All comics by Bargaintuan

Profile

 

by Bargaintuan
9-08-03
Hi. Starting right now, we are changing our image. No longer will we "love you long time" for "fi dolla".
Sucky sucky.
We want to be known as the intelligent young women that we are.
Sucky sucky.
WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT?!?
Sucky sucky.

 

by Bargaintuan
9-09-03
Now to take this bomb and blow up Gotham City Hall.
STOP RIGHT THERE!
Who the hell are you?
I'm Robin, the Boy Wonder, and I'm gonna bust your ass!
You don't look like Robin.
Well, Batman's been a real hard-ass lately. He says I have to earn the costume.

 

by Bargaintuan
10-12-03
♫ I DON'T MIND YOU COMIN' HERE, AND WASTIN' ALL MY TIME, ♫
Shouldn't you turn that music down? It's enough to wake the dead!
It's not that loud!
♫ 'CAUSE WHEN YOU'RE STANDIN' OH SO NEAR, I KINDA LOSE MY MIND.♫
* Knock, Knock *
♫ IT'S NOT THE PERFUME THAT YOU WEAR, IT'S NOT THE RIBBONS IN YOUR HAIR... ♫
TURN THAT RACKET OFF!

 

by Bargaintuan
10-26-03
Where's Bill? I want to kill him.
He's in the next movie. You'll have to kill me instead.
OK.
Hmmmm... Mildly satisfying...

 

by Bargaintuan
11-02-03
Hey, everyone!
Hey, why aren't you wearing a costume?
I am! I'm dressed as a time traveler from the future!
How's that?
I'm wearing the same clothes I'll be wearing a couple months from now!

 

by Bargaintuan
12-11-03
Aw yeah, baby! I'm gonna make you bark like a dog!
Then what are you waiting for? Whip out that great big tool and let's get going!
Well, I don't think of it as a tool. It's more of a surgical instrument...
I'm so lonely.

 

by Bargaintuan
12-14-03
So, what would you like for breakfast this morning?
Hmmmm... I think I'll have french toast, a belgian waffle, an english muffin, a spanish omelet, and some canadian bacon on the side.
Would you like something to drink with that?
Some columbian coffee, please.
Ahhhhh... It's good to be an American!

 

by Bargaintuan
12-16-03
One night at the bar...
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha, ha! Go away.
Hey, baby! I'm a scientist. Would you like to give your body to science?
Get lost, creep!
So Timmy, do you like church music? Would you like to play with my organ?
You said you'd buy me beer.

 

by Bargaintuan
12-28-03
Where did the king get off to?
Oh, there you are!

 

by Bargaintuan
1-01-04
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU PENIS ENLARGEMENT MAN!!!
Hello, everyone! Say, does anyone here want a bigger penis?
I do, sir!
Ok, then... SHAZAM!
AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!
Hmmm... Maybe I should have told him to loosen his pants up a bit first...

 

by Bargaintuan
1-16-04
Well, we're finally on the moon and ready to build our moonbase. What construction materials do we have?
Let's see... We've got a lint brush, some chewing gum, a lawnmower, and an empty stapler.
I see.
No wonder Bush's outline called for us to bring Richard Dean Anderson along!

 

by Bargaintuan
1-19-04
Mr. Jackson, I'd just like to let you know that the Catholic Church is behind you.

 

by Bargaintuan
1-19-04
Sucky sucky, five dollah!
Me love you long time!
What the f@^k?!?

 

by Bargaintuan
1-19-04

 

by Bargaintuan
1-20-04
I was studying all last night for my English exam. Did you and the rest of the guys do anything?
No, man. I was grounded. My dad found my stash.
Kevin, ask your friend if he'd like to stay for dinner. We're having pot roast.
OK, Mom.
Pot roast? Dude, your mom is awesome!

