All comics by atomiclunch

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by atomiclunch
12-01-15
Before we continue, what are you doing here?
I SAW how you looked at me in the restaurant, Chuck. We both want this!
But.. Poquito.
Mo-squito is more like it. Age aside, he's the size of a baby, and hung like one, too. Albeit a really, really well-endowed baby.
He'll off us if he finds out.
Enough stalling, drop trou and let's make with the ugly bumpin'!

 

by atomiclunch
12-01-15
Let the games begin!
Oh, mmm. Yeah, that's it!
Mmm, slurp, mmmmff.
2 hours later...
OHOHOHOHOH!!!! Hominahominahomina!!
Yes, a little more, almost there!! EE EE EEEEE... YesyesyesYesYEs!!
OPP OPP OPP!!! wheeze! OPPOPPOPP!!
OhMYGAWD YES!! Master!!!

 

by atomiclunch
12-01-15
The next morning...
*yawn* Wow! That was some night! I'm gonna be walking funny for a week! Lemme just turn on the lamp. You want breakfast?
AAAAAA!!!!!
AAAAA!!! I mean, OPPP!!!
Well, this is awkward. Also, you can talk?
Quackward.

 

by atomiclunch
12-01-15
Well, I have to meet Lana and let her know what I've found.
What? About her husband and boyfriend fooling around with each other?
You know about it?
Everyone knows.
Well shit. Anyway, I'll be back in a couple of hours. Say, about the bedroom ceiling...
Yeah, I'll get the hose. Don't need california potato chips falling from the sky at inopportune times.

 

by atomiclunch
12-01-15
So, that's what I've found. Both Barry and Chen are fooling around on you. With each other. Deliverance style. Sorry. Um, are you okay? I can never tell, what with the botox.
Uh, Lana? Now about my fee...
WAAAH!! Can't you see I'm heartbroken?
Nope, can't tell at all. You mostly look angry and maloccluded.
Right. Lemme get my purse.

 

by atomiclunch
12-01-15
Here ya go, Chuck. Thanks for the info.
Is that chocolate on there?
Just have to taste it and find out.
HA! I'm not falling for that one -
- again.

 

by atomiclunch
12-01-15
Later that morning...
Ay!
Hey RandomComicLayoutGuy, how about a watered-down Michelob.
Dude! My beer is not "watered-down", it's homeopathic!
What's the difference?
About 5 bucks a pint!
Ahh.

 

by atomiclunch
12-01-15
Anyway, I don't have Michelob, so I'll get you a Milwaukee's Best.
Sure.
Well, Roast, another job well done. Time to relax and enj...
ROAST!!
FFFuuuuuu...
We need to talk.

 

by atomiclunch
12-04-15
One awkward day in the restroom...
What th.. Who shit on the floor?
Oo! Me! It's the biggest dump I've taken in my life! Look at it!!
I squatted down and I was all like.
I wonder if I can get it bronzed.

 

by atomiclunch
12-07-15
At the theater...
There's no hope for him now, Travis. He's suffering. You know we've got to do it.
Yes, Mama. But he was my dog. I'll do it. Because, sometimes, dead, is bettah. *BLAM* *SPLATCH*
*sniff* It gets me every time. *sniff*
COMING IN 2017 - Old Cujo: Travis Coates Vacations in Castle Rock

 

by atomiclunch
12-09-15
This has been the most romantic date ever! Let's go back to my place for a nightcap...
AY! CHECK PLEASE!
LATER! er, Later...
AY! AY! AY! AY!
OY! OY! OY! OY!
Was it good for you?
Same time tomorrow? You can try to find my H through N spots. Whoa...

 

by atomiclunch
12-09-15
Man, I'm getting hungry, is it magical floaty flake time yet?
I think so, I just hope it's something different today, I don't know what i'll do if it's the same thing again...
Here ya go, little guys, some nice, tasty fish food. Bon appetit!
!...
Apparently they have a preference for Orca flavored flakes.
I told ya, man. Eucalyptus is a tough sell. That's why it was so cheap.

 

by atomiclunch
12-09-15
Okay, this meeting of the Arthur Fonzarelli fan club will come to order! We'll begin with the club chant. Aaaayyy! Aaaayyy! Aaaayyy! Aaaayyy!
Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay!
Olé Olé Olé Olé
Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!
Buck-fifty a lay! Buck-fifty a lay! Buck-fifty a lay! Buck-fifty a lay!
Slay! Slay! Slay! Slay! I got 85 cents.

 

by atomiclunch
12-10-15
So, this is it, eh? It's very peaceful.
Yup, I worship here, well, over in that cabin, there. Lets me feel closer to nature.
Could I worship with you?
You bet! Let's see, I have the whipped cream, pop rocks, great danes and dwarves. Lemme go grab a rubber chicken and I'll meet you in the cabin!
um...
The safe word is "nucular".

