All comics by Barf2

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by Barf2
7-07-04
Later...
Shit... Fuck... Cock-balls... I'm gonna die... The oxygen is so thin... I can hardly breath...
And yet, I must go on... I must hold my smile! It fuels my endurance!
DUN DUN DUUUUUN!!!
Wait... How the fuck am I supposed to save them though...?

 

by Barf2
7-07-04
HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF CHRIST! THE SUN...! Now that the Earth's gone, the moon's moved closer to the sun... Oh my god!
Well... *choke* It looks like... *cough* This is the end... *blarf* For oooold Mike...
OH MAH GOD!!!!!!
G-g-good bah... bye... Cruel world...

 

by Barf2
7-07-04
Ah man... Now I'm s-startin' tah... to see things...
Mike!
Whoa... What? Where am I?
YAY!!!
Listen to me very carefully, Mike. You have to got to get control! Ignore the pain and go on with the objective! Never give up. I believe in you!
You're.... y-you're... you're right, Candy! Gosh! Thanks. Now vanish, inferior illusion! I must do mah duty!

 

by Barf2
7-07-04
Finally, found a way in. Now I have to find where they're holding my friends... OH SHIT!
Huuut! Hut! Two, three, four! Sound off! One, two! Sound on? One, two!! Hut, hut...
La-resist-ANCE!
Mike is smart.
Uh... I concur...
!tuoba yrrow ot gnihtoN .dawkcuf omoh a tsuj s'eH !syug yako s'tI

 

by Barf2
7-08-04
Yeah, so I guess I'll just be leaving, pea-brained moonanite...
Not so fast, puney Earth human. MASTER! COME QUICKLY!!!
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!!!
...wha...?
Ah... So you're the famous "Mike?" Interesting. I thought you'd be buff. But no; you're just a nerd with long greacey hair.
And you're... the guy who plays R2-D2!
Gah! You discovered who I am! Bah, it matters not. Alien guards, send this Earth man to his cell!

 

by Barf2
7-08-04
YOU GOD DAMNED ALIEN BASTARDS! LET ME OUT!!!
Mike?
Huh? Oh, thought I smelled cabbage (athank you). How'd you know my name, midget?
You're the one who we thought would save us... I guess we were wrong. :'(
Meanwhile, in a spaceport on the moon...
Are the dropships ready, General?
Sir, yes, sir. The ships are fueled up and the Mooncraft is ready for liftoff.

 

by Barf2
7-08-04
Say what...?
Hey, little civilian! You know what I find odd?
I don't know; what?
Why do the aliens call us "Earth humans?" Are there other humans they've met aside from those found on Earth?
You're dumb.
Bah! Whatevever!

 

by Barf2
7-08-04
Holy fuckin' Christ... I'm gonna die...
Huh?
Mr. Bitch?! Hey! Come quick! I need help freeing them!
What are you talking about, little girl?
FOLLOW ME, YOU DUMBASS!!!

 

by Barf2
7-08-04
...Mike...? Mike, you in there?
And then I was like, "My dick does not make a good fork!" But she just kept jamming it into her steak like--what the hell?
Hey! Come on, let's go!
AGGGHHH!!! THE LIGHT!!!
Hey, cutie-pie!
Uh... This little one helped me find you. She's a bit fucked up in the head.

 

by Barf2
7-10-04
Five minutes later...
Huh?
Not so fast, you disgusting blob of green unorganized shit!
Bob, over here!
I have come to foil your plans, whatever those may be! Prepare to taist cold dick--steel, alien menace! GLAADIATOR!!!
Pune humawn treatan Bobs friend? Pune humawn mus' pay da price!!!
Shit... Fuck... Cock... Vagina... Vagina?

 

by Barf2
7-10-04
Dear god... I haven't asked you for anything in, like, a long time... Over a day, I think... So please, grant me this wish: Kill these aliens for me.
:: INTERMISSION ::
And that's the way the cookie crumbles!
More like: And that's the way the cherrie bursts.
Pleeeeaaaase... I need you now more than ever, God...
Ha. Ha. Ha. Think fun' things, you do. Ha. Ha-ha. Ha. I am Magical Dancing Hair. I am here to save fun' thinker.

