All comics by BobRogers

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by BobRogers
4-30-05
Dave and the DeMoN, Loretta bump into each other on the island where Dave's airliner has crashed...
I been looking for you, kid.
Do I know you?
Loretta's the name - POSSESSION - is my game!
I don't NEED THIS right now. I am in a FRAGILE STATE!
Where's he going to go? It's an ISLAND for crying out loud.

 

by BobRogers
4-30-05
Loretta feels the sting of rejection...
Loretta, wazzup? You seem depressed.
It's Dave. I am supposed to be possessing him right now and he's screwing it up.
You seem like a "take charge" kinda gal. Take charge. Force him to listen to reason.
You're right. I have a job to do and feeling sorry for myself isn't getting it done. Thanks.
Don't mention it. EVER. Dave has my phone number.
Gotcha.

 

by BobRogers
4-30-05
What are you looking so smug about? Say. Have you gained weight?
Truth is, I ate all the survivors of the plane crash except one.
Fate has brought us together. Our minds are merging. Your thoughts to my thoughts...
You suck, Bob... if that's your REAL name.
I hear that rescue ships have high speed internet...

 

by BobRogers
5-04-05
I am Watching visits the Island..
How's it hanging, Loretta?
Me take you three times to heaven! Suckee Suckee, 5 dollah!
Cute. Now knock off the shape-changing trick and step up.
OK, you got me. But I am not going to let you talk to Dave.
Well, give him a message, ok? Bob is real, The first owner of the B2G Blog was me. And he needs to lay off Jen.
Dave does not exist. I, Loretta am in charge forever. I have PMS today, now PISS OFF!

 

by BobRogers
5-04-05
Loretta occupies Dave's Body, supressing Dave and she is pissed...
I am taking this all the way to the top!
You won't get away with this, Bob! You don't exist! I have called NJ 231 times!
And don't even think about kidnapping me right now. I will eat you alive and spit out your bones

 

by BobRogers
5-04-05
Meanwhile, back in PLVY...
What happened here?
Nothing yet
Then why are we here?
Getting ready
Getting ready for what?
Getting ready for when Dave posts Jen's cell phone # on the Internet

 

by BobRogers
5-05-05
J Gargoyle is a raft of reason in an ocean of chaos.
You know that this is rapidly becoming a Broadway production in the "theater of the absurd?
Yeah, I know. But what are you gonna do? You cant let a thing like pornspamming go without some kinda response.
Still, there's what Lori said to be considered. Have you ever thought that Dave might just be "Non Compos mentis?"
Well, that may be. But he is still on the Internet and terrorizing innocent peeps. How do you justify allowing that to continue?
Isn't it a lot like the Vietnam conflict though? Escallation on both sides untill somebody finally melts down completely?
Ain't gonna be me.

 

by BobRogers
5-07-05
On the island...
Hi Doc. What are you doing here. I thought you were on vacation after the time machine strip.
The Mental Health people asked me to help Dave. Have you seen him?
He found a high speed Internet Connection and a computer on the island and is terrorizing message boards
If you see him again, tell him his lobotomy is scheduled for 6:00.
meanwhile on the Internet, tempting fate...
You're a racist Jew and a Black Frenchman, and a Catholic Arab and a homosexual and a left handed wanker, Bob....

 

by BobRogers
5-09-05
A brief time-out to promote the new Message Board Dave Memorial Toon Archive...
Hi. My name is DUCKTARD. I am the official SPOKESDUCK for the new Message Board Dave Archive.
So what you are saying is that this is a shameless promo and Bob has trotted out the DUCK to do the talking, right?
I suppoes you could do a better job of getting people to go to www.lorettasworld.info and clicking on the "message board button?
Dude! Nobody takes DUCKS seriously! I should be doing this promo.
OK. We'll leave it to the reader. who has the more credibility, me or Mr. just about to be served at Billy-Bob's Country Grill over there?
You know, DUCK... I have a notion to give your phone number to Dave!