 

by atomiclunch
12-11-15
Suzette! Are you coming?
Oh. Oh. Oh YES, YES, YES. Yes I am.
I'm all ready for action!
Oh, I know.
Why'd you do it in the bathroom?
Well, it sure as hell wasn't gonna happen out here, Flash.

 

by atomiclunch
12-12-15
Just another morning...
*yawn* Well, had my coffee, checked the weather, guess it's time to take on my human form and get to work.
Oops. Gonna need more coffee.
There, that's better. Now, what to fuck with, today? I believe I'll do a little time traveling!

 

by atomiclunch
12-12-15
June 1876, somewhere near Little Bighorn
George, I'm telling ya, NOW is the time to attack.
Really? I'd just as soon wait until I have more troops.
Listen, those guys are basing their moves on visions from Sitting Bull. Frankly, his name should be BullShitting. They got nuthin', NUTHIN'! Trust me, You can't lose!
Hm, well, if you say so.
Show 'em what you got, hero! But, not EVERYTHING, why don't you go ahead and put on your General's uniform, mmkay?
MEN, PREPARE FOR BATTLE!! Say, what kind of name IS atomiclunch, anyway? Lithuanian?

 

by atomiclunch
12-12-15
July, 1846
So, George , headed for California, eh? I know a quicker way. Ditch the rest of these losers and take the Hastings cutoff.
I'm not sure, I don't want to end up in the Sierra Nevada come winter. Gets cold y'know. My arthritis...
I'm telling ya, you'll beat the rest of these guys there and be sipping Pina Coladas by the pool in L.A. by the time they hit Utah!
Well, Mr. Lunch, that DOES sound good.
You bet it does. Now git along little Donner! Oh, I left a little gift in your wagon.
Thanks, but why 5 cases of barbecue sauce?

 

by atomiclunch
12-12-15
Somewhere in america, 1956
So, this story is about a family that takes in a dog. The dog brings them all together and they live happily ever after. That about it, Mr. Gipson?
Yes, Mr. Lunch. I'm gonna call it "Old Yeller".
Sounds pretty good but I have an idea that will really make it a hit.
A hit?
I'm talking movie rights and residuals. Disney will eat it up!
I'm listening.

 

by atomiclunch
12-12-15
So, give the dog rabies and, get this, make it so the kid has to put it down! There won't be a dry handkerchief in the house!!
Holy Shit! I LOVE it!!
BOOM!!
You BASTARD! It was YOU?
Yes! Want a hint of some other horrors I have planned?
Drown in my TEARS, you stygian horror!!
"Oh, i'm all about that bass, bout that bass, no trebpllpppbbtt!" *gag*

 

by atomiclunch
12-13-15
Eyewitness account...
Here's your mail, ma'am.
I remember, he seemed okay, just a normal day...
What happened next?
Oh, I'm sorry, this person doesn't live, here, anymore?
Then something, I don't know what, happened. Suddenly, like flipping a switch.
2 blocks were blanketed in Dependsâ„¢
Well, I guess nobody will LIVE here, anymore!! I have an express delivery of LEAD for this address! No signature required!! HAHAHAHA!
Definitely a bad day for old Mrs. Durant, they say you could hear her oxygen tank explode a half-mile away. My ears are still ringing!

 

by atomiclunch
12-14-15
Aaaannnnnd... Fight! *DING*
Huh?
??
With what?
My penis?
Duh! Yes.
SWORDFIGHT!
You're going down, Ethan. Just lemme get some porn. Hold on.

 

by atomiclunch
12-14-15
Okay, we're shooting the pre-credit scene. This is will set the tone for your relationship with your co-star for the whole movie.
Yes, I -
It's very important to get this just right but you're enough of a pro that I don't need to explain it to you.
Of course -
I'm just so excited that you took this part, Jackie. Can I call you Jackie?
Certainly, but -

 

by atomiclunch
12-14-15
So, here's how the scene plays out: you run down the field, duck behind the cow for a 3-count, pick up the kid and carry him over by camo-cop.
Umm...
Then you and the kid have your dialog. Know your lines?
Yes, I've read the script, but -
After the dialog, you have a brief scuffle with the kid to help build the bond between you two for the film. The whole enemy to friend thing.
Hm.

 

by atomiclunch
12-14-15
Couple of things. I gave the kid permission to ad lib if he wanted, he's funny as hell. He's supposed to stay to the script structure, though, so your lines will remain the same.
Mmhmm. What else?
Uh, shoot. I forget. Must not be too important. I'll let you know when it comes to me.
'k, but -
Okay, time is money, get to your mark and let's get this show on the road!

