All comics by ivytheplant

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by ivytheplant
11-22-03
SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW!!!!!!
We have a serious Ivy problem.
Weed-whack-her?
SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW!!!!!!
Um...no. It's been snowing all night. And in large amounts. So instead of our usual few inches, it's starting to look like a three day blizzard if the forecast is right.
So what's the problem? Ivy should be thrilled.
SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW!!!!!!
That's just it. I'm afraid she might explode from all the excitement.
Ahhh gotcha! An elephant dose of Valium coming up!

 

by ivytheplant
11-22-03
SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW!!!!!!
"Blah blah blah careful blah blah blah stay home blah blah blah safe blah blah Christmas blah blah blah fret..."
Yes mom...I WILL mom!...no I'm not going to...it's not even December!...
SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW!!!!!!
"Blah blah blah Fort Collins blah blah blah STAY HOME!! blah blah NO DRIVING!!"
Mooom! I'm not driving...okay okay I promise! *click*
10 minutes later...
YeeeeeeeHAW!!!

 

by ivytheplant
11-24-03
What's with Ivy?
She's sad because the snow is melting.
Ah. That explains the giant pile of ice she dumped outside.
She really does have a grasp of physics. She's just distraught.
When will she come out of there?
Probably the next snowfall.

 

by ivytheplant
11-24-03
"...AND STAY OUT!!!" *slam!*
I wouldn't go in the kitchen if I were you.
Ivy sounds pissed. What happened?
I interrupted her preparing for Thanksgiving dinner.
Um...it's Monday...
She likes to start early. The kitchen is offlimits for the week.
I'll give you $20 to snag me a soda.

 

by ivytheplant
11-24-03
I've cleaned the kitchen so you aren't allowed in until after Turkey Day.
Dinner better be worth all this.
Not counting veggies and the 23 lb turkey seasoned with my special herb blend, I'm making (from scratch) mashed potatoes , stuffing, gravy, cornbread, and cranberry orange bread.
*drooooool*
Dessert is Bailey's Irish Cream pie.
Marry me.

 

by ivytheplant
11-24-03
At a restaurant with my grandparents...
Why does Ivy have a salad, Mommy? Where's her meal?
BECAUSE SHE'S A VEGETARIAN, DADDY!
Understand they are from a background where salad is a side dish only...
Oh. Vegetarian?
YES!! SHE'S A VEGETARIAN!! SHE DOESN'T EAT MEAT!!
But at times I wonder about their observational skills.
Honey, we love you no matter what.
Fer cryin out loud! It's a COBB salad! It's got more meat than vegetables!

 

by ivytheplant
11-25-03
Faster! Harder! Harder! Come on, Atheist!
I'm going as hard as I can, Ivy. Would you stop moving!?
Oh...dear...god...Ivy, I can't believe you've sunk this low.
Hey! I'm saving money, damnit!
Would you just buy a space heater already you cheap bitch?
Now once the fire is going, someone is going to have to make sure it doesn't go out or else we're going to freeze all winter.

 

by ivytheplant
11-25-03
Ivy, I've got a physics question for you.
Okay...
How come Atheist is always around when he actually lives a few states away?
I use my teleporter to bring him here instantaneously.
Um...
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to repair the interocitor.

 

by ivytheplant
11-25-03
u haven't live if u haven't tried out this new stuff
Wanna Be a Sex Machine saxwmdcp647
SAY GOODBYE TO PREMATURE EJACULATION
I didn't think this was possible
Don't miss Bette Midler
Unreal how low it has gotten

 

by ivytheplant
11-25-03
Mmm...oooh yeeaahh!
What in the box is going on?
Ivy managed to score freshly made bagels at Safeway today.
Oh yes! Yes! Yes!
She certainly seems to be enjoying them.
There's a theory that Safeway puts crack in their baked goods but no one seems to care.

 

by ivytheplant
11-25-03
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis&Çekoslovakyalilastiramadiklarimizdanmisiniz
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis&Çekoslovakyal
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis&Çekoslovakyalilastiramadiklarimizd

 

by ivytheplant
11-25-03
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis&Çekoslovakyalilasti
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis&Çekoslovakyal
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis&Çekoslovakyalilastir

 

by ivytheplant
11-26-03
I'm not cheap...
Hey! This shampoo says it's $1.38 per bottle!
Well, Wal-Mart claims they're rolling back prices.
Just stuck in my ways...
I've been buying this shampoo for years and it's always been the same price. In fact, when I bought some two months ago it was $1.09.
Gonna sue for false advertising?
And very, very observant...
I have a better idea.
One golf club coming up.