 

by Barf2
7-10-04
I kill green monst' for you. Ha.
Uhhhh... Yeah, but... who the fuck are you?
Robot monk sent from the future to save you. I kill you in future, and the resistance captured me and reprogrammed me. They used my model because of your child-hood experience. This aided in my...
Uh-huh?
*GAAAASP* ...infaltration.
Oh. Well, that's cool 'n all.

 

by Barf2
7-10-04
It's a brave new world, Candy. Oracniphobia... I suppose we should populate it.
Fuck yeah, biatch. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.
I just hope you don't die during child-birth, like all the women millions of years ago did...
Fuck.

 

by Barf2
7-10-04
:: INTERMISSION ::
Sandy had a sandy vagina... And if you have some popcorn, a napkin, and a straw, you can too!
Hi, daughter.
Hah-doe dhere pops!!11onetwo
PS: They're standing in water, bitch.
Yeeeeaaaaah... Listen, for this who "population-growth" thing to work, I'm gonna have to fuck you in the ass, pusy, mouth, ears, eyes, belly-button, and breasts... Just to be sure I get you pregnet.
okie dokally daassdy!11

 

by Barf2
7-10-04
TRWEE SCWEEEMZ FO AMEWRICASSZZ!!11
OYE SHTOP DHERE EH! I FROM BRITIAN!!!11
YO, CRUNK DAT ILL BEAT NIGGA! YO, NIGGA! CRANK DAH BEAT, NIGGA! NIGGA, NIGGA!!!11
I'ZE FORGOT MY PANTS! I DOWN WITH THE 911, BIZNATCH!11
WOULD J00 LIKE TO PET MY POOPY?!!1
I COMMAND YOU! IN THE NAME OF LUCIFER! TO SPILL THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT!!11111

 

by Barf2
7-10-04
Listen, Mike. We must blow up moon. You must leave moon on little ship, with one other person. Take either Candy or Sandy, to populate another planet...
So, like, all humans are gonna die except for me and either Candy or Sandy...?
I know it difficult to und'stand. But you must choose.
Hmmmm...
That bastard better choose me.
YOU? You've never even sucked his dick! I put my tongue in his piss-hole, for Christs' sake! He'll choose me.

 

by Barf2
7-10-04
I choose you, Candy!
Damn right, bitch.
Okay, okay... Good. Now get in small garbage-can-sized ship. It is set to go to the world of Oracniphobia. Big Orcas' live there. 'Big as manors!
I knew he'd pick me. 'Sides, I'm the more loved one.

 

by Barf2
7-10-04
He's got all of Candy's genes.
DADDEH! WHY DON'T J00 JUST GO BACK IN TIME BEFORE EARTH WENT BOOM AND SAVE IT?!!11
:: INTERMISSION ::
Fuck. Sandy's coming back then...
By god, that retarded inbred goth has a good idea!

 

by Barf2
7-10-04
Whoa! It worked! I'm in the past!
And then I was like, "This dick isn't mine!"
Hey, Mike!
Oh, hey there, Mike!
The world's gonna blow up! Save it.
k

 

by Barf2
7-10-04
I guess I'll fade away now... Laters!
k
:: INTERMISSION ::
I'm back, bitch.
Fuck you, hoe.
And so the world went on, and the people lived happily ever after... Mike went on with life in peace... or so he thought!
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!

 

by Barf2
7-11-04
H-hey... Want some druuuugs?
Nyaah... Actually I'm here to get a job.
Oh.
The fuck?
H-hey... Want some druuuugs?

 

by Barf2
7-11-04
Uh... Is this the right place?
OH YEAH! JUST LIKE THAT! ...no... to the lef--OH GOD!!
Uh... Hi there...
Oh my... Uh... You want a job? Hold up, dog.
You can leave through the backdoor.
Call me.

