All comics by ObiJo

Profile

 

by ObiJo
6-07-01
Y!!!!!
M!!!!!
C!!!!!
A!!!!!

 

by ObiJo
6-07-01
Hey, everyone, look at me, I'm balancing on a ball and wearing speedos!
For God's sake, ObiJo, go home! You ain't funny anymore.
Asphictersayswhat?
What?

 

by ObiJo
6-07-01
I don't get it. This guy was hilarious with the scroll wheel on the Make a Comic page.

 

by ObiJo
6-08-01
What? She's leaving me?
I hate self-important people. They're always too good for the room and self-aggrandizing.
I love her so much. I can't go on living.
It's like they were absent the day of the elementary school beating that would have set their life straight.
Goodbye cruel, unloving world!
The poor unaware fucks.

 

by ObiJo
6-08-01
May I crawl into your pants and jiggle around a little?
That was the strangest request I ever heard.
And the smartest decision I ever made.

 

by ObiJo
6-09-01
Laugh, clown! Though your heart is FOOOOF!
Oh, Jesus H. Christ, lord god almighty. Cracker just farted up in here.
Excuse me.
Little late for that, foghorn. The entire first row is dropping like flies thanks to that D-flat.
What are you doing on the stage?
This comedy is finished, hoss. Let's grab that big bitch that played your wife and make our way over to the portico. With her as a body shield, we may just get out of here alive.

 

by ObiJo
6-09-01
As an innocent 15-year old I hooked up with a psychotic who was trying to get pregnant.
I missed my period.
Wh..what?!
So I prayed.
Please God, if you make her not be pregnant, I'll never have sex again. Or at least till I'm married.
Unfortunately, Jesus, like Jeopardy, must accept your first answer.
Hiya, hot stuff.
Beat it, creep.

 

by ObiJo
6-09-01
ARRR! I am the Storytime Dragon! Tell me an entertaining tale or I shall eat thee!
A tale? Uh, let's see, Jack Horner pulled out a plum..no, that's no good. Oh, I got it! There was this Chinese luxury liner that sank...
Somewhere In the Pacific...
...I'm French, what am I doing on this ship?
Put a cork in it string bean. That's asiangirl2's boat coming to save us. We'll get by with a little help from my friend. Oh no, it capsized!
Burp.
Cool, we do have souls.

 

by ObiJo
6-09-01
Hey, Bob! Roger told me you got mugged on this corner Saturday. He said the guy told you if you so much as blinked, he'd cap you. What an ass! Well, gotta run, wife's waiting for me. Later, man.

 

by ObiJo
6-09-01
Hi, honey, sorry I'm late. Did you have a good day?
None of this honey shit! I want you to get in the kitchen and make me dinner. Then you will pleasure me orally while I talk to you like the whore you are!
Been watching The Man Show?
Yep, but it's out of my system now.
Good, then you can help me with the laundry.
Did you get fabric softener? Those new briefs are hurting my tooshie.

 

by ObiJo
6-09-01
Welcome home, honey! Did you have a good war?
NO!

 

by ObiJo
6-09-01
I'm leaving you, Edward. You were away at war so long, I've fallen in love with another. I'd like to introduce you to him.
My life couldn't get any worse.
I stand corrected.
It's the horse.
And again.

 

by ObiJo
6-09-01
Squeak, squeak, chatter.
Chatter, chatter, squeak.
Damn! Mexicans! There goes the neighborhood.

 

by ObiJo
6-09-01
This seems cute enough.
Squeak, chatter, squeak, chatter, chatter, chatter.
Chatter, squeak, squeak, chatter.
Until translated.
Hear about that murder-suicide in Canton? That was mine. Dude owed me some money.
We get away with some crazy shit as squirrels.

 

by ObiJo
6-09-01
Hey, OJ, how you doing man?
Well, if it isn't Mr. Steve Garvey! Still putting on the bloody glove?
You mean baseball glove?
What'd I say?
Bloody glove.
No I didn't.

 

by ObiJo
6-10-01
Ah, that's okay. We all make freudian slips.
What's a freudian slip?
It's when you say one thing when you're really thinking about killing your wife.
Ex-wives count?
Only their alimony checks, while screwing some twenty-year-old waiter because they're DIRTY DIRTY WHORES!

 

by ObiJo
6-10-01
Went a little crazy there for a second.
My therapist told me to start letting my aggression out.
I've never really seen you as having a problem with that.
AHAHAHAHA! You killed them didn't you?! AHAHAHAHA!
AHAHAHAHA! Yes! AHAHAHAHA!

 

by ObiJo
6-10-01
God, that feels good to get off my chest! Now I can tell you.
Tell me what?
This move I made to kill them both, it was fucking amazing. I almost thought about confessing as long as they gave me a telestrator.
So let's hear it.
Ok, there were these two trash cans, right. And this walkway that kind of zig zagged. Wait, you got a pen?