 

by BobRogers
5-09-05
At night, from one particular park bench, you can see the haunted house on the haunted hill. J. Gargoyle loves that bench...
J Gargoyle, we haven't been introduced...
A ghost?
We prefer the term protoplasmically challenged!
Ah hum. So are you dead and haunting the earth?
No, I just have periodic out-of-body experiences when Dave bores me to sleep.
Where do I sign up?

 

by BobRogers
5-09-05
Dialog on a park bench somewhere near the Twilight Zone...
So ahm, what should I call you, there, Mr. Ghost?
Actually, my name is DoubleSpyPunch. but you can call me DSP for short.
Say, haven't I talked to you on AIM?
Well, that's the hardware version of me... This is software... DSP Beta Version 2.2.
Does Dave know you're a ghost?
no, but Iam pretty sure Loretta does.

 

by BobRogers
5-11-05
DSP meets Sammy the Cat
Double SPY PUNCH, you old house haunter, you! Have you run across Dave yet?
Nah, Sammy, not so far. He spent all night spamming message boards and all day sleeping.
So he doesn't know that you have this sweet new character in the 'toon?
Nope. He has me blocked on AIM and he thinks I'm Bob. Been bad mouthing me all week.
Yeah, I know. Called you a "homo Sapien" and said I am a figment of Bob's imagination. Guess that makes me your imaginary friend.
Everybody knows that ghosts are Genus Ectoplasmic. He's an idiot though. Don't worry, be happy.

 

by BobRogers
5-12-05
In the cemetary at exactly midnight, Dave is looking for love...
I got an anonymous email from a lesbian teen wanting to meet me at the graveyard.
i am sooooo gonna finally get lucky. Won't be a virgin anymore! Teedlede!
GOTCHA NOW DAVE!!!
Yagghhhaaaaaaaa

 

by BobRogers
5-13-05
I can't believe that stupid ghost snuck up behind me and scared me just when I was about to score sweet lesbian kisses.
It's bad enough the crap I have to put up with, without being abused by stupid ghosts with TEETH! Now I want my LESBIAN NOW!
O god She looks like my mom...
O god ... This is the ugliest dyke I've ever seen...

 

by BobRogers
5-13-05
Close encounters of the Lesbian kind...
So... why don't you show me your bazooks baby!
How about I show you my badge perv boy?
You mean... you're not a lesbian hot for my body?
Loretta Thatcher, PLVY VICE at your service. You have the right to remain silent....
My mom is coming to pick me up any time now...
Is that SOAP on the shower floor?

 

by BobRogers
5-13-05
J Gargoyle and Bob discuss plot exposition...
So how did Dave get off the island?
That's the beauty of it. He is still ON the island, just in JAIL for trying to perv on a native lesbian.
A polynesian lesbian named Loretta, who looks like his MOM?
Powerful ISLAND mojo at work.
And how is Dave taking all this?
He's been spamming message boards by throwing letters in bottles into the ocean.

 

by BobRogers
5-15-05
Dave doesn't like the Toon Gallery. He is threatening Boards To Go with a spam attack if they do not erase it.
I hate Bob! I hate the "PsychoDave" message board. If this board is not removed I will post 99 million messages over and over until you meet my demands!
Who are you talking to on the computer?
I am using terrorist tactics to get Boards 2 go to bend to my will and remove the toon archive message board
So, will you be strapping on explosives and blowing yourself to Hell? You know if you do that Allah will have 79 virgins waiting for you as your reward.
Are any of them lesbians? I really like lesbians...
I knew it. All Americans are insane. And New Yorkers are crazier than the rest...

 

by BobRogers
5-16-05
From the new Encyclopedia Grossanica...
What is a JDPLVY?
JDPLVY's are a subspecies of Genus Homo Sapians easily identified by the horrible bullfrog-like sound they make as they scream obscenities...
They want to be heterosexual but are so repugnant that human females commit suicide or run off with outlaw bikers rather than mate with one...
They are best known for their spamming of message boards, misuse of blogs and disrespect for themselves and others....
With an average IQ of 83 and the commonsense of a duck, the average JDPLVY is a misfit, a social outcast and a self-made troglodyte.
I resent the comparison... and you WILL be hearing from my attorney.