 

by ivytheplant
11-26-03
Ich werde nie Pizza wieder essen.
Was geschah dieses mal?
Ich dachte irrtümlich, daß ich eine gesamte Wurstpizza essen könnte.
Wimmern. Sogar ich kann nicht den tun. Wie fühlen Sie?
Ich denke, daß ich meinen Vorfahren gefallen habe.
Damit, wie unsere Vorfahren starben.

 

by ivytheplant
11-27-03
What a day! Start laundry at 10:00, prepare turkey at 11:00, turkey in oven at 11:30, prepare pie at 12:00, baste turkey at 12:30, put pie in freezer at 1:00, baste turkey at 1:30, and shower at 2:00.
I napped all morning.
Then baste turkey at 2:30, start potatoes at 3:00, baste turkey at 3:30, start cornbread at 4:15, baste turkey at 4:30, start stuffing at 4:30, start veggies at 4:30, and start gravy at 4:45.
Then I deposited hair in her food and ran in circles around her feet.
And Turkey willing, it will be all done at 5:00 and we can eat.
I can't believe she thinks HER day is full!

 

by ivytheplant
11-27-03
Oh no...
What is it?
Santa's been into the Rum again.
Uh-oh, let's just hope he can't can't get into the stables this time...
Y'know...in Lapland... reindeer is a staple in the diet. And that fucking Mrs. Bitch-Claus never lets me have a decent burger...
Why is he looking at me like that? And what's with the knife?

 

by ivytheplant
11-28-03
Wow. He looks terrible.
Moooooaaaaaaan... So...much...food!
You think that's bad, you should see the other guests!
Don't forget about leftovers!
Nooooooooooo!
I must remember to practice my tupperware-opening skills.

 

by ivytheplant
11-28-03
You look like hell. What happened?
I went to the Wal-Mart post-Thanksgiving Ãœber sale.
Why on earth would you do something like that?
There was a couple of appliances I've been wanting listed at 1/3 the normal cost.
I bet you feel dirty now.
It's a crime against nature for that many mothers to be shopping at Wal-Mart at 6am!

 

by ivytheplant
11-28-03
Nov 28: Dear Diary, Today I had a lovely turkey sandwich for breakfast and lunch. I'd forgotten just how much I love turkey! Turkey soup tonight. I am loving this!
Nov 30: Dear Diary, Oh man! I am so full! For lunch I made a deluxe hoagie with turkey and all the trimmings! Turkey pot pie tonight! Yum!
Dec 3: Dear Diary, Yippee, turkey again. I would kill for some beef but I don't want all this food to go bad. Well, at least I'm not starving lol!
Dec 25: Dear Diary, I can't believe mother cooked a turkey! What happened to ham or the Christmas goose? God help me, I'm getting sick just thinking of more turkey!
Jan 4: Dear Diary, I can't sleep. I can't eat! Every time I close my eyes, everywhere I turn, I see those infernal birds! The bastards are taunting me! I can't take it anymore! I must do something!!
March 9: Dear Diary, Sorry I haven't written in a while. I was found incompetant to stand trial so I came to this rest home. Nice place, but today they served turkey sandwiches. The bastards will pay!

 

by ivytheplant
11-28-03
There's so much porn on the internet.
Yeah, but it makes money. I was thinking of doing porn myself...
WOOSH!!
Why do I have the feeling I shouldn't have said anything?
There IS a god!

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IM's I've received from her.
IM From Vampireyes.
Aw crap. Here we go again.
For more info, and to see these logs yourself...
"I know your life is empty without me"
Riiiiight.
www.lackofoxygen.net/jennypoo/neighbor.html
"well your surely going to the catholic version of hell"
Oh please. Like I didn't already know that.

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IM's I've received from her.
"who are your bitch ass enemies attacking me?"
Other than her?
For more info, and to see these logs yourself...
"you are a lieing pathetic looser"
I'm "looser?"
www.lackofoxygen.net/jennypoo/neighbor.html
"I DON'T LIE"
ROFL!!!!

