All comics by christopher7murphy

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Wow! This is a cool library, lady.
Actually, this is a book store. A library is a source of information and reference.
And a book store is a source of the books for said information and reference.
So, what's the difference?
I have to clean my own toilet.

 

So, a library employee has the resources (and sometimes schooling) to provide information for a variety of unusal requests?
And all our resources provide are titles, authors, and prices.
So unless you have read the book personally, you have no way of knowing or finding the content of any certain book?
At the Book Store, I try hard to provide the titles my customers are looking for...
But at the end of the day, I still have to clean that toilet.

 

You got a bit preachy with that little girl, don't ya think?
Hey...she seemed interested. Who knows, maybe she'll want to work here someday.
So sweetie, would you like to work at the Book Store when you grow up?
Hell, no!
Clean your own damn toilet!

 

You! Get this bucket of bolts moving!
You! Contact Star Fleet and let them know we're back...and this time it's for good!
And YOU! Put your clothes back on!

 

Mission accomplished! Space walk was a success, sir!
Excellent!
Now we can all just take some much needed relaxation and.....
Damit, are you naked again?

 
HONESTLY, Cadet! Naked? Again?

 

You are the sun.
You are the rain.
I love you. I love you. I love you!
Asher Heimerman! Asher Heimerman! Asher Heimerman!

 

Thanks for coming to my art show.
Ya know, most of your paintings are really shitty.
-sigh-
I ran out of brown.

 

from my butt i make a stink. and now i sit here lost in think.
i'd quench my thirst and take a drink. but, curse my plan...i poo nsync.
♫ Bye Bye.......Bye Bye Bye ♫

 

Kid! You've got SPUNK!
I HATE spunk!
Especially when it get's in my eyes.

 

Hey...I thought this was The Dick Van Dyke Show?
You're not a lesbian!
That's alright...This isn't my dick either.

 

One of these days, Alice! POW! Straight to the moon!
Ralph, this is the last time we let your pal Norton in on a three-way.
Hello ball!

 

Mr. Eddie's Father, you always walking in on me when I taking shower...
Do Mr. Eddie's Father see anything he like?
You missed a spot.

 

Gomez, darling...Next time, what would you think of asking Lurch to join us in a Ménage à trois?
Morticia! THAT's French! (smooch-smooch-smooch)
No..Thats my Thing!

 

What does a yellow light mean?
Slow down.
Whhhaaat duzzzz ayyy yelllllll-ohhhh liiiite meeeeen?
Okay...now faster...and a little more to the left.
Hey! Who recorded over my wedding video?

 

Welcome to McCain's. Would you like to try our Big Mc with cheese? It now comes with a side order of VP!
That depends. Does the VP come with boobs?
Sir, all VP's are boobs.
But can mine have BIG boobs?
Yes, sir. But there's never a guarentee that any of them will actually work.
Just as long as I can get one that won't shoot me in the face.

 

Oh, YES! YES! More! Give it to me big guy!
WOW! I've gotta try that!
That was terrible! The worst sex I've ever had! WHAT in the world were you thinking?
As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

 

Hi! I'm John McCain, 2008 Presidential Candidate.
And I'm Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska and VicePresidential Candidate.
Hold on! Somethings wrong. I think you have way to much make-up on.
Yes. Can you wipe some off? You look like a circus clown.
Is this any better?

 

Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!
Do you call THAT a blow job? Here, let me show you.
OWW! My Nose!

 
I know you hate them, but don't you feel so much better?
Yay! Tobor got the crust off!

 

It looks like Fat Albert and the gang finally got an A plus in Miss Gruper's sex education class. Let's take a look...
HEY, HEY, HEY! Miss G-spot, I'm gonna start calling you Class Action Subpoena...
Cuz you just got served!