 

by BobRogers
5-16-05
Dave confronts Bob.
I demand equal time for MY friends to come and say GOOD things about me!
Knock yourself out. I'm busy playing Grand Theft Auto.
Bob Rogers is unfair to ducks!
The urge to kill

 

by BobRogers
5-18-05
J. Gargoyle and Bob have an exposition meeting...
So Dave is still on the island, in jail?
On the island, yes. In jail, nope, not any more.
So who sprung him? His mom? Jen from Texas?
Nope. He managed to get himself out of that one.
Really? How so?
He spammed the message board at the Federal Bureau of Prisons Web Site

 

by BobRogers
5-18-05
Email to a higher power...
Dear God : I am stuck on this stupid island. Send help immediately
God sent me...
Dear God: Let me be a little more specific. Please send a ship...

 

by BobRogers
5-18-05
God hears Dave's prayer...
Dear God: please send a ship...
I suppose it couldn't hurt to send him back to New York. That's closer to Hell than Satan's place.
So there was this plane crash see, and I was on this island, and it's all Bob's fault and...
I really have to tell the Captain about the iceberg up ahead. Or I could listen to you. I'm thinker than I drunk I am.
Stupid cartoonist. Not funny at all.

 

by BobRogers
5-18-05
Attitude is sometimes an asset...
This is ridiculous. First of all , How am I breathing underwater? Even "I" know that's impossible.
?
All right Bob. You made your point. You can do anything you want because it's your cartoon. Now can I get some air before I drown?
?
and sometimes it is not.
Don't even think about eating me. I will rip your stomach apart from the inside out.
Food

 

by BobRogers
5-18-05
God is beta-testing the new Sony Playstation...
Just 3 more levels and I OWN this ganme!
Ummm. Excuse me for interrupting, but there seems to be a problem with Dave...
Who in the blue hell is Dave? And this better be good.
You know. Island... prison... ship... iceberg...
OK. Gotcha. THAT Dave. So what's the problem?
He's pretty much been eaten by a shark...

 

by BobRogers
5-18-05
Stupid shark ripped my shirt. It smells like dead fish in here. Where's my pocketknife? This is all Bob's fault.
Relax Dave. I have come to rescue you.
Well that's mighty white of you! What are you an angel or something?
Yep. pretty much. God sends his apologies for the mix-up. He's been playing video games and not paying attention much to earth...
Well, he needs to pay more ATTENTION to ME! I am MORE IMPORTANT than any stupid video game!
Where'd that ANGEL go? WTF ? Is something BURNING? What's GOING ON? GOD it STINKS in here!

 

by BobRogers
5-21-05
Stupid angel left me here INSIDE A SHARK! It's a conspiracy, I tell ya!GOD! If you can hear me GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW or I will spam heaven with 91 million blank emails!
Ok, Here I am. What's so important that I needed to put Grand Theft Auto on PAUSE?
I want you to SMITE Bob.
Remind me who BOB is and why I should SMITE him?
Bob is the stupid cartoonist who does this stupid cartoon that we're in right now that I HATE because he made a SHARK eat me and you have to SMITE him right now!
Great. I ask for a simple SMITING and get turned into a PINK DONKEY. And I am still inside this stupid shark! Where's the JUSTICE? This is ALL WRONG!

 

by BobRogers
5-21-05
Dave interrupted God's video game and demanded that Bob be smitten. In doing so he forgot who writes the strip...
OK. I get the point. Is all this torture really necessary? Can you change me back please Bob? I really HATE being a donkey!
That's better. Now perhaps we could let me go home?
Have you learned your lesson Dave?
What lesson am I supposed to learn in a shark's belly, talking to a ghost?
HUMILITY, you knucklehead! You are supposed to learn to be humble! That you are not the center of the universe! That TERRORIST tactics are not the right way to get things done!
I've known it all along! DoubleSpypunch is BOB! Take that you #$%#$!