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IM's I've received from her.
"I love too easily"
Yeah, you easily love every guy you meet.
"You are a lesbian STALKER. nobody wants you. Go die in a ditch somewhere."
Wait...am I a lesbian who stalks or a stalker of lesbians?
"only poop came from my place"
Ewwwwww...

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IM's I've received from her.
"do you even remember any feelings before I hated you?"
Of course not. You are my whole world.
"are you so shallow so empty, so void of feeling, so ndead"
What's "ndead"?
"dead"
Ah. Gotcha.

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IM's I've received from her.
"kitty Kat I miss talkinf toyou"
Well I sure don't miss it.
Also note: I'm not responding to these, just having an internal monologue.
"know you haveno soul"
Well duh, I sold it to Brad when I joined StripCreator.
"HEKKI>>>>>>>>>"
Mekka lekka hi mekka hidey ho to you too.

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IM's I've received from her.
"I'm sorry that your life revoles around me"
But...YOU are the one that IMs ME!
I could block her. But where's the fun in that?
"why do you have the need to habitualy haunt me?"
Again...
"why the hell can't you leave me alone?"
Christ on a stick, woman! You're defeating yourself with no help from me!

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IM's I've received from her.
"so I guess everyone that meets you hates yoiu"
Obviously. That's why I have no friends, remember?
All her IMs are accurate. Copied directly from the logs.
"stop stalking me"
You missed the Logic Train again, sweetheart.
Cause the truth is much funnier than fiction.
"thief degenerate"
I am so bad. Spank me!

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IM's I've received from her.
"bitch"
I am awed by your creative insults.
"psycho"
Thank you.
"psycho bitch"
Oooo! Two insults in one! You are so clever!

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IM's I've received from her.
"me just sitting here and hopeing that you will get your brain back"
But I have brains. The CAT scans are proof!
"well there is something "evil" about me that you wish not to include in your new things"
What? She actually grasped a concept??
"hmmm well look into your past and find who is the real person"
Guess not.

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IM's I've received from her.
"look if you want me to try and be a lesbian, I'm more than willing to try"
Not sure I want to know where this is going...
"I totally love you and an jealous of all others you hang out with, I tthink thats love"
Ewwwwwwww!
There are some things that require more than therapy.
"eVER FEEL LIKE YOU JUST NEED TO BE FUCKED? NOT LOVED NOT MADE LOVE TO JUST FUCKED?"
AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"only that people who believe in evil are wrong and evil, cause they brought that into thier lived"
Um...
"tell the truth or else have it come down on you"
Praise the Lord!
www.lackofoxygen.net/jennypoo/neighbor.html
"why are you harrassing me?"
Again, the Logic Train has left...

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"look psycho you want me soooo bad"
I soooo do not!
Also note: I haven't responded to her IMs in a long time...
"ARE YOU CLEAR?????"
No, I'm opaque.
Which pisses her off even more...
"are you going to respond or simply be your neglentant self?"
I'm not going to respond. It's funnier watching you scream all night.

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"you fucking leach"
Yawn. I'm gonna get some lunch.
"what is your major damage?"
"so glad I'm not your friend anymore"
Oh poor me. Whatever will I do?

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"you pathetic piece of bad karma"
She goes through phases...
"well at least you contradict yourself and addmit it"
What a wonderful thing to wake up to. She's been at this all night.
This is the insult phase.
"why won't you move or die or something?
I'm gonna go shopping.

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"such peace you have to tread upon me?
I'm out shopping.
"you know all I need is for you to get a fucking life"
La dee da.
"and leave me alone as I have you"

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"remember how you didn't care when I was in the hospital almost dead?"
Enter the guilt phase...
"being on an IV for five days"
With added insults.
"I almost fucking died bitch"

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"I never wished anything upon you"
Back from shopping...
"I always wishwished you well"
Wow! So much good stuff while I was out!
Oh, it's the whiny I've-Always-Been-Good-To-You Phase
"I wished you well in your own realm"
Wait...didn't she tell me to die earlier?

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"well I have grown tired of your attemts to harm me"
Damn! I knew I shouldn't have hired those budget assassains!
Now it's the martyr phase...
"and I do wish you would move because it has become hard liveing next to you"
Right. 'Cause minding my own business makes it so hard...
"as I have ignored you and not seen you but yet you still defamed my garage, so WHY?"
...How does a garage get defamed?

