you talking back to me.
I'm dumping you.
Wait, we can talk this out!

 

by ojcme
10-22-06
So, how's it going, champ?
Oh, not so well.
Oh, what's wrong?
I don't know, i think my life isn't going anywhere. I think my girlfriend's going to dump me. She gets really nervous when I touch her nowadays.
Well, you can just be satisfied in knowing that she probably wasn't the one for you.
*Sigh* I know.

 

by ojcme
10-22-06
What the fuck are you supposed to be?
I SUCK DICKS!
Great....what the fuck is wrong with you.
I SUCK YOUR DICK!
Fuck it, as long as you don't use your teeth...

 

by ojcme
10-22-06
So, you're not going to rape me.
Christ, not all preists are fucking perverts, kid.
Oh thank god. I thought I was going to...
I'm just going to force you to suck my penis.
How're you going to do that?
God's love?

 

by ojcme
10-28-06
Man, I have a headache.
YOUR MOM HAS A HEADACHE...you know, from me fucking her and shit.
My mom's dead, you asshole!
Oh shit, really?
No, not really. My dad beats her all the time, though.
My mom is in a coma, but that doesn't stop my daddy from butt plugging her.

 

by ojcme
10-29-06
Hmmm, Republicans are in favor of small government.
But they do love expanding the military and making an Orwellian future!

 

Tonight, on america's wildest car crashes...
*Fap Fap Fap*
by ojcme, 11-05-06

 

by ojcme
11-05-06
You see that guy? He's totally gay.
Hell yeah he is.
He totally loves poles.
That's what Hitler said.
Wow, a witty comeback from you, that's something new.
I'll come on your back.

Showing page 3.

« Previous Next »