All comics by OMG_DaGmAr_6481987

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The next morning (err...)
OMG WHERE IS DAGMAR?!?!
And Alex.
I can't believe this...my childhood friend...
Alex is gone too.
Hmm... There's another one missing. Old what's-his-face.
...

 

Meanwhile...
Daaaagmaaaaar...
Dagmar!
Affirmative. It is I, Dagmar unit. ::beep:: Please follow me to our destination. ::beep::
Are you ok?
Affirmative. ::beeeeeeeep...::

 

Uhh...excuse me.
Ha. It is I, the Conniving Knife!
That's nice. But I'm on a mission to find my friend Dagmar. Have you seen her?
You don't understand! I, the Conniving Knife, have stolen your precious Dagmar from you and I shall defeat you too!
Are you even conniving? _____________ ...
Haha! I, the Conniving Knife, do not even know what the word "conniving" means!

 

Alex!
Dagmar!
I've finally found you! Come on, I know the way back to our camp.
Wait...weren't you kidnapped and all that jazz?
And you think I can't kick it all?
...go you!!

 

They find the camp deserted.
Oh no! Where is everyone?
Probably trying to find us.
OMG we're lost in the wilderness!!!
They can't be that far.
We're all gonna die...but we'll survive! We've got each other, and hippie love, and all that! Right?
...

 

Meanwhile...
I can't believe I lost them. I'm the leader. I'm supposed to be responsible.
I know. What were you thinking?
You're not supposed to agree. You're supposed to be consoling.
Am I? :)
Stop it. I am going to crack.
You are GOING to crack? You drove a nail through your head.

 

 

A ha! I've found you, Jon. Now you'll give them back.
No, they left...
Lies!!!
No! Seriously!
I have a knife. I will kill you with it.
Nuu...

 

So, where do you think they are?
Behind you.
Hey Alex.
Hi, Noonie.
Yeah, you were right. Thanks.
But...

 

Hi Dagmar!!!
Hi.
What? No big celebrations? No big hugs? This is it?
What are you talking about?
We've found each other. Doesn't that mean anything to you?
::bored:: I am so excited I could just pee myself.

 

Why are you wearing that space suit?
Because I have to breathe.
I'm not wearing a space suit, am I?
Yes you are.ecause I have to have air to breathe.
... What color is it?
Clear.

 

I made an oopsie.
My last comic blew the big one.
Yeah lol she made an oopsie.
Point and laugh, ha ha ha.
Ahem. Well, you see, I didn't notice that I had forgotten to delete a mistake.
Blame it all on Alex. His fault.
But it was Alex's character that spewed, so blame it on him.
Nuu!

 

I love you Dagmar. And your sister too. And LZOORUMEKSLKJHUH! You are all so sexy!!!
Ok, what's gotten into you?
Moo! ::eats a napkin::
?!?! Why are you sprinkling your cornbread on your beans?
Because it feels GOOD. HEHEHAHEHAHEHUAHAHAAAAA!
...

 

I'm going to stand next to you now.
Any special reason?
Over yonder somewhere...
LOL UR SO FUNNY ::slurp::
AAAUGH!!!
What were you asking again?
Uhh, never mind.

 

Okay, the spacesuit is back.
Whatever. Do you realize that at the rate we're going, we're going to take 34980980928374847584 hours and 43 minutes to get to our destination?
But Dagmar, don't you like my spacesuit?
Yeah yeah. So as I was saying...
Ha. Now you have to tell me to put it back on.
::slightly distracted:: erm...maybe not.

 

Ooo...the portal.
Yes! Almost there!
...
Hi. I'm the portal fairy and I'm going to kick your arses until they come out of your hair folicles.
........ ROFLMAO!!!
...grr...

 

Okay, so I got my arse kicked by a squirrel. Leave me alone.
Ha ha ha!
Well, at least I know that Dagmar is over there defending me this very minute.
And you have to have a woman to save you...
Heh.
I'll get you, evil colorful being...as soon as I reverse the oxidation.

 

::sneaks up on him::
EEP!
"Over yonder", as they say in these parts...
My Dagmar senses are tingling! Alex is in trouble!
Oh no. Like I care.