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"so it was a cult thing, then everyone knew yoiur evil ways?"
Cult...
Logic Train left again...
"well your the one who thinks I have a delusional mind"
Must...resist...speaking ...the...obvious!
"and why aren't we friends?"
I need a drink...this is too much...

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"you don't work and all you know how to do is hurt people"
That's because I'm Assistant Director of the of the CIA's Torture Department.
I used to do contract work on the side for a metaphysical store in town.
"the pagan shop will soon turn you out on your ass"
Thanks for the tip.
This is one of my favorite lines from her.
"I will show them what you put in my garage and tell them how you have bad karma and are a bad person with a bad coven and soul
Cause retailers listen to drunk nutjobs on how to run a business...

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"at least I know I have a soul and can create better shit thatn you pawn off"
Dear Diary, I now know why I don't feel complete. I don't need a man, I need a soul!
Now the I'm-Soooo-Much-Better-Than-You Phase...
"oh hit a hot spopt"
No. you're cold. VERY cold!
Another favorite line...
"is this hostility all because I'm sooooooooooo much skinnerier than you now?"
ROFL!!!

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"bitch you think little symbols on my car will do anything"
Wonder what's on tv...
She thinks I vandalized her car...
"grow up and move on"
She never even made it to the Logic Train Station...
"you want to talk to me so badlly it's sad"
Oooo! MacGyver!!

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"poor baby whats wrong?"
What a great MacGyver episode. Better see if psycho said anything more...
"oh I have achieved silence"
Whoa! She finally noticed I'm not responding to her!
"wow thank the goddess for the truth"
And goes right back into incoherent land...

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"and then she failed she failed"
At what?
"afraid to talk now"
Mommy! I'm scaaaaared!
www.lackofoxygen.net/jennypoo/neighbor.html
"afraid to admit your bitchyness"
No, I freely admit it.

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"hello, I bring only peace"
Take me to your leader...
This is the I-Only-Want-To-Be-Your-Friend Phase...
"look I miss you and our bOARD GAMES"
I don't. Funny about that.
"I love and miss you"
Ewwwww!

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"silly girl if I can have a reptile on my shoulder you can respond to me"
Why do you have a lizard on your neck? Wait...I don't want to know...
Transition between phases...
"if you won't talk to me them wjy are you obsessed with me???Q"
Choo-choo!
"please stop puttibg me on your high horse"
WTF?

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"so you smelled something dead? ...am curios what it was"
Must...not...respond... with...obvious...answer!
Transition between phases...
"I do I miss you a lot"
Again...
"but spending time down there is in the padt"
Down where?

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"kitty kat, I dom't live here anymore, you could at least talk to me"
I have better things to do. Like watch you make an ass of yourself.
Transition between phases...
"I have been away soooooo long"
And I thank Satan every day for that.
"you should miss me by now"
Like I miss VD.

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
Note: These are real IMs I've received from her.
"oh yeah your such a big girl you don't respond or talk to me, just e-mail me and torment me looser"
Yay! I'm looser again!
BAM! I'm evil again!
"you are a pathetic sick indivual"
Said the spider to the giant-ass boot.
"are you so desperate or a friend that you can't give up on me"
I think I'll mail her a map to the Logic Train Station...

 

by ivytheplant
11-29-03
So, some might read these last comics as me being obsessed with my crazy ex-neighbor. Quite the opposite. I use things in my life to make strips and what better material than a lunatic who plagues me?
I haven't talked to this woman in a while. I haven't even seen her in person in over a year. Yet she still IMs me despite my lack of response. And then she rants about how I'm obsessed with her.
www.lackofoxygen.net/jennypoo/neighbor.html
"sad sad little girl, oops I ment big girl, oops I ment fat ass scary girl that no one would ever want"
Would you shut up for a minute you freaking whore!?
It's amazing all the things I've supposedly done to her. Each new mark against her becomes more and more fantastical. I'm like some demented supervillain that lives to make her (our hero) miserable.
I was thinking of writing a book based on this, but I think StripCreator is a much more interesting way of doing it. Plus, it gave me enough material to hit 200 comics before November ended. Yay!

Showing page 4.

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