 

by Barf2
7-11-04
It's, Bitch, actually...
Follow me, Mr. Biatch...
My Lord... There is some one here to see you.
k
I'm just glad it all worked out in the end!
Yo, whassup Big K? Uh... Can I get a job?
k!

 

by Barf2
7-11-04
Hey... Lemme... Le'me ask ya' somethin'... Why... Why you think you can just come in here a' take ovah?
Hey man, I mean no disrespect! I just got some shit I need to get off my chest.
I am teh Samurai Owehl!
Look around and I see this rap game's a mess...
Outwitted once again!
Okay, okay, okay...
k

 

by Barf2
7-11-04
Heeeey... You look so familiar...
I heard you rapping. You got flow.
Baby, it's like I love my wife. We goin' through things, and I ain't goin' home tonight.
You ain't gotta go home toniiiight... You can stay right here with meeee...
True love if I ever seen it
I ain't worry 'bout shit!
Don't you worry 'bout a thing... You're safe right here with meeeee...

 

by Barf2
7-11-04
Two months laterz...
Hey Candy!
Where've you been for the past two months, bitch?!
I met a girl!
Fuck... I'll have to kill that bitch!
This is like an Archie comic
k
Uh... That's great, Mike. Awesome... >:(

 

by Barf2
7-11-04
One... is the loneliest numbah that chyou'll ever seeee...
I love yooooouuuuu!!!!
And I love yoooouuuuuu toooooooo!!!
:: INTERMISSION ::
Uh... Go have some cotton candy! If you put it on your dick, your hoe can eat it off!
Fuckin' ugly-ass purple-haired bitch!
To be continued...
Huh? Candy! Candy, where're you going?
To smoke that bitch!

 

by Barf2
7-11-04
What the...?
Hey bitch, you've been hanging around my man too long! You're goin' down!
DIE, BITCH!!!
Ahhh... It is done.

 

by Barf2
7-11-04
C-C-Candy... Have you seen Billina anywhere?
Oooooh... Yeah, she told me to tell you to go fuck yourself and that she never wants to see you or your one-inch dick again.
Oh my god... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
It's okay. Let's fuck!
k
Yay!

 

by Barf2
7-11-04
:: INTERMISSION ::
Go buy some anal beads--er, jaw breakers. ;)
Mike loves me! Mike loves me! Mike loves me! Mike loves me! Mike loves me!
What's next for Mike...?
Uh, me!
What horrible severed head of a monster will Mike confront in the future...? Find out next episode!
NO! FIND OUT NOW! I AM THE SEVERED HEAD!!!

 

by Barf2
8-25-04
For season #2, we'd like to do something different.
Yeah. So, as oppose to sex jokes and profanity, we're going to be nice 'n stuff.
Fuck that shit. We're gonna be the same, just... Different. Ya' know? Like how Chapelle Show was cool in season 1, but fucking ruled in season 2...?
Yeah.
Will the floating severed head show up as the villian in this new season?! Will Candy fuck Mike?! How different will we be? Find out next episode of... MIKE TEH BIATCH!!!
And with that... we cut to Candy!
K! I'ma go fuck Mike now. Laterz!

 

by Barf2
9-17-04
TEH CONTINUATION!!!
Well... Here it is... Day #3... Three days and no sexual activity...!
I have no idea why I'm doing this. And just when I have a tape full of hours of sweet pornage.
This sucks.

 

by Barf2
9-17-04
Meanwhile in Hell...
Jersey Devil guy... Hey!
'Nuff with the chitter-chatter, ' the fuck do you want?
I want you to help me conquer Earth and subdue Mike the bitch!
Why in the buttfucking hell would I want to do that?
I give great head.
Oh...! Hmm! Well, sure then!

 

by Barf2
9-17-04
Ain't got nothin' but love baby! Eight days a week! Love, love, love...!
Together...
...forevEEEEEER!!!
Ahhhh...! That was some wild sex!
It's always crazy like that when you're on PCP, Mike!
Hey, uh... Didn't we have a son or something?
I think he's in hell... This comic is too confusing!