 

by ObiJo
6-10-01
You meant double back flip, right.
Nope.
Damn.
I know!

 

by ObiJo
6-10-01
Let me ask you a question.
Shoot.
That whole "If it doesn't fit, you must aquit" thing, does that go for statutory rape too?
Hmm, I don't think so. Not even Johnny Cochrane can get anything to rhyme with statutory.
Atutory, batutory, catutory...cacciatora!
You might just have a chance yet, white boy.

 

by ObiJo
6-10-01
Damn, man. I mean I know it's funny and all, but your kids have to go through life without a mom. That sucks.
Ya, I know.
What do you tell them? What do they think happened?
I told them Steve Garvey did it.
HAHA!
No, seriously.

 

by ObiJo
6-10-01
You told them *I* did it?! Why?!
It wasn't planned. They asked me how it happened and yours was the first name that popped into my head. You should feel honored, really.
Honored?! How would you feel if I told MY kids that you were the other man mommy was sleeping with, and the reason we got divorced?!
I was the other man she was sleeping with.
Yeah, but I didn't TELL them that!
I did.

 

by ObiJo
6-10-01
You told my kids you were screwing my wife?!
Ya, it just slipped out when we were on the Matahorn at Disneyland.
You took them to Disneyland?! On a roller coaster?! My kids are afraid of roller coasters!
I helped them overcome it.
Agghhh!!!
Don't worry, the youngest one's still a little afraid of spiders.

 

by ObiJo
6-10-01
I am...so... unbelievably... enraged...right now...I could just... ARGGGHHH!!!
Just calm....DAMN! Ow, man!!
ARGGGHHH!!!
Jesus, get off me! Don't! No! Don't! Blood loss! Much blood loss!
Getting...it... under...control... calming...down.
Well, ain't this an ironic turn of events.

 

by ObiJo
6-10-01
OJ, man...I'm sorry. I...I don't know what came over me.
Sorry?! That was one beautiful fucking move!
It was kind of nice, wasn't it?
Nice? That was art, my friend. And that pirouette at the end: unbelievable! What'd you get me with anyway? Knife?
You don't want to know.
Ok, but my advice? Confess. That would look damn good on the PODs.

 

by ObiJo
6-10-01
Some time later...
Hey, Steve, how you doing man?
Well if it isn't Brent Barry! Still playing for the toe nail clippers?
You mean Los Angeles Clippers?
What'd I say?
Toe nail clippers.
No I didn't.

 

by ObiJo
6-10-01
Taking off?
Yep, I'm out. But I'll be back.
When?
When all wrongs are righted. When every head hits its pillow with warm thoughts in their mind and security in their breast. In short, when all is right with the world.
So, like Friday-ish?
You think it'll take that long? I better pack another pair of socks.

 

by ObiJo
6-10-01
Hello, boys and girls of all ages, welcome to the
Fucking!
greatest show on earth. Here you'll see clowns juggling, trapeze artists swinging, lions jumping through
Asshole!
rings, and much much more! So sit back, relax, and enjoy the greatest show on earth!
Yay!

 

by ObiJo
6-10-01
Do you believe in love at first sight, my little Korean peach?
Yes, I do, stud. I also believe I shouldn't have eaten that wholesale lobster. I'm not feeling too good.
Agh! It's going to kill me...
...Don't leave me, my onion-skin beau! Call a medic!
Under five seconds later...
It's getting so an officer can't have 5 minutes of hooker time without getting interrupted.

 

by ObiJo
6-11-01
Listen to this: vacuum aspiration of fleshy protruberances.
You just make that up?
No.
Who did?
A frickin' genius.
And probably good with a Shop Vac.

 

by ObiJo
6-11-01
Al Gore has just died...
Al Gore, you are one boring, lying, whiny fuck whose party is soon to go the way of the Whigs. Your wife is fat, your children are dumb, your career was a joke, and you drive like an old woman.
Sorry. Had to get that out of the way. This *is* hell you know. So, wanna go grab a few brews?
In the mean time, GW has figured out the presidential microwave...
'Cept defrost.

 

by ObiJo
6-11-01
Why must me fight, Canadian soldier?
You are a fan of Carrot Top, and that is inexcusable! Ick!
High above, a contingency of Anti-Carrot-Top-loving-elephant troops are parashooting in...
I didn't want this mission, but sarge promised me strawberry fields forever if I jumped...
...yeah, I didn't want to jump through clouds myself, but somebody pushed me! Hey, did I remember my parachute?
I pushed you, doofus. And that's a negatory on your shoot.
Maybe I'll land on my feet.

