All comics by Barf2

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by Barf2
12-23-04
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU UP TO, MOTHERFUCKER?!
Ah'ma'god. I... I... I'm just a normal floating severed head with static hair. I'll, uh... Just be on my way then.
OH NO YOU DON'T YOU BITCHASS FUCKIN' DICKWEED! I've got somethin' for ya'!
Hola' shite.
Hey Ursilla! Come over here! I need to put something else up your ass!
Ah feck.

 

by Barf2
12-23-04
Ten minutes later...!
Oooh! It hurts, Mikey! Ease it in!
Alright, it's up there. Thanks a lot Ursilla.
Mikey, you're such a sweethart... Maybe tomorrow you can stay home from school and we can go to the zoo and get some icecream. Does that sound nice?
Ah shit, this dame's a fuckin' nut. Nut. Nut... I need to bust one of those. BAH...! I have just the perfect nut buster too!
YUM!
Ursilla, I have a non-sugar tootsie-pop for you! It's in my pants. Just promise you want bite it.

 

by Barf2
12-23-04
WE'RE STILL TEH LAUGHING!!!
Well hey ya' Scotty.
Whassup my nigga. You know man, gay pride day is today.
Really? What does that mean?
It means that gay people around the world will be marching through the streets parading their sexual preference.
OMG!!! NEW CHARACATURE!!!
Oh. That's cool. You know, uh... I'm pretty gay myself.
Yeah. Me too. So, uh... Can I put it in y'er ass, guy?

 

by Barf2
12-23-04
That was some good buttsex. My ass is inflamed, but I feel... who the fuck is this chump?
Mike, I know who you are, I'm Jack... 'O. My name is Jack'O. Listen. I can get you out. But first you gotta do something for... me.
Um.
No, shh! Don't speak. Listen. I can get you out. But first you gotta buttfuck me. What size condoms do you take? Speak!
OMG I'M SO CLEVER!
Um. Those ones are my size... The "Pink-Finger Kids' Sized Deluxe."
Wow! Just how small is that dick of yours?

 

by Barf2
12-23-04
Later that day...
So did you get it?
Yes. I got the condom, and there's enough sperm in it to make a hundred million evil clones!
Good! Muhahahahahahaha!
Yes... Now lick the peanut-butter off my shlong, poochy-pooch!
...
I won't say it again, motherfucker!

 

by Barf2
12-23-04
:: INTERMISSION ::
Why are you reading horrible comics on the internet when you could be fucking some drugged-up bitch up her ass right now?
For real. You could have three teenage sluts licking up your dick in a cheap motel room with porn blasting on the TV.
But no... You choose to read comics instead of eating pussy.
What the fuck's wrong with you?!
YOU GOT PWNED!!!!!111oneone
Do you want to die without ever tasting pussy? Without ever having four girls at once? Without achieving ten orgasms in one night?
I'd have to say they do, Sandy. That's why they're here. Reading this.

 

by Barf2
12-23-04
Day 1: My journey has just began, and already my porn tapes are calling out to me.
Must... Stay away... Must resist... Must... not... masturbate!
I... Must... Keep my mind... Occupied on something... I must not jerk... my willy!
Must... Be strong... Must not... Think of sex... Must ignore boner. Must...

 

by Barf2
12-24-04
December 23rd...
Hey there Hammy. Merry Christmas!
What's so merry about it? It's not even snowing.
Oh... Yeah, that sucks.
It ruins everything, yo. Without snow, there's nothing to celebrate.
Hmmm... You're right. Maybe we can do something about it.
Maybe.

 

by Barf2
12-24-04
Later...
Hey man... Listen, I know you have the power to make it snow. I'll suck you off if you just give us some fucking snow, yo!
k.
The next day...
Good job, Mike!
What the shite...
I feel secksay.

 

by Barf2
1-01-05
So... You gonna destroy the world THIS time?
I was thinking about it... But, see, it's gotta be a big year. Like the turn of the millennium.
Well then why the fuck didn't you do it in 2000?
I lost my virginity in 2000. There was no way in hell I was gonna conquer Earth instead of buttfucking that hottie.
HAPPEH NEW FUCKING YEARS, BITCHES!
So... What are you gonna do New Years then?
Lose my virginity again.