 

by BobRogers
5-21-05
Even sharks find Dave hard to digest....
i don't feel so good
Must've been something I ate
Dude! I think I'm gonna hurl.
Man, go over there! I have to BREATHE this water!
Blecccccchhhhhhhhhhhhh
Dude. That's disgusting!

 

by BobRogers
5-22-05
Meanwhile, in the park...
I hear things have been pretty quiet since Dave returned home to PLVY.
Yeah. I guess a plane crash, being possessed by a demon, shipwrecked and eaten by a shark will mellow you out a little.
It's the calm before the storm.

 

by BobRogers
5-26-05
And now for the latest news...
Phong Hyunig, the owner of the B2G Blog that has vexed Message Board Dave for more than half a year has scored a major coup overnight. Special Reporter, Sammy The Cat has more. Sammy...
Thanks, Katlin. I on the scene of what was once a mediocre web site, www.jdplvy.com. An apparant sudden cloudburst has completely obliterated all traces of Dave's shoutboard.
Sometime early this morning, Dave read yet another archive post from the mysterious Phong, became angry and deleted everything.
Dave , of course is blaming Bob for the destruction, claiming that he is in fact, J. Gargoyle and the owner of the B2G Blog
In other news, CNN reports that God is planning a trip to Pleasant Valley, New York. When asked to explain, the Almighty referred reporters to Archangel Michael in Heaven's pressroom.

 

by BobRogers
5-26-05
Ping, Phong's daughter goes on TV for an interview all the way from Laos...
Herro. I Phong's cute daughta Ping. I rive in Raos. My dad say Dave very bad man, need spanking...
Did somebody say SPANKING?
My dad say Dave frog the brog so bad, he give self heart attack.
Frog the Brog? OH! FLOG the BLOG! I am so there for flogging...
Not even Fox will air it though...
For 5 dollah, I solve all Dave pahoblems. I ten. I know whole Kama Sutra
I know when to bail. Believe me this is the time to BAIL!

 

by BobRogers
5-27-05
A celebration is in order. Bob and Dave meet in Cheers for some beers
What's going on? Why are we in a BAR? I don't LIKE bars!
We're having a party and you've been invited
What kind of a party? What do I have to celebrate. My life is a cluster *snip* I hate everyone and everyone hates me.
We're celebrating the 200th cartoon in this series.
Yep. 200 consecutive cartoons about you, Message Board Dave!
Your mother never loved you, Bob, if that really is your name...

 

by BobRogers
5-27-05
Sister Mary intervenes on Dave's behalf.
Why don't you and Dave stop fighting?
Don't you mean why doesn't DAVE stop fighting?
No. It takes two to fight and neither of you will admit that he is wrong.
No offense, Sister Mary, but you aren't exactly an unbiased party here. You have already formed an opinion as to who is right and who is wrong.
What's the point of it all then?
It's a guy thing. I am teaching Dave how to be a guy. He's a GIRL right now.

 

by BobRogers
5-27-05
Calling Dave a Girl. That's exactly the sort of thing I am talking about. How can you expect peace between the two of you when you talk like that?
I don't expect peace. That's my point. He whines for peace when he sees he is losing. And he enlists the help of suckers who think he is being abused.
You are a BULLY, Bob.
And you are a Pollyana, Sister Mary. You have bought into the lie and are now defending an myth.
A myth? What MYTH are you talking about?
The myth that Dave is some helpless kitten that needs milk and nurture. He needs someone to stand against him showing him the truth that he is not "God's Gift."

 

by BobRogers
5-27-05
But he IS God's gift. He is God's gift to teach us patience and how to turn the other cheek.
But he is also obscene, recalcitrant, obnoxious, homophobic, racist, uneducated, uncouth and barbaric.
You've just described the ENTIRE State of New York, Bob.
Yes, but I have forgiven the rest of them.

 

by BobRogers
5-27-05
Sister's encounter with Bob has left her somewhat miffed.
BOB is exasperating!
I understand Sister, but we must be understanding.
BOB is stubborn and opinionated and completely full of himself.
I understand Sister, but we must be compassionate.
BOB called Dave a GIRL!
Let's KILL the bastard!