 

by Barf2
12-21-04
Oh Em Gee, mom... It's MIKE!
NOOO!!! CANDY, RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!
Wait... What teh fuck is going on?
COME ON CANDY!!! WE CAN'T DO SHIT AT THIS POINT!
NO! OH NO! MIKE! WHAT ABOUT MIKE?! I NEED TO HAVE HIS BIG JUICEY COCK IN MY ASS ONE MORE TIME!!!
OMGOMGOMG Drama
PULL YOUR SELF THE FUCK TOGETHER, CANDY! HE WOULD'VE WANTED YOU TO GO ON TO FUCK SOME OTHER POOR LIMP-DICKED FELLOW!
But... he... I... Ooooh--YOU'RE RIGHT! I hate to say it, but... I must leave Mike the Bitch. :'( teh cry

 

by Barf2
12-21-04
LICK MY POOPY STINK-HOLE YOU GOD DAMN ALIEN BASTAAAAARDS!!!
Nevermore... nevermore... nevermore.
OMG (.Y.)
Look, Candy, you couldn't help him. It's not your fault.
I know that, you cuntass bitch. I just wanted some buttsex before the cock-sucker bit the dust. But, uh... One question: WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON BACK THERE?!

 

by Barf2
12-21-04
Well... Uh... Alien bastards, I guess.
What alien bastards? Honestly, ever since comic #145 this series has gone down hill.
I suppose your right. Now like it ever went UP hill to begin with though.
Yeah... lesbian sex, diplomatic pigs, inbred children and cracker-ass pimps ain't exactly interesting now adays...
OMG TO BE FUCKING CONTINUED, BITCH!
Well... There's one thing we haven't done yet. One motherfuckin' thing...
What?

 

by Barf2
12-21-04
We haven't said the N-word yet.
Really? We haven't?
Nope.
...
NIGGA!
NIGGA!
NIGGA!

 

by Barf2
12-21-04
WE'RE MAKING FUN OF NIGGAS!!!
Hey Candy, my nigga... What do you think the alien was that killed Mike?
I dunno, nigga... Maybe it was that nigga Severed Head from befo'...
Meanwhile on some farm whore-house place...
MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! My plan is finally falling into place. With Mike out of the way, no one will stop me! NO ONE!!!
Meanwhile in hell...
Brother, why must we always stay here in hell? I want to go up to Earth and be with Mike. ...and Candy, and Sandy, and Sharkfucker, and...
Relax dickhead. Mike died a few comics ago, he's over there sucking off Stalin.

 

by Barf2
12-22-04
We're still laughing at you!
Ah shit, it's the Jersey Devil. I hate that nigga.
HEY! MIKE! MIKE, OVER HERE!!!
Uh... Yeah, hi.
HEY WHASSUP MIKE! I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU? GOOD! DUDE, I GOT THIS NEW KILLER SEGA GAME CALLED POWERSTONE!
Yeah, yeah, yeah; I'm sure it's all good 'n great, and I don't mean to hate, but you're a fuckin' faggot, and I've absolutely had it.
...Oh... I'm sorry you feel that way... But it's okay... I got other stuff to do. To fill up my day. But you leave me in dismay. Dick.

 

by Barf2
12-22-04
Yo Satan, my man! Whaddup my nigga?
Not much, homes... I was gonna invade Heaven later today and kill that cock-sucking bitch.
You mean God?
Yes. Yes, I mean fucking God. God is a dickweed. He tells me, "No Lucifer! You must do what I tell you! Follow my commandments, or else...!"
Then what?
I asked him, "Why the fuck should I do what you say?" He said, "I created you!" I said, "So?" Then the motherfucker kicks me out of Heaven. I was like, "What a fucking asshole!"