 

by Barf2
1-01-05
HER HOUSE IS A JAIL! LOL!!!
Watchu doin' in my house, white girl?
Calm down now, nigga. I just wanted to see what niggas do to celebrate the birth of our savior.
What? Jesus wasn't born on the 25th. Christianity adopted Christmas from the Greeks to convert pagans.
...oh... Well... If you "ain't" celebrating the birth of Jesus, then what the fuck ARE you celebrating?
What should I celebrate? The turn of the year? Should I celebrate the new months too? Every new day, should I celebrate THAT?
...you... you got a point. But, whatever nigga, I'm gonna go follow the crowd.

 

by Barf2
1-01-05
Hello, infadelic pagan scum. Have you come seeking Christ?
Mika' durba es' dor' edin Christ iska felion best'on flee.
That's right. He died for our sins. It's not too late for you. Accept Christ, and live eternally in Heaven.
Bosta' shinsu ki?
WE'RE LAUGHING AT YOU, CHRISTIANITY!
Happy New Years to you too. Now come along, let's get you circumsized.

 

by Barf2
1-14-05
Mother Hannah, I've come on behalf of the President of the United States. He would like to know what God thinks about the suffering tribes in Africa--
Oooh... They haven't heard of the word of Christ. They're lost souls.
Later that day... and no, I couldn't find a fuckin' image that looked like Dubya, so fuck off!
Sir, they said that they were, and I quote... "lost souls..."
I am Caesar and--lost souls, eh? Well then the world must be cleansed of their filth!
Meanwhile in Africa...

 

by Barf2
1-15-05
No one in the early twenty-first century would've believed that intelligences greater than our own were watching us... with envious eyes...
So did you hear about the meteor crash on the farm two miles east of Princeton?
Yes, I did. The rock is a gift from God. We should go bless it.
Meanwhile, at the farm...
DIE HUMAN SCUM!!! FOR MARS!!!

 

by Barf2
1-15-05
Thirteen hours later...
So... where is God's gift to us?
Oh sweet goodness! What is this strange creature?
SILENCE YOUR THOUGHTS, EARTH WOMAN! I DEMAND COOKIES AND CREAM FROM THE MOIST INNARDS OF YOUR VAGINA!!!
Oooh... kay... Have you heard the word of Christ, little weird one?
Christ...? What, is that like some sort of Church slang for 'vaginal discharge'?

 

by Barf2
1-15-05
Meanwhile, on the red plains of Mars' surface...
Is it done?
Yes. America is now occupied by the forces of Mars.
Good...! GOOD! Now on to phase two! Start crashing your flying saucers into national monuments tomorrow! BECAUSE I HATE THEIR ALLAH DAMN FREEDOM!!!
Um... Alright then...
Good. Now leave me alone... I must stick a rod into my peehole, and masturbate Allah's little soilder.
Holy shit, I'm getting the fuck outta here!

 

by Barf2
1-15-05
Meanwhile, on the moon...
So, like... What the fuck are we doing here anyways?
We're supposed to find the secret missile silo that the US government built her during the Cold War, and...
NOW YOU UNDERSTAND!
Oooooh...
...fire the nuclear missiles at Mars.
Meanwhile on the Atlantic Ocean floor...
YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR MY STRIKING TIGER MONKEY STYLE!
YOU'RE KONG-FU IS NOTHING TO MY INVERTED SUPER KICK-BITCH STOMP TECHNIQUE!

 

by Barf2
1-15-05
In our last comic we did something terrible... Where we meant to write, "here" we accidentally missplace the last 'e', so it looked like "her". We apologize. :'(
BAH!!!
BAAAH!!!
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Edn.

 

by Barf2
1-15-05
You see, it was the invention of dildoes that made women attracted to penises.
But why would they invent dildoes if women weren't attracted to penises in the first place?
Later that afternoon...
Now, women have always hated penises. Which is why men invented to dildoes. So girls could find the beauty in them...
So you're saying that handheld dicks made women love home-console dicks? It doesn't make much sense, homes.
Later that night...
...which is why women are attracted to penises.
Oh. Well, my vibrating showerhead made me like penises, not any dildo.