 

by BobRogers
5-30-05
The mysterious Phong is just out of sight, lurking in the shadows...
I am the EVIL B2G Blog guy...
I wrote the BOOK on torturing Message Board Dave, but nobody gives me credit for that because they think Bob is doing it. BOB gets the CREDIT for my work.
There is no justice in the world.

 

by BobRogers
5-30-05
Dave reads the cartoons at www. LorettasWorld.info and therefore knows the score...
So this is the Evil B2G Blog guy. He don't look too tuff.
I could take him with one hand tied behind my back
Blog 1, Dave 0.
I think I hear my MOM calling me...

 

by BobRogers
5-30-05
Bob gets a visitor. DoubleSpyPunch drops by...
Dude! What's shakin? You look pissed about something. Why are you banging your head on the keyboard like that?
It's StripCreator.com. I've been making cartoons for two years now and only got 3 stars and 18 votes.
What does that mean?
It means that my fellow strip creators think I am inconsequential.
Dude. Maybe it's the big words they're having trouble with.
Indubitaly.

 

by BobRogers
5-30-05
Surprises abound.
Um, DUDE! I can't help but notice that you are standing up. No wheelchair! What's up with that?
I can do that. I just can't walk. I fall down a lot. But standing, delivering punchlines...That's easy enough.
So how come you've waited all this time to reveal this startling piece of information?
It's sweeps week on StripCreator.com
This strip should have only had two panels, right?

 

by BobRogers
5-30-05
Dave hasn't been on a message board in a pretty long time ... for him
That's it? Lame. No wonder you get no votes.

 

by BobRogers
5-30-05
Dave is having troubles at home.
Don't you have anything better to do than sit there and drink beer all day? My stupid brother smokes pot in the house and you say you can't smell it?
You stupid drunk. What are you doing here anyhow? What do you have to say about all this?
Baaaa?

 

by BobRogers
5-30-05
Dave confronts his brother...
There's NO way that you are my REAL brother. Mom must have found you in a dumpster, ya pot smokin' BUM!
I wish you and the Old Goat would drop off the face of the earth and die, die, DIE!
Acapulco Gold!
God HATES me.

 

by BobRogers
6-02-05
I don't understand what you're MAD about.
If I have to explain it, it's too complicated
Just because I call you a liar every time we talk doesn't mean you have to spaz out.
Obtuse, thy name is Dave.

 

by BobRogers
6-03-05
I didn't know that ghosts could come out in the daytime
Technically, we're not supposed to, but then you don't spend a whole lot of ime on a bench at midnight so what the fudge?
What the fudge?
Carol Ann asked Bob to clean up the dialog on the toons.

 

by BobRogers
6-03-05
Dave's been pretty quiet this past week. Even his blog is noticably less obscene. What gives?
He's finally decided to show some personal pride and clean up his act.
Gets to go outside more so he doesn't have to breathe his brother's pot smoke?
That too. I think he might be allergic.

 

by BobRogers
6-03-05
Dave gets a visit from his "inner pirate."
Yar. Download more music, matey!
Bob says downloading music from WinMX is wrong and God will get me.
"Bob" if that's his real name, is a moron.
Wow. You really ARE from my subconscious aren't you?

 

by BobRogers
6-03-05
Bless me Father for I have sinned. I gave Bob a really hard time the other day and got very cross with him.
Tut, tut, now sister Mary. Don't be too hard on yourself. Bob is a very hard man to talk to. Shouting may be the only way to get his attention.
I just want to have peace in the world. That's all.
Here's George Bush's phone number. Good luck with that.

 

by BobRogers
6-03-05
Bless me Father. I have sinned. I have pretended to be someone other than myself.
Why would you do that, my son?
Who would take me seriously, as a dragon named "Bob?"
Point taken.

 

by BobRogers
6-03-05
Dave tries his hand at confession
Bless me father for I have sinned. I have cursed god and Jesus 1900 times, and printed 3,000 curse words on the internet....
Over a lifetime, things can accumulate...
That was yesterday.

Showing page 5.

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