 

by atomiclunch
12-14-15
Alright! Quiet on the set! Everyone ready!
"Rumble in Ottumwa" Scene 1, Take 1 aaaannnd ACTION! *CLACK*
BLAM! POW! BOOM! POWPOWPOW!
Oh, that's the other thing! The gun shops here don't do blanks, those are live rounds! Bob and weave!
What's with all the damn mosquitos?
RATATATATATATAT!!! BANG! snarp!
It's so beautiful to watch a professional practice his beloved craft! Not a scratch on him, yet. Hey, we didn't budget a silencer...
AAAIIIEEEE!!! WATCH IT!! LITTLE JACKIE IS NOT AMUSED!!

 

by atomiclunch
12-15-15
PEW! PEW! PEW!
Wow, he really can haul ass, can't he?
He's all business, I'll tell you what.
Pop! Snap!
Okay, he's got the kid. Now to camo-cop. Guys! Get a close-up on this!
HEY!
Uh, boss. We may have a situation.

 

by atomiclunch
12-15-15
Someone's here to work, sir.
Huh? Everyone's here, already.
Sorry I'm late, traffic was horrible. Boy, am I in a snit!
Wait. If you're here, then...
Who the fuck is that with Jackie? You already hired a scab? You delicious, smoked bastard!
We'll get this worked out. Meantime, keep rolling, guys!

 

by atomiclunch
12-15-15
You two okay?
It's alright, kid. I'll keep you saf-
You dumb shit! You just let those guys abscond with 10 kilos of my plaid meth! Do you know how much that's worth, you boneheaded fuckwad? I'm gonna beat the fucking living chow mein outta you!
Here it comes. I can't look...
With what, no-hands? Your penis?

 

by atomiclunch
12-15-15
"As a matter of fact, yes, I WILL be using my penis." *Zip* *Flap* *WHUMP!!*
I'll give that kid credit, I wouldn't actually have done full-frontal for this flick.
Impressive how he unzipped, since he has no hands.
*BOING* *SMACK!*
Holy -
- Flurking shnitt!
"Stunt Double!!"
THAT is gonna leave a mark.
IMAX crew! Are you getting this? Do you have a wide enough lens?

 

by atomiclunch
12-15-15
Wow, intense!
And, Scene! Okay guys, great job! Set up for another take! Hey junior, go take your spot downrange. Tell the other kid to come see me, my cousin vinny could use him as the lead in his project.
Yeah, what project is that?
"Debbie does Dubuque"
Seems a shame to waste that first take.
Oh, it's going on the gag reel. Jackie! C'mere a minute!

 

by atomiclunch
12-15-15
Wow! Great take! You're look of fear and agony was very authentic! I would never have guessed you were act - God, what is that smell? Gorgonzola?
Smegma. The kid has some hygiene issues to deal with.
Um, ew.
Indeed.
Let's take 5 so you can freshen up.
That was one. Big. Dick.

 

by atomiclunch
12-15-15
So, look. I'm done here.
What? You're quitting? I wouldn't have expected it from Jackie Chan!
- Chen.
What?
I'm not an actor. I'm Jackie CHEN, I'm here to inspect the set for the insurance company that WAS going to underwrite this movie.
What if I get you a 5% discount on tickets to the world premiere? Would that help?

 

by atomiclunch
12-15-15
On the set of "Debbie does Dubuque"
Now uh, Ethan, is it? This is your co-star, Megan. I thought you two might want to do a little improv, y'know, get acquainted, see what kinda chemistry ya got.
I'm game.
Hi Megan. Wow, you're quite the stunner. It's nice to eat... er.. meet you. Haha.
Ooo, you're cute. And that is some bulge ya got, there. I'm just going to get undressed so we can get started... mmmm...
*Rustle* *squish* "WHUMP!!"
Wow, the foot-longs they sell at the games got nuthin' on THAT! Bon appetit, Junior!
It does explain why a cheerleader would be wearing an ankle-length skirt, though. Welp, guess I'll climb on!

 

by atomiclunch
12-16-15
Hey all, atomiclunch here. Since there was no winner for WW108, I'm just gonna suggest a new contest. First, take a punchline fr -
Psst! Ragu4u won. You're posting in his contest right now!
Ragu4u.
Yes.
Who?
Beats me, google it yourself.

 

by atomiclunch
12-17-15
Oh look, yet another contest. Fine.
setup
overly wordy premise
more overly wordy and possibly misdirecting premise
stale, half-assed punchline. ideally utilizing a stripcreator in-joke
character with blank expression

 

by atomiclunch
12-18-15
Huh.
So THAT'S where I piss from.
aaaahhhhh.