 

Today's episode is brought to you by the letters F and U.
And the number 69.
Honey, you're fortytwo years old! Why are you watching Sesame Street in your underwear?
I was just flipping through the channels and it landed on Sesame Street for a minute! Sheesh!
♫ And they all had fun at the ladybug picnick! ♫
Oh yeah...Maria is such a hottie!

 

Frank, you are a bumbling excuse for a doctor surpassed only by your inefficiency as a human!
I have half a mind to sneak into your bunk tonight...
and slice off your penis to send to MacArthur as a pipe cleaner!
Col. Potter? Are you going to stand there and let him speak to me that way?
There are no weeners in war, soldier.

 

Was I speeding, officer? HEY! Is that that the new Tazor 3000?
ARRRRRG!
My family and I were just on our way to the supermart to buy a cantelope. Would you like to have some?
ARRRRRG!
You don't like cantelope? How about a pickle? We like pickles.
ARRRRRG!

 

I had to do it, O'Malley! He kept getting up. Everytime I zapped him...there he was again!
Going on and on about his civil rights. Flashing that darn baby all over the place.
"OH, PLEASE, Mr. Officer. Don't zap me in front of my wife and kiddie. Please!"
"Just tell me how fast I was speeding. But PLEASE don't zap me!"
And that's why you pulled him over? Because he was speeding?
Shucks, no. I wanted to try out my new Zapper.

 

Hey...Did you catch the game last night?
No. My landlord accidently ran over my cable with a lawn mower.
I'm going mad. Until they can fix it...I'm so bored!
You work in a book store! Why don't you read a book?
It's weird that you focused your response on the irony of me being bored yet working in a book store. Not that my landlord had a lawnmower on the roof.

 

So, what do you think about John McCain's running mate?
Former beauty queen...nice rack. Don't ya think?
Actually, I'm more of an 'ass man.'
Oh...a democrat.

 

Do you have any books on telepathy?
Hello! Can you read me?
Who are you calling an asshole?
You heard me!

 

And as for the Book Store Lady, she eventually snapped...taking out her assistant (who secretly pined for her). But not before he asked the wrong question...
I'm not a Book Store. I'm a banana.
You must like wearing purple. Do you think it makes you look skinny?
Then there's BATador. He continues to save the day, one poop joke at a time. But Tobor...Tobor was the saddest of all. Nevermore will he follow the adventures of Elly Patterson.
Just look at the bottom of my shoe! Beware BATador!
Same thing happen when Tobor cornhole Farley. (sob)
christopher7's decaying body was eventually found. He was tossed in a shallow, unmarked grave. However, his ghost haunts Stripcreator to this day! (For Better or For Worse.)
-knock-knock- Housekeeping! You want "Happy Ending?"

 

Hey, they're back. I saw three of them.
Ewww! Creepy. I guess it's tme to spray again.
It's terrible. We got them all over. They're in the sink...on the ceiling.
We'll be over as soon as we can.
Filthy ninjas!
You can't see me! You can't see me!

 

This place is disgusting. You have NINJAS in the periodicals!
I'm sorry, sir. They sneak in once in a while.
I accidently steped on one, and it oozed all over my new shoes.
I've called an exterminator.
That jerk swat you with a Newsweek!
I know! I am SO going to hide his car!

 

Ninjas are your friends.
Ninjas are my friend.
Ninja's are not filthy vermin. They are smarter than you.
Ninja's sure are smart.
You'll thank me for it later.
What smells like crap?

 

I really want a copy of every title...but I don't know?
Why not? They are only three dollars a piece.
That will be three HUNDRED dollars.
Holy CRAP!
Heh, heh!
Math hath no mercy!

 

I can't make it to work today.
Kenny! You are always calling in. What is it this time?
I brought ninjas home with me. They are multiplying.
Kenny...don't panic. Slowly grab a steak knife and thrust at them.
Oh, GAWD! They're in my pants! They're in my pants!
Stab, Kenny! STAB!