 

by Bargaintuan
1-20-04
Hey, Jesus how's it going?
Not so good, Missah Jimmy. I's crucified!
Bummer. But you know, you're a lucky guy.
I ain't feelin' so lucky, an' t'at's fo' sho'!
Yeah, but how many guys can say they've been nailed three times in one day?
Oh, Lawdy! Dyin' fo' Man's sins is one t'ing, but you ain't said nuttin' 'bout no puns!

 

by Bargaintuan
1-22-04
Hey, Gerald. Did you see Howard Dean lose it after the Iowa Caucuses?
You bet I did!
I SAW IT ON CNN, AND ABC, AND CBS, AND TNN, AND VH-1, AND MSNBC, AND QVC, AND PBS, AND I SAW ON FOX, AND NBC, AND TBS, AND WGN, AND UPN!
* sigh *
YEE-HAH!

 

by Bargaintuan
2-20-04
I say, Nigel! What do you suppose is the true measure of a man?
Well, Basil, I must confess that I've never given much thought to that...
Hmmm...
Caloric content!

 

by Bargaintuan
2-20-04
I say, Nigel! Have you tried the Atkins Diet?
As a matter of fact, Basil, I did try it briefly. Can't say I cared for it very much, though.
Why on Earth not?
Well, after the first week, I was all out of Atkinses!

 

by Bargaintuan
2-20-04
I think I love you, Basil.

 

by Bargaintuan
3-02-04
I just came up with a great idea for a new TV series!
Pitch it to me!
It's called Black Eye for the White Guy! Every week, we send a large, black man to some white guy's house...
...and he punches the white guy in the face!

 

by Bargaintuan
3-02-04
*sob*
Later that day...
I actually cried. A movie has never affected me like that before.
So, Jesus dies at the end?
Yeah, but I hear he comes back in the sequel.

 

by Bargaintuan
3-04-04
I went to see The Passion of the Christ, and I have to say, it really made an impact on me.
As soon as I got home, I wrote this song about it. I hope you like it.
♫ Ooh, ooh! I hate friggin' subtitles! Ooh, ooh! If I wanted to read, I'd buy a book! Ooh, ooh, oooooh! ♫

 

by Bargaintuan
3-04-04
How would you make this company better?
RARR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!
RARR...
OK. You're hired.

 

by Bargaintuan
4-16-04
Bill, I've come to kill you.
First, let me tell you about Superman...
You'd think Kung Fu would go down harder than that.
I can't believe Pai Mei taught you the finger!

 

by Bargaintuan
4-17-04
Owwwwwww!
Hey Jesus, those nails look painful!
They really don't bother me much at this point. Owwwwwwww!
Then, why are you yelling?
There's a splinter in my ass!

 

by Bargaintuan
4-17-04
IS THAT A HATORI GINSU KNIFE?!?

 

by Bargaintuan
4-17-04
That's a Hatori Ginsu knife, isn't it?

 

by Bargaintuan
4-29-04
Be like beer.
You pour beer into a bottle, it becomes the bottle.
You pour beer into a glass, it becomes the glass.
You pour beer into me—
BURRRRRRPPPP!!!
Be beer, my friend.

 

by Bargaintuan
7-14-04
Heylo. I em leaving en thes earpurt.
Hi. Normally, someone as strange as you would creep me out, but because of your quaint accent, I find myself strangely attracted to you.
Dammit. There's my boyfriend. Well, see ya.

 

by Bargaintuan
7-16-04
RARRRR!!! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!!
You can't.
Huh?
The First Law of Robotics, which with every robot is programmed, states that "a robot may not harm a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm."
RARRRR!!! TOBOR WILL GENTLY CORNHOLE YOU!!!!
That's better!

 

by Bargaintuan
2-28-05
Hi! I'm Chris Rock! What about that Jude Law? Boy, does he suck!
He's not actually here, right?

 

by Bargaintuan
3-10-05
Hey, what's up?
I heard the Pope was in the hospital again, but I'm on CNN.com and I can't find the story.
Uh, you're looking in the entertainment section.
And?

 

by Bargaintuan
6-21-05
♫ The world looks mighty good to me, ♫
♫ 'Cause Tootsie Rolls are all I see. ♫
♫ Whatever it is I think I see— ♫
Oh, God! I see a Kit Kat!