 

by atomiclunch
12-18-15
Honey, let's go have some wild sex. Right now!
No thanks.
How about if I go fuck Jimmy? His nickname is Trigger. Then have him fuck you, that okay?
Whatever...
meh

 

by atomiclunch
12-19-15
HoHoHo! Whatcha got there, Elmer?
Dick in a box again, Santa!
Which HoHoHo is receiving Elmer's pride THIS Christmas?
I said *A* dick, not *MY* dick! Specifically, ragu4u's appendage.
Well, he DOES post on stripcreator, so it's not like he's using it. Who's it for?
The Undertaker, apparently it's to keep rags from getting his ass kicked like Chen at a gathering of his exes, where he's drunk, and they all ask if they look fat.

 

by atomiclunch
12-21-15
Hey babe, what say we go back to your place for a nooner.
Sure, hot stuff, wait, aren't you married?
Yes, my wife is frigid.
Oh, bullshit! Let me guess, she doesn't understand you, either, right? Get lost, creep!
That evening....
>sigh< Honey, I'm home!
¿Que?

 

by atomiclunch
12-21-15
Got a date with my mom, eh?
Sure do, sweetie.
That's great. Treat her right. Don't make me have to get involved.
>chuckle< Sure, pumpkin.
If I DO have to involve myself, I will take that cast-iron skillet, beat you into a pulpy, meaty soup and dispose of you. And there won't be a fucking thing you can do about it.
I just remembered, kids are a dealbreaker. Give your mom my regards!

 

by atomiclunch
12-22-15
psst
Eeek!
perv

 

by atomiclunch
12-22-15
Hey Sam, I know we don't get along too well but I got you a christmas present, anyway!
Why, I'm touched, lunch. That's pretty nice, maybe I've been wrong abou-
What the ffffuuuu -
'Splode House!

 

by atomiclunch
12-24-15
Christmas morning at my place...
YAY! I love Christmas! What'd Santa bring m... Huh? There's nothing. I don't think i've been naughty this year. I've even tried to help the environment!
*RING RING*
Hello. Oh, hey RCLG! Did Santa bring the new backgrounds and characters for stripcreator that you wanted?
No, there's nuthin'! Just a note saying "sorry, bad lunch, catch ya next year", written in really shaky writing.
Meanwhile, back at the north pole...
So, the dumbass installed an electric fireplace insert and didn't wire it to code.
That's gotta hurt. Hey, you might wanna go south 'til that wears off, you're melting the ice cap...

 

by atomiclunch
12-24-15
December 26
Santa, what the hell happened to Rudolph?
Damndest thing, everything was going smoothly until we stopped in West BF, Alaska...
So I said, I don't care if it's naughty, I'm havin' reindeer ass for Christmas dinner.

 

by atomiclunch
12-26-15
YES! I got a time machine for Christmas! First thing I want to do is find out why the dinosaurs went extinct!
Washington D.C. - Late Cretaceous Period
Excuse me, I'm from the future. What's going on? This doesn't look like a meteor strike.
Meteor? Naah, we're just beginning our last push to wipe out the mammals. Damn freeloaders! Hey, Ralph! coupla degrees to the left oughta do it.
The paleontologists are going to shit themselves.
What? No, Ralph! MY left! Uh oh.

 

by atomiclunch
12-27-15
Wow, look at this fresh snow! I'm gonna write my name in it!
Great idea! Me, too!
Wait, um. You're not really equipp -
Lessee, "H"
- ed. Aaaiiieee!
Oops, forgot what time of the month it was.

 

by atomiclunch
12-28-15
Against all odds, ragu4u, you beat the undertaker. The world is shocked. Vegas is calling for your head on a platter. How did you do it?
Well, I just buckled down and gave 110%, Jim. People underestimate me. I mean, all the time.
When did you know you were going to win this bout?
It was inevitable as soon as I brought out the cobras!
Just before the match...
Well, time to give the undertaker his steroids!
Psst, hey doc. I have some cobra venom here, wanna make 5 bucks?

 

by atomiclunch
12-28-15
Congratulations, Lunch. You've won the most awesome contest ever!
whee
Best 5 bucks I ever spent! Watta bargain!
I heard that! You were the only one that offered a bribe! I'm going to put it to good use, though.

 

by atomiclunch
12-29-15
As I stand here, at the apex of my stripcreator career, I realize that the only way to go is
Down!
So I hereby propose that we dedicate this contest to taking me, Atomiclunch, down a few notches! Off me, humiliate me, show me for the fraud that I am!
Defeat me you lithuanian bastar - AIIIEEE!!!
You were warned!
No Lithuanian jokes! That's 2 dollars well-earned, pee-finger.

Showing page 5.

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