 

by Barf2
12-22-04
Satan... How did this all come to be? You in Hell, God in Heaven, good and evil. See, I never read the bible or anything, so...
Just as well. The bible is all lies. It was written by a drunk Greek who was personally, and literally, thrown out of Plato's Academy by Plato himself.
Wow.
Yeah... He hid the bible in a time capsule. Later, during the uprise of Christianity after that buttfucking Jesus guy was killed... The bible was dug up by a coupla' Jews.
So this Greek guy somehow predicted the birth of Jesus and everything?
Well... He did study with Plato. If that changes anything.

 

by Barf2
12-22-04
So anyways... Back to my question: How did all of this come to be, cock?
Oh, right, right. Well... It all goes back to when I was a nudist...
FLASHBACK!!!
Hey Lief!
Oh good day, Lucifer. Where are you headed?
I'm gonna go have a cheeseburger.
WHAT?! Lucifer... Dude... You know it's a sin to eat meat on a Friday.

 

by Barf2
12-22-04
MY LORD! Lucifer was about to eat some meat before I stopped him.
DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!
Leave me with him, Lief Ericson.
Yes, my lord.
So you wish to eat meat on this most Heavenly beautiful day, Lucifer?
God damn, dude, what's the big deal? My boyfriend just got some new hamburger patties, and we were gonna have a nice little grill this afternoon. Jesus fucking Christ, man, what's wrong with that?

 

by Barf2
12-22-04
Boyfriend? You are gay, Lucifer? I must've messed up when I made you, because I don't remember concocting a FUCKING QUEER!!!
What? But... You gave me a free-will. I just... I'm attracted to men. What's so wrong with that?
EVERYTHING, YOU BUTTFUCKING HOMO!
God damn, dude. You're a fuckin' dickhead.
YOU LITTLE COCK-SUCKING SONUVABITCH! I OUTTA SMITE YOU RIGHT FUCKING NOW!
Go ahead, motherfuker!

 

by Barf2
12-22-04
THOU SHALL NOT TEMPT THE LORD!!!
Why? Why should I follow what you say? Who the fuck are you anyways?
What nonsense is this? I am God, dumbass!
And? Why should I do what you say just because you created the universe? Seriously... Why? Shit, I don't even do what my parents tell me. Because they're dicks. Amd so are you.
GOD DAMMIT! I AM GOD! I AM YOUR KING!!! YOUR LORD!
No. No, dude, you're not. The only ruler of me is myself.

 

by Barf2
12-22-04
Whoa. Then what?
Then I moved out. Looked around, and found this bigass empty lot. I called it Hell, named after my first wife: Hellen. And that's it.
Wow. That's pretty interesting. But... I thought you were gay?
Well... I was. But then I found myself face-fucking this broad named Hellen. So since then I've been bisexual.
If you're masturbating to this. Please. Do so with caution.
Cool.
Yeah.

 

by Barf2
12-22-04
So. We attack tomorrow.
Yes. Tomorrow we attack.
And just who the buttfucking hell are you, guy?
Hmm? Mike? What, I thought you... Oh... Heh. Yeah.
Wait a minute... You're that dickweed who killed me! YOU FUCKIN' ASSWIPE! I'M GONNA SHOVE YOU UP A FAT-LADY'S ASS!!!
HOLY SHIT!!!

 

by Barf2
12-22-04
OMG YOU FAGGOT! YOU SUCK, FAGGOT! YOU WERE MEAN TO ME ABOUT MY COMICS, FAGGOT!
Hmm... Let's see your comic...!
MEANWHILE AT DA FACTURY11!!1!!1?
oMg i luvsad3 sfkoosodo beejee kessinjour Eh?
O KNOW my bench iz braken..........!.1>_0 my moon bemadatm e
OMG! MY COMIX RULE, FAGGOT!
Right... Yeah... I'm gonna rape you now.

 

by Barf2
12-22-04
tHiZ comix iz browght to YOU buy MOUSEYMATTY uv brackenwood
OMG WE MUST STOP THE EVIL SCIENTIST!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
KILL WHITEY!11
HELP ME!!!
I MUSHT NOT FALL UNDER YOUR EVILE HIPNOSIS!!!
THE DAY IZ SAVED!11!!!!1
WE SAVED THE DAY!!!
we sure did

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