 

::runs in a random direction::
We really don't have to run this fast...
::runs:: Yes we do.
Wait...Why the heck are we in a forest?
...Because the real Dagmar got tired of putting a stupid gray background?
Good enough.

 

::runs:: ha! The castle is near!
Dagmar, I can't run for much longer.
::keeps running:: You idiot, I just said "ha! The castle is near!"
I heard what you said.
::runs faster:: But did you interpret it?
What does in-ter-pret mean?

 

They are still running....Geez. This castle was really far away, wasn't it?
Wait. Can we have a lunch break?
If you can eat while running!
LZOORUMEKSLKJHUH pulls a sandwich out of her left pocket.
No! My sandwich is misaligned!!!
What?!
One bread is upside down and the other is right side up and... _______________ Noo!
Oh my gosh...Give me that. ::tosses sandwich::

 

Infuriated, Dagmar bursts into the castle.
Yaa-aa-a!! ::attacks the first thing she sees::
Ow! What was that for?!
Frozen Brad? What are you doing in the castle?
Umm...This isn't a castle. This is the prison. If you're looking for Alex, he's upstairs with Hot Pants, the kidnapper.
Ok!
What's up with her?

 

Battle mode!
::attack::
::dies::
Dagmar levels up to level 2, gains 300 coins and a Restorange!!
::attack::
Wtf was that? _____________ Darn the theory of evolution.
I think you just leveled up.

 

Meanwhile...
Je voudrais une pizza. (I want some pizza)
How about some off-brand pizza!
YAY FOR OFF-BRAND!
YAY FOR OFF-BRAND!
Let's sing a song of off-brand!
...Let's not go THAT far.

 

Man, I'm stuffed.
Well, it looks like we'll have to save the rest of the pizza for later.
Even though it won't be as crispy then.
Yeah, but it's ok. It will be soaking in its fatty, cholesterol-packed grease by then.
Is that like dying in your own vomit?
...!

 

So then he said to me, "What are you, a limpet?"
Haha!
Limpet n. A marine gastropod mollusk having a conical shell and adhering to rocks of tidal areas.
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

Isn't Dagmar supposed to be coming to your rescue right about now?
Can you be arrested for selling illegal sized paper?
...I don't know.
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
I did not need to hear that.
How do "keep off the grass" signs get there?

 

If you're born again, do you have two belly buttons?
That is sacreligious, is it not?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Hey, that's a good one!
When dog food is new and improved testing, who tests it?
One day, you're going to look back on this...and then plow into a parked car.

 

If ignorance were bliss, you would be orgasmic.
Sadly enough, it's not. I get other people to help me in that area.
Ignorance or orgasm? And who?
Orgasm. And you, of course. ::sarcasm::
Oh God!
Oh stop it. I'm not that good. Hey...why do they call it "getting your dog fixed," when afterward, it doesn't work anymore?

 

WARNING: Keyboard not attached. Press F10 to continue.
Crap. What's wrong?
Hold on. I'll fix it.
Okay. Let's fight.

 

Meanwhile...
Wake up!
Hrm?
You dolt! That is the battle control! And you slept on it!
I wasn't sleeping! I was...uh...testing the keyboard for drool resistance!
Come here...
...Never pet a burning dog!!!

 

You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
Man! That's a good one! Not.
oooo...burn...
If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.
....
Poo-poo head!

 

Ok. Let's get serious here.
Yes. Let's.
::attacks::
(Error 7.0c1--the item could not be deleted because it was missing. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue, or press Ctrl+Alt+Del to attempt to resart your computer.)
WTF?!
(Error 7.0d1--Quit trying to delete me, stupid. Remember, the more you run over a dead raccoon, the flatter it gets.)