 

Okay, Snowman! We gotta hightail our ass to Texarkana and we only got a short time to do it!
You got it, Bandit! Let's roll!
Hee hee! You think ol' Smokey has his ears on... especially after we set his pants on fire?
Maybe...but I'll bet his ass burns brighter than his ears!
You sum'bitch!

 

When I went to work this morning, there was this big fat toad sitting right inside the door to the mall.
Worried that he might get crushed once the mall opened, I nudged him outside with my toe.
Later, I thought to myself, "What right did I have to kick that poor toad out of the mall?"
And why was he there in the first place? Hmmm?
Then I remembered...
Soft Pretzels!

 

In a world where tornados can strike at any time, don't be caught in a sub-standard mobil unit.
(voice of Tom Hanks): This place has everthing, Wilson! (voice of Pamela Anderson): Nice Package!
(cows exploding)Coming to a park near you! ACT NOWWW!
WOW! That was some trailer!

 

King Aroo! So we meet again.
Mr. Pennipost!
You left me...holding the goods.
Mr. Pennipost...It's not what you think...I had no pockets!
Do you know what they do to people like me...in the zoo?
Heavy petting?

 

Lady, I'm here about the ninjas.
It's about time. I almost forgot about this bit.
It started out with just one ninja, but each ninja made another, and then another.
Yes, mam. That's what we in the vermin business call, "Arithmetic Misericordia-thhh."
Math hath no merthy?

 

These are not the ninjas you seek.
There are no ninjas here!
You have no business here. You can't read. Move along.
Welp! My job is done! Gotta blow.
It's worse than we thought, lady. This breed of ninja is the classification: astrum bellum fanaticus.
Star Wars geeks?

 

A Wookie and a Spartan were duking it out in a med-lab on Hoth.
Suddenly, the Wookie felt ill and turned to a near by med-droid.
The med-droid tells the Spartan, that the Wookie would no longer battle his own kind.
Get it? He's not a Wookie anymore, he's Ithaca!
It's even worse than I thought. They are the classification: astrum bellum Georgiadis Lekkas.
Star Wars Greeks?

 

Take that, wabbit!
Holy cwap! That buckshot sure wooks awot wike a man!
Holy crap, Scotty! Why was that a rabbit wearing a dress?
TOO MUCH POOOOOORN TO GET THROUGH

 

Hey, look! It's my penis!
Hey, little penis. How did you get out? Did I forget to put you away, little penis?
How 'bout I whack you back into place, little penis?

 

Hey, look! It's my penis!
Hey, little penis. How did you get out? Did I forget to put you away, little penis?
How 'bout I whack you back into place, little penis?

 

Oh, it was terrible! First he called me his "little penis." And then he wanted to whack me! (sob)
That dirty...Where is he? I'll teach him to try to whack my penis!
THERE HE IS! Right over there next to Mr. Furly!
Excuse me, have you seen my penis?

 

Hey, jerk! Did you try to whack my penis?
Hey, look...It's another little penis.
Now I can have TWO LITTLE PENISES.
Won't the girls be happy!

 

What's wrong, Jack?
Well, I had a little penis, but then it ran off.
THEN I had two little penises...but one of them beat me up. And then they both ran off.
And now I don't have any.

 

Oh, don't be silly, Jack. Your penis is right where you left it. Just go into the the bathroom and see for your self.
Impossible. I saw my penis run away.
I know it can't be...HEY! There's my little penis! Hello, little penis!
Did you fall behind the toilet again, little penis?

 

Hello. I am the stick figure playing the part of Jack.
And I play the part of Jack's little penis.
I would like to point out that this has been a dramatization.
In no way would we be privey to the actual size and number of penises that... that... that... that... that... that... that... that... that...
Could somebody help me? My penis is stuck!

 

I need a book about bugs.
How about "The Complete Book of Bugs," by Huey Yukk.
What is it?
Well, it's a book... and it's got bugs in it... and it was written by Huey Yukk.
Sounds good. I'll take it.
We're out.

Showing page 30.

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