 

by ObiJo
6-13-01
I'm baaaack.

 

by ObiJo
6-13-01
U!
T!

 

by ObiJo
6-13-01
I can't believe you even asked that!
Why do you have to take everything so seroiusly?
Some of us respect our own standing and believe in conducting ourselves in a suitable manner.
So the answer is no?
I can't believe you asked that again!
Ok, I'll be the thimble.

 

by ObiJo
6-13-01
Why am I always in front?
Haha, Bob's in front again!
Where we going?
Woops, I just foofed. Hope no one notices.
That guy just foofed!
Why am I always in back?

 

by ObiJo
6-13-01
I can't believe Sarge took us to that Brothel! How cool!
That was the best sex I've ever had!
I wonder if the guys know that that was my first time.
Does it mean I'm gay if I was visualizing a man? No, I'm Fred! Fred's as straight as they come!
I hope Fred's not looking at my ass again.
Why am I always in front?

 

by ObiJo
6-13-01
Knock Knock.
I'm going to regret opening that door, huh.
YES!

 

by ObiJo
6-13-01
So what's the rocket for, Bob?
None of your business.

 

by ObiJo
6-13-01
Wirthling, you goat felcher, stop hogging the brew!
I need something to make your presence bearable, chart master.
You're both a bunch of prissy, pedantic fucks.
Burg-a-roos are done! Come and get 'em!
I'm gonna miss those guys.

 

by ObiJo
6-14-01
Johnny, I'm getting bored with the characters and the backgrounds.
Now?
Not yet. And it only took me 300 comics to get there.
Now?
Not yet. So what I'm saying is: Great Site. You rock. Now!
Johnny! Johnny!

 

by ObiJo
8-25-01
Is that the Lord?
Thank you, Jesus, here I come!

 

by ObiJo
8-25-01
Come with me, Helmut. Your reign of terror and evilness is over.
In a world such as ours where absolutes are dead and black and white are continually washed grey, is it really possible to distinguish between good and evil?
That's...an interesting point. I've never really thought about that.
Well, consider it next time before you start speaking disparagingly. There's no such thing as someone who's absolutely good or absolutely evil anymore.
Of course, this crazy mutant kangaroo behind me is obviously an exception.
HITLER!

 

by ObiJo
8-26-01
ObiJo is sooo cool. I like him more than kangaroos and even Greg Norman.
I am so inferior to him, he is a GOD!
ObiJo has such great taste and shoes and I long to be like him.
I want his body.
Obi, sweety, you need to put your dolls away and get ready. You have that polyp waxing in an hour, 'member?
You could've knocked.

 

by ObiJo
8-26-01
In the aftermath, radiation levels were cosmically high.
This took not only the planet's will to live, but it's ability to, poisoning the land and sterilizing those fortunate enough to survive.
Gabe, however, still found time to play a makeshift game of volleyball with the tree people.
14-13, you little mutant bastards. Service!

 

by ObiJo
8-26-01
High above the city, Fly Man watches, keeping the city safe from those who would disturb the peace.
Confident all is well, he swoops down to street level to change into his alter ego, Mr. Bob "Bulbous Eyes, Mutant Wing, Hairy Abdomen" Smith, a normal pickle salesman who rarely draws attention.
Unfortunately, he never sees the Neon's windshield coming.
Hey, isn't that the mangled corpse of Bob Smith?
Yep. In this crazy world of ours, it's getting so a man can't find a reliable pickle salesman.

 

by ObiJo
8-26-01
Cough.
No.
Dude, if you just cough maybe he'll end this strip and I can go wash my hand.
No.

 

by ObiJo
8-26-01
What's wrong, Squirrel Wonder?
I feel out of place in this fancy restaurant, Captain Colostomy.
Don't be silly. You're my sidekick and greatest achievement. Why ever would you feel out of place?
Maybe it's how I'm dressed, or maybe it's how everyone else here is rich and successful...
But personally, my money's on my double-barrel squirthole, incontinence, and the ability to break the Law of Conservation.

 

by ObiJo
8-26-01
I think I'll drop a dollar here and make someone's day a little brighter.
Wow, look, a dollar!
Is that a dollar over there?
Excuse me, I believe I saw that first.
Like hell you did, hoss.

 

by ObiJo
8-26-01
Geez, is Russ playing the drums AGAIN? Doesn't he know the whole neighborhood can hear? I'll have to go ask him to stop.
A couple of seconds later, but not so much so that you'd lose interest in the plot...
Yep, that noise is me, but I'm not playing the drums. I'm beating the hell out of Old Man Jenkins.
Kindly Old Man Jenkins? Why?
He came over and asked me to stop playing the drums.
And you were right to do so to. Hmph.

Showing page 6.

« Previous Next »