 

Hot pants is dreaming.
Follow your dream, unless it's the one where you're naked at work during a fire drill.
You should always write your name on your underwear. See, I'm "Machine Wash Cold."
Hot pants is dreaming.
Stand on toilet, get high on pot.
Do you realize that constipated people just don't give a crap?
Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize that you haven't gone to sleep yet.
AAAAUGH!!!
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

 

Dagmar bursts into the room.
Give him up, Hot Pants!
There IS a God!!!
Haha!
Dagmar's question is in no way pertaining to the fact that there is a God.
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

Because of what you have done, I will have to torture you now.
I would like to know how you could!
First I will gouge out your eyeballs with a sharp object.
Not the eyes!
Then I will pull your brains out through your nose like the Egyptians did.
Wow, this is better than cyber.

 

So anyway, you can have him back. As far as you're concerned, fighting for peace is like having sex for virginity.
Hey, that sounds like a good idea!
I think I might have to see a psychiatrist now...
Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You'll see.
Thank you, Hot Pants. Alex, did Hot Pants hurt you?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. :)

 

Do you realize that Janet Jackson's boob has gotten more news coverage than a recent appauling murder story?
But you see, this scandal makes for titalating dinner conversation.
It is a bit nipply out here.
Stay on subject. You see, I like to keep abreast of other matters.
I don't care if two pop stars make total boobs of each other.

 

So then I says, "That CMOS isn't gonna generate IDE devices by itself!"
Haha!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

You know, that Hot Pants dude was pretty fun to hang around. He laughed at my jokes.
I laugh at your jokes too.
Yes. That is what's important. After all, he did want to get rid of me.
And his laughing, I think it was more nervous laughter.
Nervous? Why would anyone be nervous around me? I wouldn't have pulled a gun on him. After all, guns don't kill people. Death kills people. It's a proven fact.
Urm...

 

I am FREE. Do you realize that?
From what, may I presume?
That blond-headed kid. If idiots could fly, you'd better watch out cuz of all that crap he'd be dropping.
But free?
Independent. At large. Loose. Scot-free. Unconstrained. Unconfined. Unhindered. Unobstructed. Uncontrolled. Unchained. Unfettered. Unbridled. Immune. Autonomous.
Ok, your thesaurus works...

 

You know, this is really boring. When is Dagmar coming back?
Right now...
We're back. Who missed us?
I missed us.
OK, never mind. Let's hurry up and run before they get here.
...

 

Ok, I'm taking a computer break. Let's see. I know, I'll check my mail.
This site has been blocked by the administrator because you're full of smurf.
Okay, never mind. I'll just do a search on Google.
Try again, sister.
... How about the Haywood County Schools homepage?
Okay, the only sites that's not blocked on here are some dog show site and stripcreator. Try again, sweetcake.

 

Noonie is dancing around a very large flaming object.
Noonie? What are you doing? _____________ Wow. I didn't know that silicon could burn like that.
BURN BURN BURN _________________ It can't. That's why I poured lots of gasoline on it.
After all, what am I to do with a comp that has no real programs except for an internet that only goes to 2 sites?
Remember, this voids your warranty! Microsoft, AMD, and ASUS are in no way liable for damages resulting from accidental misuse!
Who said it was accidental? >:)
Uhh...I'm going to tell! Help! BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP ...

 

Hey Dagmar, someone sent you a singing telegram.
Let's hear it.
Uhh...Dagmar?
Yes?
It won't sing.
...

 

Ok...here it goes.
Oooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooh...
Grr.

 

o/oh will you be my Valentine? The object of this love of mine! I think that you are very fair! Love that guy o-ver there! HEY!/o
What the smurf?
o/ Will you be my Val--/o
I didn't tell you to resing it. Who got the bright idea for that one?
...
Oops.

 

I have traveled from the depths of hell to bring you my sincere Valentine's message.
Ok...
Dagmar, will you marry me? I'm better than Alex will ever be. But I don't deserve you. I'm a shithead.
Let me break it to you gently: I want to be friends.
You shouldn't say that. See? Your past love's opinion. Isn't it grand?
no.

 

I can never get you to break away from Alex. I don't know anything.
Sure you do! What's your name?
I don't know.
What's my name?
Pizza?
...

 

Welcome back to hell. I will now grant you a wish. What is your bidding?
I want a lollipop.
Okay! Poof!
Err...why does it taste like cucumbers?
Fine. It now tastes like watermelon.
No! But I liked it when it tasted like cucumbers!!

Showing page 5.

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