 

by Bargaintuan
6-23-05

 

Stan Lee's less famous brother, Moe, creator of the world's largest superhero team, the Bombastic Billion.
Damn, these panels take a long time to draw!
by Bargaintuan, 7-04-05

 

by Bargaintuan
8-25-05
Hi. I'm looking for a job as a pirate.
Well, it just so happens we have an opening.
Great!

 

by Bargaintuan
9-23-05
Hey, Steve! Let's go invade the Earth!
OK, Bob, but how will we get there?
We can fly through a black hole, or travel through a wormhole...
NO! We will travel through the plot hole!

 

Doctor, there's blood in my urine!
Shhhhh! Don't say that too loudly, or everyone will want some!
by Bargaintuan, 10-11-05

 

Doctor, it hurts when I pee.
Then don't pee.
by Bargaintuan, 10-13-05

 

But Doctor, I can't hold it in forever. I'll burst!
And I suppose you're gonna say that hurts, too. Grow some balls, man!
by Bargaintuan, 10-13-05

 

by Bargaintuan
10-13-05
or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Joss Whedon
Wow! When we got cancelled, I thought I'd never get to say this, River...
Well, this is a space opera with no weirdo aliens, no zappy blaster guns, and everybody talks like they're Texans.
...but now we're in a movie, and it's not like there's gonna be a sequel or anything...
I mean, this kind of stuff only appeals to people who hand paint plastic models of the Enterprise-C or possibly that robot from The Black Hole.
GET OFF MY GORAM SHIP!
I can beat you up, you know.

 

by Bargaintuan
10-15-05
How was the voting?
Voting? What voting?
You know, the new constitution-- Your finger has that purple ink on it.
Oh. No, I tied a string around it to remind me to vote and it's a bit tight.
I think my finger is dead.

 

by Bargaintuan
1-27-06
I will see into the future with my magic 8-ball! Ask me a question.
Will I ever find true love?
Hmmmm....
Well? What does it say?
The all-knowing sphere says... "8".

 

by Bargaintuan
1-27-06
Finally! Thirty-two days, that's gotta be some kind of record.
Are you done yet? We've got so much yellow snow out there, it looks like a desert.
Hey, you try eating a couple billion cookies in one night and see how you feel!
Point taken.

 

by Bargaintuan
6-02-06
...so I says to him, "Larry," I says, "Larry, don't shoot dat pod. Dat ain't got nobody in it," thinkin' I just saved duh Empire, I dunno, what? a couple uh grand in blastuh ammo.
Heh, especially duh way Larry shoots. So anyway, nex' thing I know, duh Deat' Star is blown tuh Hell, an' I'm here pullin' janituh duty, moppin' up dis here Star Destroyuh.
Hey, you know how much floor ya got on yuh typical Star Destroyuh? A friggin' lot, dat's how much! I think I would'a liked it bettuh if Vaduh had jus' Force choked me instead.
Damn droids.
No offense.

 

by Bargaintuan
7-16-06
Put it on my bill.
What? You just done paid. You tell me what you want me to do now.
Put it on my bill.
I told ya, you done paid already!
Put it on my bill.

 

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
Please, call me "Daddy".
by Bargaintuan, 8-18-06

 

by Bargaintuan
8-27-06
Hello! I'm an alternate version of you, from a parallel universe!
You can't be here.
Why? Are you busy? Is this not a good time?
No. I mean, I'm a Bohmist.
Alas, he is not truly gone, but merely hidden.

 

by Bargaintuan
8-28-06
Guantanamo Bay, Cuba
The hurricane's heading right for us. We should make an announcement to the prisoners.
There's a problem. There's no word for "hurricane" in Arabic.
That's right... They don't get those the the Middle East... How about "tropical cyclone"?
No "tropical," no "cyclone."
Uh, just tell them it's a "wet sandstorm."
"Wet"?

Showing page 6.

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