 

by Barf2
1-15-05
WON DEY un da pLANET URTH11!!1
i hev cum 2 SAVE da DAAAAAAY!!!
i /\/\ EVIL!!! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SUDDENLEY!!!
OH KNOW
i have da bomb! agggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
da dey iz SAVED....>>..>.
U did et!!11
MY MIND IS ACHING

 

by Barf2
1-15-05
Hey there big boy. You wanna suck these teets. Five dollars, and they're all yours.
Well kitten. I can't pass up a pretty pussy like you. Twenty bucks for some assplay?
Turn around, bend over, and grab you toes, bitch. I'm gonna show you where the wild goose goes!
Oh god! This isn't happening! This isn't happening! Find a happy place!
Shit. I knew I shouldn't have told "WetPussy23" that the door would be unlocked.
Oh. I see you've got a canary. A sweet little... juicey... tender canary.

 

by Barf2
5-29-05
So I was all, "Dis nigga be crazy," and he was all...
SHUT UP NIGGER!!! Now pick my field, suck my dick, and cook me dinner, or I'll kill yuh!
You be crazy, nigga. Those days are over. Now adays, YOU suck MY dick, cracka.
Oh my great gosh, really? I'm so sorry, nigger, I didn't know.
SLURP SLURP SLURP!!!
Well now you know, whitey. Now watch the teeth and keep sucking after I've blown. I usually have some left-over juice.
Oh... uh, okay...

 

by Barf2
5-18-06
People of StripCreator.com
Here thee!
Don't ever forget about Barf2!
Our comics are the best this site has to offer! They're sexy, racist, violent, disgusting, confusing, and they make priests orgasm!
We own your soul.
Mhmm.

 

by Barf2
5-27-08
...It's been more than two years since the last comic. But Mike and Candy reunite after the mysterious death of Billina. ;D
So, Candy... I know it's been a while...
Yeah. Two long-ass years. Practically three. What have you been doing all that time?
Well... I became a business tycoon and made a billion dollars.
Hmm.
And you?
I'm still a ho-bag. I fucked, like, 23... 24... million guys. Wanna have a go?

 

by Barf2
5-27-08
Meanwhile in South Africa...
Mike betrayed me time and time again! NOW IT'S TIME TO GET EVEN!!!
Yes! Yes!! YES!!!! What's your plan?
Well... If you just look to your left... I'd like you to meet my business partner...!
DUN DUN DUUUNNERZZZ!!!
HAHAHAAA!!! After two years of planning, MIKE THE BITCH WILL BE MINE!!!!!

 

by Barf2
5-27-08
That was the best sex I've had since... well, the last time I did you!
Oh joy! Let me just go wash up real quick before we cuddle. My vadge is a mess! Heehee!
...To the bathroom Candy went, and out the window, down the sewers drain, and straight to hell!
Okay, now where is he?
THERE YOU ARE! Look, Lucy... Baby... We're over. I found someone else. And... you and I... it just wasn't working.
NO!!! Who is it?! IS IT MIKE?! YOU'RE LEAVING ME FOR MIKE!!! You whorey whore-pants! I WILL HAVE HIS BALLS FOR THIS!!!

 

by Barf2
5-27-08
And up out of hell, up the sewer drain, atop the rooftop of her appartment building, and WHAM-BAM into heaven Candy went!
God!
Yo, whaddup ho. You come for more white chocolate?
And up out of hell, up the sewer drain, atop the rooftop of her appartment building, and WHAM-BAM into heaven Candy went!
N-No... I actually came to tell you... Mike and I got back together. We're over.
Wha... WHAT?! YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME?!
And up out of hell, up the sewer drain, atop the rooftop of her appartment building, and WHAM-BAM into heaven Candy went!
I'm sorreeeeeeh..
YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!!! I'M THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA, BITCH!!! MIKE IS AS GOOD AS DEAD!!!

 

by Barf2
5-29-08
I KNEW DIS SHIT'D BE CRAZY ALREADY NIGGA!
M'kay, ssso today we're going to measure each others peenies.
DAYUM CRACKAH! YOU DUN GOT A HUGE CRACKAH-CAK!
Why yes. Yes I do. Would you like to measure it?
DIS AIN'T DA KINDA THANG I DO!!!
At this point... I knew I would never be the same again.
Jimal, or Tirese, or Ray-Ray... whatever your name is... I'm going to touch you now.
I CAYUNT STOP LOOKING AT YO CAK, CRACKAH!

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